Title: Alive – Rolling Blackouts
Author: pl2363
Series: Transformers AU/G1
Rating: T+
Notes: Ratchet x Wheeljack. 'Regardless' & 'Forgive' are heavily referenced, please read those fics before reading this one. This is now in a totally AU setting. Ratchet and Wheeljack have been trying to get sparked, but start to lose hope with each failed attempt. Will their love be enough to sustain them?
Thanks to Mirage Shinkiro for the beta. Title taken from "Help, I'm Alive" by Metric:
"Hard to be soft,
Tough to be tender.
Come take my pulse, the pace is on a runaway train,
Help, I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer."
Also... Transformers belong to Hasbro, I am just playing with them.
"Anything?" Wheeljack asked.
The hope in his mate's voice was enough to break Ratchet's spark as he stared at the scanner that showed no sign of a sparklet. "No."
Wheeljack sadly frowned as his shoulders hunched forward. "Hm, let me scan you." Wheeljack took the scanner from Ratchet and held it up. Ratchet opened his chest plates and exposed his spark. Wheeljack pursed his exposed lips as he scanned. He never kept his blast mask engaged when they were alone together in their quarters. "Hm…I don't see anything, either."
Wheeljack's disappointment played across his face as he lowered the scanner. It had been just over one Earth year since Megatron died and their species started to piece their broken world back together. With the war over, Ratchet had stopped holding back during spark merges, hoping one of them would finally get sparked. They had tried hundreds of times now, dropping every firewall and putting every ounce of energy from their sparks into the merges. Still, nothing. Nothing at all. Ratchet knew after so many attempts and no success that their sparks might truly be incompatible when it came to creating a sparkling of their own.
"We'll try again, Ratch." Wheeljack's gloomy expression faded a little, as he seemed to force a smile. Always trying to be the optimist.
Ratchet couldn't shake off his own feelings so easily, though. "Yeah." He felt like a failure, despite knowing that logically it really wasn't his fault. He just wanted Wheeljack to have the chance to be a parent since he knew that was something his mate wanted more than anything. Wheeljack had been from a close-knit family with siblings and several relatives that lived all within the same area of a small city outside Iacon. They had all died in an attack just after Wheeljack was stationed at the main base, making him the sole survivor of his once thriving family. To have a sparkling together was something they had discussed early on, even before bonding. Wheeljack had told Ratchet upfront that having a sparkling was his deepest wish in order to carry on his family's lineage as well as traditions. It was something very important to Wheeljack, therefore important to Ratchet, too. Ratchet hated feeling frustrated by his inability to fix this particular problem.
"We should get going. I have to finish packing up what I want to take from the lab." Wheeljack slid off the berth and offered his hand to Ratchet.
Taking his mate's hand, Ratchet also pushed to stand. "I hope Perceptor will be able to handle things while we are gone."
"He's a smart mech. I'm sure he'll do fine."
Ratchet half smiled at Wheeljack. He was optimistic about so many things. Always searching for the good in every situation. Overwhelmed with the love he felt for Wheeljack, Ratchet grabbed his arm and pulled him into an embrace. Wheeljack relaxed and hugged him back.
"I love you, you know," Ratchet said as he squeezed Wheeljack.
"I know. I love you, too, Ratch."
After a moment, Ratchet reluctantly let go.
"All righty, there's only one Earth day until our trip, and I have a lot left I need to do." Wheeljack stared off to the side, as he seemed to contemplate a long 'to do' list in his mind.
"I'll see you after our shifts, then," Ratchet said as he patted Wheeljack's arm. "We can finish packing then."
Glancing back up, Wheeljack nodded. "See ya then."
…
The following day, Ratchet pushed a transport cart down the hallways of the Ark toward the entrance. It had medical supplies, tools, and personal items for the ten-orn-long trip he and Wheeljack were scheduled to take to Cybertron. Over the last stellar cycle, various groups of Cybertronians had made their way to the new capitol building Starscream had built. Ultra Magnus and his crew, the femmes, and many others that had been in hiding all over their once war-torn planet were now residents of New Vos.
A new city with a thriving population meant they also needed trained medics. There were several young medics living there, but they lacked skills for tending to a peacetime population. They were used to patching up wounds or dealing with energon starvation, not regular check-ups, maintenance procedures for internal systems, or a million other situations that revolved around caring for the residents. Ratchet had pre-war knowledge and experience, and he had been asked by Starscream himself to come to Cybertron to impart some of his more extensive knowledge on the next generation of caregivers.
Arriving at the entrance of the Ark, he spied Wheeljack ready and waiting with his own transport cart stacked high with containers.
"This is exciting!" Wheeljack said as his head fins flashed brightly.
Ratchet smiled at his mate, enjoying the enthusiasm that was bubbling over their bond. Wheeljack's mission for their trip involved building an improved electrical grid to power not only the capitol building but also the homes and merchant center that were situated nearby. A project that immediately piqued his interest since it would test his creativity while allowing him to help improve life for the Cybertronians living there, which happened to also include Thundercracker, Skywarp and Lightningbolt. He had been talking about it non-stop for days and already worked up a few plans to try out.
Jazz came running over to help them push their carts towards the spacebridge entrance set up near the Ark.
"Headin' out now, huh?" Jazz asked in a cheerful tone.
"Yep!" Wheeljack replied.
Jazz grinned as he started to help push Wheeljack's cart. "Whoa, man! What'cha got on here! It weighs a ton!"
"Oh, you know, odds and ends from my lab," Wheeljack said with a small laugh.
Jazz laughed, too, shaking his head at Wheeljack.
As they approached the area, Prime and Prowl turned from the control terminal to each offer friendly greetings.
"You two look like you're packed and ready. I hope it'll be smooth trip for both of you," Prime said in a cheerful tone.
Prowl stared at a datapad in his grip. "According to the filed reports, the residents seem to be flourishing under Starscream's direction. He has a council set up for making policy decisions that consist of Ultra—"
"I read the reports, Prowl. No need to recite them to me," Ratchet interrupted.
"My apologies. I suppose I am excited on your behalf," Prowl said as his doorwings twitched behind him.
"Excited, huh? This is a working trip. If you want to go train a bunch of field medics to be general practitioners, be my guest," Ratchet replied wryly.
Prowl's stoic expression lifted as he faintly smiled. "I'll leave that job to the CMO, and the explosions to the engineer."
"What?" Wheeljack said as his headfins flashed bright yellow.
Jazz burst out laughing, and Ratchet chuckled.
Prime laid his large hand on Wheeljack's shoulder. "He's joking with you, Wheeljack."
Wheeljack's optics dimmed as he rubbed the back of his helm. "Right! I knew that."
"Joking aside, you two be safe. If anything comes up be sure to let us know right away." Prime let his gaze shift between them.
"Yes, sir," they replied at the same time.
In what seemed like no time at all, they were ready to go, standing with their carts of belongings inside the spacebridge transport area. Prime, Prowl, and Jazz all waved goodbye to them from the terminal.
"Say 'hey' to Bolt from Miles, 'kay?" Jazz shouted.
"We will!" Wheeljack yelled back.
The whir of the spacebridge started up, and the scenery around them shifted. It looked like a static filled monitor for a few astroseconds, and then, just like that, they were standing inside what looked like enclosed cargo hold. The door on the far end opened and two Decepticons quickly walked in, each picking a transport cart to push.
Ratchet and Wheeljack exchanged looks, then followed their helpers out the open doorway.
"Welcome and thanks for agreeing to come." Starscream stood on the other side of the doorway with his hands on his hips in an authoritative stance.
Ratchet nodded to Cybertron's leader, still finding it very strange to see Starscream being so friendly even after all this time.
'Is it me, or is totally bizarre to see Prime one second and Starscream the next?' Wheeljack asked over the bond.
'It's jarring, to say the least,' Ratchet replied.
"Shared quarters have been set up for you, and I'll have your transport carts delivered the appropriate locations," Starscream said as he walked over and fingered the edge of one of the carts. "Shall I show you around?" He asked as he glanced back in their direction.
"Ah, sure," Ratchet replied.
Ratchet felt like he had entered an alternate universe as he followed Starscream through the new capitol building. Starscream gave them an extensive tour, showing them the main hall where everyone drank energon and socialized, the huge medbay Ratchet would be temporarily in charge of, the cargo hangars where most of the construction projects were organized, and the observation area that had a magnificent view of the budding merchant district below. The final stop on their tour was at the barracks where Starscream showed them to their quarters.
"Here we are. I asked to have it properly furnished." Starscream gestured for one of them to palm the door open. "I also already had them program the pad to match your energy signatures."
Wheeljack placed his hand on the entry pad, and the door whooshed open.
It was a multi-room cabin, complete with a personal energon dispenser in the corner of the main living area. A beautiful replica golden age couch and table were neatly placed in the center of the room, and a large window along one wall looked out over the residential area of New Vos. The space was spectacular.
'Ratch…this is incredible.'
Ratchet let his own amazement flicker back over the bond as he glanced around, unsure if he had undergone some processor damage from the spacebridge trip or not.
"I take it from the looks on your faces, you expected something more like the cramped space of your base," Starscream said, clearly amused by their reactions.
Ratchet looked over at Starscream. "I guess I was."
"Well, I did make sure you had one of the nicest rooms available. But don't be fooled by the current appearance. We are plagued with unexpected blackouts, and thanks to the influx of new residents I've recently had to limit energon rations." Starscream walked over to the entry door and picked up a small square item off a small inset shelf. "In case there is a blackout, all doors can be opened with a magnetic key like this one. If you have any questions, just let me know, but I think for now, I'll let you settle in. Feel free to wander around for the remainder of the cycle, and tomorrow I will meet with each of you." With that Starscream walked through the doorway then paused to look back at them. "Welcome to New Vos."
"Thanks," Wheeljack replied.
Ratchet forced a small smile in reply just before Starscream turned to leave and the door slid closed.
"Did we get transported to Cybertron? This all seems too amazing, Ratch." Wheeljack wandered toward the window.
Ratchet joined his mate, wrapping an arm around his waist. "It is pretty unbelievable to see, isn't it? The pictures on file didn't really show how much progress they've made." Gazing out over the nestled homes below, he felt his disbelief dissolve into hope. Cybertron was being reborn. Their once destroyed and repressed world was coming back to life, and they were lucky enough to witness it.
"I wonder which house is Thundercracker's?" Ratchet asked as he started to carefully examine each of the small homes below.
"I'll find out tomorrow, I bet. In the meantime…" Wheeljack turned to press himself into Ratchet's side. "Wanna check out the berth?"
"I might be persuaded to do that." Ratchet lightly tapped the blast mask in an unspoken request. Wheeljack immediately retracted it, revealing a huge grin. Leaning down, Ratchet stole a quick kiss from his mate's soft lips.
Wheeljack gazed back at Ratchet, adoration written all over his face. "Now, let's see if we have any better luck sparking on Cybertron."
Ratchet internally winced. They had been trying so hard, and it was starting to turn into a sore subject for him. He didn't want to let on how frustrated and sad each failed attempt had been leaving him, though, so he forced a smile to lips and put his own discomfort aside for his mate's sake. He then nodded to Wheeljack. "Lead the way."
…
A buzzing sound roused Wheeljack from his recharge. He groaned as he dimly lit his optics to find the room was pitch black. The buzz sounded again, and he realized it was his comm. link.
:: Wheeljack here. ::
:: The electrical generator has failed. Please report to lowest level to assist with repairs, as per Starscream's orders. :: Soundwave informed him.
:: Be right there. ::
Wheeljack sat up in the berth and groped for his interface cover, snapping it back in place. He glanced to his side, seeing by the dim light from his optics that Ratchet was still deeply recharging. For a brief moment, he wondered if they had managed to spark this time. So many tries and no results had started to put a strain on their relationship. Although Ratchet would act as if things were fine, Wheeljack still felt the vague flickers of his mate's frustration and disappointment pass over their bond. That was part of why Wheeljack tried to appear so incredibly optimistic. He felt the need to counter balance Ratchet's heavier, often self-battering emotions. Ratchet was a top-notch medic and loving bondmate, but he also carried a lot on his shoulders, never wanting to burden anyone with his problems, which often worried Wheeljack. Internalizing intense emotions like that usually lead to problems down the line, at least in his experience.
Softly sighing air from his intakes, Wheeljack forced himself out of his thoughts, deciding he should probably respond to the orders he had been issued.
He slid off the berth as quietly as possible and felt his way to the doorway. The main living area wasn't shrouded in complete darkness, thanks to the light reflecting from Cybertron's moons through the window, allowing him to easily cross the space. At the main doorway, he picked up the magnetic key and pushed into a matching slot on the door, which caused it to unlatch with a soft hiss. "Glad it worked," Wheeljack said to himself, as he reinitiated his blast mask. He carefully set the key back on its little shelf and stepped out into the hallway, glancing around. The area was partly lit with emergency lights. He then turned his attention to the open door. "Huh. I wonder if I just pull it back closed?"
"Yep!" came a friendly reply.
Wheeljack looked over to see the large outline of a flier walking his way. "Skyfire?"
"At your service," Skyfire replied as he approached. "Let me get that." Skyfire grabbed hold of the door with one of the large mounted handles and pushed it closed.
It had been a while since Wheeljack had seen Skyfire. The Ark crew had been somewhat shocked when he announced that he was moving to Cybertron to be with Starscream, but like all the new changes that taken place, everyone seemed to quickly adapt. "It's been, what, six orns since you were on Earth?" Wheeljack asked.
"Yeah, not since I went to help Percy with his energon distiller." Skyfire motioned with one hand. "Follow me. I'll take you down to the generator area. Starscream figured you wouldn't know where to go, so I said I'd come get you."
Wheeljack smiled behind his mask, glad to see Skyfire seemed to be in his usual good spirits. They briefly chatted as they made their way down. Wheeljack expressed his amazement at the changes and the new city. Skyfire seemed to beam with pride as he talked about how well Starscream had done with integrating everyone.
Crashes and clangs echoed down the corridor ahead of where they were walking.
"We must be close, huh?" Wheeljack asked.
"The generator is up ahead." Skyfire led Wheeljack through an open doorway.
On the other side was a huge generator, larger than Omega Supreme. Wheeljack stared at it with wide optics. Steam and smoke were pouring out of the top, and small green and purple mechs were crawling all over it, yelling at each other.
"Good thing you're here. This is the fifth time this fragging thing has gone out in the last orn!" Starscream shouted over the clanging and yelling of the Contructicons. "Maybe you can figure out what they're doing wrong."
Wheeljack let his headfins flicker a pink hue. "I'll see if I can help."
Walking over, he waved to the nearest pair of Contructicons arguing, but they didn't bother acknowledging him.
"The router for the main grid is being overloaded when the power surges at the start of the cycle! We have to add more storage energy cells!" Hook yelled.
"That's not it at all! The router isn't being overloaded; it's the grid itself! It can't sustain so many users all at once!" Scrapper yelled back.
"Don't you think with so many residents it might just be easier to build another generator?" Wheeljack asked.
Hook and Scrapper turned their attention to Wheeljack.
"That's not a bad idea. After all, we have enough space in the rear cargo area to put in another one," Scrapper said as he glanced at Hook.
"Fixed it!" echoed a call from above. The generator started up and emitted a hum as it returned to normal, pumping out power. The emergency lighting went out and the regular lighting flickered back on.
"I think building another generator is an excellent idea. What's your name, Autobot?" Hook asked.
"Wheelja—"
"Starscream!" Skyfire's urgent call echoed in the cargo area, interrupting their conversation.
Wheeljack glanced over to see Starscream collapsed in a heap on the floor, and Skyfire bent over him. Without a second thought, Wheeljack ran over and knelt down beside the downed commander. He quickly made a visual survey of Starscream's frame, but he didn't see any external reason or injury that would explain why he had passed out. "What happened?"
"I don't know, he started to say something about feeling ill and then he just collapsed." Skyfire's panic was written across his face as he looked to Wheeljack for an answer.
"Let's get him to the medbay and comm. Ratch."
…
After a fairly thorough exam, Ratchet couldn't find anything that would cause Starscream to offline so suddenly, or why he was still unconscious. Ratchet assured Skyfire that Starscream's systems were fine and that they should just wait for him to come back online to ask him about how he was feeling just before he passed out. No amount of reassurances seemed to be enough, though, and Skyfire hovered by Starscream's berth, looking extremely worried.
"Hey, Skyfire. How about we grab some energon? I know I could use some. How about it?" Wheeljack asked, clearly attempting to distract Skyfire from fretting over Starscream.
"Oh. Ah, I don't know." Skyfire's gaze was pinned on Starscream's unconscious form.
Wheeljack exchanged looks with Ratchet. 'And I thought we were bad about this kind of thing.'
Ratchet cracked a small smile at his mate then looked over at Skyfire. "Since we all had our recharges cut short, getting some energon in us would be a good thing. Why not grab some rations and come right back?"
Skyfire looked up, his gaze darting between Ratchet and Wheeljack. "You two are about as subtle as a Blaster is quiet."
Ratchet laughed a little, knowing they were being quite blatant in their attempt to comfort their friend.
Wheeljack remained undeterred, though. "Thing is, standing around worrying is only gonna get you all wound up. Ratch will stay here and look after him," Wheeljack replied, his headfins flashing a bluish tone. "Besides, I don't remember where the dispensers are, so why not show me?"
Skyfire's worried look softened as he smiled. "All right, you win."
Once Skyfire and Wheeljack left medbay, Ratchet decided to start unpacking a few containers from his transport cart. As he pulled one off, he noticed it was covered in smudges of oil. That's odd, all my other containers are clean, he thought. He placed the dirty one on a nearby bench and started to pull off the lid when he heard Starscream stirring behind him.
"Frag..." Starscream groaned.
Ratchet glanced at Starscream. "Do you make it a habit of passing out? Or is this something you reserve for when I'm around?" he asked as he walked over to Starscream's berth, abandoning the curious container.
Starscream's crimson optics shifted their focus to Ratchet as he frowned. "I feel like slag. What the frag is wrong with me?"
"I ran a systems diagnostic, but nothing came up."
"Hmph. So you aren't the premiere medic everyone claims?" Starscream asked as he raised an optic ridge at Ratchet.
Crossing his arms over his chest Ratchet shook his head and half smiled. "I'm not going to waste my time scanning every micrometer of your frame to find a cause. It's a lot easier to simply have you tell me your symptoms."
Starscream wrapped his arms over his torso. "I feel like Devastator sat on me."
Ratchet chuckled a little. "Nice visual, but how about being a little more specific? How did you feel right before you collapsed?"
"I felt weak. It was taking considerable effort to remain standing up." Starscream furrowed his brow. "And at the moment, I feel like I could recharge for a whole orn." Starscream glanced at Ratchet. "Why am I so fragging exhausted?"
Ratchet knew exhaustion could be caused by internal systems malfunctioning, but the diagnostic he ran had come up clean. That left only one other possibility. "Have you been fueling a lot lately?"
"We are on reduced rations. I have the same as everyone else. Although, before I had to cut the amount, I was having about three servings, instead of just two." Starscream frowned. "Do you know what's wrong with me or not?"
Pulling out the scanner he and Wheeljack used from his subspace pocket, Ratchet glanced at Starscream's cockpit. His own spark felt like it was sinking in its chamber at mere notion of what he was pretty sure Starscream's 'illness' was. "Open up your spark chamber."
"What?" Starscream gave Ratchet an incredulous look. "Why?"
"I need to scan your spark."
Starscream seemed stunned by the request but relented, making sure to give Ratchet a dirty look as he cracked open his chest. Holding up the scanner over his patent's exposed spark, Ratchet watched the screen carefully, and sure enough a very healthy-looking little sparklet sped across the magnified screen. "You've already moved into phase two, that's why you're so tired."
"Phase two of what?" Starscream asked in a dubious tone.
"Of carrying." Ratchet hit the replay for the scan he took and handed the instrument to Starscream.
A look of shock spread across Starscream's face as he stared at the replayed image. "I'm…sparked?"
Ratchet felt his own spark twist painfully in its chamber at those words. Jealousy, anger and hurt wound together inside him. This was so unfair. Why did Starscream get to be sparked? Why couldn't it be him or Wheeljack? What were they doing wrong? They loved each other so much, so why couldn't they be the ones to have a sparkling? Why? A thread of concern flared within his spark, and he realized Wheeljack could feel how upset he was. Ratchet immediately tamped down his emotions, trying to regain control of himself. Now wasn't the time to lose it.
"How the frag did I make it to phase two without knowing? Shouldn't I have been nauseated by the first phase?" Starscream asked, still staring at the scan.
"Perceptor's distiller for the energon took a lot of impurities out of our fuel supplies, so that might be part of why you never felt sick. Plus, every once in a while carriers don't develop that symptom, especially if their bodies are in good shape and well-maintained."
The door for medbay hissed open. Wheeljack and Skyfire walked through with energon rations in their hands.
Skyfire immediately noticed Starscream was awake and quickly made his way over to the side of his mate's berth. "Starscream, you okay?"
"Look." Starscream held up the scanner, showing Skyfire the image of the sparklet.
"Primus, you're sparked?" Skyfire stared with bright optics at the looping image.
A sensation of envy and sadness flickered across the bond, and Ratchet looked over to see Wheeljack standing perfectly still, staring at the scanner in Starscream's hand. Even with the blast mask in place, Ratchet could see sadness sweep across his face. This is so unfair. Primus, why can't we have one? Why?
"Here, you'll certainly need this." Skyfire said as he handed an energon ration to Starscream.
"All I really want is to curl up on our berth and pass out for an orn or two," Starscream replied with a small frown.
Ratchet forced himself into his role as the medic, batting away his emotions as best as he could. "I have a standard set of guidelines I usually to go over about carrying, but we can do that tomorrow. If you are feeling extremely exhausted, I recommend getting all the rest you can for the beginning of this phase."
Starscream nodded in agreement, then smiled. "I'm especially pleased with the timing of your trip now. Who better to take care of me than the medic that looked after Thundercracker when he was sparked?"
Ratchet forced a smile. "Yeah, who better..."
…
Feeling like his frame weighed twice as much as normal, Ratchet slowly made the trek down the corridor toward the barracks. It had been a long cycle of interviewing the medics, seeing what skill sets they had, and then pulling together a detailed a list of what he was going to need to teach them. He had managed to force all thoughts regarding sparklings out of his mind while dealing with the medics, but now that he was no longer preoccupied it seemed to be all he could think about. He had so badly wanted to grab hold of Wheeljack in medbay earlier and find comfort by sharing their mirrored painful feelings. It hadn't been the time or place for that, though.
Ratchet frowned as he realized he felt oddly guilty about his jealousy towards Starscream. He should be happy that another sparkling would be among them. Shouldn't he?
He finally reached the door for their shared temporary quarters and palmed it open, finding Wheeljack inside sitting on the couch with a datapad in his lap. He looked to be deep in thought as he stared intently at the screen. Ratchet wandered over and plopped down beside his mate, draping an arm over his shoulders and planting a kiss on Wheeljack's cheek. "Hey," Ratchet said quietly.
"Hey. How was your day? The medics give you any trouble?" Wheeljack asked as he glanced up from his datapad.
"Nothing I couldn't handle. What about you? A whole day with the Constructicons must have been interesting."
Wheeljack chuckled. "Heh, you could say that. They have fascinating ideas when it comes to electrical engineering. I think if I tweak some of the plans, the second generator should give them plenty of power for the city and not use up any more energon to power it, either."
Ratchet smiled at Wheeljack. One of his favorite things about his mate had been how passionate he was about everything he took part in. A passion Ratchet had felt fading within in himself as the war took over their lives. Meeting Wheeljack had changed how he saw the world around them, and taught him to fight for what he wanted. If only there was a way to fight for the sparkling we so desperately want…
"Ratch?"
Ratchet realized he had been lost in his thoughts for a little too long and felt a touch of concern pulsing from Wheeljack. "Yeah?"
Wheeljack leaned forward and slid his datapad onto the table beside the couch, then shifted his seated position to face Ratchet. "You all right?"
"I'm fine." Ratchet forced a small smile to his lips.
Wheeljack furrowed his brow. "It's clear you're not, and truth is, neither am I."
"What are you talk—"
"Ratch, why do that? Lie to me?" Wheeljack sadly frowned as he took hold of one of Ratchet's hands.
Ratchet allowed his false smile to fall away as he squeezed Wheeljack's hand. "I just don't want to hurt you."
Wheeljack vaguely shook his head. "I think we need to stop trying to create a sparkling for a while. I don't like the pressure it's putting on our relationship. You never hid stuff from me before, and I hate feeling like I'm shut out."
"Jack, I don't mean to make you feel like that."
"I know you don't." Wheeljack's shoulders slumped as he gazed at Ratchet, worry written across his face. "But admit it, things have been getting worse between us, and I can feel your stress rising whenever I mention sparklings. I think it would do us a world of good to focus on each other for a while."
"But you've wanted a sparkling for a long time. You're just going to give up like that?" Ratchet felt like he had failed his mate by not being able to give him something he wanted. Guilt and sadness gripped his spark tightly.
"Not give up. Take a break. And I do want a sparkling, but not if it's gonna cost me you." Wheeljack leaned closer, his optics brightening. "Ratch, I feel like you're pulling away from me, or maybe I'm driving you away. I can't tell. Either way, I want you back."
Ratchet grabbed hold of Wheeljack and hugged him close. "I'm sorry. I just –" He knew Wheeljack was right, even though he didn't want to admit it. Their relationship had been strained, and pretending that everything was fine had become an exhausting façade to keep up. "You deserve one, Jack. I want a family with you. But I know you're right. Pushing so hard is…hurting 'us'."
Wheeljack twisted in Ratchet's hold to place a kiss to his neck. "Let's stop hurting 'us' then, okay?"
"Okay," Ratchet replied in a whispered voice.
Wheeljack pushed his weight forward, forcing Ratchet to fall backwards on the couch. Ratchet loosened his hold, and Wheeljack scooted up to lay across his chest.
They lay quietly together, and Ratchet lightly trailed his fingers over Wheeljack's slightly smaller form. His mind wandered to the past, as he remembered a time when being this close to anyone frightened him more than death itself. Even now, when Wheeljack saw through him so easily, it made him uncomfortable. He trusted his mate, though, knowing that they had weathered through a lot together, and this was just another storm of sorts.
Ratchet realized that Wheeljack had grown still, and he glanced down to see he had fallen into a recharge right where he lay. "Guess you had a long day, too," he whispered.
You're my world, Jackie. Even though we'll take a break, I still won't give up on this. I'll figure something out. Someday we'll have the family we want… Someday…
…
AN- This story is finished. I will post the next two chapters over the coming weeks. Thank you for taking the time to read this story. I am happy that sharing my stories are enjoyable to you lovely readers!
