The Greater Evil
Post-SBURB
They weren't doing anything wrong, it was only just pretend after all. Though his face was getting dangerously close and the looming sense of guilt was present; she's be damned if he didn't make a move now.
For Isabel (tao)
03/28/12
He stumbles through the dark room, across the abyss that is his apartment. He moves swift but begrudgingly, an inner debate on whether reaching the door was an utmost priority. But he does reach, and opens the door, Jade is standing there. Jade in a faded demine skirt and an equally bland blouse, top buttons buttoned down casually. Jade, carrying a six pack.
Behind his shades, Dave blinks.
The scene is surreal, he vaguely questions whether or not he is sober at this point, but the half empty bottle from across the room reminds him that he is still very much aware of his surroundings. So instead he blinks again, and straightens his posture for show. He takes a side step to the right, enough space for Jade to enter with a gracious nod, and shuts the door.
"I see you've already started without me." She whispers. Her voice carrying a light sense of humor from her earlier days and yet filled with much maturity. She doesn't expound, he notices, even if he knows she wants to. She doesn't relentlessly pester him anymore nor does she bombard him with childish pleas, to an extreme, she keeps all hugs and signs of physical contact to a minimum. Dave doesn't know what to think of it, what to think of her. Her, standing in front of him with a smile that now lacks her once cheeky personality. Change comes with the years; he assures himself; but blocks the part of his mind that wants to linger on her form.
She bends her head to the side, sending him a questioning gaze. She gestures at his living space, "Did I disturb your sleeping?" Emerald eyes dart back and forth in search of a clear source of light. Dave suddenly becomes aware of how dim his apartment currently is.
"No, I was just mixing some tracks. Mixing stuff like a bartender does on New Year's night, shaking his magic and filling up the cups of his crew and the stingy paparazzi. All begging for more until he loses his shit making some." The charade is gone the moment the sentence leaves his mouth, a pitiful excuse for a metaphor, and they both know. Dave is too embarrassed to continue, and part of him knows that he is too maxed out to continue his ironic ignorance for the night.
"Really, in the dark?" Jade asks, gesturing once again to the darkness and the overall lack of sound in his apartment. Though she does it as a distraction, for both her and Dave to forget his little slip-up awhile ago, Dave is still very much grateful for the effort.
He leads her to the couch and Jade takes a seat eagerly. He doesn't sit with her and departs shortly after. Watching his back turned around, Jade presumes that he is finding the light switch, only to see him come back with the half empty beer from awhile ago, now he takes his seat. They will be having their conversation in the darkness from the looks of it.
She breaks the silence, it's only proper.
"When I told them that I had to leave early today, I swear the dressmaker was so mad," she looks at him to confirm his attention, "she did not like it at all. I swear, I thought she was going to bite off my arm for a moment. Looked like she was about too." She surpasses a chuckle that was threatening to come out, instead replace by a giggle. "Crazy bitch. I swear I don't know why I even agreed to her in the first place-"
"But you did." He cuts her off.
She smiles, brushing off his seemingly cold attitude, it was in his way a sign that he cared.
"Yes I did, but only because the family insisted so much." She crosses her arms and looks at him playfully. "And she gets the job done, for the most part. Though I wish she'd shut up more often."
"Crazy bitch…" He mutters in response, earning a chuckle from the brunette. She manages to catch his eyes despite his shades and the lack of lighting, and throws him one of her cheeky grins, bucktooth and all. The corners of his mouth twitch upwards in return.
"But it's all worth it in the end." She mumbles, breaking the gaze. Her eyes switch to stare off into the darkness, maybe hoping to catch sight of a dust particle in the process. Her body is suddenly very tense and he thinks he can see her knuckles turn white ever so slightly. His gaze lingers on her for exactly five point zero seven seconds before she snaps out of her trance. And when she does her head bobs slightly and her mouth opens in realization.
"I am sorry, I didn't mean too," she starts, looking embarrass, "I allowed myself to wander off, for a moment there." He decides that he doesn't like the sound of her forced giggles, especially during a tense situation, but he waves it off with a nod.
"No problemo." Jade smiles.
"So what has the coolkid been up too?" She hypnotizes him with the term, and he is still very much taken with it, at least as a distraction.
"This and that." He responds, taking a mouth full of beer. "Been spending days in the apartment, but been going downtown for a few nights for a couple of gigs. Getting by regardless." He drinks the last of the half empty bottle and sets it down the table.
"And how often is that, enough to keep a guy like you busy? Jade hands him another beer, as well as opens one for herself. She takes a full sip and swallows a bit too soon, the bitter taste and after burns hit her throat like a wakeup call.
"Mondays, Tuesdays… all weekdays minus the last." Dave grumbles, compared to the beer his tone was a tad bitterer.
"Oh…" Realization hits Jade late and her hands meet as she looks down, ashamed of herself. "I didn't mean… you know I wasn't implying," she looks at him, trying to catch his eyes again, but his eyes have turned cold and were now focused on the bottle in his hands. "We can help you, you know. I can help you. I can ask help from someone maybe they'll know someone, maybe Ste-"
"Harley," he interrupts her. Wounded pride aside, he did not want to hear her say his name. He didn't want help from whoever she had in mind. He was fine. "Though I appreciate the gesture, the knight has grown up. He doesn't need your help when solving itsy bitsy problems anymore."
He just made a frog reference. Jade knew however subtle he tried to be.
"Hey," she starts with more force than needed "we're just trying to help, you know." Her hands grip the ends of her blouse, cotton material scrunches up to its breaking point. "I know you're having a hard time, I am not- we're not judging you for it. But if you need it all you have to do is come out clean and-"
"Shut up, Harley!"
"No!" she stands up, topples a beer down in the process. It stains the hardwood of his table and the liquid drips down on the carpet. She should be embarrassed but she isn't. "What the hell is your problem Strider? Do you think that hiding from your problems is the answer? How long are you going to stay here sprouting bullshit every time I come? You don't think that John is worried, how about Rose. Didn't someone ever teach you how to pick up a phone?" Her voice doesn't have its childish plea anymore, replaced by the hard vowels of a young lady.
He misses her tangy accent and how she'd find a way to speak gently but bitterly at the same time. Now, half the words don't register in his ears. They've been corrupted, soiled, tweaked in every way possible. Or at least that's what he tells himself every time she comes for a chat.
"I do, Harley." He pretends that the sour feeling in his chest was a result of one beer too many, it wasn't a lie technically. He does pick up the phone whenever they'd call, only after the ringing stops.
"No you don't," she stands up from the couch, arms on each side of her waist, "you pretend that you do but you don't." He opens his mouth to speak, she sees him from the edge of her glasses. All prepared to refute her statements with an ironic comment. He's done it many times before, but never when she was mad.
She doesn't want to hear it, she decides, as she marches to the door. Whatever comment he has for her could wait until tomorrow. He could wait until- her thoughts stop there. Whatever he had for her now would never reach her ears. Jade's breathe hitches as color drains from her features. She had almost forgotten.
"You wanted this." He reminds her, almost accusingly.
He was right; she was the one who wanted to come. She was the one who came here despite him insisting that she shouldn't. She came here for him. For his sake. Because he needed her, at least for now.
At least until tomorrow.
She shakes her head, though the gesture was more for herself. She couldn't allow herself to think anymore. She was his for the night, and that was all that mattered. She was his for as long as the night lasted.
"You came here even when I told you not to come, Harley." His voice breaks her line of thoughts, almost as if he could hear her struggle with herself. The hand on the door knob, her right one, moves away from the object and returns back to her side. She turns around to face him; a new bright smile plasters itself on her face automatically.
"I know, and I am here." She reassures him by walking back and taking a seat on her previous position. Thanks for reminding me. She stops herself from saying anything else.
He doesn't know how to start the conversation, doesn't know if he wants to. Not when Jade Harley is on his couch, twirling the tops of her thumbs like her being here was not a problem.
"You know I am going to miss this place," she starts suddenly, "Being in the heat of the Texas summer with you guys." She already looks nostalgic despite her still being here, Dave notes, big whoop. "I know I said I was ready to leave but the truth is-"
"You have a big house ready for you in California."
"It's not for me," she whispers, "It was there long before I decided I wanted to move."
"Super." He tries to be as positive as the moment requires. "California is a good place, lots of sand and water; it will remind you of your island."
"Yeah, I can go swimming every day." Jade jumps up the couch in excitement, "and the scenery is great!"
"Weather is fucking perfect too." He adds, just to humor her.
"Yeah. It is." Her voice softens and her excitement is less obvious. She looks at his apartment, the multiple wires on the floor, the mess around the place and the overall lived-in presence. Another silence befalls upon the couple, this time a more comfortable one.
"Dave," she takes a peek at his shades, "you're going to miss me right?"
"Heh." He laughed humorlessly. "You already…grew onto me already…"
"Really?"
His facial muscles relax. "Really."
"I am glad."
Her emerald orbs are hidden as eyelids slowly drop, keeping his treasure a secret for the rest of the night.
"You falling asleep here, Harley?"
"Nope," she flexes her muscles and lays down on his couch, "just resting. You?"
He closes his eyes behind his shades. "Trying."
She twists her body to the side. "Trying to what?"
He exhales, it's audible between them. He presses his lips, contemplating on telling her. But with tomorrow coming, he will soon lose that right. "Trying to forget."
She can feel her pulse quicken. "Forget who?" she whispers, almost as if she was uttering something illegal.
"Someone I cherish the most," he says with honesty, "who I equally hate as much."
"Why?" Her voice, breathless.
"Because that person- is going to get herself hurt." Dave mumbles, but the longing gaze in his eyes make Jade feel dirty. Dirty in a sense that she was intruding on a private conversation. On a private moment. One she shouldn't be in.
She should have left it with that; leave a sad man to his musings. It should have ended there. But it didn't.
"Why the tears?" His voice is weary; enough to make her realize that tears were in fact, streaming down her eyes. Even despite her current position, Dave still had a view of the face she tried so hard to keep in hiding.
"I am just-"her voice cracks a bit, "sad for your friend." She says it with so much sincerity that it makes her sound defenseless. But temptation is crawling on her skin, the very essence that keeps her standing; and she's be damned if he doesn't make a move now.
"You're not usually like this." He glances at her. "Maybe you should think of a better excuse to make me believe you."
"I am telling the truth!" she chokes out. And it is more than an invitation needed for Dave to come forward. He stops right before the couch, kneels down on his knees and sighs.
"Jade." And his tone strikes her heart in more ways than intended. She has heard him say her name many times before, usually during serious situations in which she needed scolding. Almost like the one she was in. She looks at him, only to be stunned by the gaze he was giving her.
She feels her heartbeat quicken, and her throat is dry all of a sudden.
Damn it, why was the proximity affecting her so much? A wave of emotion floods her face; a sudden rush overcomes her features, leaving her paralyzed in her current position.
Was it? No. She came here for him. To give him the closure he needed to go on with life without her. It was their last chance to talk everything out, because tomorrow would mark the end of any opportunity.
But he's still gazing at her. Looking at her. Beneath his dark shades, the minimum source of light gives her enough of a picture to see his red orbs. And then, the gaze he has on suddenly becomes enough. Enough to make her hope that he would cup her face and lower his mouth onto hers.
Just one kiss. And it would be enough of a satisfaction and a closure. She could almost feel it too, the aggression of his lips, the strength of passion when she rises up to meet him. The feel of his skull cradling on her hands, the warmth of his skin, the hot push of his tongue into her mouth.
He bends down and she instinctively reaches out for him. Her thumb brushes over the bones of his wrist. She tugs at him and uses the other hand to snag his necktie, fingering the soft material so she can haul him closer.
He looks different up-close, strands of blonde sticking out of his forehead. She lets go of his wrist and smoothes is down. Her for-finger runs along the bridge of his nose, across the shape of his lips and his chin, finally resting on the base of his throat.
His faces moves towards hers and her eyelids drop in anticipation.
She waits for his release.
Or hers.
But nothing happens.
She opens her eyes and searches for him. He hasn't moved.
Her lower lip starts trembling, now that reality itself was slapping her on the face. What a fool she was- for desiring such a thing. Blood rushes to her head, making her gaze a bit weary, but it doesn't block out the guilt. How could she betray her emotions like that, and almost leave him with the guilt of kissing her. But she wanted to.
"You didn't really come here to talk to me." His voice doesn't show any signs of disgust, or hated. He sounds tired.
"I-I…" she doesn't try to argue. Once again feeling like the filthiest person in the planet, Jade sits up and fixes her hair as much as her throbbing heart allows her. She didn't come here for him, he didn't want her too. Shame builds up inside her chest but it does nothing sooth her pending rejection. Why had she really come here? She didn't want to find out.
But it wasn't for just a chat.
"There is nothing," the way his voice still sounds calm even despite their situation did nothing to console Jade's feelings, "I would rather do, than to do as you want,"
"But…" His voice stops there, and his gaze is no longer on her. She follows the trail of his eyes to the other side of the room, on the digital clock hanging on the wall.
12:00AM
The bright red neon numbers taunt her from a distance, its numbers blink in a mocking laugh, something she'll remember for a long time.
Jade tumbles out of the couch and stands up for a moment. She readjusts her glasses and quietly collects her things, mindful of the still beer-soaked table from before. Time freezes for them, as the time it takes to collect her things drag out and spread. Jade doesn't trust herself to speak, doesn't know what to say either. But it is technically tomorrow, and no words now could be acted upon.
"Why?"
Dave stands up and contemplates, whether she is asking about Sburb or asking about the incident too many years ago, the one that led to this.
"Did you allow me to come here?"
Dave swallows painfully. A question he's been asking himself the whole night. He wanted to change her mind. Remind her of everything and anything that could happen. Remind her of how much he did miss her and that he wouldn't want to see her board a plane to California without him. He wanted so much, to remind himself that she was in fact his, at least at the secluded times of the night when no one was watching.
"I wanted to be the first one to congratulate you. You won't have time tomorrow." And the next day and the next.
He wanted her to be a sinner, the forbidden fruit. He wanted her to stay. Leave her beloved; leave the dress and the fancy new house, leave tomorrow.
And she did too.
Her presence, an obstacle, one he tries to conquer every time she walks into his apartment, from the moment she showed him her engagement ring to the moment she comes at him at his weakest. She moves with the intention to receive action, and he finally finds himself tired of her indecisive decisions. Maybe she is still a child despite her appearance, incapable of choosing between today and tomorrow. So he lets her go when she finally decides to let go herself.
The guilt tinted on her glasses is far too much to be ignored. The only relief he has is that, when she finally turns around and heads for the door, he doesn't have to see them anymore.
My first and probably last story for this fandom, at least until I get my writing style straightened out again.
Reviews and critiques are definitely appreciated and I promise to take the time to review your story(s) as well.
Thank you for reading.