The clouds were dark grey and ominous, hanging heavily, and low. Anyone could tell it was going to rain no one came to this lonely field, there was no life for miles, people were oblivious, neglecting this field, no one came no one knew it even existed. But it did, one person the one everyone knows as the hero, the Badass Alfred F. Jones, yet even heroes, the best heroes have pasts, ones they might want to cover up from the world. Alfred, he was no different.
Be a hero, you're the hero act like it Alfred! I thought as my feet carried me off in a direction I didn't know. I didn't know why I was running, or what I was running from. My feet carried me, continued to carry me and for what reason? I wasn't sure of that myself, running, and running and running, it feels like I've been going forever, but I can't stop, if I stop Who knows what will happen, what will go through my head. Suddenly, something catches my eye and I stumble forward to a skittering halt. I recognized this now, Japan and I used to hang out here before.
I look over to the trees memories dancing through my head, happy thoughts, so happy and pleasant I was walking around him in circles we smiled, laughed. The scene changed quickly, we had gone from happy to me standing over him. He was injured and I didn't seem to care.
"America-san," his voice was weak and pleading. Begging me not to shoot he looks up at me his dull brown eyes shaking, he tells me, "America-san, I'm sorry, please I didn't mean to I didn't want to! Please you have to believe me!"
I shake my head, looking down upon the man finally I speak, my voice stiff, "Than why did you Kiku, why did you do it?" I barked. "You have no answer." My blue eyes dulled over.
"BANG" the gunshot cracked.
I cover my ears and try to ignore the sickening thud Japan made when his lifeless body hit the ground. I blocked out the sound not wanting to hear what was next to come. I felt my feet take off underneath of me. Still I think; I-I-it wasn't my fault… right? I asked myself. I continue to run, running faster than before; I was running to escape the good and bad memories I didn't want to remember a single thing. I didn't want to remember anything else. I wanted to forget everything. I find myself running so fast I don't even see it in front of me until I force myself to stop.
The scene in front of me was Lithuania and I sitting on this exact park bench, my memories I'd like to keep in my head are slowly pushed away by the sounds of unhappy memories sad, depressing memories. Behind me I saw that day play through just like a movie.
"Forget it Toris, give it up, you have nothing left!" I growled. Others would have surrendered, but not him, he knew me we lived together for a little while; he'd never give up never surrender.
Finally, he spoke up, "you're a traitor Alfred-san…" He turned around. I could tell he was sad from the way his shoulders slouched. "A traitor I shall never forgive." With his final words, he departed, walking away from me, why was I such a fool?
My feet pick myself up and propel myself forward, I continue running, God only knows where my feet continued carrying me, I run through a town, that's all I remember, where was I going, I wanted to get out, escape from this, what is this, what was this? Where am I even going? I can feel people all around me; staring, not removing they're eyes from me. Stop it Al, you're strong! I thought. I felt a tear begin to inch its way down my cheek, Stop crying idiot! I thought. My feet took off, as if they had a mind of their own. My pace began to increase, faster and faster I continued running. I can't, I'm strong, I have to continue I have to keep going! I shook my head and continued.
I threw myself against a wall, I needed something to keep me from falling, it's not like anyone in my life would have helped me I kept pushing everyone I loved away. Why was I so stupid! I felt someone's gaze befall me, who was it, was it someone I knew? I couldn't be bothered to look. I looked forward and panted then took off again holding my chest.
Finally, I'm being led away from town, to a park, a lakeside, a beautiful lake, with lilies and beautiful flowers; I shake my head, stop, please no anywhere but here! I can imagine myself sitting here on a blanket with France, it was hard to believe him and I were ever friends; however, we were. The tears keep flowing as I try to hold onto this memory, and try and forget what I once did. To forget what I once did, why did I do this? To everyone I loved and met, my friends. What was this?! What was God trying to show me!?
"Looks like you've lost again, Francey-Pants," I smirked. "Which means I've won once again France," I growled and threw him against the ground. I put one leg on either side of him, he lay on his stomach. At least I didn't have to see his face when I shot him. He no longer had the strength to struggle and with another sickening bang, I killed someone I cared about.
Shaking my head I try to think of something else, something happier, and something better than this, anything was better than this! I try to let go of my memories the world is such a cruel place, I hated this, all of it and I had to live with this, all of this guilt. I couldn't believe what I was looking at now, this was a fond memory of mine; I was chasing Russia, we were actually… friends. The scene changed he turned on me all of this, our friendship, everything all lost because of the cold war and the arms race. He pointed his gun at me, I did the same; this isn't what friends should do!
"Someone make this stop! Someone please end this someone please! Please stop it!" I cried.
Before I know it I'm standing in front of a wall, a large black granite wall, I throw my fists against it, feeling the skin on my knuckles being ripped and torn beneath my gloves. I can't feel the pain, my hands, everything was numb. I couldn't feel anything, until someone grabbed my arm.
"Alfred stop, you're going to hurt yourself!" A familiar voice cried out. In my anger I throw the person to the ground, something catches my eye, his blonde hair and flyaway curl. It had just sunk in who I had thrown to the ground- my little brother, Matthew! Fear overflows his eyes, I'm such a monster! Out of fear I back up, inching my way away from Matthew, I bump into someone; I turn to see him staring back at me angrily. H-how could he be there, and on the ground!? I turned away from him and my feet took off once again.
From fear I take off again, I continue running, running and running faster and faster, finally I hit a fence. Out looking everything; however, I look out, and see nothing but blurs. Sad distant memories ones I'd never want to remember. I put my hands up to it sadly grabbing it. Holding it tightly, feeling trapped, like a caged animal! What's happening to me, what's going on!?
I turn and begin running again, at long last, I find myself in a place that means everything to me, the world everything. That day has always stuck out in my head this one memory; I was nothing without this memory. This is where me and England… No wait, me and Arthur met, today was when he took me with him, when he took care of me. This was my fondest memory.
I saw myself as a child; he approaches me, his emerald green eyes shimmering happily in the sun. He smiles, something like I had never seen before in my life, it was such a beautiful smile. Finally, His hand outstretched to mine; "c'mon, let's go home America." His accent genuine, he sounded; happy.
I watch, I'm about to grab it, I'm so close but the scene changes.
NO! Anything but this, I don't want to remember this! Anything please! No anything but this! Please I'm begging I don't want to remember this. Why is this memory of all memories, why did my mind have to remember this!?
I grab his fist and throw him, pulling myself away from him; I thought I heard a thud, though he turned quickly and lunged at me. We continue fighting, balling our fists landing a few good hits on each other. The fighting never seemed to come to an end, why couldn't we just stop!? I refused to stop, I wouldn't give up; "Give it up England you're too weak! There's nothing you can do anymore! I'm no longer a child, nor am I your little brother!" I hissed. I hauled my fist back and wailed back on his left arm.
He recoiled, turning to me, his eyes filled with ever flowing sadness; he turns; "Why?" he asked standing back.
I just want this madness to stop, I wanted to tell England that I didn't mean for any of this to happen, and how I didn't mean to hurt him. I lunge forward continue to run, fast fast fast! Run Alfred! Just inches away from the arm I just punched he disappears. In the same moment I run ahead, I have nothing left to run from I had just experienced the two memories I either loved the most, or dreaded and never wanted to relive!
I can't take this! I can't take this anymore! This is too much! It feels as if the ground beneath me is starting to take away itself from me. I know I can't go on like this much longer, I'm sorry Japan, Lithuania, Russia, France, Canada… and most importantly, I'm so sorry England. I'm so sorry I wish I could take this all away! And forget everything that happened! The world is cruel and unusual! I collapse to my knees, the tears kept flowing and flowing, and flowing, they wouldn't stop, they'd never stop. Everything was so good once, I had friends, and a family who loved me. I abandoned everything that was good, everything that I loved being around; and for what: Power, respect, Money?!
I try to stand again; I want to continue, continue running from everything. However, I've been doing nothing but running, I know know that my body is at its limit... I can't run anymore, not by myself. I hear something behind me, it's faint; it sounds like footsteps. I ignore it thinking it's just the wind. I feel something touching my shoulder. I hope to see my friends, family and fellow countries, with high hopes I turn around.
My smile faltered; nothing.
I'm alone.
I lie on the ground on my side, sobbing hysterically. It was embarrassing to see myself, or hear myself sobbing about how sorry I was; I knew I had no one left. They had all left me, they were gone. I had no one to comfort me when I needed it most. I wanted everyone to know that I never meant for any of that to happen, I wanted out of everything, I wanted to apologize. Say sorry to every single person that I had ever hurt.
I hear running thuds they're getting closer; it no longer looks like I'm crying now that the clouds had started to cry with me. "America!" The voice shouted. It drew closer and I heard someone fall to their knees beside me.
"E…England…?" I say slowly and start to stand. He helps. The smile I thought had disappeared came back when he looked back at me like he still cared about me; even though I had pushed him away, he was still there for me and he was still my big brother whether I liked it or not.
Why was he here, that's what I couldn't understand, is why was he here? I got no response. Instead he walked forward grabbed my shoulders and pulled me closer to him.
"Don't worry America… You're not alone…"
