Disclaimer: I do not own FF8. Oh…wait… did I say 'I don't own FF8'? As a matter of fact, I do!! Yes, envy me! *jumps around like an idiot* YEAH!! *FF8 cast glares at Autumn Snow* Errr… okay… uh… guess I should give you back to SQUARESOFT? *Autumn Snow thinks* NO WAY!!! *Rinoa casts 'Firaga' on Autumn Snow* YEOW! Hey! That hurts! Okay! I'll give all of you back!!! Ahem. Okay, FF8 'momentarily' belonged to me. Now it belongs to SQUARESOFT.
Autumn Snow: Title says it all. I'm the referee for all the battles to be held on the 'almighty ring'. Oh yeah, I don't own MTV's Celebrity Death Match, okay? Anyway, my first attempt to write a ff8 comedy fic. Wow. Now on with the fic!
~ FF8 Death Match ~
A crappy fic brought to you by yours truly:
Autumn Snow
Chapter 1: CATFIGHT!
Autumn Snow: Yeah, so welcome everyone to FF8 Death Match. For the first battle, Rinoa, Quistis and Selphie are our dear contestants. Um… Anyone who cares to cheer for them?
Audience: …
AS: Riiiight. Anyway, in the blue and black corner, the female lead character in FF8, Rinoa Heartilly!
Rinoa: *climbs the ring* Hi everyone!!
Audience: *cheers and claps their hands*
AS: And in the red corner, the pretty instructor, Quistis Trepe!!
Quistis: I am so gonna win this!!
Audience: *cheers*
Quistis' Fan club Members: YEAH!!!!! GO INSTRUCTOR! GO! GO! GO!
Quistis: err… hehehe… thanks. Glad you could make it here. *smiles*
QFCM: *continues to cheer*
AS: Heeey! What the?! How did they get in here?! I thought I told them to stay out?!
Selphie: HEEEY! That's mine, you know?!
Raijin: AND that's MINE, ya know?!
AS: …. Sorry…
Selphie: Sorry Raijin.
Raijin: That's okay, ya know?
Selphie: ahem
AS: Oh yeah… sorry. And in the yellow and cheerful corner of the ring, the 'Whoo-hoo' girl in FF8, Selphie Tilmitt!!
Selphie: Coffee! Anyone here who likes coffee?
Audience: *raises their hands* We do! *cheers*
Irvine: Go, Selphie baby! *cheers*
AS: Wow… and I thought the Audience didn't want to cheer. Anyway, before the battle begins I shall read some rules. First of all, no backing out. Second, defeat your enemy at all costs. Third, there will be no consolation prizes 'coz I am so broke, so, don't envy the winner.
Quistis: Hmmm… okay! Wait, what's the prize??
Rinoa: Yeah! What's the prize?
AS: It's a secret.
Selphie: What? Then, then, I won't participate!!
Rinoa: Same here!
Quistis: Me too!
AS: Errr…Okay! Prize is Squall! A date with Squall!
Quistis: That's…it?
Rinoa: A freaking date with Squall?
Selphie: That is so lame. Ooohhh… Wait a minute, do we get to drink coffee?
AS: Yes, a freaking date with Squall. I happen to know how much obsessed you three are with Squall! And, besides, I paid for the date! It's an all-expense paid date, okay!! I used my savings just for that date! And, Selphie, no. No coffee.
Rinoa: You're obsessed with Squall, too.
Quistis: Yeah. And a date is so freaking lame.
Selphie: No coffee? I won't participate then!
AS: Okay! Okay! A date AND the winner gets to sleep with Squall for one night! Is that okay?? And, yes, WITH coffee.
Rinoa: Now we're talking. *smiles*
Quistis: You mean… like… make out with him??
AS: Uh… yes.
Quistis: Oh… My… God!!! *giggles*
Selphie: YAY! Coffee!
Squall: *gives AS the 'what-if-Selphie-wins-then-I-have-to-make-out-with-her' glare*
AS: *gives Squall the 'bet-she's-great-in-bed-too' look*
Squall: *smirks*
AS: Whatever.
Squall: That's my line!!
AS: Yeah right.
Rinoa: *looks at Squall* Um… honey, why are you tied to that cross?
Squall: I don't know. That bitchy girl there *points at AS* tied me up here!
AS: 'Cause he's the prize. I need him.
Rinoa: Oh, right.
Audience: *shouts* What about the battle?!
AS: Oh yeah. Anyway, first battle will be called 'CATFIGHT'.
Selphie: Yay! Cats!
Rinoa: Catfight? Why?
Quistis:….
AS: We want to see a CATFIGHT for crying out loud! Is that too much to ask?
Rinoa:…
Quistis: Not really…
Selphie: CATFIGHT! YAY!
AS: Okay. I'll count. 1…2…3…FIGHT!!
Selphie: Time to use my secret weapon!!! *grabs a small black box out of nowhere*
AS: Um… what exactly is that?
Selphie: Deluxe Coffee Maker 3000!! Makes coffee without the necessary ingredients!
AS: Wow…ok.
Selphie: *sits on a corner and drinks coffee* Coffee!
Rinoa: ….Guess she's out?
Quistis: Guess so.
Rinoa: Look out, bitchy instructor! *casts Firaga*
Quistis: Shell!
Rinoa: *summons GF Shiva*
Quistis: What the? *summons GF Siren*
Rinoa: "Diamond Dust!"
Quistis: "Silent Voice!"
Quistis: *falls on the floor*
Rinoa: *falls but stands up* YEAH! I'm the winner! *jumps around*
AS: Um… Not yet! You still have to defeat Selphie!! *points at Selphie drinking coffee*
Selphie: Coffee!! Coffee! Coffee! *drops on the floor*
Irvine: Selphie!!
Rinoa: Erm.. she's um… she…um…drank too much coffee…
AS: O_o Okay! You're the winner!
Rinoa: YEAH!
Squall: *gets released from the cross thingy*
Rinoa: I won! Squally! I won!! *jumps happily*
Squall: Great! Now we can have sex!
AS: WHAT? Hey, you people are so not allowed to do that in my ring!
Squall: Says who? *grabs Rinoa and starts making out in the ring*
AS: O_o Omigod, I am so not allowed to view this!
Audience: …. O_O
AS: I'm underaged! I'm only 13!
Audience: … *stares at Squall and Rinoa*
AS: This is not a porn fic, okay?? So, stop it people!
Squall and Rinoa: *continues making out*
AS: Uh… Camerman? Can you…um.. please drag them out?
Cameraman: I'm… busy… *makes out with Quistis*
AS: Wha… What? You aren't allowed to do that!!
Audience: …. O_O
Cameraman: Wonderful Quistis! Wonderful!
AS: You people are so sick…
Audience: *continues staring*
Director (yes, we have a director even though my fic isn't really a show): Autumn Snow!! You're show's taking up too much time!! The director of 'Shut Up And Listen' is complaining to me!!
AS: What the hell? Shut up and listen? I thought the next show's 'Sabrina The Teenage Bitch'?
Director: Oh… Yeah. Right. Sorry. Just finish your fucking fic now! As in, NOW!
AS: *sighs* You're so mean!! *sobs*
Director: Whatever. Are you gonna finish your fic or what? And get those fucking people off the ring!
Audience: O_O
AS: *sighs* Okay… you people heard him. Sad to say but… Chapter one has reached ending. Bye bye! Wait, don't touch that remote! Sabrina the Teenage Bitch is next!! *grins*
~*~
Um… okay. What can you people say? This is my first sort-of comedy fic. The battle ended so fast. Wow. Did you laugh? Probably not. I am so lame. Waahh… anywayz, review!! ^.^
~*~Autumn Snow~*~
p.s. I need ideas for the third chapter!! (not second, okay? I already have a battle in mind.) So, yeah, give a review and tell me the names of the characters that should appear in the third chapter. State also the prize if you want to! ^.^
