"Garnet or currant?" April asked looking down.

She was gazing lovingly at the décor board she'd created. Tate wasn't even looking; he was too busy packing April's lunch for her first day back.

"Tay?" April asked again, "Are you even paying attention?" she whined.

"Oh…yeah- babe-uh whatever you pick is fine," he said slicing a tomato for her sandwich.

April let out an exhausted sigh.

"I've been working on this for the past few weeks; you could at least pretend to care," she said with a little more attitude.

"I'm sorry babe, what room is that for again?"

"For the third time; the den," she moaned.

He saw the frustration in her face and hurried over to her.

"Hey, hey, hey now," he started, "I love it…kind of odd that all the colors you've picked out look like blood," he laughed, "But I like the garnet," he nodded.

April blushed with a half-smile.

"It's a little weird, but I kind of miss the look of blood…I miss the ED," she lamented.

"Well it's a good thing you're going back today," he said smiling, "I have tuna on wheat and a small fruit salad all packed up for you," he announced confidently.

"Hmm…tuna?" April remarked.

"It's lucky, it's what I always ate before a game and I want my little guy to have some luck today too," he said laughing.

"Or girl," she sassed back, "Yeah, luck would be good, but I think I prefer to rely on faith while waiting on science," April said rubbing the tiny bump under her scrub top.

She couldn't help but grin back at him as he placed his large hand against her swollen stomach. Her pregnancy had come as a surprise but the bigger shock was the active tuberculosis diagnosis that accompanied the news. She'd been quarantined and sent home for a month to keep the patients at the hospital safe. The entire ordeal had been stressful, but every day that she remained pregnant, while taking her aggressive medication, was another day to be thankful. But now it was time to get back to work; with her first sonogram snuck in between her shift. Tate handed her the bag as she got into her car and headed to work.

"April, it's good to have you back," Ethan said; greeting her.

He'd walked up next to her as she was putting her things under the standing desk in the ED. April grinned.

"It's nice to be back," she answered enthusiastically.

She could only enjoy the simpatico of the ED for a moment. Immediately the boisterous noise of four hulking men stalked in. A blind man could see that they all knew each other but even clearer was the fact they didn't like each other. Two of the men were on stretchers followed closely next to them by a pair of men that were keeping the loud exchange going.

"We have a head lac, perforated ear drum, with contusions to the upper lobe, and impact to the left knee," the medic quickly rattled off to Ethan.

Maggie led them to the nearest exam room as the next man came in swiftly behind them. The two men on the stretchers looked like they had seen better days and had no need for any more excitement. However, the men accompanying them; without a scratch upon them, were both heated and yelling back and forth.

"You're a no-good cheat, but what else do I expect from a lowly Farq like your brother," the man yelled.

"Aamir, stop," his brother grumbled.

"Your brother is the one that cheated! Couldn't sneak a bomb in there Sandy, so you had to go for the cheap shot huh?!" the white man walking yelled back.

"Ike," his brother pleaded cooly.

"What'd you call me?!" Aamir hissed as he advanced toward Ike.

April and Maggie were both shocked that neither man seemed to want to stop considering they were in the ED; quite the opposite. They were in each other's faces, ready to come to blows, when Maggie had to step in and call for help. Ethan was the first to intervene before he could even begin a diagnosis and April and Maggie stood back as he controlled the situation with the help of Jeff and a security guard.

"Hey!" Ethan yelled, "This is not the time nor the place for this! No fighting!" he commanded.

Ike took a step back, straightened his shirt, turned to Ethan, put his hands in a prayer position and leaned towards him to bow, before rolling his eyes. The gesture was past the point of a microaggression and everyone witnessing it looked disgusted and annoyed.

"Hey, don't let that jerk get to you," Jeff said encouragingly, "There's more decent ones than bad ones you know?"

He meant well but whenever someone had that kind of advice it always felt like being stung twice.

"One is too many with guys like that, and there is always one, too many," Ethan hissed before disappearing behind the curtain.

April felt horrible for him. To serve his country, and continue to give back in his profession; just to be disrespected while trying to help the man's brother.

"Imagine that, the two without a scratch on them want to keep fighting," Maggie grumbled as she went back to the main desk.

April shook her head in agreement and went into the exam room to assist Ethan with one of the fighters. He didn't have insurance so he had to forgo the pain medication and the extra treatment. The process would be excruciating. Ethan began the stiches while April ran an I.V. and cleaned up his knee after Ethan had drained it. The task of helping a man that cavorted with such an overt racist was difficult for Ethan to stomach. On the one hand, he took little issue with the man's discomfort, because this was what he did for a living and he would not balk at Ethan's discomfort as racism seemed to be the air he breathed. However, morally it twisted him up. His Hippocratic oath and his calling to heal. The dichotomy made him feel sick and angry.

It was a comfort to have April assisting him, aside from the fact that she was one of the most talented nurses in their ED, she had to understand his frustration. Her focus and determination were admirable to witness and he used that energy, that model of selflessness, to bestow upon the patient.

It occurred to him that he had always liked that about April. She always did her job like that; even when it was obvious that some of the patients weren't always so grateful. It was this job that took her away for a month and the job that also brought her back. Admirable.

"I have to go upstairs in an hour, do you want me to start a line on Cyrus?" April asked Ethan.

"Yeah, there isn't much for you to do here since he can't use the medication…what's upstairs?" Ethan asked innocently.

"First ultrasound," April said with a nervous smile as she rubbed her stomach.

Ethan looked up and smiled. He had almost forgotten that she was pregnant. Her TB leave had been the reason for her absence and the small bump under her scrub shirt was hardly noticeable.

"That's right," he said nodding, "I'll have Doris or Maggie help me with Cyrus," he answered looking back down at the stitches.

April walked over to Cyrus' exam room and began the I.V.; afterward she took his blood pressure, and looked over his vitals. He was stable so she walked over to Ricky's room and gave Ethan an update. She glanced at her watch. She knew that she needed to check in before the appointment and fill out new paperwork. She could do it at the main desk before heading up. She strolled over to the computer and began filling out her chart.

….

Ethan had finished up with Ricky and was heading over to Cyrus who seemed comfortable but his vitals quickly crashed and it was apparent that his wounds that seemed treatable were dire. Ethan had him rushed up to neuro and then to the OR.

….

April and Tate were elated. They couldn't wait to see the first pictures of their baby. Because of the high risk of April's pregnancy her OB did the read out on the baby's stats.

"Hmm…," she remarked not-so-quietly.

"Dr. Lee? Is there something wrong?" April asked; reading the look on her face.

"Normally at six weeks we would like to see the head measuring fifteen centimeters your baby is bit under," she remarked succinctly.

"How far under?" Tate asked.

"The measure is twelve," she said.

"Is that still within the normal range?" April asked concerned.

"It's on the low side, we'll just keep an eye on it," Dr. Lee commented.

"It's my TB medicine… isn't it?" April asked.

"It could be, but we can't be for sure," she answered.

April looked to Tate and he gave her a reassuring smile but she could see the worry in his eyes. April knew that having TB was not her fault, but not unlike the baby she was carrying, she felt responsible for it anyway. It had endangered everyone around her and now it seemed like it was endangering the life of their unborn baby; her worst fears were manifesting.

"What would the issue be with a low measurement throughout the pregnancy?" Tate asked.

"Anencephaly," she answered again.

"Which is?" Tate implored.

"It's a neural tube defect. Usually it translates to large portions of the brain of a developing fetus are… missing, there are stages of deterioration and function, but please, let's not get ahead of ourselves," she warned.

Tate nodded but the wheels were already spinning. The worry and possibility of a child that may not live, or if it did, would have considerable issues with quality of life were playing out in a sick prophetic vision. The appointment ended and Tate walked April down to the lounge to eat lunch. He watched her fiddle with the fruit salad he'd made. The tuna untouched.

"Maybe if you'd eaten that tuna beforehand," he joked somberly.

April looked up with a half-smile but the pressure, the guilt, was already feeling unbearable.

"I need some air," she lamented.

She got up and hurried outside, but the patio area offered no real refuge from the unforeseen. If anything, it was harsh reminder, as the children's laughter surrounded her, and then Tate. They were standing outside the daycare facility the hospital provided for personnel.

"April...should we at least discuss it," Tate started.

"There isn't much to discuss. It sounds like this is yet another waiting game," April answered as she stared at the slides.

"April…babe…it's still early we have some options," he offered somberly.

"No! Absolutely not," April answered; astonished at the request.

"This is not what I want either! Please don't misunderstand me," Tate pleaded, "You can't stop taking the meds or we lose you…and if you keep taking them we could lose the baby, doesn't quality of life matter here too?" he begged.

"Tate…I am Catholic," April answered hostilely.

"You weren't such a perfect Catholic when we made this baby," he jabbed back.

"My faith doesn't rely on my perfection Tate, and neither should our baby's chance at life," she scoffed.

"Can we at least talk about it...please," he asked backing off from his anger.

"As far as I'm concerned there is nothing to talk about," she answered as her bottom lip quivered.

April hurried in and did what she always did. She sucked up her personal feelings and recited in her head her usual mantra. The passage allowed her to lose herself in her patients, her work, and tuck herself away. It was like putting her emotions in a closet. She'd shut the door and keep them there, and not unlike grabbing her coat, she would grab her issues when her shift ended. However, now it was time to get back to work.

….

Ethan watched from the small gallery as Dr. Abrams performed the surgery on Cyrus to try and get control of the bleed. Unfortunately, the damage was too great and he was left in a vegetative state after the surgery.

Watching this outcome was devastating, but nothing truly competed with that feeling as he went to tell the family; Cyrus' parents, that man they knew, the child they loved, nurtured, and raised to outlive them was lost forever. He was lost to machines, science, and the brutal reality of a soulless body without consciousness.

It was that frustration and sorrow that gave rise to the anger Ethan felt when he spotted Ricky walking around the ICU looking confused and lost.

"What are you doing here?" Ethan all but hissed.

"I wanted-I needed," Ricky started, a weary confusion in his tone.

"What are you doing here murderer!" Aamir yelled as he quickly advanced toward Ricky.

Ethan stood between them, annoyed, this was yet another fight that could've been avoided if Ricky could have just backed off. Why did he need to see them suffer? What bottomless cruel pathology did he invest in that would require him to watch their pain; consume it with his eyes and ears?

"Aamir!" a voice commanded from behind them.

It was Cyrus and Aamir's father. Ethan could not handle three men on his own. But the father did something that surprised him.

"Come…pray with us," he offered; his arms extended to Ricky.

In that moment Ethan realized that he wasn't coming to revel in his destruction but to regretfully marvel at it. To find the piece of humanity that transferred to Cyrus from him in that beating. Ricky's chin quivered as the two men bowed at Cyrus's beside. He was consuming forgiveness and it was a meal too rich and too large for him as his tears poured out. Aamir joined on the other side. Ethan felt shocked at the sight and then a little guilty watching the rawness of humanity in front of him. Science could not explain this. It held him there; paralyzed, almost in a trance until April walked up.

"These are Ricky's discharge forms and the next tab has the report and notes for Cyrus…is that his family?" April asked somberly as she followed Ethan's gaze.

Ethan nodded, "They've been going at it like this for hours…I've never seen anything like it."

"They believe prayer can bring him out," April remarked with a bittersweet hope.

She took the chart back downstairs and assisted on few more cases before the end of her shift.

….

Ethan watched the family until Ricky left. He grabbed his sweater and went up to the rooftop. He needed air; a larger atmosphere to decompress. His comfort and solace was that rooftop. It had been a spot of great contemplation, but solace it wasn't; a least not now, as he spotted April up there. He took a deep breath and stood next to her.

"Not a lot of Choi's where I grew up," he balked in frustration.

"Not a lot of Sanguessuga's either," April answered cheerfully.

He looked at her; puzzled by the name.

"It was- or is my family's name…our real name, but Sexton was easier on the tongue," she shrugged.

"It's amazing what our families gave up, to fit into this place…this world," he lamented.

"Not everything, some kept faith and forgiveness...like Cyrus' family," April interjected.

"I have never seen anything like it…it was amazing," Ethan remarked.

His eyes were lost in the lights of the city as the quick actions and motives of everyone down there made more sense than Cyrus' family allowing Ricky to pray with them. He looked over to April as the energy he felt earlier had rubbed off again. However, she seemed to have kept none for herself as hers weren't lost in the randomness of the city, but on something specific. It was like she was watching something play out, for sure of it's ending, as the characters tried fruitlessly to avoid the inevitable. Sage.

"It's a good thing our families kept a hold of that faith…sometimes it's all we have, and all we need so we can get through hard times," he said reassuringly.

He wasn't sure what was on her mind but it now seemed like she needed those words. April gave a small nod his direction as her hand rubbed the small bump under her scrub top. The closet with her emotions hung neatly were starting to peek out of the cracks of the door. She needed to keep it shut a bit longer; even as she felt Ethan's soft eyes upon her. When she looked over he was still staring at her; almost asking if she wanted to open that door and let him in, but she couldn't. She looked away quickly.

"Good night Dr. Choi," April said as she walked from the rooftop.

She took a deep breath in realizing that she had to go home and face Tate. Ethan watched her in deductive observation; wondering what was going on with her. Her first day back seemed riddled with strife and he knew it had to do with that almost unnoticeable bump under her shirt. He zipped up his jacket and headed down the stairs to get his backpack and head home, but not before curiosity ate at him.

He keyed the letters in, slowly and nervously;

A

P

R

I

L

S

E

X

T

O

N

Patient records.

"Hey, you want to grab a beer?" the voice asked startling him before he hit delete.

It was Jeff.

"Uh-yeah, yeah," Ethan answered almost red-faced.

Jeff scrunched his face up at him and the two took off to Molly's.