Lt. Colonel Sarah "Mac" MacKenzie sat in her office, staring out the window.  Harm wasn't in today and she had a feeling that it was because of her.  They talked last night and it did not end well at all.

           

"Harm, we need to talk."
            "Now?" he whined.  "Why do we always have to talk?"

            She sighed and sat on the couch, facing him.  Maybe he wasn't ready to talk but she was.  It had been almost two years since Mic and Renee ran off together, leaving Mac waiting at the church.  In those two years, Harm and Mac sought comfort in each other and she felt ready to move on and take the next step in their relationship.

            She took in a deep breath.  "Harm, I think it's time you and I talked about what happened in Sydney.  I know that it happened a long time ago but I feel that our relationship depends on it."

            "Mac, I think you know how I feel about you.  Can't we just leave it at that?"

            "No."

            "Why?  What do you want from me?"

            "The truth, for starters.  Then maybe trust."

            "I've told you a million and one times and we have discussed the ferry ride enough."

            She stood and walked to the door.  Opening it she told him, "Well I can't be in a relationship, friendly or otherwise, unless there is a willingness to communicate."

            He slammed the door shut.  "You're not being fair!  I said I needed time."

            "I think I gave you an adequate enough amount of time!" she shot back.  "I don't want to do this on your time anymore Harm.  It's not fair to me."

            "Stop thinking about yourself for one minute Sarah…"

            "In case you haven't noticed Harmon, all that I have been doing is be there for you.  What about me?  Have you even stopped to ask how I was?  How I felt after my fiancée left me waiting at the altar?  How…"
            "How what?"

            "How I have been leaving work early every day for the past seven months?  How I never have an appetite any more?  Have you?  No.  It's time for me to start thinking about me for once."

            "What are you saying?"

            "What do you think that I am saying?  My entire life has been hell on Earth.  I'm sure you remember some of my history."

            "And how does that have anything to do with us?"

            "That you are my last shot at happiness, at a happily ever after," she told him before exiting his apartment.

           

Sighing, Mac vacated her chair and locked up for the night.  The entire drive home was uneventful, as was the walk to her apartment.  Picking up a pen and paper she let her thoughts pour out.

Leave here please go away into the dark,

Leave me here sitting next to the window.

Leave where we are, it's not good for you,

Leave me before anything starts.

 
I am better at being lonely than anybody else.

I am better at dealing with these things than you are,

I don't want to see you hurt tomorrow.

I don't want to see you cry on the foot of my bed.


Just leave me here please.

Just take your things and get away from me.

Just leave me where I am please.

Just be let me be who I am and who you want me to be.
 

Maybe its best if you run as fast as you could.

Maybe it's best if you live your own life.

Maybe it would be best of you take this chance.

Maybe it's best if you don't see me cry.
 

It's easier to end this here and now.

It's easier for me and it will be easier for you.

It's easier not to let anything happen now.

It's easier for you to go now and leave me in the morning.


I have never asked you to believe in me.

I have never asked you to love me.

I have never asked you to care for me but now

I ask you to leave me here alone.


Maybe its the best for you and for me

Maybe it would have been a wonderful night

Maybe, maybe I would have told you things I didn't want you to know

Maybe things would have been harder for me then

 
But the end has to come, for everybody

But I don't want you to see me like this.

But I don't want you to be next to me then.

But I don't want you to wait till the last moment.  


Its hard enough to see you here in the dark

Its hard enough to see it in your eyes

Its hard to know that maybe things would have changed

Its hard to see this glance in your eyes.
 

Just walk away, do this for me

Just walk away, trust me with this

Just walk away, and don't look back

Just walk away, run as fast as you can.

 

It's too late to tell you what I feel;

It's too late to let you wonder why.

It's too late to say what I wanted to tell you ages ago.

It's too late to say something.

 

Everything was so simple when we were kids

Everything was so simple to tell the other one

Everything was so simple when you were the king and I was your queen.

Everything was so simple then.

 

Silent night, the stars are shining bright.

Silent night, there aren't any words to say.

Silent night, this will be the last night.

Silent night, the last time I see the moon.

 

Maybe it's best for me to go.

Maybe it's best to let you go.

Maybe it's best to end like this.

Maybe it's best to let them win and let me lose.

 

Go and let me do it my way.

Go and don't try to talk me out of it

Go and leave me alone.

Go and let the moon meet the sun

 

When you walk away everything will be easier for me.

When you go I can do what I have to do.

When you run I won't chase after you

When you cry for me I won't wish the tears away

 

Just tell them that they've won

Just tell them that I've lost

Just tell him that I loved him

Just tell him that they will kill him.



Don't hold me close

Don't try to stop me from crying

Don't even think you can change the world

Don't even try to remember me later

 

Its just too late, to late to wonder why

Its to late to ask me why

Its to late for me to win

Its to late for me to wonder why

 

Now its time for you to go

Now its time for me to do what I have to do

Now its time to say goodbye

Now its time to mean goodbye.


Maybe it's for the best.

            Mac put the paper in an envelope and headed to her car.  Hopefully Harm will realize what I was saying last night before it's too late.

            Taking the stairs to his door she was tempted to knock.  But before she could, Mac slid the envelope under his door and ran back to her car.

            Harm saw the pale pink envelope slide under his door.  A good five minutes passed before he went to pick it up.  He saw her handwriting on the front and another ten minutes passed before he opened it.

            Across town Sarah MacKenzie was writing something else, her tears making her vision blurry.  Then she reached for her bottle of anti-depressants that her therapist prescribed and her bottle of vodka, contemplating what she would do first.