Who knew that the only way I would be able to achieve happiness was in death? Who knew that the only way for my family to come together was to be violently murdered by our home? It was never really our home though. No, this place was doomed since the first stem of evil sprouted from the foundation. Now I have found piece in this place that used to frighten me so. There is one thing that refuses to let me achieve true peace; that being this aching hole in my chest.
The hardest thing that I had to do was push him away. I couldn't be with him after he caused so much destruction and pain. My family fell apart because of him, well not completely but he had to do a great deal with it. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss his touch or the way he would make me feel safe in the way that no one in the world could. I am still in love with a monster, a broken angel, someone who has caused so much grief. I feel his stare penetrating through me and blink back the sting of fresh tears and turn to face him.
"What do you want, Tate?" I ask trying to sound harsh but my voice came out soft. His innocent looking face springs a warm a coaxing part of me to life. His eyes are ringed red from crying and unbeating heart manages to give me a sinking feeling.
"Violet, please listen to me. I know that I caused you and so many others a tremendous amount of pain but please. Tell me what I can do to make thing right. No one will tell me what to do. I am so lost." Clear droplets cascade down his face and one hits the cheery wood floor. A floor that had been forever stained that not even Moria's cleaning can wash away the memory of it. I clench my fists and unclench them trying to regain my composure.
"That's the problem, Tate. No one can tell you what to do. You have to discover that for yourself. You deserve to suffer for all the things you have done. If you can get every single person you hurt to say they forgive you then I will consider doing the same. But for now get the hell out of my way." I shout at him and run upstairs and collapse on my bed. The really shitty thing about living with a bunch of ghosts is that you get absolutely no privacy. I know that everyone can hear me screaming and sobbing even if it is in my pillow and it doesn't surprise me to feel a reassuring hand in my hair. It does surprise me however, when I see who it is.
"Billie Dean? What are you doing here? It's not safe for you, you have to leave." I say urgently but she silences me with her pitying look and firm hand.
"These spirits can't do anything to me and they know it. I need to talk to you actually I was summoned, by your parents. They are worried about you." She explains and I can't hold back the scoff.
"Why are they worried? We are all dead; nothing can hurt me or anyone in here anymore." I say bitterly and knot the pillow in my hands.
"That's not true and you know it. You are suffering, as many spirits do when they die so young. However, your misery shall continue to live on with you forever unless you face it." Billie Dean says forcefully to me and her dark eyes bore into me. I should be intimidated but all I can think of is how similar her eyes look to Tate's. Tate's are bigger and are cloaked a darker shade the matches the darkness of his past.
"I already faced Tate and I told him I could never be with him. I have dealt with the situation, sorry to tell you that you have been sent on a pointless mission to mend my broken soul. Let's cut the shit, I am dead and my old boyfriend is a murdering rapist, oh let's not forget the father of my evil half-brother. Did I forget something?" I shout at her but she doesn't flinch, she doesn't even bat one of her carefully done eyelashes. She merely stands up and lights a cigarette, her dark eyes looking at me the entire time
"Alright you want to cut the shit, lets. You are a bratty little ghost that committed suicide because you couldn't handle the crap storm that life sent your way. You fell in love with someone that made your life brighter, you thought he was your future but fate had other plans. I will never condone what he has done. However, I can't be a hypocrite." She says the last part softly and stares out of my locked window.
"We humans are all capable of enacting terrible things. Since our creation, be it whatever you choose to believe in, we have slaughtered our own kind for selfish reasons. For greed, lust, envy, the list is never ending sweet heart. However, the reason we have survived is for one reason only, hope; hope that there is something better, that we change. My point is that he did change for you, Violet. His love is pure and genuine, and so is yours for him. Do what you want but trust me, do what you have to to make this eternity a happy one." And with that the bitch leaves the room. What kind of person would I be if forgive a murderer for my own selfish reasons? I guess it makes me a monster. If Billie Dean was right about anything, it was that we are all capable of doing terrible things; we all have the capacity to be monsters.
I rush down stairs, pass my sleeping brother, and to the door to the basement. I know he will be there and I am about to open the door when I hear him talking to someone.
"I know you will never forgive me for what I have done to you, but even so. I just want to say how truly sorry I am. Take it or leave it, spit in my face, do whatever I just need to let you know that I am sorry." Tate says and there isn't the mocking tone that he usually gives to the other residents of the household.
"You can kiss my sweet ass, Tate. You're right in that we will never forgive you and even more so because you're only doing this to get back into Queen sulks a lot's pants." Chad snarls and then there is a crash, which sounds like it could have been made by someone running into something.
"Don't you ever insult her again." Tate growls and then he chokes on a sob.
"I have ruined everything and she hates me. The only thing I want is to make her happy and if this is a way to make her happy then I will do it. I deserve to suffer; I will suffer for all of eternity just as long as she is happy." Tate finishes and then I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. I know I should move, run away and hide, hell I could just think myself back to me room if I really wanted to. But that's just the thing, I don't want to.
Tate opens the door and his dark, beautiful eyes go wide. Before he can say anything I am on him in an instant, kissing him as if he was the only thing tethering me to the earth. I knot my fingers in his hair and concentrate on my room. In an instant I feel the soft covers beneath me and Tate on top of me. I feel so complete but even so I begin to cry. Tate stops kissing me and starts to wipe away my rapidly falling tears. He kisses my forehead like he did when I died in the bath tub and this only makes me cry harder.
"It's okay to cry, Violet. I am here; I will always be here to protect you." He says to me and brings me to his chest. I don't know what it is about having sex that makes ok, if even for a little bit. So here I lay, naked and beside my homicidal dead boyfriend. He needs me just as much as I need him; I know one day I will find a way to forgive him. It will just take some baby steps.