Its been a long time since i wrote.

mainly because.

i didn't exactly have my aro around anymore.

spov.

I liked this colour.

I liked it because it was blue.

Prussian Blue.

I liked it because it was velvet, because it was long, and elegant.

I loved it because my husband left it for me this morning.

I loved it because it represents his unspoken care.

I wore it because i knew that it would make him happy as well, not that he wasn't usually.

I sighed.

it's been so long since he last visited me in the tower. Perhaps i wasn't important to him anymore. Maybe he didn't leave the dress for me, maybe i left it for myself because i wanted to feel as though he was still around. Maybe because i wanted to remind myself of his grace, his magnanimous nature for giving me life. Immortality.

What's the point of this anyways? He was not around anymore. He was busy.

I whimpered, and crawled back under the sheets. It smelt only like me, his scent wore off a month ago.

My heart felt so sore, Had I not given everything?

Maybe that was where I made the mistake.

I could hear the soft taps on my door, Corin walked in.

A silver platter. A letter.

no? not a letter.

I liked it because aro wrote it in his handwriting, I liked it because he wrote it for me.

I liked it because i wrote it for myself, trying to console myself of his absence.

Indeed, he does give everything to keep me happy.

I walked out, crushing the insignificant piece of parchment and tossing it somewhere.

I had to get out of here.

As I took my first step, I notice how the world has changed.

It hurts me.

What happened to the children running around, the marble columns, the lights, the dancing at night? what happened to the way that the birds would chirp?

what happened to us?

I whimpered once more.

He would not have to see this. See me.

He would not have felt the hurt.

I was so replaceble.

Looking at the leaf litter around me, i decided to collect some more.

I sat myself down in my blue dress.

And then, I removed my ring slowly, a tear escaped my eye.

I kissed it, leaving my lip marks on the gem, and placed it beside me. It could not be destroyed by this fire. No. Fire made it beautiful.

As I let the match flare up some twigs, i saw how it consumed, and charred, and it choked and coughed heavy, pungent pillars of smoke.

My heart would hurt more than this.

As I lay down, I feel myself being consumed by flames.

So he wasn't even going to come after me? I was doomed anyways.

I hoped he would see my will, my testament, my letter. or not. maybe he would not.

Maybe, he was depending on this. He wanted this all along.

I smiled, I coughed, and then nothing.

No screams from no one, only the smoke, white and grey dancing in spirals around me. i knew this was going to take a while.

I decided to count sheep.

I smiled at my innocence.

i am sad.

sigh.

and no. Aro isn't going to save our dear sully. she isn't wanted anymore.

i doubt i might write anymore since i have lost my inspiration.

I am still sad. I shall go cheer myself up, or go study now.

x.

pix.