My grandpa died recently, and it kind of made me wanna write this. This piece is very emotional for me and it was definitely a relief to get some of these thoughts out of my head. This is more of a "make yourself feel better" oneshot in the hopes that I can get back to some sort of normality. I'm sorry if it's not exactly up to par. Also, I write on mobile, so to the person that messaged me asking abot that, I'm very sorry.
Laughter echoes in her head, voices of long dead comrades still bouncing around after the latest nightmare. Her regret so strong the only thing she can do is slam her hands into the sink and scream. Dark hair shields bright eyes, leaking with tears as she sinks into her hands, utterly defeated. Of all the choices she'd made, how many had she regret? How many times had she cried as Thane held her?
Too many, she decided.
Tracing the cybernetic webbing along her face, she wipes quickly at the red, inhuman eyes staring back at her. Barely there were the traces of the blue Thane once called exotic. He'd told her it reminded him of the sea.
Everything she'd done leading up to this point had changed the course of her life. If it was for better or worse she couldn't tell yet. She missed when everything was routine. Life before The Butcher of Torfan. Life before the Collectors; before the Reapers.
"Shepard?" She hears Liara shout. "I heard screaming, are you alright?"
"Liara?" Vecia croaks out.
The door slides open and the alarm on the Asari's face is almost laughable.
"What happened?"
"Who do you see in front of you right now?"
"Shepard, dont be ridiculous-"
"I can't tell anymore," Vecia interrupts softly, so quiet it's almost unheard. "I've done things, Liara."
"We all have, Shep, I mean, with Feron and the Shadow Broker-"
"Look what's it's done to me! I want to look myself in the mirror and recognize the person staring back, and I can't anymore!" She puts her fist through the mirror in disgust, watching the pieces break off. Liara snatches her hand and dispenses Medi-gel over the wounds.
"So many people. I've killed so many. The Batarians-" she chokes on a sob. "Ash, Legion, Mordin, Thane. What will I do without him, Liara?"
The Asari gently drags her oldest friend into a deep embrace, letting her get it out. She understood the rage and grief Shepard felt. The most horrible feeling in the world was watching the people you love pass on.
"Do you think they blame me?" Vecia breaks the silence.
"No. I don't think they blame you for circumstances out of your control."
"I blame me," she whispers. "If I had let Jack and Kasumi chase after Kai Leng-"
"You don't know that-"
"He's gone now. I couldn't protect him. He was my rock, Liara. The only thing in this galaxy that kept my head on straight."
"You have me. You have Garrus and Tali. Grunt, Miranda, Jack, Samara, Zaeed, Kasumi, Joker, James. So many people that love you and want to help you. You don't have to be alone in this."
Finally, a small smile makes its way to Vecia's face.