Author's Note: So some people are probably going to get offended for various reasons. It really doesn't matter what I say, because you guys'll just ignore my disclaimer that I'm not, in any way, homophobic, or that I firmly believe that educated people will support LGBT marriage, and whatnot. So... enjoy?


Edd/Kevin

Nazz had done it again, and Kevin hated it.

He didn't mind the attention he had received from her, at first. He thought it was kind of nice that she had been so curious about him. He had come out to her, after all.

Of course, what he didn't expect was for her to set him up on dates with all of her gay friends. He appreciated the thought, and he guessed he understood her mindset –gender stereotypes, and all- but he just didn't find any of the purse-wearing, lisping guys she had brought to meet him, attractive in the slightest. He didn't find skinny arms and legs or effeminate personalities attractive, all he wanted was just a regular – and he always got his ear chewed off when he mentioned that word, "regular," around Nazz's friends- guy who shared his common interests. Any of the guys on his football team would've done. At least he had the sport in common with them. Perhaps he would vaguely hint towards her to bait one of the closeted guys out?

He didn't have to. One night, while his parents were out, and he was busy stuffing handfuls of popcorn in his mouth, he heard a slow, almost rhythmic pattern of knocks against his door. Kevin didn't care that he looked like a mess. He wasn't seeing anyone, so he didn't feel a need to actually work to put himself together. He opened the door, to see none other than Double D, standing right there, with a bouquet of roses held in his right hand.

"Hey, man," Kevin said, giving the boy a hearty pat on the back. He must've knocked on his house by accident. "You nervous, or what? Nazz's house is just over there."

Double D laughed nervously, and Kevin found it just the slightest bit SUPER INCREDIBLY AWESOME FREAKING CUTE. LIKE OMG GUYS! HE'S WAS STARTING TO FALL IN LESBIANS WITH EDD! AGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Heh, about that," Edd chuckled again and scratched the back of his head. "I'm… er… these are for you."

Double D must've been nervous, Kevin thought, because he practically shoved the bouquet right in his face. It was a good thing he did that, because Kevin's face had suddenly turned 50 different shades of pink.

Suddenly, Kevin felt incredibly out of place in his clothes, now. Edd was all dressed up now, complete with a pair of kakis, a button up and a vest and tie. The clothes fit perfectly around the guy, Kevin noted. Edd had stuck with football during high school. He didn't know why, exactly, nor did he care to ask, but the guy had gained a significant amount of muscle. It wasn't anywhere near the bulk he had, Kevin realized, but he suddenly began to appreciate the girth the nerd had put on. And now Kevin thought that the nerd's clothes would look far better off and on the floor.

"WE SHULD TOTES HAV THE SECKS!"

OMG OMG OMG GUYS! KEVIN SAID IT! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

"YES YES YES!" EDD ALMOST IMMEDIATELY took off his clothes, and they totally had sex right in the foyer of Kevin's house. And the front door was still open, which meant that the entire neighborhood heard and saw everything.

Then they officially became boyfriend and boyfriend and they dealt with like, SO much drama in high school because no one could appreciate their love and they got married and Kevin ALWAYS topped during sex, because that's exactly how gay couples do their stuff.