Apologies and Gratitudes ~ an Eyeshield 21 fanfic
Author: Cheshire ShiroNeko
Pairings: Hiruma x Mamori, friendly but implied Juumonji x Mamori
Disclaimer: I don't own Eyeshield 21
Dedication: To my cousin JewelStar143 who helped me in this fic.
Notes: Inspired by a Code Geass fanfic, and this is supposed to be posted before Memories of You (to be honest I wrote this 2 years ago but after reading the said fanfic I changed some of it and checked some mistakes). Well, it would be better if you'll read it while listening Back to December by Taylor Swift (even though I'm planning to make a songfic based on that song. I don't own it anyway). I don't know when is Hiruma's birthday, but I just wanted to post it here with his bday on tow. But please review and don't forget to fave/follow!
Warnings: Major OOC, especially Hiruma, which is not Hiruma without curses. This one-shot is a post-series fic.
"What did he told you before he left?"
Mamori looked at Juumonji who was currently at her house, specifically on her sofa. She was Indian-sitting, and papers were splayed in front of her while a black pen was on her hand, the head of the pen touching her plump pink cheeks. The blonde scarfaced man was sitting on a sofa beside her bed, his feet touching the carpeted floor.
"Who is he?" Mamori can't help but to ask after a long moment. She is intelligent enough to know who is he, after all she is already on second year college level, but she needed to be sure. After all, she met so many men before that had left her life for years now.
Juumonji let out a small chuckle. "Do I really need to pronounce his name? Your long silence for me when Sena said his name three years ago, a month after he left made me realized that his name is a taboo."
"It's not taboo!" Mamori pouted and her expression made Juumonji laugh a bit. "I just… missed Hiruma-kun at that time."
Juumonji shrugged. "So, like I said, what was his words when you last saw him?"
Mamori can't help but to look at the written papers lying intently on the blanket, after a long silence, she muttered. "Sorry."
Juumonji stared at her.
"It was… what he really told me." She continued. "His last words to me were 'sorry'."
The scarfaced teenager stared at her understandingly but was taken aback by her tone, it was full and heavy of emotion not like her usual monotone since Hiruma left. Sorry huh, Juumonji thought, it was just an 5 letter 1 word greeting that maybe full of emotions, but words nonetheless. It was nothing compared to the time they spent together.
Right now if Hiruma was here, he would cackle or pissed off or even tease her about being softy to him and fire his choice of firearms. Or even just grin and say 'whatever' added with her beloved nickname. But just thinking about it hurts her the most, because she loves it the most. She loved his laugh and smile. Not the evil smirk the demon wore, or the evil cackle the trickster quarterback wore. It's not like Mamori don't like it, but she chose to love that tired smile more, the one he wore whenever he spent time thinking strategies and arrange the data with her after matches or practices. Hiruma's emerald eyes would sparkle and would look younger than his age, like a child, happy, as he gives her a genuine smile that said 'thanks'.
But the former Deimon, now Saikyoudai auburn-haired team manager didn't bother for the past three years to even think about it, because the pain in her heart would grow larger, and the cracks would become wider. Her eyes would water everytime she hears things that had connection to the missing devil quarterback, and that feeling Musashi mockingly called 'lovesick' would bathe her body and wash her mind, and it would only leave her a feeling of sadness, longing and heartache.
Mamori wanted to stand up from that bed and let the papers scatter all around that bed and floor despite being a neat freak, and leave the conversation, but she can't. Juumonji opened that can of worms- no, more like Pandora's box of grief and the only thing she could do was to stare at it. Being frozen in place, but the blue-eyed manager thought that it was already time for her to move out of that box by going further. Maybe she could find a hole and go out on it. But how?
Juumonji sighed. "I'm… I'm sorry."
"No." Mamori smiled sadly at him. "Don't be. I was just saying the truth."
The blonde lineman remembered that time when the whole Devil Bats were seeing Hiruma one last time at the airport, saying about something of the lines of 'my fucking dream', 'damn NFL' and 'don't know if I'll fucking go back'. Everyone expected Mamori to shout at him for keeping this a secret, friend-comrade speeches like those operas Juumonji's father watched, but surprisingly she didn't. She was composed at that time and just said 'have a safe trip' to Hiruma. Mamori would be lying if she said she was not hurt, but her nature is to heal a wound immediately whenever she found one, or that wound would bleed so much, and it would go deeper.
But that kind of wounds are the type where you felt that you might have a hemophilia because it wouldn't completely heal up. Well, Anezaki Mamori's desperate self tried hard to do the healing by finding a newfound friend in the face of Saikyoudai Wizards, especially to Juumonji Kazuki. Yet the latter must be torturing her, because when she thought she was already healed up, here he is putting salt to her unhealed wounds.
Juumonji, even though he didn't realize that she was looking at some faraway land, longing for someone, notices it whenever they pause at their chat. And that kind of situations Juumonji wished the gods hadn't given him a mouth.
"Hiruma-kun…"
The scarfaced lineman widened his eyes. He had never heard her like this. Her voice, which was usually so motherly and kind, was thick, almost as if… almost as if she were on the verge of tears.
Mamori finally tossed herself on the bed lying down, the papers under her white legs. Currently the two wore their own Saikyoudai uniforms, it was late afternoon that time and the practice already ended an hour ago. But she didn't care about that, all she cared was how to stop this damn tears from falling like she had for the past three years.
She sighed. "Hiruma-kun… he said something a lot. And the Hiruma Youichi I saw that time wasn't the Hiruma Youichi I've known, he was out of character, and yet he wasn't ashamed that he let it out to me. We were organizing files at that time when he suddenly… everything. More than I wanted to hear."
Juumonji buried the lower half of his face on the pillow he got from her bed. He can't bear to see Mamori hurting secretly anymore, he said the only thing that can make her heart lighten up a bit. "Spill it."
"He…" Mamori bit her lip, hesitated to say the words. "He threw the machine gun beside him at the floor and forced me to hear every word he says, like his life depended on those words. And almost all of it are… are apologies… for human's sake." She said, deliberately wiping her eyes from unshed tears and forced her voice to remain calm. "He didn't cursed and I didn't hear any swear words. He just kept on apologizing. He said he was sorry for leaving me alone, to carry his burden, for hurting and insulting me, for tricking me to stay by his side. I even wanted to walk away but he… he grabbed me. He made me sit on his lap and whispered to me everything. And all I managed to do is to assure him…"
Mamori she bit her lower pink lip. She wouldn't and shouldn't cry. She came this far and long enough without crying, without letting anyone know that she's hurting, without pained expressions about him, without her facade cracking. She wasn't going to let everything she did in sake of moving on in vain. She wasn't going to cry. She is not like those dramatic actresses and actors on those movies, bawling, crying and cracking because of goodbyes, everyone knew she is better than that. But she can't bear it anymore, and her tears were already flowing down freely from her cheeks before she could stop them.
"And then he told me something… that I really wanted to hear from him." Mamori said, using the last of her strength to prevent her sobs. "He told me that he loves me, more than anything and anyone, more than American Football, but he said that he does not deserve me, that I deserved someone good and not as bad as him. I kept assuring him, but hard-headed as he is… he wouldn't listen."
The both of them were engulfed in silence as Juumonji walked to her and hugged her from behind. Mamori wasn't shocked of what he did, but was surprised that because of that simple gesture the rest of her tears had fallen down from her cheeks. After some minutes she stopped crying and like clockwork he said something.
"Look… he…" Juumonji hesitated at first, but he said what he thought anyway. "He probably thought of that decision a million times because of you. Because he hated to leave you, but he had thought that he had used you enough, and there's no way he would take advantage over your feelings again, even if he'll sacrifice his happiness for a dream without you. He never showed it at all, but I can tell that he regretted leaving you alone." He explained.
"I would have followed him to hell if he told me to." Mamori reasoned out.
"But he didn't want to." Juumonji told her. "Because he loves you."
"…I wanted to see him again." Mamori hesistantly said after a long silence. "And hang him upside down for leaving me, then break his bones for hurting me, and snap his neck for every 101 reason I had then use his machine gun and blast him to kingdom come."
"You'll see him again, there's no way you wouldn't." Juumonji said. "And if whatever you'll do to him call us, the Devil Bats. We will help you."
Mamori laughed a bit at Juumonji's humor. But he doesn't know that she omitted a certain fact that when he was going to leave to board the plane that leads him to his dreams, he signed something to her. 'Thank you for everything', that's what he signed. And then his eyes told her something different, his eyes told her that 'it's up to you, but I will still love you'. It hurts whenever she think of it, but Hiruma is a man of actions, and his actions bit sharper than words, and because of his actions are the reason why she is bleeding. For the past three years she knew how to stop the blood of longing and sadness from flowing in the cracks of her heart, but right now Mamori was completely clueless.
"Thank you for everything…" Mamori told Juumonji.
"I'll wait at the usual restaurant, okay?" Mamori picked up her small sling back pack and wore it on her back. "I already reserved tables for all of us guys, make sure to not be late!" She said to the Saikyoudai American Football players inside the wide club room who were doing sorts of activity. Some of them are eating, changing clothes, playing poker, cleaning etc.
"YES ANEZAKI-SAN!" Everyone cheered enthusiastically and started to leave their work to change clothes from their smelly and sweaty football uniforms, and made a mental note to clean their mess before leaving. It's hard to make Anezaki Mamori real angry, but when she is, she is also hard to calm down with or without enormous pieces of creampuffs, or sweets. Last month was enough proof and even though Agon had God-like reflexes, speed and strength, Mamori had sent him flying to the benches after approaching the pissed off Mamori and asked what was wrong. It took a week or so before she had returned to her usual self.
Mamori smiled at their enthusiasm before leaving at the club room and headed to an American restaurant which is two blocks from the university and one block from her home. When she entered and sat down to the reserved table, she ordered first but told the waiter to serve it after the people had completely arrived on the two tables she reserved. After a minute Juumonji arrived parking his bicycle outside and puts his bag beside her seat when he got inside.
He smiled. "I think I need to go to the nearby ice cream parlor. Is it okay for you to look after my bag?"
"Of course." Mamori nodded. "But I think a gallon of chocolate ice cream is not enough, make it two or three. Call Banba-kun and Agon-kun to help you."
"Okay." Juumonji then hurriedly walked out the door with a loud 'need to go now' before closing the transparent glass door. Mamori smiled as she stared at the back park of his body that crossed the busy street full of cars, motorcycles and trucks that stopped in both sides, letting him and other people to cross.
She shrugged then looked around at other busy people, seeing an old sophisticated woman talking to her phone, two children running around the restaurant with a young looking woman chasing them, a family having bonding together in a long rectangular table, a similar table as she reserved, and crews like waiters and janitors keeping the costumers satisfied. But an occupied two-people table in front of her stopped her breath for a moment, because her eyes saw a man with wide brown eyes and black ruffled hair, and his companion, which had his back faced on her, had all black attire and down spiked dark black hair. The said companion stood up literally from his seat, but what she noticed are that the sharp tips of what it seems like ears. Mamori never forgot how Hiruma sat down in front of the table with his back facing her, it was a usual sight whenever she'll arrive at the clubhouse to talk about American Football. There's no way she wouldn't remember that. She also knew he bleached his hair to blonde.
She sighed and covered her face with her hands, her aquamarine-colored eyes closed. You're just hallucinating, she thought, then used her hands to travel it from her forehead to the back of her head before opening her eyes. She stared at the table in front of her again and only saw the boy with brown eyes. Disregarding the scene earlier she looked at the time on her phone. The team's already 3 minutes late, she thought.
Proceeding to the inbox she read Juumonji and Yamato's new message. The blonde lineman told her that he, Agon and Banba might be late on arriving the restaurant because of the long line at the counter, while the running back said that the team might be late because of an accident that blocked the way to the restaurant and had to circle 3 blocks before arriving, which means they will be at least 20 minutes late. Yamato could arrive in just a minute with his speed, but accompanying a hard-headed team makes it a lot difficult to leave them alone. While typing her reply on Juumonji's text she felt someone's presence sit beside her.
"Can I sit beside you?"
The auburn-haired manager was startled and paused typing. His voice was exactly as she remembered it, but still Mamori recovered from her shock and resumed typing, not looking at the human being, or not really, beside her.
"I…" She started, but after Hiruma told her 'sorry', she felt that she was allergic to the word, and used other words to express apology. "I apologize, but that seat is taken, and so are the other seats on this table." She said as she pressed the 'send' key of her phone.
"Then I… suppose I should sit on the floor then?"
She shrugged. "Maybe you should sit there, Juumonji's still not yet here…" Mamori finally stared at the someone who disturbed her, and there's his unmistakable sharp emerald green eyes, similar sharp nose and elf-like ears, and his body chose to wear an all-black outfit. And just like she had seen him earlier, his hair is down spiked black. "…Hiruma-kun."
She almost flinched at the way Hiruma smiled at her. It was one of those genuine smiles that made him handsome and not some devil-from-hell, the smile that she really loved, but her experience told her that maybe it's not genuine at all. Who knows what kind of trick he'll pull now that he came back-
Came back? Mamori inwardly frowned at that thought. I thought he won't?
He shrugged and hummed in understanding. "So you're here to wait for the Saikyoudai Wizards?"
It was used to be 'you're waiting with a bunch of fucking overgrown baby brats? You're spoiling them too much fucking manager'.
Mamori couldn't remember when, in all these years, is she more surprised than today. But then the possibility of him still having connection and getting information despite that he is nowhere to found is 100%. And it surprised her more that she haven't heard any curse or swear now that he's back. Maybe there's a girl braver than her that actually straightened him up? That did everything more than what she did? Mamori's heart ached at that thought.
"Yeah." She managed to answer despite a football field-sized lump was stuck in her throat. "What about you? Why are you here?"
"I'm here to talk to someone, one of my employees." Hiruma answered, leaning back on the chair. "Ever since I arrived at NFL and got successful on my career I also founded a company that holds international sports academies."
In the past he would probably say 'just talking to a fucking slave, the topic is none of your damn business, fucking manager'.
"I… I mean… why are you here in Japan?"
He looked at her intently as their eyes met, and when Mamori started to feel that their staring contest seemed like forever without letting go, Hiruma answered. "Catching up old times."
In the past Hiruma would probably sneer and say 'none of your fucking business damn nagger'.
Mamori's right eyebrow raised, thanking the gods secretly in relief. "I didn't think after three years of absence made your mouth forbidden of curses. Did your tongue tied because of the string of profanities you use everyday?" She humored up the situation, as if they had met literally yesterday.
His genuine smile widened. "I don't think I can curse again. Not in front of you anyway… I don't want you to feel insulted."
She was taken aback by his sentence. She didn't imagine that Hiruma is now this… gentleman. She expected him to cackle evilly or show his sharp fangs or tease her, saying 'tricked ya didn't I?', but he did not do those kind of things. He was there beside her, talking the most casual conversation she couldn't believe would exist between Hiruma and her.
"I'm sorry." She looked at Hiruma again, who said sorry and only looked at the table and didn't bother to hide his downcast expression unlike in the past that he always tried to hide anything and everything. "I'm sorry for leaving you. But thank you for everything you have done for me."
If Mamori hides her surprise earlier then right now she showed it, but she smiled understandingly and lovingly that a waiter who passed by in front of them almost stumbled because of his stare to the manager. "Like I said to you before, it's okay. You don't have to apologize. I understand you at all."
"Then I don't have to pull you down to my lap and whisper to you again right?"
Mamori blushed at his statement, trying to hide it by covering her face with the menu book, pretending to read the orders. "N-no, you don't have to, thanks." Her answer was muffled by the folded menu cardboard.
Hiruma smiled at her that was vanished after looking at his wristwatch. "Tsk, I love to talk to you longer but I need to go now, I still had an important meeting to attend. I had to go or I'm in trouble, again." He said as he stood up and smiled at her apologetically. Seeing it made Mamori think that if there's an attitude Hiruma hadn't changed was that he's still a troublemaker, gun-lover (she saw an outline of a gun on his back-he still have his inside pockets), and a teaser. "Do you had some free time tomorrow?"
"Uh…" Mamori rummaged her head for her schedule tomorrow. "Maybe tomorrow afternoon, after practice. We're going to leave earlier from practice because the day after tomorrow will be our match against Shuuei, and Yamato told us that they needed to rest so that they'll have enough strength for the match."
"That's good. We can catch up, right? Maybe I could even help you for data and strategies." Hiruma said and propped her right arm to face Mamori who looked at him intently. "We'll meet here if that's okay for you. I can wait here for a whole day if you want to."
Mamori shrugged and looked away from him as a tinge of pink on her plump cheeks had showed. "T-thanks but you don't have to do that."
"It's up to you, but whatever your decision is, I'll still love you." Hiruma's sentence made Mamori shock. He then removed his arm from the table and walked behind her, making his way to the door. "See you next time… Anezaki."
Mamori realized that Hiruma never ceased to amaze her, but it's time for her to do the surprise. "Hiruma-kun!" She called when she saw Hiruma pulled and opened the door with his left hand. Hiruma turned to her with a confused look.
"Welcome back, and happy birthday, Hiruma-kun."
She seemed to be successful, because he looked pleasantly surprised for the first time. He smiled back at her before finally going out of the door and left. Mamori looked at his retreating figure through the transparent glass walls who circled the left side of the restaurant before disappearing at a concrete wall. Mamori sighed, but right now she can't stop this happy smile. The only smile she allowed whenever she knew Hiruma's around. And like clockwork the Saikyoudai Wizards players entered the restaurant with a some cheers, gossip noise and greetings to her.
Banba placed the tall gallon of ice cream beside the table followed by Juumonji, who had Akaba help him, and Agon who's obviously showing off, carrying the heavy ice cream gallon by using a hand. "Sorry for being late." Banba said apologetically.
"Not really, it's okay." Mamori assured him then eyed the Saikyoudai Wizards warily who occupied the two long rectangular tables. "I got a message from Juumonji-kun so I understand. Also, an old friend arrived and we talked so I didn't got bored."
Juumonji smiled and started to sit beside her. "I've never seen you- ouch!" He reacted as soon as he sat down the chair, making the Saikyoudai players on their table stop doing whatever their work is. Even Taka stopped reading and took a peek on the lineman.
Banba frowned with worry. "Are you okay?"
Instead of answering he dug his left hand on his seat and widened his eyes as soon as he touched that and recognized the thing. As soon as he showed the thing that managed to hurt his butt the people around him widened their eyes in shock. They saw a bullet casing for humankind's sake!
Because of this Juumonji stared at Mamori, who bursted a fit of giggles. "Anezaki-senpai…"
"What?"
"Who is that old friend that talked to you?"
"His name is taboo." Mamori reminded him jokingly.
Juumonji frowned at her more and threw the bullet casing on wherever-it-will-land. Sadly because he's born to be a lineman and not a quarterback, the casing landed on Agon's head (which is talking to Banba about tips on how to murder a player inside the field) that leads on having a tick mark on his newgrown hair and Juumonji apologizing. After that he leaned closer to Mamori, which the latter didn't mind at all.
"Okay let's see, let's go through the list. Did you hung him upside down?"
"No."
"Broke his bones?"
"No."
"Snap his neck?"
"No."
"Blasted him to kingdom come using his guns?"
"I didn't see a gun dangling on his shoulder."
"I thought you'd do that if you'll see him!" Juumonji said in disbelief, throwing his arms on the air. "And no guns? There's a bullet casing for human's sake!"
Mamori smiled at him. "I will keep my promise on having the Devil Bats help me when I'll do that, Juumonji-kun."
After a long silence Mamori's attention transferred in talking to Banba and Agon about the tips on 'killing' a player, pointing out like this and like that. Seeing this Juumonji can't help but to thank Hiruma coming back despite the hate he felt for hurting the woman beside him because right now the auburn-haired manager is happy, very genuinely not like before that she is not happy enough, hurt and sadness transparent in her eyes. She dedicated her life to anyone in need, obvious or not, without asking any payback. Hiruma's right, she deserves someone good, but Hiruma's better enough for her.
"Anezaki-senpai?" He called out, making Mamori to temporarily divert her attention to Juumonji. And right now all Juumonji saw was a sparkling-eyed happy Anezaki Mamori that seemed not to care about the world, unlike these past three years that she really looked like a mother with her tired and hurt aquamarine eyes that took things more seriously than she had to, to distract her even for a moment.
"What is it?"
"What did he told you before he left?"
Mamori looked at him, nostalgia sweeping in her being. It was the same question he asked her yesterday, when he visited her for Sena's request. She didn't have any communication on the former Devil Bats anymore except Juumonji it seems, but they do meet every annual reunion with Hiruma absent. But now she knew the later reunions would be fun, not just because Hiruma Youichi had arrived from hell, but because she knew everyone will help her hang Hiruma upside down, break his bones and snap his neck 101 times, not to mention she'll also use machine gun to bury him dead.
And also this time, her answer to his question won't be the same as before.
"He said that he'll wait for my decision." Mamori finally answered after a long silence between them. "That it's still up to me, that whatever my decision is, he'll still love me."
Juumonji smiled understandingly. "And what would be your decision?"
"I will see him tomorrow afternoon, tie him up and make sure he won't go away now…"
"He'll be glad."
"…then hang him upside down…"
"…break his bones…" The blonde lineman continued.
"…and snap his neck…" Mamori followed.
"…then gun him down." Juumonji finished and chuckled then eyed at the dishes that were laid down before their hungry eyes and mouth. "Be thankful, Anezaki-senpai."
Mamori's mouth twitched to a playful smile. "Who said I'm not? He'd do better this time, I'm sure of it."
"Of course, he is still Hiruma Youichi after all." Juumonji said as if he was assuring something that did not got lost. "And this time you're his dream."
Mamori visibly displayed a thoughtful expression before saying something. "Maybe I'd play hard to get too, just like that Christmas Bowl…"
"I'll help you."
"…maybe he'll give up halfway, haha!"
"With his intelligence?" Juumonji asked unbelievably. "I'm sure he'll stay up late thinking 101 ways to get you back."
But instead of listening Mamori turned to him. "Hey Juumonji-kun, wanna crash his birthday party?"
"Are you nuts? He's a devil, for crying out loud!" Juumonji reacted. "Does he even throw a party? And he had a birthdate?"
"Of course! He's a pro NFL player, I'm sure everyone who idolizes him will throw a party for him I'm sure of that. Do you think he'll have creampuffs on his buffet tonight?"
"Anezaki-senpai…"
"Or marshmallows?"
"Anezaki Mamori."
"I hope I'll find chocolate ice cream there too!"
Juumonji sweatdropped. "You're not really listening are you?"
Mamori stared at him with a smile, her subconscious still thinking about the party. "You said something?"
"Do you really want to crash a party? You're an officer of Disciplinary Committee up until now Anezaki-senpai."
Mamori pouted. "There's nothing wrong in crashing a party, we need to loosen up sometimes!"
"I'm. Not. Going."
"Of course." Her smile became mischievous. "You crashed a couple of convenient stores when you are still a delinquent don't you? And what's wrong with that, he's our old friend! There's nothing wrong with greeting him 'Happy Birthday' and eat creampuffs-"
"It's devour." Juumonji corrected, but Mamori ignored him.
"-and check out their chocolate ice cream! Now are you coming tonight or not?"
"…maybe. I think so." Juumonji muttered.
"That's good." She hadn't felt happy like that since she was born, and she's grateful because of Hiruma. "Because I know you want to see him too."
Happy birthday, and thank you, Hiruma-kun. For coming back to me. For lighting up my life the second time.
MEOOOOOWWW!
Translation: And finally! *stretches* I finished this for two effin days, and I don't know how to end this (yeah, I suck at endings). Please leave a review! It's the most important ingredient in my writing life! T_T