"FUCK!" Red shouted, coughing up a large amount of oil.
Red had accidentally licked a doorknob. He was dying because he was really, really stupid. Clyde held his stupid plastic paw in desperation, patting it gently.
"R-Red, you'll be okay." The gay rabbit whispered in his weird gay accent, leaning down to whisper in his friend's fake, plastic ear. "I-I love you, Red."
Red coughed up more oil onto Clyde's crotch. It oozed into the blue exoskeleton, making it smell like bear shit.
"Listen, Clyde." The bear spoke, his eyes going walleyed. "You're gonna get out of here, you're gonna go on and you're gonna make lots of babies, and you're gonna watch them grow. You're gonna die an old lady warm in her bed, not here, not this night. Not like this, do you understand me?"
"But I'm a man," Clyde choked. "And a robot."
Red didn't listen. He continued.
"Winning that ticket, Clyde, was the best thing that ever happened to me...it brought me to you. And I'm thankful for that, Clyde. I'm thankful. You must do me this honor. Promise me you'll survive. That you won't give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. Promise me now, Clyde, and never let go of that promise."
"But Red," Clyde argued. "There never was a ticket. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about."
It was too late.
Red puked up more oil onto Clyde's crotch. Clyde was disgusted; he vomited oil himself onto Red's face. For the next five minutes, they continued to vomit onto each other until Red collapsed and went limp.
Red had died.
"Fuck," Clyde sobbed, wiping the extra excrement that Red had released off of his own face. His lower lip trembled, a single tear rolling down his cheek.
"Who will pay child support now?"
Author's Note:
HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY, EVERYBODY