A/N: This story is something that's been rattling in my head. I hope I can convey it to your liking. It does have a bit of angst and is slow building so if you are expecting Kirk and Spock to jump each other in the prologue then...this might not be for you.

The ST characters are not mine, only the OCs. I have taken the liberty to kind of combine certain elements from the Abram's Universe, TOS, and TNG. So if something seems a bit out of place, that is why. Just go with the flow, yeah? This story will probably start off slow, but it will pick up in later chapters. Just stick with me.

Also, the OC character Nebula, I see her as a youngish Dania Ramirez; and the OC character Wrecker...well, I haven't decided yet on him, but those two characters...you can see them however you like.

I sincerely hope you guys enjoy this. Reviews will get you some delicious replicated cookies of your choice...


CHAPTER I

"Captain?...Captain?...Captain?"

James T. Kirk jumped a little in his chair; his mind coming back to what he was doing. Wait…what was he doing?

He blinked his eyes and noticed that everyone on the bridge had stopped what they were doing and were now staring at him.

Sulu raised both brows, his head tilted to the side. "Captain? Are you alright?"

Jim's brows furrowed. He looked around. Yep, everyone was staring. "Pfft! Yeah!" He waved off Sulu, in a playful tone. "Haven't you people seen anyone zone out before?"

"Looks to me like you were daydreaming, Captain." Uhura smirked, before turning around to her station. "What's that old song? Daydream believer…"

Snorting, Kirk rolled his eyes in mild annoyance, but it was still playful. "No, I was zoned out."

"Vell, Keptin…you did look a little like you ver daydreaming…" Chekov piped in.

Jim let out a breath in frustration, rubbing his face with both hands. "Can you people—and non-people—please get back to work?!"

"We would Captain, but we were awaiting your orders," said Sulu.

Jim almost asked him what the hell he was talking about until it came rushing back to him. Admiral Abbott, the one who took Alexander Marcus' place, hailed the Enterprise and gave them their new mission. It was one he said was very important to him, which was why the message was delivered personally. Jim had agreed and they were on their way to Gamma V. Or at least, they would be. He hadn't given them the order.

He gave an embarrassed smile to Sulu and nodded his head. "Punch it. Give me about half." They had just finished a mission that nearly got Carol killed the week before. That had taken so much out of all of them that Jim knew no one was ready for another big mission just quite yet. It was why he told Sulu to go half speed on the punch. He knew exactly where Gamma V was so, within a day or two, they would arrive on the planet. That should give them all a little more down time, unless some alien vessel wants to chase them and kill everyone on board again.

Jim nearly jumped out of his chair and had to stop himself from running to the turbolift. He needed a break. A big one. In the one year they had been on their five-year mission, he was a like a kid in a candy store. They had discovered things others in Starfleet couldn't dream of. But recently, he had grown a little tired. He would never tell Bones this, but he was in for a good, long nap.

Reaching his quarters took less time than it should have. In record time, he flew through the common room and into the bedroom. His head couldn't hit the pillow fast enough. As soon as it did, his eyes grew heavy and they were closed. He could feel his entire body relaxing into the cushion on the bed.

"Hello, Darling."

His eyes flew open.

Carol walked into the bedroom with a luxurious smile, leaning down and kissing Jim on the lips. "Sleeping are we?"

"Arg, I know…but I just need fifteen minutes and I'll be all better," Jim mumbled into his pillow.

"Well good, because I need you all rested for tonight."

He wanted to ask…but then again he didn't. He asked anyway. "What's tonight?"

Carol shook her head and chuckled. "Jim, our dinner night. It's the night you and I have dinner, alone, just the two of us." She bit her lip. They hadn't had dinner night in weeks. Not since before she was almost killed by that Mugato on the planet Neural. After that, she noticed Jim had changed a little.

"If that's tonight, then why are you here now?" His voice sounded slightly more frustrated than he really was. He winced to himself.

She blinked and sighed heavily. "I heard you weren't feel up to par so I decided to check in on you because that is what couples do, Jim. Even the busy ones, they check in on one another from time to time to make sure they are bloody breathing!"

He raised his head, but before he could even attempt to give his half-ass apology, she was gone. Sighing, he plopped back down. He didn't mean to be such an ass to her. Carol had done a lot for him in the past year, which is one of the reasons they decided upon a 'relationship', as she called it. They had grown close. She saw passed his cocky, arrogant, immature, and reckless attitude and went straight to his heart. As much as he cared for her, he couldn't bring himself to love her. Not the way she loved him.

For a while now, he had had a lot on his mind; thoughts that were starting to overload his mind. His mother. His father. Khan. Pike. Everything and everyone. It was as if they were all speaking to him at once, trying to tell him something, but he couldn't make it out.

He had no one to talk to about this. Bones, his bestfriend, would order him to have a physical before sending him to Carol, who would give him some kind of psych evaluation. There was no way Jim was going through any of that shit.

Uhura? Maybe, but she would just tell him to man-up. Sulu? Chekov? Maybe.

Then there was Spock.

The two of them hadn't spoken too much in about a year, unless it was mission related. It was partially Jim's fault. Every time he tried to talk, the voices would come back. Spock would raise his brow and Jim would just say, "Forget about it."

He needed to talk to someone soon or make the voices go away at least. If he didn't, he felt his head would explode.

~oo000oo~

His nap didn't last long, as he was hailed to Engineering by Scotty. There were a bunch of things he had to sign off on and of course, he stayed down and talked to Scotty and some of the crew for a little while. Afterwards, he was back on the bridge and stayed more than the allotted time for his shift. He was an hour late for dinner and he knew Carol would be pissed.

He punched the code in to his room. He wouldn't be surprised if she had gone to her own room she shared with Uhura. The door lifted with a swoosh and in he walked in. He was wrong. There she was.

He placed on his best apologetic smile. Honestly, he was actually really sorry.

Carol sat at the table, decorated for two. She was out of uniform and in a simple, sexy black dress. Her blonde hair had grown during the year, but she had kept it short. It was a tad bit longer than it was when she first met Jim though. She doubted he even noticed she had put a few spiral curls to liven up her look. "You're late," she stated flatly.

"I know. I'm sorry. I had a few things I needed to take care of. I guess I should have been working instead of napping." Of course he didn't tell her that his nap lasted mere minutes. Then again, she probably already knew that. He noticed she was silent. "I'm sorry, Carol."

Her eyes rose to his. Brilliant blue is what she called them. She had to look away or she knew she would have started crying. Standing, she retrieved their meals she had replicated an hour ago, placing them on the table. Without a word, she began to eat.

Now, Jim felt like a total asshole. He going to have to make it up to her. Then again, a part of him didn't care. He couldn't understand for the life of him why he was starting to feel this way about her. When he first met her, he was smitten. At the start of their five year voyage, he was excited to have her on board. Shortly after that, they started seeing each other.

Maybe the relationship started too fast for him? Maybe he was getting bored? There was nothing wrong with her, physically or intellectually. She was incredibly beautiful and smart. Her body was gorgeous…what was wrong with him? Why was he losing interest?

Her fork clanged her plate loudly, pulling him from his thoughts. He winced, as a sharp pain shot through his head. "Fuck…" he mumbled.

"Do you love me Jim?"

He paused with his fork. They were about to have this conversation again. "Carol, please—"

"Just answer the question! It's a simple question!"

"But the answer isn't so simple for me, okay?" He stood up abruptly. The headache was getting worse. No, it wasn't a headache. It was a migraine. The more it pounded behind his eyes, the more those pesky voices came back to him. What the fuck was going on? "I care about you, I do, but love? Carol…you're asking something of me that I don't think I am capable of."

She bit her lip, her head hanging down. "It's because of your family, right?"

He knew she didn't mean to throw that in his face, but it still hurt nonetheless. "My father died because of me. My step-father hated me because of me. My mother left for space because of me and my brother, George, left because of me." He sighed, then added quickly. "Actually, he left because of our step-father but the man was a dick because of me, which made George leave, so when you think about it, George left because of me."

She stood and walked to stand in front of him; her hands on either side of his face. "Jim, look at me." When he did, she continued. "I understand how you could think that everything in your life is bad because of you. But, that's not true, Jim. That's beyond untrue. You are so special and you don't even know it. You will do great things in life. In the future! You just have to let go of the past, Darling." She leaned up on the tips of her toes and placed a heartfelt kiss to his lips.

He responded to it, wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. "Thank you Carol."

"I love you Jim," She smiled into his neck.

"I know."