The rights to Skulduggery Pleasant in all its awesomeness goes to the Golden God of Greatness, Derek Landy, the best writer in the world. I like to get reviews, but please be nice.
Valkyrie could feel the blood slip from her body. She was lying on a stake, in the middle of a pine forest, far from any humans. The ground was slanted and the trees randomly threw water down on her, annoying her as she was dying. Even without the water, she was feeling a bit uncomfortable. She was lying on top of a stake, a stake had been thrown, ironically, by a vampire and Valkyrie could feel herself starting to get cold.
The stake was sharp, wooden, and twisted up into a deathly sharp point. It'd pierced through her easily, since the jacket she'd been wearing had gotten tangled up and stuck in a tree. With a vampire coming at her, and the jacket not covering her face, she'd had no choice but to leave it there. The vampire, half burnt by a fireball she'd thrown and limping a great deal, staggered over to her. It was still wearing its human skin, a motherly middle-aged woman with too carefully maintained hair. The motherly woman opened her mouth and snarled at Valkyrie.
Valkyrie stared back, the pain making her head throb and things go all blurry. Valkyrie opened her mouth to shout for Skulduggery, but two vampires had carried him off, and she could hear his gun cracking with bullets in the distance.
She couldn't speak above a whisper, but knew that the vampire heard her. "You're going to regret this." Valkyrie said, almost pityingly.
The vampire gave a guttural laugh. "With Sir Poe Victory leading us? I'll never regret joining him. Don't you see? He's got the largest colony of vampires in history, and he's one of the most powerful vampires alive." The vampire squatted next to Valkyrie, seemingly more in control of herself now. She looked the dark, spreading stain on Valkyrie lustfully, and said, "And we're just going to keep on killing mortals and sorcerers alike, believe me, until there's nothing left." The dear, motherly vampire leaned over.
"Now die." The vampire said to Valkyrie, and it raised another wicked, dark stake in the air. It smiled with a beautiful fierceness down at Valkyrie and Valkyrie's hand raised weakly for a moment, before falling back down, against her will. The vampire's stake raised and then…
Then Darquesse leaned forward off the stake and squashed the vampire's head. It—the body—made a thick, thunk as it slide down the ground, next to her.
Darquesse wiped the blood and various juices on her hand down on the pine floor, and the pine nettles stuck to her. She sighed. Rainwater dripped on her. She held up a hand and black fire engulfed the trees and the moisture, and there wasn't enough left of the pine nettles to be even dust. The stake melted into her bloodstream, but that was no good, so she purged it from her body and then to release some temper, burned that into nothingness also.
She stood, repaired the various holes and injuries around her body and took a step. She moved about a foot, seemed to realize that it was going too slow for her and so she started running and used the magic to make her go faster than a cheetah. The wind whipped her face, and the trees might have also, so she just destroyed them as she went along.
Running slow was fun at first, but she had things to do before her conscious reasserted itself, so she leaned forward and decided to move as fast as a bullet, in the direction of the shots she'd heard.
She stopped suddenly, exactly at the point where Skulduggery was being pinned down by not two—but five vampires. She recognized Poe Victory among them, his thick, solid shoulders and mushed up, bulldog face.
"Hello." She said plainly, standing to the side. They were focused on Skulduggery and their heads snapped around with surprise when they heard her. They snarled at her and she smiled at them. They were funny.
"I'm going to kill you." She said with cheer, smiling emptily.
Poe paused a moment then laughed, throwing his head back. "If you think you can accomplish what all the other people who've tried to—"
"I'd listen to what you're saying, but I don't really care. I'm just going to kill you, activate Lord Vile and have a little fun, that's all." She said, her eyes flashed yellow like Baron Vengeance's had, and Poe Victory erupted.
"Oh, boy." Skulduggery said. "Valkyrie almost died didn't she?"
"She would have," Darquesse said lightly, "but I saved her. Are you grateful?"
"You didn't save her." He said. "She saved herself, really. I'm always grateful that she can save herself, though I wish I'd been there to help. I don't want to see you getting hurt."
"I want to see you getting hurt," Darquesse said pointedly, and Skulduggery shrugged.
"Well, that's a whole different cup of tea, isn't it?"
Then Darquesse held up her hand and the shadows constricted around the remaining vampire's necks, their bodies dropped and then it was just she and he, all alone together.
"Turn into Lord Vile." Darquesse ordered.
"No." Skulduggery said petulantly. "I won't. I don't want to see me hurting you. That's all Lord Vile does."
"Turn into Lord Vile," she said again, and raised a hand to smash Skulduggery down. Her hand started to hesitate. Like it didn't want to hurt Skulduggery. Great. Valkyrie was coming back.
"Vile," Darquesse muttered, and waved the other hand without thinking. Skulduggery flinched slightly away, but all that hit him was mist. Darquesse sighed and turned her head. Valkyrie had control of that arm, too, did she?
Well, it didn't matter. Darquesse was still ultimately in control. She focused her mind to a point that Valkyrie wouldn't be able to see. She focused her eyes on Skulduggery and then—
Darkness flowed and whipped around him. She could feel Skulduggery's own surprise, above it all.
"Hey—" Skulduggery began to protest, and then it was Lord Vile, not Skulduggery and Darquesse smiled.
"Welcome back, Lord Vile." She said pleasantly, and because it was Vile, not Skulduggery, Valkyrie took a step back in her mind.
He nodded his head curtly to her, then shadows wrapped around Darquesse's arms. Darquesse smiled pleasantly, and blocked out the pain as the shadows wretched her arms in the opposite direction they were supposed to go. Just as quickly as it'd happened, she healed herself.
"I quite like how you managed to take over your conscious so easily, by the way. It's something I can respect."
She heard a whisper and struggled to make it out. "Not easy," Vile murmured. Darquesse nodded and smiled.
"I can imagine. Skulduggery's a strong man, isn't he? Of course he is. He's you. I wonder what he was thinking when he allowed you to take over."
"None of your business." Vile murmured, and then like vines, the shadows burst forward from under the earthy ground and wrapped around Darquesse's feet. She attempted to lift them, but found herself unable to move.
"Strong," she murmured, pleased. Then she moved her hand and Vile was hit from behind with a wall of darkness of Darquesse's own, and he moved forward, closer to her. He stepped forward without needing any more encouragement and slammed a fist into her face. Her head snapped backward, and made a funny snapping sound. She healed that immediately, just as Lord Vile shoved a knife made of shadows into her lungs. She attempted to heal that, but his shadows were in the way. She growled. This wasn't the type of fun she'd wanted to have.
Her left arm moved forward, and twisted, becoming a claw that slashed through the better part of Lord Vile's chest plate. She blinked, and caught a flash of skin under the darkness before his chest plate turned back.
"You…" She paused to think about and reached out her senses. She heard a loud, strong heartbeat coming from him. "You have your flesh back when you're Lord Vile?"
He tilted his head, like this was news to him. She grinned at him. Fantastic. She gathered her magic around her, slashing at the shadows, and Lord Vile held still and moved a hand up, calling more power to the shadows. Gathering her magic was just a diversion, of course: one that, frustratingly, didn't manage to break her footholds.
Then she singled out a small stream of her magic and found a hole in his armor, and curled her magic underneath it. Lord Vile stiffened. She sharpened them, preparing to slip it under his skin and destroy him, but…
Her magic slid up his chest and she blinked. A teenage thought filled her head, and she bit back a grin.
Lord Vile straightened, and she heard him murmur something that she didn't catch. He moved to her fast, and grabbed her waist, so hard it would have hurt her if she were anyone else. He raised a hand and a shadow stabbed through her chest. She healed herself and laughed, and slipped her actual fingers under his chest plate, edging it away. She traced a sharp dagger across his chest, drawing blood.
He moved closer, and slammed into her, pulling her down. Suddenly her feet restraints were gone and in their place were hand restraints. Darquesse grinned at him.
Valkyrie woke up in a lake nearby that forest with the vampire, pretty much naked, hanging over some rocks. She couldn't remember anything after killing those vampires, and she blushed to wonder how long she'd been lying there.
She struggled to get the sand under her feet, the water felt mucky and she wondered where Skulduggery went. Up along the shore of the beach, her black clothes laid in wait for her. Hesitating slightly, she ran up and put them on as quickly as she could. Valkyrie heard a moan somewhere to her left. She looked; saw huge black boulders, some of which looked like they'd been recently smashed. She walked over, jumped up over, and saw Skulduggery with his head in his hands. His bony chest was uncovered, just a skeleton rib cage, and his pants looked like they'd been hastily put on.
"Skulduggery? Are you OK?"
He murmured, "My… head… hurts, so much." He looked up. "How are you? Do you remember anything?"
"Nothing beyond killing Poe's vampires. That's over, huh?"
"Correct," He said, and paused. "It's odd. I've never forgotten anything from the time of being Lord Vile before. Maybe I got my head smacked too hard."
"Too be honest, I can't remember anything either."
"Hmm. I wonder…"
"If Lord Vile and Darquesse are hiding something from us?"
"Exactly."
She looked at him, and couldn't quite piece together Darquesse and waking up naked on a beach. "Nah. What could they possibly hide?"
XD. I haven't decided if this is a one shot or not yet. It was kind of fun to write.
