Summary:

After their break up, Magnus and Alec never saw each other again. Until one day...

Disclaimer!

I do not own the characters of the story! They all belong to the lovely Cassandra Clare.

Without You

(Another MALEC story)

It has been a few days since Alec was kicked out by Magnus. After their not so friendly break up, Alec knew that it would be near impossible to get the Warlock to forgive him. It happened so quickly and so suddenly. He admits that his reason for the way he acted cannot be justified enough but he couldn't help it. It all started with that blasted curiosity of his.

"I'm sure you have had hundreds of exes."

Alec and Magnus is currently on their

"I'm not sure what you're talking about."

"Come on."

"Alexander, I've lived for a long time. I've been with Warlocks, Seelies, mortals, a jinn or two..."

"How many?"

"How...many...?"

"Yeah. You can round down if you want."

"Okay. I'll tell you..." "...seventeen..."

"Seventeen?"

"..."

"S-Seventeen hundred...?"

"..."

"Seventeen thousand?!"

"It's all in the past. You're here now. Can we just... focus the here and now?"

Everything became awkward after that. But the real name to the coffin of their already thin ice relationship was Camille. Camille and her sneaky ways of manipulation and string pulling. She knew that the only way to get back at Magnus was to destroy his relationship with the black haired Shadowhunter. So that is what she did. She used the naive and innocent Shadowhunter for her gain. She lied about letting helping Alec make Magnus mortal. She had lied about a lot of things. And he fell for them. Alec believed every lie. He believed because he was that desperate to know more about his boyfriend.

And what an idiot it was. Magnus found out. Magnus saw. And Magnus walked away.

"Please Magnus! I can explain! Please!"

"What will you explain Alec? That you tried to shorten my life? That you tried to kill me?!"

"No! It's not like that!"

"Then what is? Cause from what I heard, I am right."

Alec could feel his chest tighten in pain. He couldn't forget the pain that was so evident in his Warlock's eyes. The hurt, the anger, and the sadness. Alec tried to talk to the other, hoping that they could fix it. But Magnus was too stubborn to listen. After that, Alec didn't know what happened. Hurtful words were thrown by both of them to each other. Hurtful words that they both knew would hurt the other. But they couldn't stop. They were too mad and frustrated to think properly.

Everything stopped when Magnus told Alec to leave. To pack up and leave.

It was a slap for Alec. That was when he knew that there was no fixing it anymore.

So he did as he was told. He took everything with him. And he left.

No kisses.

No hugs.

No words of love and apologies.

"I'm sorry."

Alec ran. He ran back to the Institute. He passed by a worried Isabelle and a shocked Jace. He didn't care. He only cared to get to his room and cry. It was done. THEY were done. He was no longer going to see the sparkly Warlock. He will no longer feel the others heat, touch, kisses, etc. He would be alone again.

'I deserved it. This is what I get for what I've done to him. I could only hope that he finds someone who will love him the way that I couldn't.'

It has been days since Magnus watched Alec leave. He wanted to hug the poor boy and whisper sweet nothings to his ear. But he couldn't. The pain of being betrayed was too heavy for him. The feeling of once again being lied to was too much. He looked around his apartment and it never felt so cold. When Alec left, he took the warmth that made Magnus feel alive and safe and loved. When Alec left, he took with him Magnus' home.

'No. Alexander didn't leave... I... I kicked him out...'

Magnus' action is starting to sink in. He started to think about what he had done and why. He remembered when Alec left so early in the morning only to receive a fire message from his ex-vampire girlfriend Camille. She told him how his precious Alexander was going to her and is planning on making the Warlock mortal with her help. Enraged, he went to the meeting place. On the way there, he had hoped and prayed that this was one of the vampire's lies.

But when he got there, his eyes widened. There standing in the middle were Camille and Alexander. He could hear bits and pieces before making his presence known. The Shadowhunter froze when he saw his boyfriend there - shocked and scared. He saw hurt, sadness, and anger - mostly anger reflected in the Warlock's eyes and posture. He could feel it in the air that Magnus was very upset with what he was seeing.

Magnus kicked him out after. He warned the teenager to never show up again and that he was done being their group's 'pet Warlock'. He tried to restrain himself when he saw those blue eyes filled with desperation and eventually sadness. He knew that if he continued to watch Alexander, he'll break and he'll just hug and kiss the teenager. But he can't. He's mad. He is supposed to be mad. Alexander betrayed him.

But now...

Now you're all alone.

'I am.'

Nobody loves you anymore.

'I broke Alexander's heart.'

He'll move on and find someone better than you.

'He'll probably be with another Shadowhunter.'

He'll fall in love with someone more worth his love and affection.

'And I'll be forgotten.'

Alexander will grow old with them.

While I remain as I am; unchanging.

He will be happy.

And I...

Magnus shook his head. It was true that when Shadowhunters love, they love once and strongly. He isn't the one for Alexander.

But he is yours.

He is, or was. Now he wasn't. He has finally found the person he loves with his whole being and he is stupid enough to let him go.

So what are you going to do about it?

Nothing. He could do nothing now.

That's not true.

No, it isn't. It's just an excuse.

You could always call like you always do.

He can.

Magnus picked up his cellphone and dialed a very familiar number.

Ring Ringgg Ringgg

Every ring of the phone, Magnus slowly became scared. He feared what he will hear once the person on the other side answers the phone.

'Hello?'

A woman's voice? Isabelle?

"Isabelle?"

'Magnus.' There were no happiness in her tone. She was serious. And mad.

"C-Can I talk to Alexander?" he stuttered. He couldn't believe that he just stuttered.

'So you can break his already broken heart into a million pieces? I don't think so.'

"I just want to talk to him."

'Shouldn't you have done that BEFORE you broke up with him?'

The Warlock couldn't say anything back. It was true. He was the one at fault.

'Magnus, I trusted you with my brother to make him happy not to break him! When he got here, he looked like a mess! He was drenched and crying. He didn't say anything to me nor to Jace and rushed passed us. Now he locked himself inside his room, refusing to let any of us in.'

Alec was just as devastated as him. He could picture it clearly. He had seen Alexander break down before. It was when his little brother Max died. He cried and locked himself. It took Magnus a lot of persuasion to even drag the teen out of his hole to the outside world again.

And now he locked himself away again.

It's your fault. All. Your. Fault.

"I... I see..."

' 'I see'? Is that all you have to say?!'

"What do you want me to say, huh Isabelle?" Magnus shouted over the phone. "Do you want me to beg and crawl to earn your brother's forgiveness? You do know that it was HIM who broke my trust. It was HIM who started it."

'He just wanted to know more about you, you stupid Warlock!' He could easily tell that the woman is also starting to become irritated.

'Alec only wanted to know more about you! Everytime he brings it up, he tells me that you always change the subject. You claim that he is too naive to understand; too young! Sure, he is just a kid compared to you but are you forgetting that Alec is a Shadowhunter. We die young!'

Isabelle's point grew heavier in Magnus' mind in every word she says.

The problem is not Alexander, is it.

No. Alexander is too young. He won't understand.

That's not the problem.

The problem...

The problem is that you're scared.

I'm... scared?

You're scared that once Alexander finds out about your past lovers, adventures, and activities he'll leave you. That he will see you in a different light. That he will break up with you or leave you.

"..."

'Magnus? What do you have to say for yourself?'

"Please tell Alexander... I love him."

'Wait! Mag-'

The Warlock ended the call without bothering to let the woman continue what she was going to say. He let his body fall down on his couch with his phone in his hand. Alexander is suffering. All because of the stupid stupid thing he did.

All because you didn't listen to him.

It was his fault. He screwed up.

'Monster!'

His mother was right. He is a monster.

'Nobody will want a demon like you!'

His step-father too.

'You're my son. We are more alike that you think. We're demons. We don't know how to love.'

Even his real father was right.

You're nothing but a demon.

You didn't deserve to live.

You shouldn't even be alive.

You should've died long before.

'You'll never know what love is... You won't even know what to do with it. Or do you think you've found it?' Camille's words echoed in his ears.

She was right. Immortals... didn't know how to love. He didn't.

'Aku cinta kamu, sayang.'

'What does that mean?'

'It means 'I love you, my dear'. I really do Alexander.'

'I love you too, Magnus. I do too.'

All this time, maybe he wasn't; maybe he hasn't...

'Liar!'

'What?!'

'I only wanted to know!'

'You don't need to! You won't even understand!'

'Then make me! Make me understand!'

He looked at the purring cat on his lap and petted him on the head, "All this time, I said that Alexander wouldn't understand. That he is too young. When it is me who is not prepared. But can you blame me? Every time I uncover a part of myself and my past, they always walk away. Always, Chairman... I was scared that Alec would be the same..."

Chairman purred more and cuddled closer to his master. It was as if the cat was consoling his master.

"Alexander... For years I have built walls around me so I won't be hurt again. And in doing so, I hurt him. I hurt the only person who stayed by my side despite knowing who I am and what I am..." he sighed.

His eyes were beginning to blur because of the incoming tears. His eyes started to become heavy. He hasn't slept much since the break up. His head and heart hurts. But he didn't care. He had no will to continue anymore. He didn't WANT to live anymore.

He did told Alexander before...

'There won't be anyone after you. I love you. Forever.'

And he blacked out.

The phone fell to the floor with a soft 'thud' before opening, revealing a caller ID - ALEXANDER.

"No answer... Why would you do that, Izzy?" Alec almost shouted at his little sister.

Isabelle glared at her brother, "Because he hurt you! Have you seen yourself lately Alec?"

He didn't need to look to know that there are bags under his eyes and his nose is red and his cheeks puffy from all the crying and depression. He had holed up in his room for 3 days. He only went out because he was beginning to get hungry; and Jace threatened to feed him Izzy's cooking if he didn't come out.

He planned dying on the battlefield rather than poisonous cooking, thank you very much.

Dying.

He did feel dying that time.

After the break up, Alec couldn't think of anything else but Magnus. He would remember everything they've been through, every smile, every battle, every kiss, and dates. This was the second time this happened to him. The first was when his sweet innocent brother died.

When Max died, he felt a part of him being torn apart. He promised his brother that he would be safe. Heck that was even the reason why he told Max to stay behind. He didn't blame Izzy for what happened. He couldn't. She didn't know. Nobody knew who Sebastian was that time. He could still remember when he picky promised his brother that they would spend a day reading his favorite manga or even play some of his video games after the battle.

Now he couldn't do it. He felt lost. He felt like a failure. But he had to be strong. He had no time to mourn. They were in the middle of a war and he had to focus. But after that, he broke down. He pushed everyone away. But for some reason, Magnus managed to squeeze in and enter Alec's comfort zone.

He did push Magnus away like everyone else. But unlike the rest, Magnus never gave up trying. It even came into the point that he snapped at the Warlock. But Magnus took it all. He showed him a sad smile and without saying anything he hugged Alec. This was the first time that Alec cried so hard. It became too painful to bear anymore and Magnus' soothing words and warmth made his barrier break. Magnus said nothing and they stayed like that on the floor with Alec wrapped around in his arms.

But now, Magnus can no longer comfort him.

Because now, Alec had lost Magnus.

"So where is my phone now?" he asked. There was really no use to continue this conversation.

Izzy sighed in resignation before handing over the phone back to her brother. She knew that she didn't have the right to do that specially since Magnus seemed like he was going to reconcile with her brother. But her emotion got into the way of her thinking. She was just so angry that all she cared about was fixing her brother.

"What are you going to do now? Are you gonna call him?" she asked.

Alec thought for a moment before shaking his head, "No. There is no use anymore."

His sister showed a worried expression before tapping her big brother shoulder, "You wanna train?"

The Shadowhunter shrugged, "I guess. I don't have anything better to do anyways."

"Listen, Alec..." she started, "If it really bothers you, you can call him back you know. For sure he'll-"

"No," he replied with a serious look. "It's better this way. Besides, he deserves so much better than me..."

And with that he walked away towards the training room where Jace and Clary are already in. Isabelle looked at her brother's fading figure. She could only pray to the angels that things won't get any worse than it already is.

"Alec, are you alright?" Jace asked his parabatai fidgeting at the back of the room.

There was going to be a council meeting with all of the Downworlder leaders in a few minutes and it meant that Magnus would be there. That he would see Magnus again after leaving the Warlock's apartment. Alec felt like a bundle of nerves who jumps at the smallest of things. As the current Head of the New York Institute, he felt that he might pass out at any moment now and it wouldn't be a good image to show the leaders of the Downworld.

Strangely enough, the leaders weren't there yet. The time for the meeting was drawing closer and usually by this time, somebody would've been there already.

"Mr. Lightwood," a familiar voice called out to him.

He turned and saw Luke, Jocelyn, and Catarina. The trio approached him and shook hands. Alec turned to look at the blue Warlock in confusion. He didn't expect her to be here. Could it be that she is to be a substitute for Magnus? Could it be that Magnus didn't want to see him to the point that he let someone else attend the meeting for him?

"I am sure you must be confused on why Miss Loss is here," Luke spoke. "But I believe she needs to tell us something."

Catarina stepped forward with a grim expression, "I am afraid Magnus won't be able to attend the meeting from now on so I will be taking his place."

"What? Why?" Jace was the one to ask this time.

Clarry and Isabelle entered the room only to feel the air so tense they approached the crowd and looked at them hoping to know what was happening. "What's going on? Isn't it time for the meeting?" Clary asked.

She looked at her mother with confusion hoping that she will get the answers from her mum. Jocelyn's eyes met her daughter's, "Miss Loss would be the temporary head of the Warlocks, dear."

"How come? Did something happen between the Warlocks?" this time it was Isabelle who was worried.

"Magnus won't come anymore... he... can't," Catarina said with bitterness in her voice.

"What happened?" The posture and tone of the Warlock made Alec more nervous than ever. Something happened to Magnus.

Catarina bit her lip, "He's...He's gone."

"W-What...?"

Everyone was silent. Alec looked at the woman in front of her to see any signs of lie. But there was none.

"C-Can you repeat what you said Catarina?" Clary requested, also taken aback to what the other person just told them.

"He's gone. Magnus is dead."

"H-How..." Alec's eyes blurred with tears falling from them.

"Haven't you ever wondered how there are not much Warlocks alive despite us being immortal?" Catarina leaned towards the wall, feeling herself get weak from the fact that even she, herself, refuse to accept.

She looked at everyone in the eye as if waiting for someone to answer, "That's exactly it. We don't have that much problem since Warlocks don't tend to gather in one place like Werewolves or Vampires. We are independent. But we have one common enemy - Time."

"But you won't grow old, right? You die if someone kills you but time won't," Izzy intervened.

Catarina nodded, "True. But when you're immortal, it's more of a curse that a blessing."

"You get to live long AND you have magic. What about it makes it a curse?"

The blue-skinned Warlock turned her head towards the blond Shadowhunter, "Our body may not change but our hearts and minds do. We grow old but not in a physical sense. And time makes us Warlocks feel... It's as if we begin to ask our purpose."

"What are you trying to say? That Magnus didn't feel he has any purpose anymore?" Alec knew that the Warlock could be very sensitive at times but he always see the other as someone strong and caring. "He won't feel that as long as he has you - his family of Warlocks."

"But he lost you," Catarina explained sadly, "You may not know this Alexander but Magnus... You became an existence more important to him than any of us. When he thought that he lost Ragnor and when Raphael died for him, he felt lost and in pain. But never thought of dying because he had you."

"B-But he broke up with ME," Alec explained.

"Magnus has more demons inside of him than any of us. He may have tried to reach out but the darkness must've been too much for him to bear. So he..." tears started to form in her eyes as she refused to go on.

Alec and Izzy then remembered the call. The call that Alec failed to answer. The call Izzy just brushed aside. Isabelle felt herself shaking. So this was all her fault? It was her fault again. Because of her she failed her younger brother. Now she failed the older one. She glanced towards Alec's direction and only saw his eyes widened in similar realization.

He should've answered sooner. He should've been more persistent. He had always been persistent and he never easily gave up. So how come he just gave up on his relationship? Why didn't he force the Warlock to listen to him like the other times they didn't agree on something? And now Magnus was gone. If only he reached out. If only he didn't give up. Then maybe, just maybe, Magnus would still be alive. But now Alec had to live on knowing that Magnus' last thoughts that he didn't deserve either happiness or to live. Alec can't apologize anymore. He can't touch and kiss and comfort the Warlock anymore.

He had never felt being alone in the middle of company... until now...

A/N:

What do you think? Too many words? I originally planned to end this story from the part that Catarina said that Magnus is gone but decided to explain how. Read and review please! Please be nice. XD