High School DxD: The Past Machine

by KAPfan9876

Azazel invents a past machine that can bring anything back from the past. Based on an episode of SuperMarioLogan.

1. Normal Version

Issei: "Okay guys, so what do want to do today?"

Rossweisse: "Hmm... I don't know Issei."

Azazel: "You guys want to see something cool?"

Rossweisse: "I don't want to see your magazines, Azazel."

Issei: "Oh, but I do."

Azazel: "It's not my magazines this time, look."

Azazel brings out a Bop-it.

Rossweisse: "What is that?"

Issei: "Is that a Bop-it?"

Azazel: "Well, it WAS a Bop-it, but I've turned it into a past machine."

Issei and Rossweisse: "A past machine?"

Azazel: "Yeah, because whenever I played it, it brings them back to here."

Issei: "What does it do?"

Azazel: "Oh, we can take things from the past, and bring them to right now."

Rossweisse: "So it's a time machine."

Azazel: "N-no, because we can't go back in time, we can just take things from the past, and bring them to right now."

Rossweisse: "So we can't go back in time?"

Azazel: "No."

Rossweisse: "This is a stupid adventure."

Issei: "Yeah, it's dumb. Why did you make it dumb?

Azazel: "No no no, because we could go back and get Abraham Lincoln and bring him to right here right now."

Rossweisse: "You do know he's dead, right?"

Azazel: "Well, he's not dead in the past."

Rossweisse: "You can't bring back dead people. Abraham Lincoln got shot."

Issei: "Unless you know some kind of magic spell."

Rossweisse: "True."

Azazel: "We could go back from before he died and bring him to right here right now."

Issei: "No you can't. There's no way. That's impossible."

Azazel: "Okay, fine. Just watch."

Azazel presses the button and it says "solo".

Azazel: "See, 'cuz we're only gonna bring back one person from the past."

Azazel presses the button again and it says "high score 31".

Azazel: "That's my high score, Abraham Lincoln."

Azazel presses the button and Abraham Lincoln suddenly appears.

Issei and Rossweisse: "WHOA!"

Issei: "ABRAHAM LINCOLN IS IN MY HOUSE!"

Rossweisse: "HE'S ACTUALLY HERE!"

Azazel: "See, guys. I told you I can do."

Rossweisse: "Hey Abraham Lincoln, can I have your autograph?"

Abraham Lincoln didn't respond.

Rossweisse: "Um... Is he okay?"

Issei: "Maybe he's sleeping."

Azazel: "His eyes are open so it wouldn't mean he's asleep."

Issei: "Mr. Lincoln?"

Issei moves Abraham Lincoln's head revealing that he was shot in the back of his head.

Azazel: "OH WHAT THE FUCK?!

Rossweisse: "AAAAHHHH!"

Issei: "WHAT THE HELL!"

Rossweisse: "WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM!"

Azazel: "HE GOT SHOT!"

Issei: "WHY WOULD YOU BRING HIM HERE WHEN HE GOT SHOT!"

Azazel: "EVERBODY, CALM THE FUCK DOWN!"

Issei: "What happened?"

Azazel: "We must've brought him back right as he was getting shot."

Issei: "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, AZAZEL?!"

Rossweisse: "YEAH, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! IT'S YOUR FAULT!"

Azazel: "I DIDN'T MEAN TOO, IT MUST'VE GRABBED HIM AT SOME RANDOM POINT FROM THE PAST!"

Rossweisse: "WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?!"

Azazel: "I DON'T KNOW! LETS-LETS JUST CARRY HIM TO THE BACKYARD AND BURRY HIM!"

Issei: "OKAY!"

Issei, Rossweisse and Azazel make it to the backyard and burry him.

Issei: "Okay, what do we do now?"

Azazel: "I don't know. Let's just-lets just leave him here."

Rossweisse: "What about his body?"

Azazel: "JUST LEAVE IT! I don't know, let's just get outta here."

Issei, Rossweisse and Azazel head back to the living room.

Issei: "Huff Huff, okay so-"

Azazel: "That was a mess."

Rossweisse: "Yeah. So can I bring back something?"

Azazel: "Uh, Yeah, Sure."

Rossweisse: "Okay, sooo... I'm gonna bring back a hydra."

Azazel: "But-"

Issei: "Aww yeah, that's a great idea."

Azazel: "No, that's a bad idea."

Rossweisse: "WHYYYYY?!"

Azazel: "Because in Greek mythology, fallen angels and devils were unable to defeat a hydra. Only Hercules can. Also, it's extremely dangerous."

Issei: "But it would be really cool. Besides, I have Ddraig with me just in case it attacks us."

Rossweisse: "Yeah, we can kill it."

Azazel: "No, it would kill us because it can regenerate. Look, we're not gonna do that, Rossweisse."

Rossweisse: "Fine, well... Can I bring back Odin?"

Azazel: "N-no, he's still alive you know. And why would you do that?"

Rossweisse: "So that I can beat him up for abadoning me."

Azazel: "As foolish as that would be, I think that's probably a bad idea."

Rossweisse: "Okay, what if I brought back Odin's beard?"

Azazel: "Why?"

Rossweisse: "So that I can teach Odin a lesson by burning his beard. So can it bring back his beard?"

Azazel: "Yeah, I guess so."

Rossweisse: "Only his beard. So start it for me."

Azazel: "Alright."

Azazel pulls the pull handle in which it says "solo".

Azazel: "Okay, just the beard".

Rossweisse presses the button and it says "high score 31".

Rossweisse: "Odin's beard."

Rossweisse presses the button and Odin's beard suddenly appears.

Issei: "WHOA!"

Rossweisse: "DID IT WORK?!"

Issei: "YEAH!"

Rossweisse: "I HAVE HIS BEARD!?"

Issei: "Mm-hmm."

Rossweisse: "That is so cool. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to burn something".

Rossweisse leaves the house and takes Odin's beard outside.

Rossweisse: "TOO HELL WITH YOU BEARD!"

Rossweisse pours gasoline on the beard and sets it on fire with a match.

Rossweisse: "MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! THAT OUTTA TEACH YOU A LESSON, ODIN FOR ABANDONING ME!"

Rossweisse calms down and heads back inside with Issei and Azazel while the beard still burns.

Rossweisse: "Phew, that was fun. So I think it's your turn Issei."

Issei: "Oh yeah."

Rossweisse: "So what are gonna bring back?"

Issei: "Hmm... Oh, I can bring back my familiar."

Rossweisse: A familiar? I didn't know you had one."

Azazel: "Me neither."

Issei: "Yeah, Rias destroyed it when her clothes burned off, so start for me, Azazel."

Azazel: "Okay."

Azazel pulls the pull handle in which it says "solo".

Azazel: "Okay uh, Bop-it to start, Issei."

Issei presses the button in which it says "high score 31".

Issei: "My familiar."

Issei presses the button and a green slime appears.

Issei: "OH MY GOD, MY FAMILIAR! IT'S BACK!"

Rossweisse: "WHOA! THAT'S YOUR FAMILIAR!"

Issei: "Yep. Now if you'll excuse me, me and my familiar are going to burn women's clothes off."

Issei leaves the living room with his familiar.

Azazel: "Well he sure is happy with that green slime he's got."

Rossweisse: "Yep. So what are we gonna bring back now?"

Azazel: "Umm..."

Rossweisse: "A hydra?"

Azazel: "NO! Not a hydra."

Rossweisse (whining): "BUT I WANNA BRING BACK A HYDRA!"

Azazel: "Oh oh, I have something."

Azazel pulls the pull handle.

Azazel: "You'll like this, believe me."

Azazel presses the button in which it says "high score 31".

Azazel: "Harambe."

Azazel Presses the button and Harambe the gorilla appears.

Harambe: "OO OO OO!"

Rossweisse: "YOU BROUGHT BACK HARAMBE?!"

Azazel: "Now everybody can shut up about him all the time."

Harambe starts hitting Azazel with his hand.

Azazel: "OW OW OW!"

Rossweisse: "Maybe he should've been shot."

Harambe starts running away.

Azazel: "HARAMBE, GET BACK HERE!"

Rossweisse: "Where did he go?"

Azazel: "I'll go look for him."

Azazel leaves to go look for Harambe. Rossweisse starts looking at the Bop-it and decides to bring back a hydra. She pulls the pull handle in which it says "solo". Rossweisse presses the button in which it says "high score 31".

Rossweisse: "Hydra."

Rossweisse presses the button and a hydra suddenly appears in the middle of the living room.

Hydra: "(Screech)"

Rossweisse: "AWESOME!"

Rossweisse looks at the hydra in delight while Azazel comes back to the living room.

Azazel: "He got shot agai-ROSSWEISSE, WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Rossweisse (in delight): "IT'S A HYDRA!"

Azazel: "I KNOW WHAT IT IS, ROSSWEISSE! WHY IS THERE A HYDRA IN THE HOUSE?!"

Rossweisse: "Because I brought him here."

Azazel: "WHY?!"

Rossweisse: "Because he's super-cool."

Azazel: "HE'S NOT COOL! HE'S DANGEROUS!"

Rossweisse: "Well he's not looking dangerous to me"

The hydra suddenly glares at Rossweisse and Azazel.

Azazel (Nervous): "Uhh..."

Rossweisse (Nervous) "Um, Azazel, why is he looking at us like that?"

Azazel (Sputtering): "Be-be-because Rossweisse, I'm the roasted steak, AND YOUR THE SALAD!"

Rossweisse and Azazel summon their wings and quickly fly away.

Azazel and Rossweisse: "AAAAHHHH!"

The hydra starts chasing them out of the house in which Rossweisse and Azazel bust through the roof while the hydra jumps out of the roof.

Azazel and Rossweisse: "AAAAHHHH!"

The hydra tries to bite one of them but fails as it falls to the ground unharmed while Azazel and Rossweisse are still flying.

Rossweisse: "Don't worry Azazel, I got this."

Rossweisse summons here battle suit and spawns in magic circles.

Azazel: "ROSSWEISSE, WAIT!"

Rossweisse starts shooting fire magic at the hydra.

Azazel: "ROSSWEISSE, THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK ON HIM!"

Rossweisse: "What, Why?"

Azazel: "LOOK!"

Rossweisse looks at the direction Azazel is looking at and notices the hydra regenerating.

Rossweisse: "WHAT?!"

Azazel: "I TOLD YOU IT CAN REGENERATE!"

The hydra then starts destroying some cars outside in which they start alarming.

Rossweisse: "What's it doing?"

Azazel: "I think he's distracted with the cars."

Rossweise: "Okay, uh... We gotta do something."

Azazel: "Okay, we need to do something to get rid of the hydra."

Rossweisse: OO! I know. Let's go to the Bop-it."

Azazel: "OKAY!"

Azazel and Rossweisse start heading back to the Bop-it. Meanwhile Asia is heading home to Issei's house after her client needed her.

Asia: "Well, I can finally ask Issei if we can go out together."

Hydra: "(Screech)"

Asia: "Huh?"

Asia sees the hydra destroying some cars.

Asia: "WHAT THE-IS THAT GIANT SNAKE?! OH MY LORD!"

Asia starts running away from the hydra. Meanwhile, Rossweisse and Azazel manage to get to the Bop-it.

Rossweisse: "Okay, Azazel. I know a way that we can get from the past to get rid of the hydra."

Azazel: "Okay, what is it?"

Rossweisse: "Just trust me, press the thing."

Azazel: "But what is it, Rossweisse?"

Rossweisse: "Trust me, I know what to do."

Azazel: "Alright."

Azazel pulls the pull handle in which it says "solo". Rossweisse then presses the button in which it says "high score 31".

Rossweisse: "The meteor that killed the dinosaurs."

Azazel: "WHAT?!"

Rossweisse presses the button and a meteor suddenly appears in space. Then the news comes on with Goodman in it.

Goodman: "BREAKING NEWS! M'kay, NASA has reported that a meteor, the same size that killed the dinosaurs, is headed towards us, right now. May God be with us all."

Azazel: "ROSSWEISSE, WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Rossweisse: "It's gonna kill the hydra."

Azazel: "IT'S GONNA KILL ALL OF US!"

Rossweisse: "No, last time, it only killed Dinosaurs and not only that, dinosaurs are related to reptiles and the hydra is a snake which is a reptile."

Azazel: "WELL THAT'S BECAUSE LAST TIME, THERE WERE ONLY DINOSAURS AND NOT ONLY THAT, THE METEOR WOULDN'T KILL THE HYDRA BECAUSE IT CAN STILL REGENERATE IT'S BODY FROM THE IMPACT THAT THE METEOR DOES!"

Rossweisse: "I didn't know that."

Azazel: "WELL, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW, ROSSWEISSE?!"

Rossweisse: "Um... we need something to stop the meteor."

Azazel: "WHAT COULD POSSIBLE STOP A METEOR?!"

Rossweisse: "I know."

Azazel: "WHAT?!"

Rossweisse: "Okay, just do the thing."

Azazel: "WHAT IS IT?!"

Rossweisse: "Just trust me. It'll stop the meteor."

Azazel: "This better work."

Azazel pulls the pull handle in which it says "solo".

Rossweisse: "It will."

Rossweisse presses the button in which it says "high score 31".

Rossweisse: "Another meteor."

Azazel: "WHAT?!"

Rossweisse presses the button and another meteor suddenly appears in space. Then the news comes on with Goodman in it again.

Goodman: "BREAKING NEWS! M'Kay, NASA has reported a second meteor, the same size as the one that killed the dinosaurs, is headed towards Earth. That means there are now two meteors coming towards Earth."

Azazel: "ROSSWEISSE, YOU'RE RETARDED!"

Rossweisse: "WELL I THOUGHT THE METEOR WOULD HIT THE OTHER METEOR AND STOP IT!"

Azazel: "NO, NOW WE'RE GONNA DOUBLE DIE!"

Rossweisse: "No, not unless if we stop both meteors."

Azazel: "WELL HOW ARE WE GONNA DO THAT?!"

Rossweisse: "Well, we could spawn Superman."

Azazel: "HE'S NOT real, Rossweisse."

Rossweisse: "What about Jesus?"

Azazel: "Jesus couldn't stop a meteor."

Rossweisse: "He could walk on water."

Azazel: "Well if have water that needs to be walked on, WE KNOW WHO TO CALL!"

Rossweisse: "Then how about if we spawn God."

Azazel: "ROSSWEISSE, HE'S DEAD!"

Rossweisse: "Oh, then Super-God."

Azazel: "ROSSWEISSE, I NEED REAL SOLUTIONS HERE!"

Rossweisse: "Okay, I know, I really know."

Azazel: "WHAT?!"

Rossweisse: "Just press the thing."

Azazel: "NO ROSSWEISSE! What is it."

Rossweisse: "Trust me, I know this will work."

Azazel: "YOU DON'T GET TO USE THIS THING ANYMORE!"

Rossweisse: "THIRD TIMES A CHARM, AZAZEL! YOU WANNA LIVE?!"

Azazel: "ROSSWEISSE!"

Rossweisse: "TRUST ME!"

Azazel: "ROSSWEISSE, IF YOU SCREW THIS UP, YOU'LL LOSE ME TRUST FOREVER!"

Rossweisse: "OKAY FINE, JUST DO IT!

Azazel: "(Sigh)"

Azazel pulls the pull handle in which it says "solo".

Azazel: "This better work."

Rossweisse presses the button in which it says "high score 31".

Rossweisse: "THE BIG BANG!"

Azazel: "WHAT, ROSSWEISSE, NO!"

Rossweisse presses the button and the Big Bang appears and explodes the entire universe creating a new one.

(14 billion years later)

Issei: "Okay guys, so do what do you want to do today?"

Rossweisse: "Hmm... I don't know Issei."

Azazel: "You guys wanna see something cool?"

Rossweisse: "I don't wanna see your magazines, Azazel."

Issei: "Oh, but I do."

Azazel brings out his Bop-it.

Azazel: "It's not my magazines this time, look".

Rossweisse: "What is it?"

Issei: "Is that a-"

Koneko (Who jumped out of nowhere and looks at the Bop-it in delight): "COOL, A BOP-IT!"

Koneko snatches the Bop-it from Azazel and runs off with it.

Azazel: "Hey hey hey. That's my past machine."

Koneko goes in the kitchen with Gasper in the kitchen, eating.

Koneko: "HEY GASPER!"

Gasper: "Hmm?"

Koneko: "CATCH!"

Koneko throws the Bop-it at Gasper.

Gasper: "UWAHH!"

Azazel: "Koneko, that's a past-"

Gasper stops time and moves out of the way so the Bop-it can miss. Gasper resumes time in which the Bop-it breaks on the floor.

Koneko: "Aww, I broke it."

Azazel: "KONEKO, DID YOU KNOW WHAT YOU JUST DID?!"

Koneko: "What?"

Azazel: "THAT WAS A PAST MACHINE!"

Koneko, Issei, Rossweisse, and Gasper: "A past machine?"

Azazel: "IT CAN BRING THINGS BACK FROM THE PAST!"

Koneko: "Yeah right, Azazel. It's just a Bop-it."

Azazel: "I TURNED IT INTO A PAST MACHINE, KONEKO!"

Rossweisse: "What are you? Some crazy Inventor?"

Azazel: "YES!"

Koneko: "Dumb perv. You wanna go get ice cream you guys?"

Issei: "Yeah, sure."

Gapser: "I love ice cream."

Koneko, Issei, Rossweisse and Gasper leave to get ice cream.

Azazel: "GUYS! (Sigh) maybe it's for the best."

End

Characters that appeared in the story:

Issei Hyoudou

Rossweisse

Azazel

Asia Argento

Koneko Toujou

Gasper Vladi

Non-High School DxD Characters:

Harambe

Hydra

Goodman

Well, I hope you enjoyed my first fanfiction. Please favorite and review. You can also visit me in my wiki home page. Go to the SuperMarioLogan Wiki page and look for me.