Prologue

A/N: Hey everyone! This is my newest story. It's kind of a spin-off from the story I took down called Nervous Jitters. I hope you all like it. Thanks to my fantastic beta, marauder05! All reviews will be welcomed including writing critiques. I like those the best! :)

It was a warm spring day. It had been raining constantly for almost two weeks and everyone was anxious to get outside. Students ran across the grounds and couples walked hand in hand or sat lazily around the lake. The flowers were in bloom and the castle's windows shone like silver in the sunlight. Lily saw her friends, Alice and Emily, running across the green grass to meet the Marauders under the coverage of the Forbidden Forest.

She saw Remus, who had fully recovered from another full moon in the Shrieking Shack. Her eyes spied Sirius Black, the only Marauder that she despised, but that was only because of the foolish pranks that he tended to play on unsuspecting victims. She also found herself seeking out James, the handsome, trouble maker and star Quidditch player. Just moments before he had asked her out. She got chills thinking about it and a frown slowly crawled across her face.

A shadow fell across the wall beside of where she stood. As she turned she saw the boyish face of her secret boyfriend. His shoulder-length black hair was wet and shiny. There were water droplets on his robes. His dark eyes shined with delight at finding her alone. He bent down and planted a soft kiss on her lips. She kissed back, but then she stopped, realizing what she was doing. She glanced up to see the surprised look in his eyes.

"Severus, we can't do this. I can't go on like this. Living in the shadows with you. James is in love with me, I can see it in his eyes. But you, I can't see it anymore. Life, my life, it can't go on like this anymore. Sure my friends don't get along with you, but that doesn't matter to me. I can't keep sneaking around behind their backs. James asked me out, Severus. I don't know what to tell him. I really like him, but I love you. I..." Lily's speech was interrupted by the soft touch of a finger against her lips.

She looked up into the dark eyes of her boyfriend. Secret boyfriend. Her friends despised him. They made fun of him. The latest prank had been lifting him in the air and letting his pants fall so all of the female attendants of Hogwarts could see his boxer shorts. He had happened to be wearing a pretty embarrassing pair that day.

"Lily, darling, what is this all about? I love you. But I'm a Slytherin and you're a Gryffindor. We have to keep things in the shadows. If your friends knew…well, it would add to the ridicule for me and they would shun you. If my friends knew, well I don't have any friends. Except for you, Lily," he said.

The smile on his face made her heart fall. It was already breaking apart. She knew she had to leave him. After the year was done, and it was almost over, he would never see her again. Her friends wouldn't even see her for at least a year. She would write letters, but they would be full of lies. No, this had to be done.

"Lily, I lo..." Severus began to say. The smile on his face had not faded.

"Don't. Just don't. I…we have to end this. It's…it's over." She couldn't bear to see the tears running down his cheeks and she would never have let him see hers.

She turned and ran down the corridor. She ran passed the library and to the portrait of the Fat Lady. She ran through the portrait door as it opened to the password. She ran until she bumped into James. She looked up and she could see the worry in his face. No, no. He must never know. This must remain a secret forever.

The last week of the term was rainy and wet. No student was allowed to go outdoors. Lily couldn't wait to get out of the castle. She was already having midnight cravings and sneaking around to the kitchen to get a plate of whatever she could find. She could eat the strangest things and wash it all down with pumpkin juice. The few times that she was caught and given a detention she cherished. It meant that she would not have to see the sad, questioning face of Severus.

She would walk around a corner and he would be standing there, leaning against the light tan stone walls of the corridor. He would look up and she would look away. She would stare at the stone flooring as she passed. Or she would look up at the enchanted ceiling in the Great Hall to ignore looking him in the eye. He would try to speak and she would walk faster, acting as if she was late to class or had not heard him. Scurrying past like a mouse hiding from something. And she was hiding from something. Someone.

She cried in her dormitory at night. James could sense the pain that she was feeling, but he had no idea why she was feeling that way. It was a full moon and Remus was gone so he had no time to speak to her. She wanted to tell someone. She wanted to tell Snape. But her parents would have never approved, especially since they were just going to send it away and never let her see it. She had done something so horrible that even her reputation would be ruined. She was a bad influence to every young woman around her. She didn't deserve her title of Head Girl.

But, every time she passed him in the halls or saw his dark eyes sparkling down at her in potions as she worked with her closest friends she felt a pang of guilt. Twice she almost slipped up and told him why she had ended the relationship that had gone on behind closed doors for two years.

She was happy knowing that it wouldn't last forever. That it wasn't the beginning of the year, but the end. That next year she could start anew. She wouldn't be at Hogwarts any more. She would be starting her career if the Daily Prophet would still take her. She would not have to face him with the lies of a boring summer.

But none of that bothered her. The small hope in his eyes, in his smile, in the way he carried himself down the halls or down the steps in a class room to get to his seat, that is what troubled her. And yet she couldn't bring herself to take him back or to tell him the secret that she was hiding. The day that she finished packing was a day she was happy to be done with. The next day she would be heading home and away from the school. She would be leaving the pieces behind her.

The day of the students' departure dawned sunny and clear. Most students were happy and cheery at the aspect of spending the summer with their family. All accept one.

As the train pulled away from the station, Lily thought about all that was about to happen over her break. She would spend time with her family, but she would also have a child growing inside of her. Severus would never know and that was best. James, Sirius and Remus would never know. No one would ever know. She would name the child and forever be rid of it as were her parents' wishes.

As the trees whizzed by she thought about holding a child in her arms, a child that looked like him. The one that she loved, but feared to love. She hated knowing that she was hiding a most important aspect of his life from him, but it was her life he had been so worried about. And she knew that her friends would never accept it. She knew her parents would never accept him after this stupid incident was over. She knew that James was her best choice and that everything would change after the child was born and she could pretend that everything was normal once again.

So she laughed at the stories of past years and the stupid jokes that were told. She made small talk with her friends. And she pretended that everything was alright when it wasn't.

Seven Months Later

Crying came from the upstairs bedroom. It would be the last time that the small, strong squeals would echo down the halls. Soon a middle aged couple would be arriving by Floo to take away the young baby.

Lily sat at the desk in her down stairs bedroom with tears running down her face. She had finished writing the letter that could possibly change the future of her life and her daughter's if answered in time. The pile of parchment in the trash was soaked through with tears. The sheet lying on her desk was prim and proper, not a smudge on the page. She had already written and sent out letters to the Marauders and her other friends. She told them that her cousin had had a baby and told them all about the little girl that had coal black eyes and hair the color of fall leaves. She had also written to James, finally accepting his advances. But the letter in front of her was different.

Dear Severus,

I was distant and cold at the end of the year, but I had my reasons. Forgive me, for my heart still cries out for you, though you are far away and part of a group that I do not approve of. I still love you, and if I didn't have to set a good example for Petunia, I would have told you then. But I am telling you now because you deserve to know the real reason why I left you on that sunny day.

There is a picture enclosed in this letter. Her name is Ember Evans and she is barely a month old. She was born at five pounds, nine ounces. She came a month early, a surprise to us all. Her eyes are like yours, deep and dark. Her hair, the little she has, shines in the sun. She's so strong, stronger than I could ever be already. And she shows signs of magic. Isn't it wonderful? But the most important thing is that she's yours, Severus.

I have to give her up. I don't want to but it is best for her and us. The couple that my parents and I chose, a Mr. and Mrs. Peter Baker, will make great parents to our little girl. They both went to Hogwarts and promise that our little girl will get the best care available under the sun.

Take care of yourself.

Love Always,

Lily Evans

P.S: As much as it pains me to say this, you'll never know our little girl. It's better this way. The Bakers have insisted that she'll go to Beauxbatons Academy of Magic. I couldn't persuade them to send her to Hogwarts, but I know she'll receive a fine education and she'll be safe. Really, in the end, that's all that matters.

Crash! Lily quickly turned around and saw a couple step out of her fireplace. They were the couple that she had been expecting. She ran up the stairs, gently picked up Ember and her baby blue blanket, and she ran down the stairs. She spoke to the Bakers for a few minutes, but her eyes never travelled from the dark eyes of her daughter.

"We'll take good care of her," the woman said kindly as Lily's mother urged her to let go of her daughter.

The tears were flowing freely as she handed her month old daughter over to the couple that would be forever known as mom and dad.