Hay guys, guess what, yep, it's another fic! This one's the first of two parts, and it's (hopefully) a comedy, so don't expect any huge in depth character stuff. Hopefully, though, it'll be a bit of a giggle and you'll enjoy it.
If I get enough good reviews I will post the second part, so if you do like this and want to know what happens next, please review and tell me. Thanks!
Disclaimer: Non of this is mine, I just borrowed the idea from someone else. Blah, blah, blah, you know the deal.
Tricks of the Trade:
By Yma
Part 1- The trick
It was a trick to end all tricks, it was the trickiest trick ever invented by any trickster. If you looked up the word 'trick,' in the Dictionary, Todd was pretty certain that you'd find the details of his plan written down.
It was so good, in fact, that it took great strength of will to stop him giggling under his breath as he watched the X-geeks drive off after school.
'Oh, this is going to be SO good, yo.'
'Shut that big mouth of yours, Toad,' snapped Pietro, 'don't give the game away. Come on, we've got to get to the mall before she leaves.'
The thing Todd loved most about this glorious prank was that it had been him that had thought it up, though the other brotherhood members had agreed to help. In a way, it was a bit of a power trip for the Toad, the idea that this entire, beautiful, trick was orchestrated not by Pietro, Lance, or even Freddy, but by him! The powerless, slimy Toad, a leader for the day.
Lance's part was simple; he simply supplied the money which was required to buy the necessary products (the other boys were all broke.)
Pietro and Freddy had more action oriented roles, Pietro, in particular, was very important to the plot.
They soon reached the mall, and entered the Supermarket where a certain weather witch was doing the weekly shopping for the X-mansion.
The large shopping cart was packed full of groceries, and Storm hadn't even got half way through the supermarket yet. With a quick glance, Toad saw that now was the time to strike.
Freddy and Pietro went into action immediately. The large boy rumbled down the isle, pretending to look at the various food products and not-so-accidentally knocking into Storm. The momentum of his huge form practically threw her to the ground.
'Oh, I'm sorry!' he said, trying to sound sincere, 'let me help you up!'
'Thank you,' replied Ororo, accepting a large hand as he heaved her back up.
'You're not hurt, I hope?' continued Blob.
'I'm fine, thank you.'
'Ah good, I'll watch where I'm going next time, but it's all this food, you know.'
'Yes, quite. Well, goodbye.'
'Bye!'
With this Blob continued on his way, acting as if nothing had happened, and Storm continued on hers, still filling up her cart.
Unbeknownst to her was that whilst the exchange had been going on Quicksilver had run up behind her and swapped some of the items in the cart, before running back and hiding round the corner with Todd.
They continued to stalk the weather witch while the finished her shopping and paid for the goods at the checkout, not noticing the swapped goods.
'Now what?' asked Pietro.
'Now,' replied Todd, 'we wait.'
'Where's the moo-moo juice, aunty-O?' asked Evan.
'On the side,' she replied, 'I haven't had time to put it away yet.'
'Did you get the Pizza?' called Scott.'
'Yes, it's in the fridge.'
'Hay, this isn't pepperoni and mushroom, it's anchovy and, ugh, pineapple!'
'Must have picked the wrong one up, my apologies.'
'S'OK, we'll live.'
Storm sighed; sometimes she despaired of her charges, complaining over the type of pizza when she'd been places where children were starving. Still, this was America.
Kurt and Kitty bounded through the kitchen door, laughing about some event in school.
'Kitty, Kurt,' called Storm, 'can you help me unpack the food, please?'
'Sure Miss Munroe,' replied Kitty.
'Uh, I've really got to shower,' said Kurt, 'I'll help after though, OK?'
'Very well, Kurt, your new shampoo is on the side.'
'Danke, frau Munroe, catch you later!'
Kurt teleported out, straight to the bathroom, leaving Kitty and Storm coughing in the brimstone scented smoke.
'I wish he wouldn't do that,' complained Ororo, 'it'll take an hour for the smell to go!'
Kurt gave a sigh of pleasure as the almost scalding hot water rained down upon him. He loved showers, there was something so relaxing, so cleansing, about them. Baths were even better, but tended to take longer, so he usually settled for a short shower. When he was sure he was soaked, he reached out and grabbed the new shampoo Storm had bought.
It was a new brand, he noticed, from the colour of the liquid which oozed onto his three fingered hand, though the steam in the small cubical prevented him to knowing what the brand was. Not that it mattered much to Kurt, one shampoo was much the same as another, he had often thought.
He began to slowly lather himself in it, enjoying its feel in his fur; he closed his eyes to prevent any sop bubbles entering his large orbs.
His sharp ears, heightened by the loss of sight, could hear a small argument downstairs in the kitchen; apparently Miss Monroe had accidentally brought something with pork fat in it, which was causing Kitty to complain loudly.
Sometimes, reflected Kurt, he was very glad not to be Jewish.
When he was sure he had lathered himself with the shampoo from top to toe, he allowed the hot water to wash away the remaining soap bubbles.
Wapping a town round his middle, he stepped out of the shower, he would have 'ported straight to his room, had he not caught his reflection in the steamed up mirror. He paused, and slowly, as if not believing what he was seeing, cleared away the condensation covering the mirror's surface. He stood there, gaping at his reflection.
'Oh. Mein. Gott!'
He was no longer blue.
He was pink.
Bright, neon, pink.
He dashed back into the shower, grabbing the shampoo, his mind quickly connecting the dots.
Sure enough it became clear that the label had been taken of another bottle and crudely stuck on to this product, hiding its real name. Tearing the fake label off, he discovered that the bottle of shampoo with which he had so richly lathered himself was, in fact, a bottle of hair dye. Permanent, pink, hair dye.
Also on the label, he noticed, were some words scrawled in black biro.
"Manufactured by Toad and Brotherhood Inc. serving your freakish and embarrassing needs!"
Growling, and panicked almost to hyperventilating point, Kurt returned to the shower, perhaps if he acted quickly enough he could get this stuff off.
It was dinner time, and all the X-men (save Jean who was on a dinner date with Duncan, much to the consternation of Scott) were sitting round the table, eating Storms latest culinary treat. Kitty had a slightly different meal, from the others, one which did not involve pork in any way, shape, or form.
The only other X-man who was missing was Kurt, which was unusual as he was usually the first to arrive and last to leave. The 'blitzkrieg' of the dinner table, as Evan had termed him, was no where to be seen.
The Professor was about to suggest a search party for the elf, when he felt Kurt's presence enter the near vicinity.
Slowly, reluctantly, Kurt opened the door to the kitchen, wanting to get this over and done as soon as possible. He had considered wearing his holowatch to the dinner table, but knew that sooner or later someone would catch him in his native form, so he figured he might as well get it over with.
He entered into a room full of stunned mutants, even Beast looked at a loss for words, but Kurt knew the shock wouldn't last.
'Yes,' growled Kurt, his voice taunt and angry, 'I am pink, a little trick from our friendly Brotherhood neighbours. And the first person that laughs, or makes a stupid comment or joke, gets it!'
No one took the time out to ask what 'it' was, the fury in Kurt's voice was enough to persuade even Wolverine that 'it' would not be pleasant.
So the dinner table fell into uneasy silence, the only sound that of Kurt rapidly shovelling food down, and a large group of mutants desperately trying to contain their emotions.
Now, it is interesting to not that telepathy is not a power that one can simply turn off. There are shields, of course, but these only block out thoughts, the deeper, conscious musings of people. Base emotions, on the other hand, are somewhat harder to block, especially for a powerful telepath.
Another interesting fact which leads on from this is that, even though Charles Xavier tried to avoid entering people's thoughts without permission, he could not help but be sensitive to emotions, in other words he was always an empath.
A third interesting fact, which leads on from the other two, is that a strong build up of emotions can waver the mood of an empath. If people around an empath are angry, then the empath will be more likely to be angry. And if people around an empath are desperately trying to contain their laughter…
Charles Xavier sniggered, but tried to hide the sound with a cough. Nothing, however, could hide the shake of his shoulders, or the tears slowly trickling out of his eyes.
Kurt's own yellow orbs narrowed in suspicion.
'You're laughing at me, aren't you,' He rasped.
'I…' stuttered the professor, trying to keep control of his mirth, 'I… you're pink!' With this Xavier lost it, a full blown belly laugh erupted, he fell forward, unabated tears springing from his eyes, his hand pounding the table, his hysterical mirth filling the room. As if this was some queue, the other X-men started to snigger, chuckle, and outright giggle.
'Aaaahhhh!' screamed Kurt, and, grabbing a plate of food, he ported back to his own room.
It was the next day, apologies had been made, and (comparative) peace had once again settled over the X-mansion.
Kurt, Scott, Rogue, and Kitty were riding to school in Scott's car. They had just gone through the gates when the sound of the Brotherhood's sniggers reached their ears.
'Did 'ya like our new brand?' asked Todd, a sickly grin plastered over his green face.
'We thought it would amuse you, it tickled us,' said Pietro, 'tickled us pink, to be exact!'
There was another explosion of laughter at this pathetic joke.
'Hay,' put in Lance, 'do you think Freak-show's telling us something. I mean, pink isn't exactly a male colour, perhaps he's not as straight as he pretends to be.'
A feral growl filled Kurt's throat.
'Nah,' chortled Toad, 'I can't see fuzz-butt chasing anything without a tail!'
Again laughter filled the scene.
Even through his hologram it was evident that Kurt was absolutely enraged, Scott grabbed his arm, preventing him from leaping out at the Brotherhood.
'Cool it man,' he said, 'it's not worth it, it's just what they want.'
'Yeah Kurt,' joined in Kitty, 'besides you're, like, the king of pranks. You can get your own back in other ways, right?'
'Ja Kitty,' muttered Kurt, 'Ja, you are right. I will get my revenge in other ways, wait and see. I will have my revenge!'
His eyes gleamed, and he rubbed his holographic hands together.
'You know, Kurt,' commented Rouge uneasily, 'sometimes you remind me way too much of your mother.'
Next… Boe-Peep!
There, all done, if you liked then please review.