Silenced

Chapter One: The Truth Hurts

Another long road to yet another job. They hadn't even arrived at their next destination and already he had a head ache. Then again he always had a headache now a days but he blamed this one solely on the loud music coming through the ancient speakers and the bass pounding through the floor of the old classic. Normally he would be able to put up with the music because it always seemed to keep both of them distracted enough not to get too serious or even too bored by the long drives constantly to god knows where. But this time was different. This time the music wasn't meant to appease them, it was meant to stall. Six hours ago they had been by the water, drinking beer and finally finishing with one very trying and unexpectedly harsh job when a bomb shell was dropped.

Right before Dad died…he told me something….he told me something about you.

And just like that his interest and suspicion had gone through the roof. But being the very annoying pain in the ass brother that he was, Dean had simply turned and walked away, heading straight for the car. Sam had followed asking, damn near pleading, Dean to tell him what it was that there father had said. Dean had stopped momentarily without turning around, his head drooped slightly and his shoulders hunched forward.

"I can't Sam."

"Why not? I mean Dean, you can't say that and then just not tell me what he told you!"

"I can't Sam! I promised him that I wouldn't and I can't go back on that," Dean had finally turned around to face his brother to tell him this, his shoulders and head had come up in sudden determination. Sam had taken a step back and momentarily understanding flickered in his eyes along with an underlying pity that Dean immediately dismissed and ignored. Quickly though his brother's eyes had returned to looking at him with frustration and pleading.

"Dean…I know you want to keep this, I get it. But you know that you can't keep this from me. I mean if this is about that demon and what he wants, you know you're gonna have to tell me!"

Dean had looked away momentarily trying to mask the guilt at keeping this from his brother knowing that Sam was right, eventually he would spill. He would have to, he'd never been able to keep something from Sam for long, especially when Sam begged. But in that one moment Sam got his answer, he saw the guilt and fear flash for a mere fraction of a second and knew that that's exactly what it was about. Secretly Sam's own fears had started to build and his heart sped up, fuelled by his anxiety.

"That's exactly what it is isn't it?" Sam waited for the answer but Dean had masked his eyes once again throwing up the walls that Sam had still yet to master himself. Having gotten no response Sam continued.

"This demon wants something and you know what it is…don't you? This has been killing me, wondering what it was that this bastard wanted so much! And Dad knew the whole time didn't he?"

Sam's voice had risen slightly with each word, his anger building inside him towards his father. He had felt guilty about being angry towards him considering everything that had happened but he couldn't believe his father would keep this from him.

Dean didn't move, he just looked at Sam, letting him rant and get it out of his system so that he could start his journey to the car again.

When Dean didn't react at all except to get a rather inpatient 'are you done yet?' look in his eyes which just angered Sam more, he took a step forward trying to intimidate the answers out of the elder. He knew it was probably not going to work but at the moment he was desperate and was willing to try pretty much anything.

"I've got to know what it is Dean! You've got to tell me eventually so that I know what to prepare for! Back in the clinic you said 'this weight on my shoulders'. I want to help you man! Just, please tell me what it is so I can at least share the load."

Sam had meant for his outburst to be intimidating but unfortunately when he had remembered about the situation earlier, his attempt quickly faded into one of comfort and once again he knew that it probably wouldn't work. This time though he did get a response from the older man, he turned on his heel and began climbing the stairs up to the road where the car sat. Sam, who had been momentarily frozen in place quickly headed after him but kept his mouth shut. One glance at his brother's posture and he knew that if he spoke again he'd more than likely get a fist to the face and that was the last thing that he needed to deal with right now.

They had reached the car and silently took their respective seats. They sat there for a moment lost in thought, Sam trying desperately to come up with a way to get his brother to open up and tell him what had been quietly torturing him for the past months since the cabin. Dean on the other hand, was thinking of a way to get out of this situation while berating himself for even saying anything in the first place when he should have just kept his mouth shut. But he knew he couldn't have even if he had wanted to. One look at his brother after the others had left, sitting on the exam table with tears running down his face, pleading with him to leave him, and he knew that he would have to say something and that it might blow his cover. He needed to give Sam a reason for why he couldn't just leave him and he had said something that he didn't think would lead to the secret the way it had done.

Who says I want to?

Five simple words and everything he had done to keep this secret a secret was shot to hell. To tell the truth he had really wanted to tell Sam the secret but he knew he couldn't…not yet anyways. There were two reasons for this. His father had entrusted him with this secret and he couldn't go back on that even knowing that the man was gone and probably would never find out about it. It just felt too much like betrayal for Dean and he already had the guilt of the death weighing him down.

The other reason though was much more important and he knew that for him not to give up the secret right there and then he would have to cling to this reason as if his life depended on it. If Sam knew the truth it would shatter his world and Dean couldn't allow that to happen. He hated that he would be the one responsible for it too. So he had to stall for as long as possible.

I'm sorry Sammy but not yet. I'm not ready and neither are you.

And with that thought in mind he had put the car in gear and headed out onto the road in the direction of their next destination.