Disclaimer: The world of Fruits Basket does not belong to me.
A/N: Hey all, thanks for stopping by. First off, I want to say that a lot of the elements of this story are loosely based off the manga and follow Kyo's story line, but most of it is my own interpretation, so please don't come complaining to me if I have some events in his life inaccurate or out of order. I tried my best. :) Oh also, it is a bit slow for the first few pages, but stick with me, it gets better (at least that is my intention…).
The Life of the Cat
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waiting-to-bloom
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CHAPTER ONE:
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Life before I met Tohru was detached.
Beat the rat. That was my one and only goal, and I allowed myself to be consumed with it entirely. To let it rack my system and overload my thoughts. That pain clouded all feelings, and closed me to the world. Disassociating myself from anything friendly or compassionate. Before Torhu, I didn't understand what it felt like to be concerned for others or how beautiful life could really be. I mean, truly beautiful. Not just the sky or the touch of sun on my face, but that deep warm feeling that fills me when I look into her smiling eyes. She makes life seem simple. Makes anything seem possible, even for me. Sure, I really was a messed up kid. My life, my eyes, they only saw anger.
This is my story. My life, as the rejected cat of the zodiac.
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My house was small. It was nothing like Shigure's or Kazuma's, and compared to the main house it looked like a shack. It sat up on a hill in a more secluded area of the compound. Mostly it was isolated. I remember as a child staring out of the windows watching the wind shake the trees and the snow fall and the rain pluck against its pane. I did that a lot. Staring out the window. There was something about it, about the freedom that existed beyond that piece of glass.
"Kyo, hunny, would you be a dear and help mommy put away the dishes?"
That was my mother. She's standing in the kitchen her fingers clutching the dishrag, rubbing dry the last of our plates. Her face is drawn and tired, and when I look at her closely, I can see the sorrow in her eyes. She was always asking of little favors from me. Her voice timid like she felt she was intruding on my space or something.
I don't bother exchanging words with her, I only nod vaguely and do as I am told. I never have argued with my mother, even at the young and spirited age of six. As I reached towards the impeccably clean plate, she ruffles my orange hair. It is supposed to be a sign of fondness. But I can feel her disgust in the tentativeness of the supposed affectionate touch as she pats my head.
"Such a cutie," she says and smiles.
The dead words fall on deaf ears. I grab the plate's warm edge.
My mother wipes the counter as I put the plate in the cupboard. Our silence is almost palpable.
I know I am bored out of my mind, and I wish I could watch television, but there is no point in asking. My mother was one of those adamant types. She really had convinced herself that the television would fry my brain. And it's not like she has enough to deal with, her son is already cursed. The last she needed was a monster child with a scalded brain—I'm sure that would have gone over well with the neighbors (that is, if we had had any).
To fill the empty silence, I fiddle with the beads on my wrist and glance out the kitchen window.
"Mommy? Can I go outside?"
My eyes scan the yard hoping to find Kagura. Yes, Kagura. Because there was a time when I had loved her presence. Her energy and her smile. We were close friends. My only friend. In a weird way, she was the sister I didn't have. I still remember the time I found out she was a zodiac member, and how good the tears felt at knowing I wasn't alone.
My mother follows my gaze and lets out an audible sigh.
"Alright dear."
She takes my hand and walks me to the door. One hand on the door handle the other curled around my small fingers, she knells down in front of me, "Be safe sweetie."
And then, her hand pulls up the edge of my sleeve and checks the beads. I feel detached as she does this, and for a moment when she tugs on the string to ensure its strength, I want to pull away. Even at that age, I wondered why she always had to check. I wondered if she was afraid? I couldn't blame her if that was true. Sometimes I was afraid too.
Feeling satisfied she pats my arm, stands up, and opens the front door. I rush outside before she feels the need to check my wrist again. Once I put distance between me and the front porch, I breathe contently in the clean air, relishing it. For awhile, I occupy my time trying to build a small hut for bunnies with some branches and twigs I found lying around. When I had finished, I step back admiring my work. It looked tipsy and distorted, and if a gust of wind came it would probably fall over and resemble nothing more than a pile of sticks. But I didn't care at that moment, I was proud of it because it was mine. I plop down beside my hut and wait, certain that at any second a rabbit would hop by and decide to nestle down in my twig home. Suddenly my mom comes up behind me and puts a hand on my shoulder. It startles me and I nearly fell over.
"Mom!" I say instead, brightening up as I turn to face her. "Look what I made! It is a home for rabbits!"
She looks down at my humble home, and then pats my head again. "It is lovely." She pauses. "Why rabbits?"
"They're cute!" Yes. I did use the word cute.
She smiles again then adds, "Did you know there is a rabbit in the zodiac, Kyo?"
I nodded absently.
"Mmm, Kagura told me." I poked at the ground with a left over branch. "Do you think I could meet him?"
My mother's already thin smile vanishes, and the wind pulls her hair forward. If she was going to answer, it was interrupted by my name being shouted.
Kagura comes huffing up the hill, green ribbons from her hair blowing out behind her.
"Kyo! Kyo!" she calls waving a hand in the air as she approaches.
I drop the stick and look up at my mother. "Mom can I play?" I ask putting on the sweetest face I know.
Kagura is about fifteen feet away now, and my mother bends down to check my bracelet. She gives it a gentle tug, then smiles faintly up at me. "Of course dear. Do be safe." Her voice sounds far away as she pats my hand. She leaves just as Kagura comes running up to me.
"Hi Kyo!" Kagura is breathless but she grins at me just the same. "Let's play!" she grabs my arm before I even get the chance to answer, and we are off towards the edge of the hill.
Kagura plops herself down on the grass letting out a sigh of contentment and gestures towards me to do the same. I follow her lead and giggle a little when the grass tickles my palms. We sit silently for a bit when I finally ask. "Kagura, do you know the rabbit? Of the zodiac I mean…"
She takes her eyes off the sky and looks at me. "Yes," she says finally. "He is about a year younger than you." She looks back up at the sky and points at a particularly large and misshaped cloud. "Look! It's a boar!"
I follow her finger and laugh. "Kagura, that doesn't look like a boar. It looks more like…a dog."
"Ugh! Don't say that!"
"Why?"
"Shigure looks nothing like that!" she says waving her arms.
"Shigure?" I ask looking at the boar/dog in the sky, "is he the dog?"
Kagura stops moving around and looks at me carefully. "Sorry, Kyo. Sometimes I forget that you haven't met much of the zodiac."
"I'm curious." I reply quietly. I am a bit embarrassed that I don't know much.
"Do you want to hear about them?" Kagura asks smiling gently.
I nod. Kagura rolls on her stomach and holds her head in her hands. Suddenly she is off, talking and talking about every zodiac member she knows. She tells me that Shigure is goofy and clever. How Haru, the cow, has a split personality. "When he gets all angry," she says wagging her finger at me, "we call it his 'black' personality." Then she tells me about Hatori, the dragon, who is friends with Shigure and Ayame, who I guess is the snake. And she keeps going, talking animatedly and moving around from lying down to sitting up and waving her hands in the air. Finally she comes to the last zodiac member and holds up her fingers indicating he is the last. "Finally, there is the rat."
"The rat?" I say interrupting her. Suddenly I am struck with an abrupt burst of anger that feels unnatural and unfamiliar. I am aware of the legend of the zodiac and know of how the rat supposedly tricked the cat. "Is he mean?" I ask narrowing my eyes.
Kagura looks at me funny, and then finally shrugs her shoulders. "I don't know," she says simply.
"What do you mean?"
"I have never met him." I give Kagura a look that must have said 'you can't be serious' because she begins to elaborate. "I mean," she gestures to her eyes, "I have seen him…once. It was at the banquet. But I never actually talked with him."
"That's weird," I say with finality.
She nods her head. "Yeah."
We sit for awhile looking up at the sky. I am sure Kagura is trying to find more boars, but as I stare up at the clouds all I can think of is how I have missed out on meeting my relatives. I can't understand why Kagura gets to know the entire zodiac while I sit day after day on top of an isolated hill wondering about the others like me. I wonder if we could be friends or if they have two forms like me. I turn over and the questions keep swirling in my head when suddenly Kagura stands up. She reaches her hand down for me and pulls me up. "Come on, let's play."
For hours we play, running around in the grass with nothing better than our imagination and ourselves. Before I know it, the sun is sinking pretty quick. "I better get going." She smiles at me. "My mom wants me home before sun down. I'll come by again."
I return her smile with a grin of my own. "Yeah, okay," I respond, "Bye, Kagura."
I watch her run down the hill before I turn towards home. My mom is standing out on the porch her eyes scanning the landscape. She looks anxious, that is until her eyes find mine.
"Kyo!" she says immediately upon sight, "why were you out so long!"
I hurry and walk up to her as fast as my short legs can carry me. Was it really that late already? She closes the gap between her and me with three long strides. "I was so worried," she mumbles looking into my red eyes. "What if something had happened?" her hand clenches around my beaded wrist.
I force words to come out of my mouth. "Mom, I'm sorry…I didn't know…Kagura and I. She was telling me about the other zodiac…and…"
She shakes her head barely taking in a word I just said.
"Just come inside okay dear, and don't make your mother worried like that again."
There is no room to argue. I nod my head and do what I am told.
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waiting-to-bloom
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The next morning came quickly. The sun streaked into my bedroom, it is so bright it strains my eyes. After a few moments, I get up, blinking and rubbing my eyes. I pull on a large long-sleeve shirt and a pair of pants before I head downstairs.
Mother is sitting in the living room, and to my surprise, my father is sitting next to her. He must have come home from his business trip late last night. I pause in the hallway, peaking around the corner to see them. They talk in low whispers so that I cannot understand them, but they sound angry. I step back, hoping to sneak away back to the safety of my room, but a board creaks beneath my foot and my father's eyes shoot up at me.
Even as a child, I remember not liking the look of my father's eyes. I don't recall them ever being warm or loving. Often they were cold, and sometimes they were angry. When his eyes met mine that morning, I felt an unwelcome fear grip me.
"Kyo," he says, "how long have you been standing there?"
There is no point in hiding anymore. I peel around the corner and bow slightly in his direction. "I just walked in, Daddy. I'm sorry."
"Liar." His gaze bores into me and his upper lip twitches. I choke on my own tears and stumble back a few inches when he rises up from the couch.
"I'm—not," I stutter.
"You are such a liar, Kyo." He is standing over me now and I dare not meet his eyes. Would they be callous? Or livid? "How long have you been standing there?"
"I didn't hear anything!" I protest, tears breaking over, "I was only standing there for a second!"
His hand raises up like he is going to strike and I flinch visibly. My father has never hit me, but there have been times when I thought he would. I don't know what held him back when he would get this close, but somehow, every time, his quivering arm would lower.
"Kyo, dear, please go into the kitchen and make yourself some breakfast." My mother is standing now, her arms folded lightly across her stomach. Her eyes are red and puffy, and she looks like she has been crying.
Without waiting for my father's consent, I scurry out of the room and into the kitchen. I'm too shaky to make breakfast, so instead I stand directionless fighting desperately at the tears that sting my eyes. I can hear my father's heavy footsteps pacing the living room and the ragged intake of breath from my mother.
"How long?" she whispered loudly, and suddenly my father's pacing stops. Still in the middle of the kitchen, I was torn between my own curiosity and my father's harsh words. I hesitated and then with shaky steps leaned up against the door of the kitchen to listen.
"How long do you think?" my father snapped vehemently. There was a drawn out silence and I leaned in harder, straining my ear.
My mother's voice lowered and this time I barely caught what she said. "I don't know…" Another raggedy breath, "How am I supposed to know?
"Does it really matter?" my father interjects shortly. "It was bound to happen. You have never fully satisfied my needs."
My eyebrows knit together as I listen to the hissed conversation from my parents. At the time, I couldn't even comprehend what they were talking about. But this one conversation would set into motion the many events that dramatically changed my life.
My mother's silence draws on for a long time before I hear the distinct sound of a creaking floorboard. Fearful, I push away from the door and busy myself with the dishes, my mom enters the kitchen seconds after my hand grazes the plate's edge.
Her heavy silence seems to hang over me like a cloud. At last, I tentatively glance up at her catching sight of her blotchy face and red eyes.
"Mom?"
Her distant gaze finds me and she smiles faintly. "Kyo, how about I fix you breakfast?" She takes the plate from my grip. "How does that sound?"
I nod dully, looking up at her with small eyes. "Mom…" She is already busy in the kitchen, pulling out dishes and ingredients for breakfast.
"Hmm?" she asks sounded distracted as she washes a green pepper.
"I love you."
The green pepper slips from her hands and falls into the sink; she turns to me surprised but then wipes her eyes. "I love you too."
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"Kyo, you be the prince, okay. You have to be the prince and you have to save me."
"Why?"
"Because I'm the princess and I need my prince!"
It was mid June, the day it happened. The day my world started to break apart.
"Kagura, I'm not sure I want to be the prince. This game's boring."
I remember the day too clearly. The conversation, the feelings, even the smell of the air.
Kagura let out a dramatic huff before settling her hands on her hips. "Oh come on," she frowns before her eyes find me again. Suddenly she halts. "Kyo, I love that bracelet, it is so pretty."
Instinctively, I grab at my wrist and step back from Kagura and she takes a step forward in response. "It's mine," I say dumbly.
Kagura frowns but looks pretty determined. "You know Kyo," she says inching closer to me, "If I am going to be a princess, I need to look pretty."
"You do look pretty Kagura."
She smiles and blushes, but all the same she would not allow herself to be distracted from her goal. Boars are like that, damn stubborn.
"You know what I mean Kyo. I need a pretty dress, and my hair needs to be pretty, and I need jewelry too."
I know what will happen if my bracelet comes off. And I was not ready to let Kagura see, I wasn't ready for anyone to see. Desperate, I bend over and grab a long strand of grass. I tie the blade's ends together so that it forms a bracelet.
"Here you go Kagura," I say handing to her my crafted bracelet.
Her hand reaches out to grab the blade of grass and at first she is smiling. But then I see it, a bit of a greedy look reflects in her eyes, and before I can pull back her tiny hand grabs my wrist and slides the bracelet off.
"Kagura! No!" I yell, but it is too late.
She grins. "See Kyo, this bracelet is perfect for a princess…" she trails off, her eyes growing as wide as saucers staring at me in horror.
She is terrified.
My body starts to tremble, at first it looks like I'm having a seizure, but then the transformation starts happening. I groan in agony and bend over, my eyes start dilating, the black pupil fills my iris till there is nothing but black. Kagura stumbles backwards and her legs tremble and give way beneath her.
She is terrified of me.
I can never get used to the feeling of becoming a monster. It hurts like hell. I can feel my body contorting, twisting, and stretching into its grotesque monstrous form. It is nothing like being transformed into a cat. That almost feels natural, my body falls into place and it's painless and quick and is accompanied by a cute orange puff of smoke. With this, I can feel the anger of the beast as it rips and tears through its cage, crawling to the surface to be released. I can feel every stretch of my joints, every twist of muscle. It hurts so bad, I can barely stand it. On my knees, my black eyes start watering from the pain, and then, just as suddenly, the pain ceases and I know in that instant that I'm no longer human.
I am still trembling when I look up at Kagura, who is paralyzed in the grass where she has fallen. I'm on all fours, shreds of my shirt scattered on the ground around me, and for a moment, my black eyes lock with Kagura's large petrified ones. Then, like time has caught up with her, she screams and scrambles to her feet, tears pouring out of the corners of her eyes. Before I can say a word, she is gone, racing down the hill as far and as quickly as she can get away from me. My bracelet she had held her in hand, now lays nestled in the grass by my feet.
It is hard for me even now to describe the amount of pain and rejection I felt at that moment. I was a monster.
I am a monster.
I stayed by my bracelet until I finally transformed back, but even as I slipped it on I knew that my mother would know what had happened. She always had a way of knowing things.
My small feet carry me slowly to my home. My shirt is ruined and I'm anxious of my mother's response when she finds out what has happened. Cautiously, I crack the door open, but to my surprise it isn't my mother who greets me.
My father is standing in the middle of the room, his arms crossed and his face contorted into a snarl. Before I can even fully open the door, he is on me. He grabs my wrist and pulls me inside, slamming the door sharply behind me. "You!" he spits yanking me further into the room. "What happened?"
My red eyes have blurred with tears. "Where's Mommy?" I whine.
Whatever anger I had seen my father display before was nothing compared to his dark countenance he showed now. His dark eyes were blazing with fury and I could just feel the bouts of barely controlled angry rolling off him in waves. His other hand found my opposite wrist and wrenched me closer to his angry face.
"You will answer my question, Kyo," he said darkly his eyes fixed on my own.
Faster than before, my tears start to fall in great round drops. I sniffle and gasp for breath between my heavy sobbing but I can't find room to answer my father's question.
Suddenly he starts to shake me violently. "Are you listening to me, Kyo!?" he yells, "What happened to you! Answer me!"
My sobs only grow heavier.
"Shut up and answer me!"
He slaps me.
It is the first time, and the shock of the blow immediately quiets my tears. I stare frightened, at the floor.
"Look at me," he says in a restrained voice.
Somehow my eyes find their way to his angry ones. "You changed, didn't you?" he asks. I don't need to nod, he already knows the answer.
"That boar saw who you really were?"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" They are the first words that stumble out of mouth, and they sound like a plea.
"Sorry!" My father screams. "It's too late to be sorry!"
"What's going on?" My mom was in the room, and I can see from the look in her eyes that she doesn't need an explanation. She hurries up to me and my father and kneels down to my height.
"Kyo, was it with Kagura?" she asks, and her voice is so quiet and controlled that it takes me a moment to answer.
Father has let go of my wrist and stepped back, his arms folding across his chest and his eyes burning holes into the side of my face. I hesitate, then nod slightly, but it is enough for her to understand.
Her hand rests on my shoulder and her dull gray eyes look into my own as if waiting for me to give her direction.
"This can never happen again. Not ever again," she whispers to herself shaking her head, the grip on my shoulder now tightening painfully. "Kyo, you are not to leave this house. Do you understand me?"
"What?" I question unbelievingly.
My mom smiles then, and if I had been paying attention I would have noticed how strained that smile really was. Her hand still hasn't left my shoulder, though the grip on it has loosened; when she goes to stand up she ruffles my hair.
"You are too cute," she says now smiling wider, "and I want you all to myself. Now no more arguing. I want you washed up and get ready for bed."
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It was a little over a two weeks since the incident with Kagura. I haven't seen her since and it feels as if my eyes are constantly burning with fresh tears. My mother has stuck to her word, and I have yet to have left the house. My days now are filled with menial chores and my time spent in front of my bedroom window. I could stay sitting for hours, staring outside, as if I'm waiting for something or someone. My father is not around much now, and if he is, he goes out of his way to avoid me.
It's late afternoon, and I'm sitting in the middle of the living room, playing with some building blocks trying to create a city. I have been alone for almost six hours now, and I'm starting to worry about my mother. She has never left me alone for this long before. I thought about switching on the television, but I'm afraid that if I turn it on she will walk in on me. My eyes flicker towards the remote laying the couch and my fingers twitch just slightly. I force myself to turn back to my blocks, but I'm bored of them. There are only so many types of houses I could create with a set of a dozen rainbow colored blocks. Letting out a huff I fall onto my back on the thick rug. Lying spread eagle I close my eyes for a second and try to think about nothing. The television flashes through my mind and I jerk upright, again my eyes darting towards the tempting television remote. I wait and listen hard for any sounds of footsteps outside and hear nothing. Quietly as possible I inch myself towards the edge of the couch. It was now or never I thought, as my hand stealthily crept towards the remote. I was almost there, mere centimeters away, when the front door crashed open.
I jumped out of my skin and peeked over the edge of the couch, my heart still pounding a mile a minute. And there standing in the frame of the door was my father and two other people who I didn't recognize at the time. My father's dirty face was streaked with tears and his shoulders, usually straight and proud, were hunched over. It was a picture that was more frightening to me than I could have ever imagined. Quickly as possible, I slid off the couch and rushed to the front of the room.
"D-ad?"
Suddenly his head snaps up, and the look in his face is crazy. "YOU!" he screams, and he makes a move for me. His hands nearly snatches me before the two men who accompanied him grab him on either side. He struggles against their grip all the while screaming and yelling. I falter and step back to scared to even cry. "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU MONSTER! GET AWAY FROM ME! FREAK! MONSTER!"
"Da-d? Wha?" I manage through my paralyzed lips as I stumble further away from his rampaging form. After a long while, and a lot of struggle from the two men on either side of my father, he finally calms down and slumps forward looking exhausted.
The one man on the right side of my father looks at me for the first time and the sadness in his eyes strikes me so intensely, that my stomach drops to the floor. I slowly inch forward in the direction of the man, looking at him as if he were my final lifeline. My father looks like he has been sedated, his head drooped down and his limbs dangling held up only by the support of the two men, but even so I sidestep to avoid being within his reaching distance.
"What happened?" I ask my voice quiet and shaking. My father twitches at the noise and I jump back slightly.
The man shakes his head solemnly. "Kyo," he muttered no longer able to hold eye contact with me, "your mother…she's…dead."
The words hit my ears, but I don't register them. It doesn't make sense to me, not then, when I'm young and never even thought about death. "What?"
"It was an accident," the man continued, "she was hit by a train."
My father starts laughing, but there is no joy behind it, it sounds only hollow and empty. He lifts his head up and looks directly at me. "It was no accident," he said dead calm now, "It was suicide. She killed herself because of you."
It's hard to describe my sudden realization of the truth. The best I can say is that felt like somebody grabbed all of my insides squeezed them and then pulled them out leaving me only as a void and empty shell. A small ringing started in my ears.
"She said she couldn't continue on living with you the way you were. She said that maybe if you had been born the rat it would have been easier," my father continued, scoffing.
"That's enough!" the one man intervened, looking thoroughly livid himself.
My father jolted back to life. "ENOUGH!? I'LL TELL YOU WHEN IT IS ENOUGH! ITS ALL BECAUSE OF THIS FREAK THAT MY WIFE IS DEAD! YOU HEAR ME? DEAD!"
"Mr. Sohma! For god's sake can't you see what you are doing to your own child!?"
"HE'S NO SON OF MINE!"
The buzzing was becoming louder, I clamped my hands over my ears.
"Stop it," I muttered.
But it only got louder, I squeezed more tightly on my ears but it was only worse.
"Stop it. Stop it. Stop it! STOP IT!!!!" I screamed so loud it ripped at my throat.
Suddenly the room went quiet, and my father and the two men were looking at me with wide eyes.
"I know! Okay?!" I yelled at my father, "I know! Now leave me ALONE!"
I was already half-way up the stairs before they could respond.
Up in my room, I heard a loud crash and a number of shouts before they started to quiet down. I slammed my door hard and turned into my room. Rage blinded my vision and I half stumbled inside. My teeth ground together. My fingers balled up into tiny fists. I beat them against my dresser cabinet doors. Taking out everything I had on the cabinet. Shaking it and kicking it, evening clawing at it. The exertion did not do as I hoped. It did nothing to heal my sorrow, it only caused me to beat harder until I couldn't draw any more breath.
Drained, I crumpled against the damaged wood, my orange bangs falling over my eyes and my bloody fists curling even tighter. Dry heaves escaping my mouth in gasps. I waited for the tears to fall. I wanted the tears to fall. To release what was blazing up inside of me like a wretched disease, but it was like all my tears had dried up and all that was left was raw rage. My legs buckled and I was on the ground, dry eyes looking at the ceiling and fists clenched like iron at my sides.
My mother was dead, and it was my fault.
I did not blame her. How could I? How could I expect anyone to love a monster?
My father was right, if I had been born something better, something else, she would still be alive.
I remembered the stories Kagura told me of the other zodiac. I remembered the rat. How he was the most loved in the zodiac and how he had tricked the cat into missing the banquet.
My mother would have loved me if I was the rat.
Suddenly the anger rose up stronger inside me, fierce and strong. That stupid, tricky rat, it was his fault too. The anger rolled, liking that idea too. Yes, I continued, unwinding my balled fists and hugging myself. If the rat hadn't tricked the cat, then I would be a part of the zodiac and my mother would have truly loved me. The small release was almost instant at the realization. It was not my fault. It was the rat's fault and I hated him for it.
A tear leaked from my eye and I hiccupped and curled into myself.
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THE END
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Authors Note:
Well, that's the beginning of Kyo's journey. I actually have more written on his, but I just read the newly released manga and realized that I was completely off. Since it's my intention to stay true to Fruits Basket I decided to let it off at this point. Besides you guys probably know the rest of the story. So you fill in the blanks :)
Anyway thanks for reading. I hope I didn't get any of you down. Remember Kyo has good times ahead!
