Amplified emotions
The death of Sirius had been a real blow for her & as a part of her metamorphagi powers Tonks had an unusual connection to what others were feeling & she felt their emotions as well as her own, so Tonks was now carrying not only her own grief for the loss of her cousin, but the order's grief as well – this left her feeling depressed & helpless.
He watched her as she grieved, kept track of every tear she cried & wished that he could be the one who made it all better.
Her once vibrant persona had completely vanished, she spent most of her time moping in her room & ventured out only when Molly forced her, or for an order meeting, but tonight she didn't come down from her room nor did she give any sign that she heard Molly talking to her through her bedroom door.
"She's becoming almost as withdrawn as Harry lately, what on earth is going on with her?" cried an exhausted Molly.
"She's mourning Sirius, Molly, she'll come around soon, don't you worry," Author said kindly.
"It doesn't really matter if she only misses one or two meetings," called a voice from the back of the room.
"But- but she didn't reply when I knocked on her door, plus she's locked it & alohamora doesn't work, what if she's done something stupid & we don't know – she could be lying in her room dying for all we know & we're not doing anything"
"Molly, Tonks has dealt with death of loved ones before & she will most likely lose more before this war is done – we all will – whether we like it or not, but Tonks' metamorphagi abilities amplify her emotions so whilst all of us miss Sirius greatly Tonks' grief seems so much worse, but in time it will lessen & hopefully soon we will have her back with us more regularly," replied Dumbledore from the head table at the front of the room.
Remus walked over to Dumbledore & whispered something quietly in his ear; the old man looked the younger one over before nodding. Remus left the room & made his way upstairs followed for a few seconds by the eyes of everyone in the room.
Remus stood at her bedroom door; he took a deep breath before quietly knocking on her door.
"Tonks can I come in – it's Remus."
No answer.
"Tonks let me in – now."
Still, no answer.
"TONKS-"
"Remus, what are you doing, shouldn't you be at the meeting?" said Ginny from her bedroom door across the hallway.
"Well, Tonks, didn't show up for the meeting & Molly said that she couldn't get a reply when she stopped by to check on her. So I came up here to make sure that she's alright."
Ginny said nothing she simply turned back into her room, leaving her door open, & when she reappeared a few seconds later she held two dungbombs, Remus stood back as she aimed both at the door.
"See how they bounced off the air in front of the door rather than the door itself? That shows that there's a silencing charm on the door so once you remove it & the locking spell you'll be in with no trouble." She smiled & returned to her room, closing the door behind her.
Remus stood there staring at the spot where Ginny had stood wondering how on earth she knew that, though considering that she was related to Fred & George it didn't really surprise him, he removed the silencing charm & the locking spell, before knocking once more.
"Tonks, it's Remus can I come in?"
He heard movement within the room & after a few minutes the door shifted & Tonks' weary face came into view. Her long black hair fell lifelessly around her face, framing her swollen eyes & small button nose, her mouth was quivering & it was evident that she was fighting to keep the tears from falling. So far she was doing quite well as only one glistening tear had traced a line down her flawless face.
"What are you doing here? Normally its only Molly who comes to see me these days," Tonks asked sleepily.
"Molly was here a few minutes ago but thanks to your silencing charm you didn't hear her & she ran downstairs & told the order that she thought you'd done something stupid, so I came up here to see if I could get through to you – maybe even convince you to join the meeting, but I don't want you to feel pressured into joining us, so are you coming?"
"Not tonight, but I won't miss the next one, ok?"
Remus nodded & turned to leave, wishing he did not have to but he could not think of anything more to say.
"Wait, please don't go I need to talk to someone with a bit of sense – I haven't spoken to anyone but Molly for over a week." Called Tonks, sensing he did not want to leave.
"Well if it's sense you want I'll find you someone with some, although in this house it may be difficult – maybe Buckbeak has some sense..."
"Well if it's going to take that long & you can't even find me someone who speaks - & understands – English then I don't want to know, so you'll have to do, I guess, come in then."
Remus followed Tonks into her room, there were clothes strewn everywhere in every colour & size imaginable – for her various disguises, there were shawls, scarves, jeans, t-shirts, shirts, robes & - much to Remus' embarrassment – underwear covering her floor. He tried to find a clear space to sit but after a few seconds he realized that there was no such thing as a clear space in this room. So he found one of the less crowded spots & made himself comfortable, waiting for Tonks to say something.
Tonks sat on her bed across from where Remus had leant on the edge of her desk, looking around at her room she decided that she really needed to clean it up – 'a spelled wardrobe should do it' she thought. Then she looked over at Remus & she caught a slight whiff of his emotions, she suddenly felt a wave of pure love float over her. 'Whom does he have all that love for?' she wondered, 'maybe it's that new woman in the order Janise Polroy – she certainly seems to like him.' Tonks decided to leave it at that & ignore the feeling of Remus' love.
"So, Remus, what have you been up to lately?"
"Nothing much really just a couple of trips on order business, how about you?"
"Absolutely nothing, for some reason since his death I haven't been able to muster the energy or the motivation required to leave my room."
"Yes, Dumbledore said something about your metamorphagi powers amplifying your emotions so that your grief seemed worse."
"Well, that's almost it, actually what happens is I feel my pain as well as everyone else's which I guess you could say amplifies my feeling of sadness. Does that make sense?"
"Kind of, so what do you only feel everyone's grief & despair or do you feel other emotions as well?"
"I feel all emotions; love, hate, fear, anger, happiness & sadness as well as others depending on the situation at hand."
"So can you turn it on & off or ignore it or does it happen all the time?"
"I only feel it when I make eye contact for strangers but for loved ones or people I know really well I only need to be in the same room or general area, such as this house, get it?"
"Yeah, I get it now, so what am I feeling now?"
Tonks looked at him for a brief second before turning away, taking a second or two, to decipher his emotions, before looking him straight in the eyes.
"You are feeling two main emotions currently firstly you feel sadness – for Sirius, & secondly you are feeling love – for a woman, whose face I cannot properly see. Am I correct?"
"Yes, you are & in case you're wondering you can't see the woman's face because I don't know what her face looks like."
"What do you mean, you don't know what her face looks like – how can you love someone you don't know?"
"Did I give the impression that I didn't know her? Well if I did I'm sorry, I do know her I've just never seen her face – she always hides who she is."
It took a few moments for Tonks to understand what he meant & even once she understood it she couldn't believe that it was true, she felt as though she kept adding two & two together & getting five. Finally she mustered all her courage & looked a very nervous Remus Lupin in the eye.
"M- m- me? You love me?"
"Yes, Tonks, I love you, I know that I'm not rich or famous & I'm not even fully human – I understand that I'm a ware wolf & that because of it you'll probably never return my love, but I love you & I had to tell you that & well the moment seemed right &- & well now I'm babbling so I'd best leave before you start laughing at me...."
Remus' voice faded out & getting up he headed for the door & away from this humiliation. He had reached the door before Tonks spoke.
"I love you too." Her voice was no more than a whisper but for Remus' hearing it didn't need to be any louder.
Slowly he turned to face her once more, suddenly he could see the old Tonks shining through & in that moment he knew that he was not looking at one of her many facades this was the real Nymphadora Tonks, with waist length black hair, deep brown eyes & a small button nose. She had now lost her earlier battle & tears made of grief & despair streamed in joy down her smiling face. Remus too looked different, the premature age fell from his face & his hair didn't look as gray; he seemed to be growing younger before her eyes, he too was smiling – a real smile for once not the forced on that he usually used. Remus took two fast steps, closing the gap between the pair of them. He enveloped her in his arms, pulling her close, noticing that she fit exactly into his arms & her body felt so right pressed up against his. After a few moments in his embrace she tilted her head slightly & their lips met in a kiss filled with passion & longing.
It was at that moment when their lips had met that Tonks knew that her grieving for the loss of her cousin was over, that kiss had opened a new chapter in her life - & it promised to be a good one.
Fini
Author's note: so what do you think good, bad, ugly? Tell me, do you want a sequel, do you have any suggestions for a sequel, could I have improved this at all? If you don't tell me you don't get it so what are you waiting for that little blue button at the bottom of the page (yes the one that says 'submit review' next to it) calls to you so answer it already :p
Thanx 4 reading
Always
Becca (aka Skichik)
