Disclaimer: Wait, you mean they DON'T belong to me…awww man, stupid dreamland…the song doesn't either…*sniffle* Well that Eric Kripke and 30 Seconds to Mars sure are lucky! Title is also from words in the song…so yeah, I got nothing.
There is one minor spoiler from season 5 and small one from season 3, but it doesn't matter if you seen the episodes or not. If you find them, let me know… (Challenging you to figure out the spoilers) Otherwise, the spoilers are pretty general and non-specific; mostly all thoughts are just that, pre-series. Oddly, set during first part of Season 1. Anyhow…
This is Dean's life story…kind of. Ages 3-20. Please let me know what you think. (Story in this print. Song in this print.)
Where I Want to Be
I've been thinking of everything, I used to want to be
3: My dad
I wanted to be just like my dad when I grew up, and for a moment I thought I could be
4: Big brother
When I found out that my mom was going to have a baby, I was thrilled. I could be a big brother, defend my little brother. For those 6 months of normal, it was great, but brotherhood remained after the nightmare.
5: Son to a mother
Only two months and my mom would have seen my 5th birthday, and I wanted her there so bad. She missed Sammy's first birthday. Not only did I lose my mom, but I lost my dad to grief and revenge. I have to keep Sammy safe from what took out mom, he's all I got.
14: Normal
Not sure why, but I guess just the questions from Sammy made me think. I started wanted what I could not have, what every other kid had: normalcy. I was tired of living in nightmares. I would only have to shield Sam from bullies, no longer the supernatural baddies as well.
16: College and scholarship
I found out that with my brains, I could possibly get into any college with a full scholarship. Dad doesn't need to know, he'll be upset if I leave. So I stopped trying and just smiled when Sam smiled at his straight A's and told me I would do better if we weren't moving all the time. I also see Sam growing in his martial arts; will he need me to shelter him anymore here soon?
17: Hunter
This is when I accepted my life, dropped out of high school due to an injury a month before graduation and got my GED while I was at home recovering. I saw Sam getting smarter at all of his subjects every day, and when I saw him having trouble, I always found a way to secretly help him. It's my job to look after him; I am the big brother after all.
20: Postpone the Future
I see Sam looking at colleges when he doesn't think anyone is watching. This confirms that I have to stay. Dad will be mad enough if one of us leaves, but if Sam's leaving, I guess that means I'm staying. I'll save Sam from this life, let him have what I could not.
This is the story of my life.
I've been a child, brother, friend, father figure, son, soldier, lover, criminal, and hunter. All of my life, I've been something. The story and shades of my life still defining,
These are the lies that I have created.
I've lied to women, cops, victims. I even lied to Sam when I knew I had to (about what dad really did); even my own father when it came to Sam.
It's where I want to be
I may have wanted to be a lot of different things when I was younger, but some things never change. I want to be a son and brother. I want to be the protector, the hunter. And I still want to postpone the future now that Sam is riding on the passenger seat and we head towards the unknown. I may only by 26, but that's old for a hunter. I want more time to live, normally. To be honest though, I'm glad I am where I am at today. Everything I wanted, everything I am, everything I might be: it defines who I am, what makes me myself.
I think that I still have issues with some of my past, but in the end, I think I'll find my true self.
I found myself in the end…
===END===
Let me know what you think, and I might do a Sam version or expand on this…
Chow, Siara