hi, sorry I haven't written anything in AGES! this fic is dedicated to StendanMoustache I'm so sorry I haven't put your requested fic on yet (I haven't finished it. I want to make it as good as possible!) I will upload them soon but in the mean time this is for you...
this fic is about ste's feeling on the whole drug dealing and losing Brendan stage in his life.
warning-swearing...lot's of swearing! :p
I feel like shit. absolute shite. I've downed my whole bodyweight in vodka and now I feel like shit! my house is shit, my job is shit, I'm shit and my whole fucking life is...yeah you guessed it SHIT! I'm in so much fucking pain right now and the alcohol isn't working. Trevor is a right dick, I just try and help a few kids out and he beats the crap outta me. I'm never going back there...ever, I cant. I cant work for him again, not after that. I know it makes me sound like a right pussy but he scares me...a lot. I've been beaten up so many times in my life and I have had enough of it, I just want it to stop now. I want to change. I want to change into the good me again cause I hate my self, I hate what I have become and I want to die.
drug dealing, I'm a fucking drug dealer, that's like the lowest of the low and it makes m sound like a right tramp. I cant believe that that's what I have become. from a successful deli owner to a low life drug dealer. when I walk throw the village people avoid me, they just walk the other way. it's either that or they look at me in pity and disgust. I just ignore them, well try to anyway. I hate feeling like this. I want my old life back. every night I go to sleep hoping that when I wake up it would be all good again and that I was all just a nightmare. but it never happens. I even hope that god would just give up on me and I wont wake up at all.
I miss my kids, I miss Amy, I miss Cheryl and Doug but most of all I miss Brendan. he would know what to do. he would be able to help me, he would save me from Trevor and from everything that's going on in my life at the moment. if he was to come back everything would be good again.
I'm setting up for a robbery. I'm going to raid a pharmacy van, with help from Freddie. I'm freaking out though cause Trevor's planning something and I want to know what it is. I cant back out though cause it either get beaten by DR Browning or beaten by Trevor, so it's a lose-lose situation...well sort of. I need to make money anyway, for the kids and for me to survive cause I haven't got a job anymore. Amy might also let me see the kids then is well, because she'll see that I have money and ill be able to look after the kids, well as long as I don't tell her where I got the money from!
my life is a mess. but I'm used to it now. I am scared but ill just have to try and get throw it all. I don't know when the
next beating will come weather that's from Trevor, Brendan, DR Browning or some random person on the street I sell to. I am going to stop though. I'm going to stop everything, soon. but for now I just need to keep my head down.
why does this happen to me?
reviews please!
I know this isn't the best fic and its very short, so I'm sorry :p