The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. The Doctor strode along the path, making for Hot Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Old Chair, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Leg.
A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his amazing TARDIS just in time to face the sweet woman who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.
The woman struck angrily, and The Doctor barely raised his TARDIS to meet the attack. They fought long and wrongly until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.
At last, The Doctor found himself forced to one knee, the woman's TARDIS pressed to his young toe. "I am Rose Tyler of Hot Castle," she said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Old Chair. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you on a roof."
But The Doctor had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his TARDIS with a twist, overpowered Rose Tyler and pinned her to the ground. "What say you now?" The Doctor said, looking down upon her.
Rose Tyler's foot shimmered like a Cyberman in a Hardware store. "I have underestimated you, The Doctor. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."
The Doctor's desire was enflamed. His toe throbbed and all his thoughts were to lick Rose Tyler like a dog. The Doctor caressed Rose Tyler's gorgeous foot and she responded. They came together huskily, and their joining was as pretty as their battle, and also much louder.
"Ah, my sweet Skaro!" The Doctor groaned and licked Rose Tyler as sweetly as he could.
"Ouch!" she yelled. "What the hell is that?"
"Oh," The Doctor said. "That's where I put the Old Chair for safekeeping. Sorry."
When they had finished their romp, they drowsed sexily on the grass, forgetful of all but their iridescent love. "We will stay together forever," Rose Tyler said, and they began all over again.
And so it was that the Wizard Leg never got the Old Chair and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.
