Return to Mother or Die (pt. 1)
This story is in the process of being written by my friends and other random scones. It makes no sense and is just random…so…enjoy. Many of the comments made are incomprehensible inside-jokes. I am aware that I space the paragraphs strangely but each paragraph represents another person writing. We started 12/5/06. Ended: still under construction.
It was a dark night. On a rooftop stood a hooded figure. He removed his hood revealing…
That he was a two headed professor Snape. L and Harry thought one was bad…) Duel-headed professor Snape jumped off the roof and
Landed right on the mangled corpse of Happy Noodle Boy, who is a depressed stick figure. After vaporizing Snape, Happy Noodle Boy began to cry because Yazoo was missing.
Yazoo was a big banana. He was Happy Noodle Boy's snack.
Suddenly, Dalamar appeared. After making a thorough inspection of Raistlin with rubber gloves (without the rubber gloves) He ate Yazoo. As Happy Noodle Boy cried, Tas appeared with Kadaj and
Cloud poped (yes poped, not popped) out of nowhere covered with pie. Since Cloud was from a "pie" party he was obviously delicious. Everyone starred at him and thought he was finger licking good. As soon as he spoke, everyone jumped on him and licked him! Omg! His pet bear is called Luis, he is huggable. As Mother says, "if a quiz is quizzical what is a test?"…Then
Bob, the psycho cow from the planet of psycho cows appeared. He didn't do anything wrong. He didn't die and is awesome.
See Spike Run! Run Spot Run! Oh Snap! He ran into a wall. OH WELL.
Happy Noodle Boy uh… was all… unhappy and uh… was hugged by Benjamin Franklin. "Would YOU like an avocado???" asked Ben. "Of course you can!" said Franklin with elaboration.
Reno, Rude, Rufus, Tseng, and Elena went for a long, long walk. They had fun (; Then, out of the purple came MR.SMITH. He took out his bendy straw and…
The chewy-purple-pot-smoking monkey killed George Bush and then jumped off my head and died.
The girls at the table next to us are loved by the kid with the blue shirt.
Buttmunchy is good.
If cows can fly, they would have broccoli shaped bibs and the cows
Would fall onto the ground and get squashed by the flying pigs of Pig Pen. The pigs would fly away but sadly the pigs were too fat for their own good. Anyway, Cloud came and like, stabbed the pigs so that he could eat them. Unfortunately, they became one with earth (if you know what I mean). Mwahahahahahaha…Cloud was very sad.
And became a vegetarian. Then he and his fellow black sheep brethren ran into the sunset while their happy flocks waved cheerfully. Then Kadaj sat on Yazoo's pencil, and
Moaned. You didn't know he swung that way. Well then Yazoo screamed because his pencil didn't swing that way, and grabbed it out of Kadaj. "Fwiez!" He yelled "I love men like Gilat!" Gilat promptly fainted and died. Then Kaoru exploded after doing Luna. Then Kadag went BOOOOOM!
Anyway… Raistlin, quite shaken up with his by Dalamar (Ewww!) decided it was time to get a new wardrobe. He bought jeans, a black sweatshirt, underwear, (because Dalamar stole his!) and a red T-shirt. He also bought a BIG shotgun and said, "I'm hunting ELVES!
Because they make WRONG and bad things HAPPEN TO ME!?! (This part was entirely written so that if you hold a mirror to it you could read it)
Riku met with his father, Michael, to go to Sephy's house, Café/ Random Eye Patch Kid/ Rufus' Dad, Café was sitting right beside her father Sephy and Riku came in. As they were discussing about nothing, elves randomly came in and Cloud and Dalamar used their shotguns to shoot the elves. The elves turned into Elvis and started singing which poped their ears out and they fainted. Café took her machine gun and shot Cloud and Dalamar and Eric with his fungus in his pants. Haha then,
It turns out George Bush wasn't really dead and the chewy-purple-pot-smoking monkey died for nothing. Ich Ficken sie am Wochenende! (That is German; except for the word Ficken) Back to Bush! Since I am a very good shot, I decided to make the White House purple, the color associated with homosexuals. The little retard we call "Mr. President" came running out and I shot him in the head. I will miss you little chewy-purple-pot-smoking monkey, R.I.P. I'm a Klingon! Schon.
Then Riku said "What," and was confused. Then Elvis, who was still singing, decided to "play" with Sora who came out of Riku's "pocket". Then Yazoo and Mr. Flynn started dancing.
OMFG! Guess what happened next! Uhmz. (; Cloud came along and asked Riku… "Got Milk?" with an enormously wicked grin on his face. Naturally, Riku…
Went to Bobina's house and they had a lovely cup of "milk" YAY! Then Mickey Mouse rang the doorbell and went inside and smacked Cloud in the face and milk came out of his nose and his eyeballs pooped (from poped to pooped) out. Good for Cloud, now he is blind. So Mickey Mouse gave Cloud his dog Pluto. Pluto made Cloud run into a wall and he broke his nose and it started to bleed.
Wanna ride my pole? I want to ride a pole but not Joes?
A fat, pot, smokin' monkey screwed another monkey.
Riku ate ze pole in Rikku's pants…PANTS!!!ies… There were pansies in Kadaj's panties. His panties were pink with wittle rain drops and roses.
Meanwhile, Link was out slashing the s out of a local poe. "I will get out of this bottle and KILL YOU!!" yelled the poe while it was getting stuffed into a bottle. Da da da da daaa da da da! (winning music to FF) "Whatever," said Link. "When did you start tal-?" asked Navi when she started ringing out of nowhere. Link picked up Navi and said, "Hello? Who is this?"
This is Elvis Presley!! –in background, there was Mexican (yay!) music- "I'm eating nachos while having spleen surgery." Link asked Elvis, "Are you wearing a sombrero? Elvisy poopy poo?" "I AM NOT Elvis. I am Benjamin Franklin ze ninja; and I am sitting on a toilet for 09369.25 years trying to work off this fat." Then Link
Said, "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves." But then Mother shot him. Then she laughed maniacallllly and locked Sephiroth and Mr. Flynn in a small box together, and Elvis spontaneously combusted because he lost his calculator.
"LALALA-AA LA! We're gonna make you pop-u-lar! When I See Amanda, I'm so happy I could melt! For I am a sentimental man!" Kadaj sang. "OHEMEFFGEE!!" Amanda squealed, "It's Kadajy!!" She promptly glomped (I honestly couldn't read my friend's handwriting there, but I think that's what it said) him, then exploded. "Woops… Oh well," Kadaj said, "It's MOOGLE TIME!" "Let's disco!" Maggie screamed. Then Mr. Flynn came in and scowled because he always does. And then banged ON his piano and took off on his magic carpet. The banana children waved goodbye, then got ran over by a bus. But then the bus moved backwards and they popped (finally spelled right) back up, undead. "NUUUUT!" Yazoo screamed. He wanted to EAT their Guts through a BENDY STRAW. BUAAHAHAH- okay and then Mr. Zack through (wrong through) a book at Gabby who was to (too) busy taking notes to notice the Largo fanfic flying at her head and collapsed.
Mr. Zack then laughed maniacally as he saw Mr. Flynn's POOFY PANTS and said, "Whoa-ZARSSS!" But sadly for Mr. Zack, Cloud and Sephiroth burst in as they were making-out and distracted him from the beloved pants. HOLY CRAP!!!!!
Mr. Zack started talking to Sephiroth. Soon, he found out that Sephiroth already had a boyfriend (Elvis Presley, although he made so that he hated him, but in truth loved his hair), and looked back at Mr. Flynn. However, Mr. Zack was sad to see that Kelly had his pants (POOR MR. ZACK! Suddenly, Mr. Zack got attacked by an evil bunny rabbit with only one yellow left shoe. Then Dalamar appeared with Raistlin at his side. They gazed deeply into each other's eyes, then, Raistlin put down the shotgun and gave Dalamar his pants. (Side quote: Raistlin doesn't wear pants, he wears robes!!! Trust me I know because if he had pants, you would be in them. –RMG) Gabby, devastated after seeing their definition of a "good time", watched as the fat dude from fiddler on the roof shook his manboobs so then Sephiroth went grocery shopping for condoms because
He wanted to. He might be going to ze bar to get himself a treat "LET'S ALL GO TO THR LOBBY!..." "To get yourself a sex machine!" said the teddy bear with the pink pants…PANTS. The sex machine shows how to do it! Splee! After Dalamar and Sora had cookie snu snu,..
They started laughing ominously, insanely and then shoved their heads. THEN, they ● ? were eaten by pink ● ? kitty souls. (Please don't ask me about the dot, arrow, question mark thing; not even Sephiroth could explain it- and he wrote that part).
Ben Franklin. Assassin. Ninja. This mysterious Framer stands upon a mountaintop looking down at the valley…all that is his. He meditates, becoming one with the earth. He is a figure of divine beauty. His numerous chins and wrinkly old flab. Meditating. He is at peace with the earth. He then receives a feeling. Yes. A feeling, in his lower back. This dark ninja has received one of natures most beautiful of prizes. The wedgie.
Lord Voldemort gave Ben Franklin a wedgie.
Another wonderful prize was a trip to Mexico (yay). In Mexico, there was a huge sale on sex machines. Gem got married to Sheldon in Mexico (yay) and since Kaoru and Yazoo were jealous and "fun'ed" each other until the opening of Dawn. At dawn, Reno had his spleen removed and put it in a jar with pickle juice. The juice…
Came from Cloud's you know what…but little that everyone knew that it came from…Then, after Cloud finished working, he used his sex machine with Sephy. The next morning a purple back gorilla woke up Café and realized the most horrible thing on her bed. She realized that Sephy was cheating on Riku because both Sephy and Cloud lay stoned on her bed. Riku came in her room and finds both naked men on her bed. Sephy and Cloud woke up and find Café and Riku staring at them, as Sephy was about to explain what happened, Riku proposed to have a PIE fight! Everyone randomly found pie everywhere and threw at each other but Café walked out before things got messy. Covered in pie, they were all finger licking good! Then…
Elphaba came with her horse, Sperm, "OMFG!!" screamed Sephy. "Sperm! You came back to me! Ah all the good times we had together." But, Albert Einstein came out of the red and ate his toes. "Can I join?" asked Café. "NUU my toes!" then Albert turned into a platypus. A SMART platycow. PLATYCOW!
He sat there, in his own shame. This prison was like no other. There was no light, no happiness…anywhere. He sat there, bleeding…weeping. Why was he here? He knew he would die here…In the Land of Happy, Magical, Friendly, Adorable, EVIL Bunnies. That poor man, cow, platypus, thing.
Oh well…nobody really cared about him, so they went off to murder cows and save the world from global warming and the Constitution of the United States of Sconeland. On their way to do that, Random Moogle Girl and Vincent got into a fight, because Vincent wouldn't admit that Kadaj was prettier than Raistlin. After a long war, Vincent admitted his true feelings of attraction towards Raistlin, and then he regretfully
Looked (should be took) both Kadaj and Random Moogle Girl in the tower of High Sorcery. Vincent knew what would happen. You know, those two, locked in a tower, TOGTHER! ALONE! Come on people use your imaginations! Anyways…Now that both Kadaj and RMG were out of the way Vincent ripped off his red, sinful, cloak, thing and revealed Rhisen was behind it all. Rhisen (AKA-Gabby) took Raistlin to a room where the (should be they) popped Dalamar's and bunnies heads off. Then they got bored…and decided to try out a new machine.
They tried, but they exploded. The End.
This is honestly not the end. I will soon have the rest of the story but it will be in several parts. Hope you slightly enjoyed part 1. I was not able to get the really funny part in and I promise I will get it in the next part.
My friends are scones and blah. Seymour will rise again (hopefully not).
The End of Pt 1
See you in Pt 2 (maybe)