Ender's Descent
I lay in my bed. I didn't bother opening my eyes; I knew the room was in total darkness. My room had been in darkness for a while, unless someone was visiting. I can't even remember how long I've been lying here, comatose, paralyzed, and dead. Nor can I remember when I was last visited. I think it was Petra. She came in and sat down in the chair by the bed. I can remember the sound of crying, her voice asking me to awake; pleading for me to get up and talk. I can still feel the sensation of her tears falling, landing on my forehead. I still remember how she held my hand, not the usual intelligent soldier, but a kind and caring mother. I remember she leaned over and gently, tenderly kissed my forehead. Why anyone would want me awake, I cannot comprehend. Who would enjoy the company of a killer? Peter. He would. He would praise me on killing an entire sentient species. He'd smile and clap me on the back, applauding and praising my choice. And valentine would stand there, tears filling her eyes as she saw what I had become. Later, she would wrap me in her accepting embrace; saying that she still knows who I really am. And what she would say I am is wrong. I have become exactly what Colonel Graff wanted, a killer, the best of the best. I was among sharks at battle school, at command school; and I came out at the top. When I defeat my opponent, I don't just defeat them I destroy, annihilate them. I make it so that they can't, won't get up. That is how I beat Stilson, Bonzo, and the buggers. That is how I was so successful at battle school. Ultimately, it allowed me to go all the way to the final simulation. I wonder if I would still have gone to battle school if I had known that I would end up killing an entire species? Most likely, I still would have. But only to save valentine. I don't care about the rest of humanity; they can die for all I care. I remember when I was on leave, in the sun-soaked bowl. Valentine was "hired" by Colonel Graff to convince me to go back to "school." It took him three months to talk me into seeing valentine. If she had not talked to me when I was in the sun-soaked bowl, then I wouldn't have committed genocide against the Formics. If I hadn't committed genocide against the Formics, then I wouldn't have to deal with the guilt. I wouldn't be laying here vegetating. "Andrew Ender Wigging why the hell are you laying here vegetating?" I yelled at myself in my own mind. I heard the door softly open and then softly close. Suddenly the lights blasted on and I felt someone kneel on me.
