Okay, this was on my old account, so if you've seen it before... well, there you have it. Yeah, well, this is a somewhat parody of The Original Very Secret Diaries. We own nothing. Cassandra Claire owns the original idea. This is sick and weird. Read at your own risk. These are all in dub names because I can't remember the Japanese ones, and when I wrote this, no one else did either. Also, some of those dub things just sound so wrong when you think about it...

#1: The very secret diary of Yugi Motou

Day one:

Tèa took a new job as a stripper. Apparently trying to save money for bartending college. She tied me and Joey up and said she'd properly castrate us if we breathed one word of it to anyone. Hmmm. very strange as I never figured she was that type of girl.

Day two:

I wonder what's in this shiny box… Oooh! It's a puzzle! What fun!

Day three:

There's a voice in my head… Now have sudden urge to study Egyptian history. Will not be easy, as have seen Seto Kaiba lurking around those areas. He's dressing like a hippie now and saying something about inner self. yawn boring.

Day ten:

Read some books on Egypt. They say something about realm of shadows'. I think that's where babies come from. I mean, before they're born. Before they exist. Their origin. Y'know, like the steamy-windowed room in the kinky medieval torture chamber with the whips, chains and handcuffs… Holy shit, did I say that out loud?

Day twenty-six:

Was watching porn with the guys until Tèa (slut!) and Grandpa (old tart!) came in. Tristen, luckily, saw them before they saw us so I quickly changed the channel to some card game tournament. Think it was bingo. Really wish Joey wouldn't sit so close to me. It's starting to creep me out.

Day twenty-seven:

Damn this puzzle! Now have to compete in a duel monsters tournament to get Gramps' soul back from freaky gay-looking creep who kinda resembles Ryou Bakura. Who gives a fuck? Old geezer can rot in hell for all I care. Then Tèa said she'd tell everyone about the porno magazines under my bed if I didn't go. Prima Donna slutty bitch is gonna find herself dead in a sewer before long.

Day 29:

Ugh. Hate boats. Am horribly seasick. Joey keeps wanting to play some game that involves shot glasses and extremely potent liquor. Gave him my Time Wizard card and told him to get the hell away from me.

Day 30:

That little bastard bug-boy THREW MY CARDS over the side of the SHIP! Will wring his damn neck!

Later

Was held back by slutty Tèa, stupid Joey, and desperate-for-a-date' Tristan. Don't know what Tèa and Tristan are doing here. Joey said something about his sister's failing vision. Bull Shit! I stopped by his place a few months back to give him the homework he missed and saw him with those magazines! Was quite arousing in a weird way--- grrr. Damn puzzle.

Day 31:

Was that Ryou having hot passionate sex behind the tree with Tèa? Naah, must be imagining it.

Day 32:

Ok, maybe I wasn't seeing things… Ryou really is here, and man oh man has he gotten more perverted than when I last saw him! Kept making suggestive comments like pick a card, any card' and stuff like that. Also ran into Mai, that supposed virgin duelist… or was it Amazon… Well, virgin' my ass! She's an even bigger slut than Tèa! Mai's hotter, though, if ya ask me…

Day 33:

It is official! There is someone else living in my head! Guy calls himself Yami'. Also, I think Bakura swings the same way as Joey, as he was getting v. possessive and tried to kill Yami. Huge fight over some bad breakup about 5000 years ago. Honestly, histrionic.

Day 41 (morning):

Joey woke me up this morning saying either "Me n Kaiba fucked the Blue Eyes White Dragon in a heated three-way" or "I had this dream where Kaiba sicked his blue eyes on me and called me a scared little puppy dog." Hope it's the latter…

Later…

We are trapped in a dark, dank, and hopefully deserted cave. Ryou keeps trying to get Tèa away from the rest of us and still keeps making more suggestive comments like Let's try and move the rock.' Getting very annoyed.

Even later…

Have met two bald stoners in the middle of the cave. They said something about us trespassing on their secret opium den and that we must be executed, but luckily they were so fucked up that they didn't notice when we snuck out the back exit.

Day 41(noon):

Ran into Seto Kaiba on the steps to Pegasus's castle. He said he had to /censored due to extremely disturbing and graphic sexual images/ Pegasus in order to get his brother's soul back. I asked him why he was telling me that, and why he wasn't /censored due to extremely disturbing and graphic sexual images/ing the bugger now. He said he had to /censored due to extremely disturbing and graphic sexual images/ ME before he /censored due to extremely disturbing and graphic sexual images/ HIM! I told him to fuck off, and he said that was exactly what he planned on doing. I refused again, and this time he said he'd jump off the wall if I didn't. Told him I really don't care, you rat bastard.' Then Tèa brought up the subject of the porno magazines under my bed…

Damn that saucy wench!

Later…

Oh gods, I am scarred for life.

Day 41 (night):

Saw Tristan and Ryou walk into Tèa's room a few minutes ago… eek, no, baaaaad Yugi! must not have dirty thoughts must not have dirty thoughts must not have dirty thoughts… oh bloody hell, just this once… or twice…