Whispered Regret

Author's Notes: zomg! My first requested fanfiction! Requested by Feral. Let's hope I did it right huh:D

Disclaimer: Insert generic disclaimer here

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Chapter 1 - Confessions to the Shadows

Queen Yggdra Yuril Artwaltz, 32nd monarch of Fantasia, and at the tender and innocent age of seventeen she had experienced battle, war, death, and killing. They always said the best soldiers were the ones would could kill without remorse, who weren't plagued by the thoughts of the people they killed of the futures they had robbed. But Yggdra was no warrior, she was a young woman who didn't want to kill, but in order to achieve her goals blood must be shed. And even if she didn't personally kill every single enemy in her path, she was directly responsible for their deaths. The burden of death weigh heavily on her mind, but during the day she was still able to smile and look happy, she had too. No one could know what Yggdra spoke to the darkness of the night...

The night was cold and dark, the moon and stars covered under a thick blanket of clouds. With the window open the room felt ice-cold and even worse whenever a breeze blew threw and chilled Yggdra to the bone, her thin nightgown offering little protection against the biting winds. But she didn't care, even though she would probably catch a cold, the night breeze kept her from falling asleep. She knew if she fell asleep, the nightmares would start again, the nightmares that had been plaguing her mind since the day the war ended. Terrible nightmares of death and blood, re-experienceing the pain of killing innocent people; the nameless citizens who formed a milita against her and died at her hands, the soldiers who only wanted to protect their homeland from invaders, the soldiers under Roswell Branthese's command and Roswell himself, General Baldus and his men, the Scarlet Princess Emilia who stood to the last to try and protect the townspeople she swore she would protect, Gulcasa the Emperor of Carnage her parent's murderer but yet Yggdra couldn't believe she had been justified in killing him, and having to kill Kylier when she was forceably revived and forced to fight against them. Each death left terrible wounds in her heart, each one deeper and more painful then the last until it felt like she was dead inside.

"Is it fair for me to be alive...? I had to kill so many innocent people... So many people who shouldn't have died! I didn't need to kill Roswell... Could I have found a peaceful solution still? Why, why did I listen to Milanor... I could've just done something else! Anything else! All those soldiers... Roswell himself, his people must hate me and loath me...

Did I have to kill that milita? That spirited girl, who even to the end thought she was right. Did I have to kill her? Would it have been better had I done nothing? Couldn't I have just been satisifed with taking Ishnad and waited for Gulcasa to attack me instead? All those people... Each one, fighting to the bitter end even though they didn't stand a chance..."

The troubled Queen looked at her hands, they were pure on the outside, but to Yggdra all she could see was the blood she had spilled with those hands. With those hands, she had wielded the Gran Centurio and used it was an excuse to carry out all those deaths. For so long she had believe "Justice lies with the Holy Sword", it kept her going and even when she killed all those people, she could believe she had done nothing wrong; the Gran Centurio was justice incarnate, it couldn't kill people who did not deserve death. But then, on Ancardia, she learned the vile truth that the Gran Centurio was nothing more then Nessiah's tool to free himself and that he himself had created it and told the Royal family all those generations ago: "Justice lies with the Holy Sword". With that truth realized, Yggdra could no longer believe what she did was just anymore, the 'divine relic' was nothing more then an evil tool that had slain countless people just so Nessiah could fulfill his twisted desires and get his revenge on the Gods.

"I'm nothing more then a murderer... Was anything I did just? Would it have been better had I just died? If I had been captured, or killed, would everything have turned out better? All those people would still be alive... So many people... So much blood would've been unshed, so many futures wouldn't have been ended so abruptly... This pain is so horrible, I haven't felt anything like it at all... So many deaths are because of me, no... Not many... All of them! All of those people! It's all my fault! None of them would've died if I hadn't done anything... If I just died in that fortress, if Milanor never found me and if I had just been killed by Luciana right then and there."

The young Queen brought a hand to her heart and winced, she was sure inside nothing was wrong, but to her it felt like her heart was straining to split in two, it felt like it wanted to rip out of her chest or just exploded and end it's miserable existence. Yggdra almost wished it would, the pain she would feel until her death came would be nothing to the pain she had caused, perhaps if she suffered before she died, she could feel she didn't cheat her way out of escaping her horrible, horrible pain. It would be so easy... So very easy to just end it all, to just kill herself.

I... I could just... Accidently fall from my room. I couldn't survive that drop could I? No, no... It wouldn't be possible! It would be so easy... Just jump over the railing and end it all... I wouldn't even need to do that! I could just... No, no! That would be the easy way out... Is it selfish of me? To just end myself painlessly...? Would it be better if I suffered agony and pain before I met my end? Could I find peace in death then...?

All it would take is a simple cut... A nice deep, bleeding cut and... I could end it all... Right now...

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:TBC: