Beware of uberly perverted humor!

I was having a random conversation with my best friend, and she suddenly brought this up and made me laugh way too hard. She dared me to write a oneshot about it, so here it is! Not my best work, but good for a snort or two.

A/N: Note that I'm going on the "Tea-dus" pronunciation. (I usually prefer to say the Tidus that sounds like "tide-us" though.)

Enjoy…heh heh…


There was one question that everyone feared, one that remained their worst nightmare, one that they hoped that they would never have to face. They had often pictured being asked this question, but no one was able to come up with a response that was…believable. And then their nightmare came true on one dark, sinister night when the question was asked. No one had seen it coming, and no one was prepared to dodge the truth.

"Hey guys," Tidus began. They all turned to him.

"How come you never say my name?"

All faces paled while Yuna blushed furiously; she had to struggle to remain silent instead of stuttering in an attempt to come up with an answer. Wakka rubbed the back of his head and turned to Lulu, but she was looking away and being very thankful that her hair covered half of her face. Kimahri muttered something about it being quiet and left the room.

"Uh…guys?" Tidus tipped his head to the side. "What's wrong with you?"

Rikku suddenly made a connection and held back roars of laughter, snorting with effort.

"Hellooooo?" the blonde continued. "Are you going to tell me or not?"

They all exchanged nervous glances. They couldn't hide the truth for much longer; they had to tell him. But who to do the deed? Realizing that the others weren't going to reach a decision anytime soon, Auron cleared his throat and stepped forward with an all-serious look on his face, the kind of look he got when he was telling the boy about Sin and Jecht. Tidus raised an eyebrow, and Auron had to stop himself from snickering and opened his mouth to speak. Just then Rikku fell to the floor, roaring with laughter.

"Your name sounds like penis!"