Title: Not as Innocent as You Thought
Fandom: Bleach
Rating: Teen
Disclaimer: Bleach is created and owned by Tite Kubo, I merely pay homage to characters and a story I love.
Warning: Mention of what I believe are called "marital aids" in polite society.
Information: Exactly why is Captain Hitsugaya so knowledgable in this area?
"Captain Hitsugaya, what are you doing here?" asked Ikkaku.
The captain was standing outside of a lingerie shop looking annoyed and embarassed.
"Guess," Toshiro said, rolling his eyes.
"If Rangiku was going shopping she could have just dragged along Yumichika," Ikkaku said glumly, also having gotten roped into going to the mall.
"Hi Captain!" said Yumichika cheerily, walking up and loading up Ikkaku with several bags.
"I'm not gonna carry around your stupid crap for…" Ikkaku began to complain, but stopped when Yumichika glared at him. It was easier to just suck it up and let Yumi do whatever, just until they got home and he could get good and drunk and forget that he now knew what "crew cut" meant.
"Hey guys!" Rangiku cried out, coming out of the store.
"Oooh, what did you get?" Yumichika asked, peering into the large bag.
"Actually, I'm not sure what some of it is. There was some sort of deal where if you spend enough money you get all these samples," she said, pulling out an array of little tubes and boxes.
"Hm," said Yumichika, looking them over.
Toshiro sighed. "Can we go? I'm really hungry."
"Not yet Captain, I need to figure out what these things are," Rangiku held up a semi transluent vial of something red.
"Here," said Toshiro, picking it up.
"This is warming massage oil, it activates on skin contact," he picked up another item. "This one is you sprinkle on your partner and lick off, it's sugar based. These two are different lubes that you use together, one for you and one for your partner, they're supposed to react with each other. This one is kind of like a lotion, but thicker, and it leaves a taste, usually sweet," he flipped it over and read the packaging. "Chocolate," he said. "These are edible underwear, it's kind of like fruit leather, if you've ever had that."
"So, can we go? I'm hungry and that noodle shop across the street smells really good," he finished, not waiting for an answer before walking towards the food stand.
They stared after him in shock.
"Uh, so…how do you suppose he knows all of that?" asked Ikkaku.
"I…" Rangiku really had no idea.
"Heh, maybe if you ask him nicely he show you how they work," he laughed.
"Ikkaku! Shut up, that's just wrong!" she said, smacking him. To herself however, she began to make not entirily innocent plans.
"You don't mind if I…" said Yumichika, deftly snatching the chocolate body butter from Rangiku's hands, dashing away.
"Hey!" she said, chasing after him, "I might need that!"