„Gaius in going to kill me" – thought Merlin. The thought was so familiar to him that he didn't even always remember what it was he had done this time. The pressure on his shoulder provided him with an answer – he had just hatched the last known dragon egg, producing a beautiful white creature which was now perched on his shoulder. Aithusa. He wasn't sure how he came up with the name, but it felt right. He should listen to his heart and intuition, his old mentor often said. Granted, Merlin was not sure it applied to this exact situation, but better at the wrong moment than never… He stroked the tiny dragon's head absent-mindedly, thinking of Kilgharrah's words – "A white dragon bodes well". Yes, it is a sign of hope, thought Merlin contentedly and tried to go back to the castle to get at least some sleep. The dragon decided to follow him, however, apparently taking him for his mother. The young warlock sighed, resignedly taking him to his room. Well, at least he can feed himself. Probably. With that comforting thought Merlin closed his eyes…
Merlin! – was the first thing he heard the next day, when Gaius entered his room with an expression both Annoyed and Slightly Amused. At least he was spared the Very Disappointed one.
I can explain… - he started.
Can you? – quipped Gaius.
I can try explaining – Merlin corrected himself.
I can help. You hatched a dragon and now it is sitting on my bed, eating a dead rat precisely on my pillow.
Merlin sucked in a guilty-sympathetic breath and scrunched his face.
Merlin, dragons are not pets! I don't care if you are a dragonlord, we are not keeping a dragon in our rooms. I have enough trouble taking care of you.
He will probably be out most of the time hunting – put in Merlin – Gaius, please!
He sleeps – and eats – on your bed! Do you understand? And he leaves as soon as anyone but us is in the room. – Gaius managed to say before Merlin hugged him, effectively ending all complaints.
…
When he saw a lovely girl in a cage, sold as a slave – worse than that, sold to death… Merlin couldn't untangle the complicated emotions within him – compassion, horror, fear (that could be him), attraction (there was something in her eyes, something both familiar and fascinatingly mysterious in the druid girl). He couldn't just leave her there, so the first opportunity he got he sneaked out and opened the cage with magic. His heart clenched when she tried to hide from him in the far corner of the cage, but he slowly thrust his hand forward, saying "I'm Merlin". "Freya" – the girl answered after a second, taking his hand. They ran together, finally entering an underground tunnel Merlin found by accident, where he hoped she will be safe.
Here – said Merlin slightly breathlessly, handing her his cloak.
Thank you– asked Freya in slightly suspicious and more than slightly confused tone, taking the offered garment.
I don't think anyone knows about this place, you should be safe here. I'll come in the morning, bring you some food. – Merlin said firmly, hiding his awkwardness, and quickly retreated from the room.
…
With every time they met (usually when he brought her food the next few days), he grew more and more fascinated by her. She was so warm, and yet so distant sometimes. He felt a kindred spirit in her – wanting to reach out to people and to do good, but afraid to trust, and feeling that she was a burden and putting others in danger. Fearing that she was a monster. He felt all the same things, though he had less self-hatred and often hid it better behind his "bumbling idiot" persona. Noone, not even his tenderly loved mentor or his cherished mother (and definitely not His Royal Pratness), made him feel so calm, so himself.
Do you have any family? – he asked when he came back with breakfast and some books, maps and paper to peruse.
No – Freya answered after a small pause, then thought for a few seconds more and continued – my parents died. Do you?
I have an amazing mother – Merlin readily replied – but I never knew my dad. My mentor, he's a physician, healer by nature. He is more than a father to me.
Are you a healer too? – Freya asked with a slight smile and curiosity.
No – Merlin laughed self-consciously – I am not! Not nurturing or patient enough. I want to explore the world, to do something good and great and to have fun. To be free.
Freya smiled in understanding and agreement, but then her expression changed into a sad and conflicted one.
You will be free, you'll see – Merlin tried to interpret her expression – I'll help you, I promise, we just need a bit more time to plan.
No! – she said – Stop it! You've done enough. Just stop.
There was no real anger in Freya's words, though.
Freya, I understand. But magic is not a sentence, it can be harmless and fun – he said, lightening up as he made flames dance in the air.
Beautiful – the druid girl breathed, almost enchanted. Merlin's heart swelled. Some would say that so did his head, but Merlin didn't pay attention.
I have never met anyone like you – he let out. Freya smiled in embarrassment as he got up to leave the room.
Merlin – she called out when he was almost out of the door, and he stopped to look back at her. – I have never met anyone like you either.
These moments with Freya became the highlights of his day – talking to her about them, or about their days – he complained about Arthur and his destiny while she excitedly told him that she found a great way out of the city and about the edible herbs she read about that grow nearby (she took notes on the paper he brought and tried to make sketches).
Where are you from? – she asked, finishing the food he brought.
Ealdor, a tiny village. Nothing special, just some fields and a few cows. – Merlin tried to be objective when describing his home. – And you? Where did you grow up?
Far from here. It's a beautiful place – Freya grew animated, eloquently describing the storms and the serene beauty of her home with mountains, wild flowers and a lake.
What would you like? Right now. Anything.– asked Merlin after some moments of silence, when they were both entranced by the vision her words painted. The images in his mind made him giddy and reckless.
Strawberries – Freya answered quietly. Merlin rolled up his sleeves, rubbed his hands and prepared to put forth his magic. Opening his hands with a flourish, he saw a small wild rose and, too happy to be really embarrassed, offered it to Freya.
That is not a strawberry – she pointed out in a tenderly amused voice which made Merlin's happiness, as well as his affection, grow even more.
After they were nearly caught by the guards, both of them realized that the time for attempting to escape has come, whether they were ready or not. Despite knowing Freya for less than a week (and a terrifying week, with a terrible winged creature attacking Camelot), Merlin knew he can't just let her go. He has to come with her.
No, you won't – he carefully let out in answer to her "I will miss you", trying to gauge her reaction and failing to suppress a slight grin. – I am coming with you.
Merlin stretched his words slightly nervously, eyes on the floor before he forced himself to look at Freya to see her reaction. She was silent and slightly stunned, then looked as if she were thinking very carefully.
Don't you want us to go together? – he asked, pushing down nervousness and trying to understand impartially what was happening.
Of course I do! But that is ridiculous. You have a life here. You are safe. You don't know me, Merlin. I am not like you.
Freya! I would rather be with you, anywhere. Tell me, please.
Later. – she said decisively and added bravado to her voice. – Well, where do you suggest we go then?
Somewhere with mountains – he said, with a small grin.
And fields – she answered in kind.
Wild flowers – he continued, delightedly.
A few cows – she said with a wide smile.
And a lake – he concluded, elated.
And a lake - Freya confirmed more solemnly, like a promise.
They smiled at each other tenderly, before she reminded him to pack supplies and urged him to go, not to be caught. "Goodbye, Merlin" – she whispered to his retreating back when she was sure he didn't hear her.
…
He came to Gaius's – their – chambers almost flying from happiness. His mood plummeted almost instantly when he understood that Freya was the beast that was hunting in Camelot for the last week. He wasn't sure what he was saying (something about Gaius being wrong), when the only thought in his mind was "She killed people. Arthur and the knights will kill her" and he wasn't sure which of the ideas he found more painful. She was so kind, so good, he could almost feel how much she wants to do the right thing. That's why she was behaving the way she was. He finally commanded himself enough to tell his mentor that he accepts the truth and that he understands what the Court Physician will do next. He ran in the direction of their hideout as soon as Gaius was on his way to tell Arthur who the monster is and where to find them. When he reached the tunnel, he almost knew that he won't find her there. "Freya" – he called with no conviction, and no one answered. He sank on the floor for a moment, putting himself together. His old mentor would be heartbroken if he saw Merlin like this. He slowly walked to the castle, sinking onto the bed and lying listlessly.
Merlin – the old physician intoned sadly, not sure what to say. – I had no choice, Merlin, I am sorry. Arthur had to know.
I know, Gaius. It's fine – Merlin made himself say.
Where is she?
I don't know. She left – Merlin let out, emotion in every word. He understood that she wanted to keep him safe, and that she abandoned him, and that she might not be safe.
I understand how you must feel, Merlin.
She thinks she is a monster! – said Merlin, talking of both of them.
You are different from her. – Gaius tried to reason.
I just hope she is safe. Far away from here - Merlin breathed, with a combination of heartbreak and resignation.
Gaius just held him for a few moments before both of them heard the warning bell. Merlin was out of the door almost before he could think about it.
…
Listening to a description from a book and even looking at the picture did not prepare him for what he saw. Such a beautiful, sad and dangerous creature, with so much power lost in anger, loneliness and fear. He finally realized, when he saw recognition in Monster-Freya's eyes, that he saw all that in her in the human form as well. That was not some other creature who was cornered, hurt and lashing out in fear, that was Freya. His eyes filling with tears, he threw a statue off the castle, distracting the knights and letting the winged panther escape. As soon as he was out of the momentary stupor, Merlin ran to their hiding place, hoping to find Freya there. He was not disappointed. The panther looked at him, growling quietly, then sniffed him and let him pet her, purring. In a second she shook it off and ran deeper into the tunnel, and Merlin heard sobs. He approached her carefully, lending Freya his cloak.
I tried to tell you, - she said between sobs. – Do you hate me?
No! – said Merlin, startled. – Never! I want to help you. Who did this to you?
A man… He attacked me, and I fought… Killed him. I didn't mean too, I thought he would kill me. – she hiccupped – His mother was a sorceress, and she cursed me. Now I kill every night, I am a monster…
Freya, no! – Merlin was horrified, but gentled his words quickly. - It was an accident.
Freya smiled very slightly, part gratitude, part disbelief.
I'll die anyway – she touched her side and winced.
Merlin concentrated, remembering all that Gaius taught him, pronounced the strange words that seemed to flow from within him, almost like they had form, and put his hands on the wound. His eyes glowed for a moment. Freya gasped.
It's better! You did it! It's much better – she said excitedly. Merlin beamed.
Then Freya tried to stand up and almost fell over from the weakness and pain.
It didn't work. – Merlin stated the obvious, then began to think.
You saved me – Freya said, smiling. – Not just this, but… You made me feel loved.
Merlin swallowed a sob.
What do we do? – he said, slightly desperately.
You wanted to go with me – said Freya reasonably. - You can help me get somewhere and then go back. Promise me, if we go together, you will come back here. You belong in Camelot, at least for now.
Merlin nodded after a few seconds of internal debate, and they smiled at each other, slightly tearfully, and left the tunnels, trying not to attract attention. Since everyone expected to see a beast (the druid girl all but forgotten with this fresh threat), they left the city unchallenged and unnoticed.
…
They were walking for a few hours and getting ready to turn east (the route they planned on the map), when suddenly both of them stopped short. "I think we should go west" – Merlin said. He was not sure why, but the way west sounded more... wholesome? Happy? Right? Freya nodded, glad that he shared the unexplicable feeling. They finally reached a village, small and seemingly safe, and asked for shelter.
We don't want strangers here! – muttered a few villagers
Go ask our healer, she is kind, maybe she will help you. You look like you need it- – someone finally took pity on them and pointed to a house near the edge of the village.
They knocked on the door, and met a motherly looking woman with kind eyes and a sort of quiet strength about her.
Can I help you? My name is Alice.
Merlin thought that he had never seen a person look so kind and motherly. She felt… like Gaius, but lighter, more vibrant. He felt the slightest twinge of uneasiness, but dismissed it as weariness of strangers and decided to ask for help.
Yes, actually. I was hoping to meet someone like you. My friend is injured. I tried to do what I could, but I am not a healer.
Alice immediately went into the Healing zone, as Merlin privately called it when Gaius did the same. Freya, relieved, drifted immediately into sleep (she was exhausted and lost a lot of blood because of her wound, fear and determination being the only things holding her up). Alice lay her down and quickly found the wound.
Could you bring me some fresh water? - Alice asked, examining the wound closely.
Merlin was unwilling to let Freya completely into the care of a stranger, so he went out of the room, quietly conjured some water so as not to waste time going to get it, and came back, listening at the door. He heard words in an ancient tongue and felt the presence of healing magic. That explained a lot, thought Merlin. The aura, the whispers of villagers and the willingness to help without asking questions. He waited for a few seconds and entered the room, setting the water on the table near the couch.
Thank you - Alice said distractedly, while freshly dressing the wound. More polite than Gaius when he is concentrating on healing, Merlin thought, but the same indescribable feeling about her.
Merlin waited for the healer to finish her work and addresssed her:
Do you know some place where we can stay?
You can stay here - she answered in a matter-of-fact tone. - I am not sure you can find anywhere else for miles, even if you tried.
But wouldn't it be an imposition? - Merlin asked, inclined to agree.
No, of course not. It's part of the job. My pleasure. - said Alice, smiling warmly and sincerely at Merlin.
Thank you! I hope we will be able to repay your kindness. Although there is something you should know. She sometimes has night terrors, - he told the healer a half-truth, - could you give her something strong to help her sleep the night?
Is it that bad? - Alice looked at him with slight suspicion.
Yes. Worse than you can probably imagine. She knows and she will agree, I promise. - Merlin looked Alice in the eyes, talking with great conviction.
Then it is settled. - Alice said - Will you stay as well?
No, but thank you. - answered Merlin, shaking his head for emphasis. - I have to go back, I have duties and I will probably already be late.
Alice nodded and left him alone with Freya for a moment. He took the few books and the notebook out of the bag and wrote a note for when Freya wakes up.
"I went to Camelot, as promised. I will come back very soon, please believe me. I hope then to see you healed and happy.
All my love, Merlin"
Leaving the books and notebook on the table near the couch, Merlin went to leave. Alice bid him farewell, opening the door and waving him off into the night.
Safe journey. - she wished, smiling very slightly.
I cannot thank you enough for your help, but I give you my word that I will do my best to repay you. Farewell - Merlin said with emotion and strode off, taking one last glance back on the house where he left Freya.
…
You are late. - groused Arthur.
I am sorry, sire.
Were you in the tavern again? - the Crown Prince asked, eyes narrowing.
No, sire! I was… in the woods. Picking herbs for Gaius. - Merlin stammered a not-exactly-lie. He did pick up a few herbs, and he might even bring one or two of them back to Gaius.
Well, since you are not working for Gaius, you can start on your actual duties and start with polishing my armour. Then see if the stables need mucking. After that you can clean my room, it's filthy - Arthur pronounced regally.
"Prat" - thought Merlin. "Who is to blame for the state of your room, I wonder?" - he inwardly mumbled, but went about the assigned tasks as effectively and gracefully as he could, only stumbling over a few things on the way and each task taking no more than twice the time it would have taken most servants.
Merlin, where have you been the whole night? - asked Gaius when he came back to their chambers, his voice sounding both incredulous and worried.
I had to take Freya to a safe place - Merlin answered, for once truthfully.
What are you going to do? - asked Gaius calmly, but with the same peculiar emotion Merlin didn't notice when he earlier talked of understanding the young warlock after Freya went missing.
Stay here for a little while, until everything calms down. Then - I don't know, Gaius. I really don't know. I need to find something that can help her. - Merlin paused for a second, looking at Gaius, who was silent. - She can't stay cursed forever, Gaius, I won't let it happen. But I don't know what to do, where do I even start?
Well, these can be a good start - after a pause when he seemed to deeply consider Merlin, Gaius handed his apprentice a small stack of books, his voice completely mundane.
Merlin looked at him with gratitude, Gaius gave him a tiny smile and a nod, and they shared a look of deep understanding before bending over the books, a lengthy silence stretching between them while they read.
…
A few uneventful (for Camelot - it was only on the brink of destruction, after all) days, and both the beast and the girl were nearly forgotten. Merlin and Gaius could not find anything definitive, but some of the potions seemed worth trying. It's time, he thought, and made his way to Arthur's chambers.
Arthur - he called out.
What is it, Merlin? - asked Arthur neutrally.
I would like some time off duty, sire, to visit my friends. I haven't seen them in a while and they may need my help.
Help with what? - Arthur furrowed his brows slightly, looking in Merlin's eyes.
Personal matters for them, sire.
Very well - the future king said after some deliberation, holding his gaze all the while - I will give you a week for the travel and a week to help. If you are not here at the end of two weeks, I will find myself another servant. It might be difficult finding someone equally incompetent, but I will try.
Thank you, sire. - Merlin left with a grin and a slight bow. Then he added quietly, but still audibly to Arthur - Clotpole.
Carefully copying the recipes and packing small quantities of the ingredients he probably won't be able to find in the wild (Gaius did most of that), Merlin stepped out of the door.
Merlin, be careful! - Gaius couldn't help saying.
I will. You know me - Merlin grinned.
Gaius didn't even bother supplying the punchline of the joke, just rolling his eyes and hugging Merlin briefly.
Just come back safe. And give your friend all my best wishes. It is a miracle they are alive, from what I understand.
Miracle, yeah - replied Merlin, looking down, slightly shuffling his feet and smiling guiltily. - Take care too, Gaius.
…
Knocking at the door again, Merlin was not sure what to expect. Did the sleeping potions help? Did Alice notice something? What would Freya be doing, if she were here?
Merlin - Freya's quiet, but delighted voice started answering his questions.
Freya, how are you? What have you been doing? - he started asking immediately.
Before Freya could answer, Alice came to the door, smiling and shaking her head.
Come in and close the door! It's still cold in the mornings. Are you hungry? - the healer took charge and ushered both of them to the table.
Freya sat down with an air of half-joking, half-respectful compliance that reminded Merlin of himself and Gaius and, at more private and unguarded times, Uther and Arthur. Storing the thoughts away for later, he tucked into the delicious breakfast.
We barely talked last time, I'm sorry for the rush. I had to go… - said Merlin awkwardly, tripping over his words, once the first hunger was satisfied.
I think we understood each other well enough. - smiled Alice. - But I would love to know you better and have some pleasant conversation. You are not from here, are you?
No, - said Merlin, - I live in Camelot now. I am a servant at the castle, do different things, you know, whatever is needed.
You must have worked with physicians, you treated Freya well. - Alice continued, a strange light in her eyes.
I've seen many people - Merlin answered evasively, he was not sure why. - The palace is huge, and the citadel itself even bigger. Difficult to imagine how many people you need to run the place.
How is it there? Still the same people at court? - Alice asked, with a slight edge of more than idle curiosity in her voice. - I visited it when I was younger, and have some very fond memories of it.
It is still a beautiful place - Merlin replied, somewhat guardedly (he was not sure why he didn't fully trust the healer), and switched the topic. - And are you from here?
Yes. - Alice complied, with a look of mixed relief and frustration. - I think I can do more good here than in the capital. These are my people, after all.
I understand completely - said Merlin. - My village, where I was born, was under attack and it felt so different…
Like a safe and sacred place is disturbed? That it is no longer a safe haven? Somehow more real and terrible - Alice supplied when Merlin grew silent.
How did you know - Freya finally entered the conversation, her plate almost empty. Hunger and shyness, Merlin mused lovingly.
Well, if you are lucky enough to some day be as old as me, you will have known many things. It's a privilege of the age, you know. - Alice answered teasingly. Freya smiled and Merlin snorted, grinning broadly. The somber mood was broken.
What can I do to help you? - Merlin asked, looking around the room for a task he could immediately accomplish. - I really would like to repay you, if I can.
That's not necessary. - Alice answered, then, looking at Merlin's face, seemed to change her mind. - Although I don't fancy washing all the dishes.
Consider it done! - declared Merlin, cheerfully, rolling up his sleeves. Freya also stood up to help him, collecting the tableware.
I will go to the well then, bring us some water. It is a pleasant walk and already warmer than when you came. - Alice informed them with the smile Merlin was getting used to, getting up and leaving the house, small basin in hand.
Merlin and Freya collected everything in companionable silence. Merlin washed the dishes, while Freya dried them and put them back on their proper places.
I am so happy to see you - Freya pronounced after some time. Merlin beamed at her.
And I you! I didn't think a week could be a long time - he mused, delighted when it drew a short, gentle laugh from Freya.
But I am happy here - she said seriously, turning back and looking up at Merlin after putting a pot on the proper shelf .
What do you do? - Merlin asked, very curious.
Alice is a healer, so she needs a lot of herbs, but looking after a garden is a bit too much for her. When she first asked me to bring her Rothania, for example, I thought how well it could grow here and how easy it would be. So now we have a small garden right out there, I work in it or read books on plants for most of the day and do some chores and errands about the house. - Freya grew animated when talking about the garden, but her happiness dimmed slightly without disappearing at the end of her small speech.
Freya, what is it? - asked Merlin, concerned.
It's just sad that I have to hide, that's all, and that I should keep my head down. - Freya said. - But don't think I'm ungrateful! Alice is really nice, and a very good healer from what I could see. Anyway, that's enough about me. How are you?
I wanted to talk to you about something. My guardian and I found a potion we could try to use to help you at night. - Merlin paused, waiting for Freya's reaction.
What would it do? - Freya asked, cautiously.
We hope it could let you keep your mind and instinct entirely when you transform. I am sorry, we can't undo the curse entirely, but you won't be dangerous any more. - Merlin explained, watching Freya to see if she agrees - That is, if you agree.
It must need magic to work - Freya mused - to counteract such a powerful curse to any degree.
Yes - Merlin admitted.
And neither of us is good at brewing potions. So we will need help to brew the potion, and they will know not just what I am, but that we use magic. Merlin, it's too dangerous. I would rather take sleeping drafts than put you in such danger.
Merlin was not sure what to answer to that, but the conversation was soon stopped by Alice's return. Freya rushed to help her with the bucket.
Thank you, dear - Alice said with affection, then turned to look at Merlin. - I didn't want to start before breakfast, but you are practically not a guest anymore, what with the cleaning. So I can safely ask - what are you planning to do?
I wanted to stay nearby for about two weeks - answered Merlin - spend some time with Freya, figure out what to do next, you know. I'm just not sure where.
Well, that is settled, you are staying here. We will make up a nice bed for you, I'm sure. There is space here if we move all that. - Alice asked, not taking even a few seconds to think about it.
Why are you doing this? - Merlin asked, reminding himself of Freya and smiling unconsciously at the thought.
Why not? - she retorted - You can't help everyone, but if someone asks for help and you can give it, why wouldn't you? That's one of the best things in life, being able to help someone, isn't it?
Merlin fought the impulse to hug Alice, smiling awkwardly instead.
Well, what can I do to earn my keep while I'm here? - he asked, trying to move away from emotions he couldn't fully understand.
Well, you can help around, there is always something to do. Don't worry, you won't be lazing around - Alice smiled.
…
Alice was right when she said that there is always something to do. If she was not consulting a patient, she was experimenting with potions (Merlin felt something of a deja vu that he couldn't quite explain), perusing old or trying to find some new books on medicine (she frequented the market, sometimes finding hidden treasures in piles of old rubbish). Freya and Merlin were often swept in this gentle whirlwind of action, almost always volunteering. Merlin smiled, seeing that Alice already knew Freya's favourite foods, and Freya could sense when Alice could use a cup of tea and brew it exactly the way the older women wanted it. They, apparently, quickly adjusted to each other's moods and easily deciphered small expressions that Merlin was only learning to understand, especially in Alice. It felt oddly like home, Merlin thought. Not his home, he thought, at least not yet, but home. The tranquility was disturbed after a few days when he decided to get up in the middle of the night for a glass of water (at least, that's what he told Gaius when he was retelling the story one evening during supper), and heard a strange voice coming from Alice's room. Creeping closer, he glimpsed a creature - very ugly, angry-looking creature. From what he could understand of the conversation, the creature wanted to kill Uther. "He should get in line" - snorted the cynical part of him (Merlin imagined it looking a lot like Kilgharrah for some reason). He crept back to his bed, thirst completely forgotten. Merlin wasn't sure what to think of it or what he should do. Now he could admit to himself that he sensed that something wasn't quite right from the very beginning, fully understanding himself that he couldn't fully trust her for some reason. That didn't bring him any closer to a solution, though. If he didn't know Alice, he would be tempted to tell Uther. But now, seeing her with the patients and with Freya, and just looking into her eyes, he was sure he didn't know a kinder person. He can't turn her in! But what should he do? When Alice was away to see a bed-ridden patient (this time he gave Freya the look and both of them opted out of going with her), Merlin told Freya what he had seen. She stood still for a few moments, taking it all in.
Uther might deserve to die - she finally said - but that's no one's call to make, especially not some vindictive creature. And Alice shouldn't become a monster, a murderer.
The emotion and understanding in Freya's voice made Merlin reach for her and support her in a gentle, non-binding hug.
But she definitely doesn't deserve to die, either, - Merlin said, emphatically and almost angrily. Freya might have recoiled from the tone when they first met.
Merlin, we must help her. She saved my life and she gave us shelter. I will do what I can to save her. - Freya said, resolutely.
I know, I know! But we don't even know what kind of creature it is - said Merlin, desperation creeping into his voice.
Can you remember what the creature looked like? - Freya asked, with forced calm, trying to make the situation understandable.
I think so - Merlin answered, slightly dazedly, looking into Freya's eyes.
You said she is talking to the creature, - Freya mused, - Perhaps she knows what it is? If we could ask her…
I trust her, - Merlin decided suddenly. - I didn't in the beginning, not really, but I have seen more of her and I know what made me weary.
I trust her, too, - Freya said with conviction. - But we need to be careful. Maybe you can draw a picture of the creature, and I can ask her if she knows what creature it is.
That could work - said Merlin - but we can't ask her how to destroy the creature.
No - said Freya, her expression apprehensive. - But if we know what creature it is, we can at least try to fight it.
They put their plan into action, Merlin using magic to capture the likeness of the creature to the best of his abilities. He was proud of the sketch, inspecting it from all sides and finally presenting it to Freya with a smile. Freya looked impressed, which made Merlin's smile widen and his walk have some more spring to it. Merlin took the next opportunity to make himself scarce, volunteering to bring a potion to one of the elderly villagers, while Freya stayed to try and talk to Alice.
Thank you, Alice - Merlin heard the end of a conversation when he was walking in the door after delivering the potion to a very deaf and blind man, who insisted on drinking it whole every time, despite warnings (Merlin witnessed it himself on a few occasions and heard of others from Freya and Alice when they were chatting near the fire after dinner).
Merlin thought Alice's posture looked different - both defiant and slightly scared. Merlin thought she had an inkling (or at least a hope) of what they were trying to do and decided to help. The young warlock could only hope that Alice's trust won't turn out to be misplaced.
It's a manticore. Alice told me - Freya told Merlin at the first opportunity they had to be alone together.- I heard of such creatures from the druids. They are their ancient enemies. Manticores have amazing knowledge extraordinary strength, but they are filled with hatred and malice.
I felt that - Merlin nodded. - did the druids ever talk about how to fight it?
No. - Freya answered, musingly. - But they did say that manticores live in the spirit world, and they can only appear in this one for a short time.
So if we were to trap the manticore here... - Merlin caught on. - But we don't know how it travels between the worlds. There has to be some sort of portal, I heard Alice's incantation, and we will have to destroy it.
Portal - Freya thought about it. - Alice summons the creature in her room, so the portal must be there.
Right - said Merlin - and hidden. Somewhere no one would look. I could search the room when she is not there, maybe I will sense the magic.
Do you remember the incantation? - Freya inquired.
I think so - Merlin nodded.
Then you look for the box, I will try to keep Alice company and warn you if she is coming back. - Freya said, and they shared a long look. What if the manticore overpowered Alice's will at just the wrong moment? What is someone saw them? Destroying the portal was sure to involve magic. But they had no choice, they had to do it. Dropping their eyes, they sighed and went to their chores, both somewhat anxious.
When they were helping Alice cook dinner, Merlin and Freya exchanged glances, prompting Freya to start the conversation:
Could you go with me to the garden after supper? We talked about picking Aphelias, and I am still not sure which leaves are the best for which potion. The evening is the best time to collect them, and our supply is running low already. - Merlin was sure he saw the tension in Freya only because he knew its cause.
Of course - Alice said cheerfully, but with a slightly strained expression. Merlin thought she was trying to not think much of the request to fool the manticora presence inside her.
Dinner started out being more awkward than recently became usual, but Merlin tried to strike up a cheerful conversation
Did I ever tell you about the time when a goblin somehow went loose in the castle? He enchanted the prince, and he had donkey ears and a donkey voice. You should have been there! And even after the goblin was captured, it took some time for it to wear off completely. He would start laughing at something and then start sounding so much like a donkey! - Merlin couldn't stop himself smirking. Even Freya was grinning, and Alice started actually giggling.
Alice entertained them for most of the dinner with stories about the strangest illnesses she witnessed, and her most difficult patients.
He decided that he would rather be without a leg than drink a potion that was pink, because that is "not a man's color". I had to give him a sleeping potion, saying that it was another cure, and force the remedy into his throat when he was unconscious. - she finished a story that had both Merlin and Freya shaking their heads in disbelief. Still smiling, they laid down their knives and forks and picked up their plates. The smile soon slid off Merlin and Freya's faces, replaced by apprehensive and anxious looks. Alice held on to her smile longer, though Merlin thought it looked like it cost her some effort.
When the dishes were done and the table cleared, Alice and Freya set out to the garden, Merlin saying that was tired and wanted to read a bit more about a complicated potion Alice was planning on making tomorrow, in anticipation of a spring epidemic of sneezing, runny eyes and noses, so that he could help her (Gaius would be shocked at his willingness to read books on healing, and suspect sorcery, but, alas, he was not here and writing a letter might be too risky). As soon as they were gone (Freya and Merlin exchanging a last look, each taking strength from the other's determination), Merlin sneaked into her room. He felt the magic almost immediately, it was so obvious when you knew what you were looking for. He found a small chest under Alice's bed, radiating dark energy. He hid it in a rarely used cupboard, using a locking spell on the doors (he can always say they are jammed). He felt relief for a moment, then anxiety mounting again. They had to destroy the portal. With magic, which is outlawed. Under the nose of a person controlled (who knows to which extent) by a powerful a vicious magical creature. Piece of cake, Merlin thought, barely stopping a nervous-hysterical chuckle. After they came back, Alice decided to go to sleep rather quickly, leaving Merlin and Freya together drinking the last cup of tea and waiting for her to definitely be asleep before starting. They were passing the time chatting and sharing childhood stories
My father always gave my mother and me flowers on Sunday. Roses. He brought mother red ones, for love and womanhood, and me white for innocence. Not big roses, small ones, like the one you gave me - Freya smiled, slightly tearfully. - And we all loved strawberries, so we had it for breakfast as often as we could when it was in season. Mother and Father tried to surprise each other with the first berries of the year. We always ended up eating them all together.
I never knew my father, it's a blessing to have such memories - Merlin answered, gently. - I remember one year the harvest was really bad, draught, I think. I was very small, I'm not sure. Everyone was talking about how hungry they were, and I couldn't understand why. Then I realised one day that my mother gave almost all the food we had to me. After that I tried to sneak her some food, share.
After some minutes passed with no sounds from Alice, they took the box out of the cupboard and crept outside.
No one can see us! And it has to be closed, the manticore can't escape - Freya said, with an edge to her voice.
Right, yes - said Merlin, looking around frantically. - What about the shed?
Freya nodded, and they hurried into the small shed, closing the door tight behind them.
Ready? - Merlin asked.
Yes. - Freya's voice was firm. - Let's do it! I will hold off the manticore.
It's dangerous! I could do it, I am stronger - said Merlin.
The curse is useful for something. It makes me strong, even in human form. - Freya answered, gentle and sad. Not bitter, Merlin noticed, never bitter. His heart swelled with affection. He briefly hugged her on impulse and nodded.
The incantation to summon the manticore was the easy thing, Merlin thought. After that was done, Freya held the creature off, and Merlin started shouting all the destruction spells he knew at the box, one by one. After the third attempt he was growing frantic, especially since he saw the manticore stop struggling to get away and look into Freya's eyes instead. No! - Merlin thought, trying again. Finally, just as the manticore's eyes started glowing, the box vanished, along with the creature. Both of them sat on the floor of the shed, breathing heavily. Finally, the reality sank in - they did it! Merlin and Freya beamed at each other, moving closer, sharing an elated kiss…
…
Merlin woke up the next day to a smell of a scrumptious breakfast.
Wow! - he said, looking at the full table - What's the occasion?
I know what you did - Alice smiled, gratitude and pride for them in her voice - You saved my life, or at least what's left of my sanity. I just wanted to thank you.
That… that wasn't us. I mean… what? - Merlin stammered, trying to dig himself out of the hole that was getting progressively deeper.
Merlin, it's all right - Freya came to his rescue, entering the room with a wash basin in her hands, her face still slightly wet and hair near her forehead damp. - Alice knew about me from the beginning.
How did you know? - Merlin stared at Alice.
The first night, I heard some strange sounds, like whimpering. I came in to see if I could help, and saw… - Alice chose not to describe. - I pushed it out of my mind and decided not to talk about it. I feared the manticore would know and use it to her advantage. The manticore - Alice sighed. - I was foolish - I summoned the creature. I thought I could learn healing from it.
I have magic. - Merlin said, seemingly out of nowhere, but to him that was the strongest way of declaring his trust. - I understand the temptation, and I think you are not to blame. You didn't wish harm on anyone.
Alice looked into his eyes, seeming to realise something, and smiled gratefully.
Thank you, Merlin. - she said, in a tone similar to the tone Gaius sometimes used.
All three smiled at each other, starting on the delicious-looking breakfast.
…
Can you tell me more now? - Alice asked Merlin and Freya later when they were finishing the potion against seasonal spring ills.
What do you want to know? - chorused Merlin and Freya, after exchanging a look.
What happened to you, really? How did you get cursed - it is a curse, isn't it? I remember reading about such spells a long time ago. Who attacked you?
Freya and Merlin started telling Alice the whole story, sometimes switching places.
That is a terrible fate. - Alice said, when they finished the story. - But both of you are lucky to find each other. Not every person has someone so devoted to them, ready to do anything for their safety - Her face became wistful, at once happy and sad, as if recalling a bitter-sweet memory - If there is some way in which I can help you, just tell me how. I will gladly do whatever is in my power.
We really don't expect anything in return. But, as a favour, do you think you could make this potion? You are under no obligation. - Freya went to her bedside table and took the transcribed recipe Merlin gave her for safekeeping.
Of course I want to help - Alice said, scanning the recipe with her eyes. - I don't have the leaves of Paschut. I am not sure where I can find them this time of year.
I have some - Merlin handed her the preserved leaves from the bag Gaius packed for him (helped him pack, Merlin would say).
Where did you get this? - Alice asked, her voice trying to sound steady but filled with repressed emotion.
My guardian gave them to me, he is a healer. A physician. - Merlin answered without hesitation. - Why?
I once knew someone… We thought of this method of preserving the leaves together. It was our secret. - Alice said, caressing the leaves with her fingers.
You knew Gaius? - Merlin inquired.
Alice's eyes snapped to Merlin's face at the mention of the name.
We were engaged once - she finally said after a few seconds of struggling to control her emotions. There were a few tears in the corners of Alice's eyes.
I never knew that… - Merlin said, and Freya looked curious and a little sad.
It doesn't matter - Alice said, wiping her eyes and straightening her posture. - He can't leave Camelot even if he wants to, not now when Uther is getting paranoid from what I hear. He has a good life there, I don't want to upset him. And I can't come back to Camelot. But enough about that - what are you planning to do? You said you have 2 weeks of leave, and you need to go back.
Freya and Merlin exchanged sad looks, but allowed the topic to be changed.
Yes, I should probably leave tomorrow to be in Camelot on time for His Royal Pratness's dressing - Merlin tried for a cheerful, nonchalant tone.
Well, then we should try to make the best out of this day - Alice declared.
After making the potion (it has to stew for a day, Freya will take it every evening, and, if it doesn't work, Alice prepared a syringe with the sleeping draught to throw at the cat) they took the day off duties, reading their favourite book passages aloud, cooking their favourite meals, talking about anything that came to mind, and laughing. At the end of the evening, when they were sitting at an empty table, the mood was more nostalgic
He was always very serious, so careful and measured in everything. And it always seemed to me like he read every book in existence. And sometimes his eyes would light up at my joke or teasing, or he would be so gentle with a sick child or his terrified, irrational parents… And in the special moments when he looked at me in admiration - when I performed a complicated healing spell or came up with a new idea - those were some of the happiest moments. You didn't know him then, he was so exhilarated by knowledge, idealistic, and he was so light, so good, you could almost feel it. - Alice reminisced, her eyes shining.
What happened? - Freya asked quietly.
We were engaged, we even set the date and settled on a small house. It had a pretty garden, something like this one… Then Queen Ygraine died and Uther started his persecutions. First he started a registry of magic users, then he started adding laws restricting magic, then he wanted sorcerers to always be identifiable by their clothing… It was like storm clouds gathering. So oppressive, and we knew what was coming. Gaius tried to reason with him, but everything he said only seemed to make it worse, Uther twisted every word to satisfy his revenge. If Gaius said that magic is a force that flows through all magic users, Uther would take it to mean that even non-practicing sorcerers are dangerous. Somehow the King convinced himself, little by little, that we were not human. One day he started persecuting magic users. My name appeared on the list. Gaius managed to erase it, but we knew it was only a matter of time before it reappeared. I had to go. Gaius almost agreed to go with me, I waited for him for hours before I could accept that he was not coming. I know why he did it, he was only trying to save me, but I miss him every day.
Merlin and Freya listened to the story, enchanted, but not sure what they could say.
I never heard that he was with someone else - Merlin finally said - Perhaps one day you will see each other again…
Perhaps - Alice smiled faintly, then got up. - We should get some sleep.
Merlin and Freya looked into each other's eyes, their own feelings stirred by the story, and leaned in for a sweet kiss.
…
A few days passed, and Merlin was growing more and more sad. He missed Alice and, most of all, he missed Freya. The small white dragon cuddled up to him, cooing and trying to make him feel better. "You can't help, Aithusa" - Merlin smiled sadly - "Not unless you can communicate over many leagues". "Many leagues" - something stirred in his memory, and Merlin darted for a piece of paper.
"Freya, darling,
I found a way to exchange letters without the risk of being caught! You will have understood already, but I didn't even think it would be possible to talk to you again for a long time, perhaps never. I miss you so much! How are you? Did the potion work? I worry.
Gaius didn't ask many questions after I returned, just watches me with this slightly sad, slightly curious look and an understanding, knowing air. I am still not sure if I should tell him about Alice. She did ask not to, but now I notice the signs. He is so deeply resigned and sad… Everything is fine, though. Arthur is being a prat, as usual, I save Camelot and get none of the credit. Same old story. The Prat is calling me, so I should stop now. I wish you were here.
Love,
Merlin"
The young warlock gave the letter to Aithusa and watched the small dragon fly away, until he could no longer see the distant figure. The loud "Merlin!" woke Merlin from his reverie and he went to his duties, slight grin on his face. Even mucking out the stables could not make him any less happy today.
...
When the white dragon flew in with a letter for Merlin, Gaius took it out of his claws quickly, afraid that someone will see the creature. He was about to put the letter on the table when he saw the name on the envelope "Freya and Alice". With trembling hands, he opened the envelope, unable to stop himself.
"Dear Merlin!
Thank you for finding a way for us to stay together, even if only in writing. You should trust your instinct about whether to tell him or not. I know you will do the right thing. We are all right. Better than all right, potion is working, I can control myself and I remember everything. Thank you so much. But that is not all good that there is in our life. Do you remember Brian, the little orphan? We thought he might have magic. I am sure of it now. I talked to Alice, and we started a small school for poor orphans, who have no one to teach them. Alice gives us the space and takes care of their food - some of them looked almost starving. I teach them to read and try to reassure those of them who have magic, Alice is still working as a physician, so she doesn't have too much time to devote to the school, but she still helps immensely. I am busy the whole day, but so happy! The only thing that makes me less than ecstatic is missing you. My friends used to say that I am so melancholy that I could give the never-smiling princess from the fairytale a run for her money, but just the memory of your smile or of your kisses makes me very happy.
I love you.
Freya"
There was another note enclosed in the envelope
"Dear boy, I wanted to express my gratitude to both of you again. Freya keeps saying that making the potion makes up for it, but to me it doesn't. I will always be in your debt. Freya is becoming more and more dear to me, I can't now imagine living alone. It's almost like having a daughter. She is so strong, so full of good intentions and activity, and so curious. I wonder if our daughter would have been the same. We dreamt of a girl, did you know? We would have called her the same name. Perhaps it is fate… I wish Gaius was here with me. I wanted to ask you, though I have no right, please look after him. He thinks he is a coward, but when it really matters he can sacrifice himself as foolishly as you and Freya would for each other. But that is not all - he sometimes needs a reminder that he is a good man and he is loved. I know you love him as much as I do, in a different way, just don't let him forget.
But most importantly, be happy. You more than deserve it.
Remember, you will always have a home here.
Alice"
Stifling a sob, Gaius just breathed for several minutes, trying to take it all in. Then he rushed to his desk and drafted a letter to be enclosed to Merlin's next communication - he didn't know the address, after all.
"Dearest Alice!
Seeing your name, your handwriting, your words about me - I am still overcome and not sure what I am writing. I only know that I love you. I am so sorry for not going with you, I feel that I abandoned you. Please understand that I only did it to protect you! I am a coward, but I would have gone with you if that didn't mean that Uther will most certainly notice our absence and send his whole force after us. I never stopped loving you, Alice, and miss you every day. I wish you every imaginable happiness and hope with all my heart that we will see each other again, in better times. G-d bless you!
Gaius"
As he watched the white dragon fly in the night sky, a far away, tiny shape, almost indistinguishable from a bird, Gaius could not help but hope, the feeling lightening his heart.