I woke up feeling really awful today and had really bad stomach cramps and everything. My tummy was starting to feel all bubbly and i knew that soon I would have diarrhea. I asked my mom if i could stay off school and she said okay because i looked sick, grey and stuff. I went back to my room with some chocolate milk and started to watch a DVD, it was Guardians of the Galaxy. Soon after i got very tired and fell asleep.

I was woken up by a bad pain in my rectum and ran to the toilet. I barely made it in time and some poop went on the carpet, i cleaned it with Drano® as poop continued to fountain from my asshole before sitting on the toilet. As poop shot out of my ass like a turbo powered car washer i thought i heard some voices in the room with me... But that was impossible! I was in the toilet and nobody shits with someone in the room. The voice sounded like a man...then another came that sounded like a lady. Then my butt growled like an angered tiger and expelled a shed load of crap into the toilet bowl again so i had to stop listening to preserve my mind's sanity. It was really awful diarrhea, the kind that makes you stay off school shitting yourself blind for days.

I went back to my room and go back to sleep again, but my butthole is really ticklish like I've got pinworms so i have trouble sleeping. Suddenly I hear the voices again and i think I'm becoming retarded or something. There's nobody else in my room but i swear the voices are really nearby. They seemed to be emanating from...From...MY BUTT! I start to panic like crazy but i need to get to the bottom of the mystery. Literally.

I reach over my bed to grab my Japanese karaoke and i flip the switch on. I grab the microphone and assess its size. It's gonna hurt but i need to hear the conversation going on in my anus. Lube-ing myself up quickly with Gatorade® I wince as i ram the 14 inch metal microphone up my rectal passageway into my loose and squirty bowels. My shit makes modern art on the wall which i ignore because of my butthurt.

I rolled over slowly with this huge metal cylinder in my ass and highered the volume on my karaoke machine. This is a direct transcript of what i heard coming from my anus:

"Rocket! Your experiment went wrong! We've gone through the wrong wormhole and been shrunk to a miniscule size" said Star Lord. "The Milano is covered in something that smells a lot like shit poop!"

"That's not my fault, Quill, how was I going to know that there was going to be another wormhole open in this kid's craphole at the same time we went through our wormhole?!",, Because in the movie Rocket is always amazing with his tech knowledge, but this time it went wrong.

I was shocked! The Guardians of the Galaxy were in my butthole! The Guardians of my Butt! I started to panic and ran to my window. I heard Gamora and Star Lord try to calm me down because my movement was shaking them around and they were getting covered in turd. I didn't care though because my ass needed no guardian, i could fight for myself! I opened my window and shat out if it with all my might, killing two pigeons with my specially targeted shit as i hate pigeons. The Guardians of the Galaxy were propelled out of the window and back into space and they left behind an enema that cured my food poisoning and caused pink diarrhea. I would later come to see that I'd put the karaoke machine on record and so i had the whole conversation on tape! As well as my bowelly noises. I did accidentally drink some diarrhea rather than my chocolate milk however.

The end.