Mario Karted, by Dickfart
Mario was having the time of his life racing down the Rainbow Road. It was bought out recently by the Koopa Corporation with a generous grant from Toadstool Enterprises Incorporated Esquire, making it so that for a small fee of five hundred thousand coins, equivalent to fifty thousand US dollars, anyone could race on the roads.
There were sights to behold for sure. Miles and miles of shopping malls, shopping plazas, fast food joints, car dealerships, hotels, resorts, liquor stores, vape shops, gas stations, and one family owned shop called Dick's Dildos. All of this was put together in the six months since the privately owned Rainbow Road was bought out by the Koopa Corporation.
Despite the inevitable pollution, graffiti, vandalism, dumpster fires, sex trafficking, turf wars, gang rapes, meth addicts, and murders that took place in some of the less fortunate neighborhoods, Mario's sense of nostalgia racing on the Rainbow Road was overpowering. He 'membered the time he won against that piece of shit Toad, but now he was racing against thirty other people, and if one more of those assfuckers red-shelled him, he was going to shit his pants.
"Oh, I knew I should not have had that three week old spaghetti," said Mario, grasping his tummy. In that split second he took his hands off the wheel, though, a Coca Cola truck rammed into him from behind. He was unable to get control of his kart, and thus was sent hurdling over the edge of Rainbow Road whilst shitting his pants.
As he plummeted into the void within a puddle of his own feces, Mario had a smile on his face and a tear in his eye. "Just like old times," he said, and then his car landed in a mountain of garbage, decaying bodies, and nuclear waste.
The End
