Rora couldn't take her hand off the Circle tower's outer wall. When she stepped outside and into the cold, clear night air, it hit her all at once. The unending expanse of water. The black, foreboding hills. The huge, empty sky. Her feet wouldn't do what she told them to, and when she thought about moving her breath caught in her chest. Dizziness overwhelmed her.
A hand settled on her shoulder. She flinched, only to look up and see Duncan beside her. She hunched her shoulders.
"Sorry," she said.
"You're fine." His face was smooth. Calm. "Can you walk?"
She spoke in a faint voice, too quiet, almost, for her to hear.
"I'm not sure."
"All right," he said. "May I help you?"
She nodded. He reached over and gently moved her hand from the wall. He held onto her upper arm, keeping her steady.
"Just put one foot in front of the other," he said. "See? We'll do it together."
He took a step, hand still firmly but gently gripping her arm. She breathed in and followed his footsteps. They moved closer to the small flight of stairs that led down to the water and the waiting boat.
"Is this all right?" Duncan said.
She nodded, eyes on the ground.
"Let's try a few more," he said. "Ready? Four." Step. "Five." Step.
They made their way across the rocky ground beneath the tower. At the stairs, they climbed down one step at a time. Rora glanced at Duncan, his expression still impossible to read.
"I'm sorry," Rora said.
Faintly, he smiled.
"Don't be."
They'd fallen into a kind of rhythm now. The count sounded in her head—eight, nine, ten—distracting her from anything else.
Sixteen, seventeen. The boat was mere inches below. Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty.
They reached the bottom of the stairs, and stopped.
"Can you stand on your own?" said Duncan.
"I think so."
"I'm going to let go of you."
He released her and stepped back. She swayed for a moment, spent as though she'd just performed a difficult spell. Now that she was out from under the tower's shadow, the sky bore down on her, vast and cold. A wave of nausea swept through her.
Duncan stepped into the boat and offered her a hand. She hesitated, then took it, letting him help her into the swaying craft. She sank onto the bench with relief, legs shaking. Duncan sat opposite, ready to take the oars.
"Doing all right?" he said.
She nodded, her eyes half closed so she wouldn't have to see the water or the sky. They pressed down on her, above and below, even when she wasn't looking at them.
"We'll have to row back to shore ourselves, I'm afraid," he said. "No ferryman on duty at this hour. Not on this side of the lake."
She nodded again, eyes squeezed shut.
"I'll shove us off, then," he said.
The boat jostled, and with the motion came the splash of oars hitting the water. They glided forward.
Rora sat in darkness. The wind bit at her cheeks, and the only sounds were the slap of oars and the creak of wood. Her mind darted from subject to subject. To images of Jowan, of blood on flagstones, and of Irving's face when he said he was disappointed in her. Then, finally, Duncan's voice pulled her back to reality.
"Look back, Rora," he said.
She filled her lungs again, and opened her eyes. She turned. Behind her, her home for the last thirteen years receded into the distance. It was so small from the outside, nothing more than a thin spike against the sky. A lump formed in her throat. Had Jowan looked back when he'd left, or had he been too busy running? Where was he now?
The oars cut through the water. Duncan spoke again.
"It's a difficult thing to leave one's home," he said. "It's something all we Grey Wardens understand."
Rora, still looking back, didn't reply immediately.
"It was my home for such a long time," she said.
"But it wasn't always," he said. "You had to get used to it first. You can get used to this as well."
"One time was enough," she said.
Duncan said nothing more, and Rora didn't turn to see his reaction. He rowed on, and the tower grew smaller and smaller. Soon, she was barely able to see it at all.
This is actually a re-worked chapter from a previously deleted long fic about Rora. Hopefully I'll be posting some more re-worked chapters of that fic in the future.