Welcome to my latest work! The inspiration for this came completely out of the blue, and this chapter is more of a prologue to the main story.


My mum, my dad and I had been invited to Dr Maria's office for some very important news. Dr Maria had told us that it wasn't the sort of news to be given over the phone. Which, of course, got all three of us very worried. I'd had enough bad news over the years to last a lifetime, but the universe, it seemed, was never finished with me. As soon as my mother put down the phone and repeated to my dad and I what had happened, my mind started to race through all of the possibilities.

Had the scan I'd had last week shown that my tumours were getting even more out of control? That the Phalanxifor was no longer working, and I wasn't going to last much longer? I know I've had to live with the reality of my own imminent death for a while now; it's been following me around ever since my diagnosis, and I've never been sure when it'll strike. I thought I'd be okay with it when it came down upon me faster and with more certainty, but… I feel scared. I'm not as accepting of death as I thought I was, I guess.

Well, after what happened two months ago, I don't think I can ever be accepting of death. It's too cruel.

"I'm sure it's nothing," my mum commented in a reassuring voice.

"If it's nothing, then why can't she tell us over the phone?" I snapped back, turning away and dragging my cart up the stairs in as much of a huff as I can manage. Being reliant on something else to keep you breathing makes it really hard to get properly pissed off at people. I can't storm off like others can.

I pushed open the door to my room and grabbed my laptop, logging onto my profile page to try and take my mind off my probable impending doom. The first thing I saw when the webpage loaded was a photo of Gus and I- it breaks me every time I look at it, but I'm never going to change it. Unfortunately, it also filled my mind with the one thing that I'd been trying to avoid.

Cancer.

It's strange, how six letters can make people so scared. After four years of being poked and prodded half to death trying to dance its impossible tango, I don't fear it anymore. It just annoys me. It annoys me that, in a world where we claim to be so advanced, we have to resort to almost primeval methods to overcome stuff still. It also annoys me because it's almost a fate worse than death. You can't live, but you can't die either, stuck in that interminable limbo where you're never sure of anything.

The biggest reason why it annoys me is because it's so painful to be an outsider. I've never really known it, but I do know that seeing someone you love slowly waste away, attacked from the inside out by invisible biological soldiers, is even harder than being the one dying. And that I do know. You can accept your own death, to a point, but accepting the death of someone you love is so much harder.

I still haven't accepted his death.

Since one glance at my profile sent me spiralling down into the realm I didn't want to delve into, I quickly logged off and pushed the lid of my laptop shut none too gently. Rolling over carefully, I grabbed my well- loved copy of An Imperial Affliction and flipped open the cover. As my eyes skimmed the first page for the I-don't- know- how- many-th time, Gus' voice echoed in my head, reading the first sentences to me as I laid contentedly by his side.

Instinctively, I glanced to my left, for my eyes to meet only empty bed.

"Dammit!" I said out loud. It seemed like no matter what I did, the paranoia about my upcoming meeting with Dr Maria was all- pervading. Nothing I did could take my mind off it. I sighed, hooked myself up to Philip, and laid down to sleep, even though it wasn't particularly late. Cancer perks. At least that way, maybe I could get a couple hours' respite from my thoughts.

Mum shook me awake what seemed like only minutes later. "Hazel, wake up honey, we're going to be late!" I opened my eyes a crack and glanced at the clock. She was right- it was less than an hour until the scheduled bad news ceremony at the hospital. My mum switched me over to a portable tank, and I quickly got up and threw on the first clothes I could find that matched. I ended up wearing a pale green t- shirt over blue jeans, and my Converse. The three of us walked out the door together, in a slight hurry because we were almost late.

The atmosphere inside the car on the way to the hospital was tense, to say the least. We just sat there in silence, the only sounds the growl of the engine as we accelerated, and the gentle ticking of the indicator as we turned. When we pulled into the car park, I heard my mother gulp, and I could see that my dad was trying to hold back tears. So much for having faith.

We parked up, then made our way through the sliding doors of the entrance in a line together, as always. I don't know why we chose to walk in like that, but it felt a bit more like we were the front line of an army marching into battle. Which we were, in a way. It was just that the front line was inside me.

Taking the usual elevator to the third floor, where the oncology department was located, we stood and listened to the elevator music, our minds so far away that the sounds barely penetrated our consciousnesses.

Dr Maria was there to meet us as we stepped from the elevator. "Hazel," she said warmly. "Come with me." Dr Maria led the way to her office, holding the door open for us as we stepped through and took our usual places at her desk: my father standing to my left, my mother, seated, at my right, and me, right in the middle. Dr Maria sat down opposite me, folding her hands about on the desk.

"Are you worried right now?" she asked me. I nodded.

"Well, I'm pleased to tell you that there isn't anything for you to be worried about. In fact, I've got some amazing news. Some new research has been done for some new medication, and it's been approved!"

"How… how does this affect me?"

"It's designed to work like Phalanxifor, but with fewer side- effects and greater reliability and positive effects. We've managed to get hold of some, and, if you want it, we can provide you with a few courses and see how it goes. It could extend your life by months, years even, if it all goes well."

My spirits had soared higher and higher with each word, as did my parents'. I glanced up at their happily smiling faces, happy along with them. But I'd been subject to a whole lot of false hope, and I didn't want to have to fall too far.

Assuming a more business-like tone, I said, "What sort of chances are we looking at here?"

"Well, our tests have shown that people who've responded well to Phalanxifor will respond well to the new drug, and you've been our most promising patient yet. Mostly, there was a reduction in the speed of tumour growth, and some tumours have actually shrank. So, I'd say that it's got a pretty high chance of working well for you. What do you say?"

I looked back up at my parents, who grinned and nodded encouragingly.

"I think it sounds great. When do I start?"


A/N: I do have an idea of where I'd like to take this, and I hope to be updating it soon. I hope you enjoyed the prologue, and don't forget to tell me what you think!