a b s o l u t e - u n c e r t a i n t i e s
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twinkle twinkle litte star,
i can't find you anymore
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I wasn't sure if it was simply jealousy, or if I really wanted to just be your friend. Not someone you turn to when you're bored, or when you have no one else to hang out with.
I wasn't sure why you picked me. And let me tag along like some sick homeless puppy. Only to be pitied by everyone else and to be looked down by those who knew.
You knew, though. That I wanted more. Because it was obvious, and because I was crazy enough to confess, even though she was already around. Yet you kept me. Like some broken music box that could no longer sing, yet kept. If only you could tell me why. And not just lie with that voice that I'm weak of. Not look at me with those captivating cold eyes that allowed no one to escape them. No one.
Why did it have to be you? Why can't it be him, or another him? Why you?
Why, every time you seemed to give hints that you actually sincerely cared for me, you would just turn that hope off like it's a simple light switch?
It hurts.
It hurts.
It hurts.
I never wanted any of this.
I didn't want this selfish feeling, or this pain from completely understanding and recognizing the fact that you would never be mine, but would forever be hers.
You lied so many lies, but I always let them slip off.
Because I believed, and stupidly so too, that one day you would tell me the truth. That when you said "I need you", it's not simply because you're bored, or you have no one else to talk to, but is really because you need me; to love you and cherish you.
I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
As you and her grow happier every day.
While you, her, them talk about things I would never be involved in.
I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Crying every passing day I see your face.
Remembering how you said you "needed me".
Only to be shot down when I remembered;
"I need you. I told you I didn't, I know people can't read minds, but I need you. I really… really… need you, to check up on me when I'm crying alone. And tell me 'I will be here for you', I need you."
I remembered you shutting your doors.
Tempting me, but never opening your locks.
Was I never there for you? Did I lack something?
Why did you have to leave me when I needed you the most? Why did you have to go off and be happy with her when I really needed you?
But,
I waited anyway.
I waited.
And waited.
As you find your happily ever after.
Your forever.
I would wait.
I would continue to wait.
Because honestly,
I have nothing better to do.
No one else to wait on.
So I will just wait.
Until…
I really don't know until when I would wait for you for.
Perhaps another day, another month, another year. What about forever?
Let me wait. Just a little longer.
Just
a
little
long–
.
twinkle twinkle little star,
hello? is there anyone out there?
hello?
. . .
…finally. a story. i've been on hiatus from fanfiction for too long… /sighs
this would make no sense. because it's pretty much… my experience and current feelings, and i have nowhere to unleash it.
reviews will always be appreciated.