Disclaimer: Do you still have to disclaim if you never made a claim? Anyway...I don't own any of the 'Gilmore Girls' characters.

Disclammer: I don't currently own any clams.

To begin in the beginning...(to begin with a cliché)...

The scene opens in an excruciatingly sunny spring day in Stars Hollow as Lorelai lifts the mug of steaming coffee to her lips. She is frowning in concentration. Luke is watching her frowning in concentration. Lorelai is devising a plan of action which holds pissing Luke off as its chief aim. Luke knows Lorelai is devising a plan to piss him off so he adjusts his baseball cap and shifts his mental cogs into third gear. It is 'April Fools' in two days and the majority of everybody's cognitive capacities are entirely monopolized by this splendid opportunity to get on everybody else's nerves. Now, having painted a general and rather ambiguous picture of things as they are, we will join our protagonists as their sly musings are trampled on by a need to tease...

'Luke, can I borrow your base-ball cap?'

In response, he indulged in a rich assortment of groans to express his disgust at the suggestion, 'Lorelai...you're not getting anywhere near the.'

She cut him off, grinning mischievously, 'I know, I know, a symbol of authority, an emblem of nobility, a way of hiding your receding hairline. It embodies the institution that is Luke's Diner.'

'...which is rapidly coming to resemble a mental institution. Hey!'

She leaned over the counter and tried to swipe it of his head and promptly pouted her indignance as he recoiled, the hat firmly ensconced in its traditional position. 'Puuuhhhhhh-leeease!'

'Go away. Get out. Shooo!', he herded her out the door, coffee mug included, and hurled her handbag out after her, 'and don't come back'.

Lorelai, approached the window and, nose to the glass, executed the number- one weapon in her arsenal, "the puppy-dog-eyes".

Rory walked up to her mother, 'He threw you out huh?'

'Yeah, but he won't be able to resist my cuteness for long,' she proceeded to flutter her eyelashes.

'Ahh, "the cuteness". Hearts have broken, musical groups have disbanded, dictators have fallen, cheese has congealed.'

'Hey', she turned to confront her daughter, 'I sensed sarcasm.' She wagged her index finger, 'don't mess with "the cuteness", just remember all the extra food it has scored from various vendors.'

'Yeah, along with the blatant threats regarding their personal safety.'

'Pessimist!'

'Yeah, well I haven't had caffeine yet so the 'Rory Gilmore' weather forecast is tetchiness in the morning with light winds spreading to the east and the promise of cynicism later on in the day.'

'Okay, new plan...since it seems that Butchy dearest is immune to my charms we will go one better.'

'We?'

Lorelai grabbed Rory by the shoulders and whispered dramatically 'A tale of intrigue, of corruption, of scandal. Two sincere scintillating girls engineer an ingenious plan to punish the devious and dastardly diner owner.'

'Mom the alliteration and multiple adjectives are giving me a headache.'

'You discombobulate him with your witty conversational skills and I repel down from the diamond chandeliers wearing a slinky cat-suit and pluck his base-ball cap off his head. What do you think?'

'I think it would be easier to buy your own...'

'You're no fun.'

Rory walked to the door and Lorelai called after her pleadingly, 'Get me a doughnut.'

'Okay.'

'With sprinkles. Don't forget the sprinkles.'

* ~ * ~ * Lorelai's Inn * ~ * ~ *

Lorelai pulled up outside the inn and took the key out of the ignition. As she leaned over to unfasten her seatbelt she noticed shards of glass outside the entrance and four empty window frames. 'Oh my God.' She fumbled with the car door and ran into the reception hall.

'Michel! What's going on.'

'Lorelai, you sound decidedly 'ysterical. It is just a window.'

'Four windows!'

'Okay, four' he admitted dismissively, 'but windows can be replaced.'

'How did it happen?'

'Gnomes. Or rather one gnome, more specifically a garden gnome.'

'A garden gnome?'

'It had a fishing rod.'

'Okay. Let me get this straight. A garden gnome...'

'With a fishing rod.'

'Fine, with a fishing rod, flew into four of my windows.'

'No, it was thrown.'

'Get out of here. By whom?'

'Well. Apparently one of our sanity-challenged clients bought a garden gnome and got into an argument with her 'usband. When 'e stormed angrily out of the building she flung the gnome at his 'ead.'

'THROUGH four windows. Is it a boomerang garden gnome? Does it defy gravity and fly back into your hands.'

'Don't be silly. He threw it back at her. You Americans are so aggressive.'

'Where are they now?'

'I believe they are arguing about who is going to pay you for the windows. But don't worry...' he reached behind the reception desk, 'I confiscated the gnome.'

* ~ * ~ * The Gilmore Residence Couch...7:05pm * ~ * ~ *

'A gnome, you're kidding,' Rory tucked her knees under her chin and settled herself comfortably in a pile of pillows, 'is it still in one piece?'

'The fishing rod is chipped but it lives to gather even more frequent flyer miles. Just as long as the flight path doesn't involve my windows 'cos if it does that sucker gets it.'

'Pass the popcorn.'

'MMMmmmph. Oooh uhh erph phergit.' (translation ~ Yummy, oh yeah... I forgot)

'Scoozzzie?' (translation ~ Excuse me?)

Lorelai chewed frantically and swallowed, 'we have to figure out how we are going to get Luke's cap.'

'Mom, what is with your obsession with his clothing?'

'No, it's just the base-ball cap. It's April Fool's the day after tomorrow. The annual opportunity to play a legitimate prank on someone.'

'By definition I don't think a prank can be legitimate.'

'Shhhh, anyway. This year, I want the one thing that Luke guards more closely than his reputation as a grump...'

'I see. This is like a quest. You are Sir Lorelot and I am Sir Roaralot,' she giggled and then continued, 'forget the Holy Grail; we want the Sacred Cap of the Duke Luke, hidden deep in the chasms of Dinerdom.'

'Dear, let's not go overboard. It's on his head.'

'Hey, I was just getting into the swing of things.'

'Oh, sorry Sir Roaralot', she giggled, 'do continue.'

'No, I'm done. Can I call you Lottie?'

'No, under no circumstances should 'ie' be added to anybody's name unless they are an orphan who sings and dances and has an obsession with the word Tomorrow. So, have you got any ideas?'

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Tune in next week for Rory's brilliant plan...(it involves chocolate moose, no wait, mouse, no hold on, moses, wait...wait ...the spelling is coming to me...mousse! It involves chocolate mousse!)