A/N: Hello there, artFULLYoutuvit here! This fic is based off of the fantastic EdWin story called Branded by ibshafer. I suggest you all read that first! It's smexy :D
For the first time, a woman other than Riza Hawkeye was making Colonel Roy Mustang cower in fear. When the door to his office had slammed open Roy had assumed Fullmetal to be the cause, but how wrong he was. An irate Winry Rockbell stood in front of his desk, wielding a large wrench in one hand, and a very familiar looking pamphlet in the other.
When the Colonel had decided to pass on the harmless pamphlet to Fullmetal, he had had every intention of riling the boy up, because honestly, it was fun. But he had not expected his mechanic to be particularly offended by a prank.
"I'm sorry Colonel, sir, but Insert tab A into slot B?"
Roy raised an eyebrow. Oh, so that's what was bothering her. But why…oh. OH. Wow, cannot say I was expecting that. But apparently, that wasn't all Miss Rockbell had to say. "Do you realize how much fixing I had to do? Do you? Surely Miss Riza isn't satisfied with Diagram Four!" Oh that was low. Wait, how did she know…
Riza Hawkeye choked on her coffee and glanced up at Colonel Mustang, eyes clearly hoping he was not about to make an idiot out of himself. But of course—
"Of course not, what kind of man do you take me for?"
—he was. Riza sighed and tried to ignore Havoc's gaping mouth—cigarette on the desk—and Fuery's blush.
"Then how," Winry continued, still building up steam, "do you explain this stupid pamphlet!"
Roy smirked, which he realized a minute later was a very bad idea. "Just a little joke Miss Rockb—" WHAM! Winry's wrench connected with Roy's forehead just as Ed came dashing through the door.
"Winry! Wait- ah, hell." The Fullmetal Alchemist looked at his mechanic-recently-turned-girlfriend. "I wanted to be there when you hit him, Win."
Roy glared at Ed as he picked himself up off the floor, ignoring Riza's suppressed grin at the fact that a woman had finally hit him. "Nice, Fullmetal. I take it you and Miss Rockbell are now an item, then?"
"No thanks to you," Ed growled.
Roy's smirk was now firmly back in place. "Now, don't say that. Clearly my little leaflet did something if you managed to—"
"Please don't finish that sentence, sir," said Riza. Roy, however, was not done.
"But Hawkeye, if these two have decided to engage in a sexual relationship," Ed let out a strangled little noise, "then it's up to me to inform them about all the responsibilities that come with it. And of course," Roy grinned wickedly, "answer any questions about nuances the pamphlet may not have covered." Ed seriously sounded like he was choking now.
"With all due respect sir, if you attempt to continue this conversation tab A will not be inserted into slot B for quite some time." Everyone was looking at Hawkeye now. Roy looked horrified—though he was trying valiantly not to show it—the rest of his crew had their jaws on the floor, Ed looked a bit confused and Winry whispered in his ear. He grinned and quickly smirked at Mustang. Roy sat back down hastily and cleared his throat.
"Well, if that's all Miss Rockbell, Fullmetal, I have quite a lot of work to do."
Winry smiled sweetly, "Yes, thank you Colonel," and promptly dragged Ed towards the door.
"Wait Win, where are we—" she whispered in his ear once more, and Ed blushed "—nevermind, let's go," and he yanked her out the door, around the corner and out of sight.
Riza, meanwhile, picked up the pamphlet that Winry had let fall to the floor in her tirade. She sighed and walked over to place it on her superior's desk. As she went to pull her hand away, Roy stopped her.
"I'm sorry," he said.
Riza smiled softly, "get back to work, sir."
