Seventeenth December
Gary D.
This follows soon after "Ste's Day Indoors." I tried a bit of a different style here, let me know what you think.
Part I
17th December
Jamie stared out at the scenery flying past the window, not really seeing any of it. His mind barely registered the two irritatingly loud giggling girls sitting across from him.
He'd been the same since… well, he still couldn't quite get his head round it, even though it had been two days. God, just thinking about it made him feel sick to his stomach.
Sure, he'd had worries about being so far apart - everyone knew distance relationships were difficult - but he certainly hadn't expected things to go so wrong in less than three months. In any case, he and Ste had talked about their fears and decided they could deal with it. He really had believed that they were strong enough to get through it. He loved the bastard for Christ sake. And didn't Ste love him?
He slumped further down in his seat. As the train made its way up to Edinburgh, Jamie's mind was back in London. In the Anchor, at one o'clock in the morning, almost three months ago….
20th September
Jamie and Ste lay naked side by side, hands clasped tightly together. Their breathing was still rapid after their recent exertions. Jamie rolled round to face Ste, smiling at his red and sweating face. He carefully used the sheet to dab some of the moisture from his boyfriend's brow.
Jamie: Boy, Ste, that was something! You were on fire tonight.
Ste grinned and turned to look into Jamie's eyes.
Ste: What can I say, I'm hot stuff. And that was our second time tonight as well.
Jamie: Well, third if you count that earlier business in the bath.
Ste laughed.
Ste: Let's call it two and a half. Would have been three times if it hadn't been for that fire alarm.
Jamie grinned, recalling how earlier he and Ste had been interrupted at a crucial moment by the fire alarm in the Anchor going off. They weren't too bothered at first, but then they smelled smoke and had gotten worried. So they'd both rushed out of the bath and ended up standing in the street with the pub crowd with only towels around them. Fortunately not for long, as it was just a chip pan fire which was quickly put out.
Jamie: That new bar girl Kelly, the one with the massive…
He indicated what was so big.
Jamie: … she certainly enjoyed seeing you out there half naked though.
Ste: Rubbish!
Jamie: I tell you, she couldn't stop looking at you. She definitely fancies you.
Ste: No she doesn't.
Jamie: She does. Totally smitten.
Ste: She's a lesbian.
Jamie: What?
Ste: Your mum told me.
Jamie: Oh.
He was silent for a moment. He spent a few seconds thinking about Kelly, before his mind returned to what they had just been doing.
Jamie: But Jesus Ste, tonight! Someone musta put somethin in your tea.
Ste: I don't know Jay. Suppose it's just with you goin away tomorrow, I wanted to make sure I made the most of you while I had you.
They both gazed into the eyes of the boy they loved.
Ste: I'm not looking forward to you being up there.
Jamie: I know Ste, I feel the same. I feel like I wanna just forget about goin to uni so I can stay with you.
Ste: You know you can't do that.
Jamie: No, just like you can't give up your job at the centre. Just wish there was a way to avoid us havin to live hundreds of miles apart.
He stopped speaking, and was quiet. Ste looked into his eyes, and saw the dark clouds passing behind them, telling him his boyfriend was worried. He could read Jamie well now, and sensed where his thoughts were centred.
Ste: Are you worried about us, Jay? About whether we'll be ok?
Jamie seemed surprised that Ste had asked this, that his boyfriend had guessed - correctly - what he was thinking.
Jamie: No, I'd never…
He stopped. He was always totally honest with Ste about his feelings, and that wasn't going to change now.
Jamie: Well, I suppose I have been thinking about it. I didn't want to say anything in case you thought I… I don't know, maybe that I wasn't committed, or….
Ste saw that Jamie was getting upset, so leaned over and pulled him tightly to his chest.
Ste: Sshh. Jay it's fine. I'd be lying if I hadn't had some of the same thoughts myself. Doesn't mean I'm having doubts about being with you, or anything like that. Jesus, I love you so much, and want you near to me so bad, that I can hardly bear letting you go away tomorrow.
Jamie looked into Ste's beautiful warm brown eyes for a moment, before leaning over and gently kissing the man he loved.
Jamie: Thanks Ste. I love you too. I suppose it was just all that stuff you hear about long-distance relationships being really hard…
He paused for a moment before giving Ste another kiss.
Jamie: You know what Ste, sod it. Who cares about other people. We're us, and we love each other. A few miles between us isn't goin to change that.
Ste: Cheers to that Jay. Anyway, it isn't gonna be so bad. We'll see each other loads - when I get a couple days off in a row, when you've got some time free. And I know it's a while a way, but there's also my birthday. I'm really looking forward to it. Just us, for a whole week.
Jamie grinned at Ste's excitement. He was looking forward to it as well. Ste's birthday was just before Christmas, and although it was now only September, the boys had plans. Ste's birthday was a Friday, just before Jamie stopped for his Christmas holidays. Ste had already made sure to book time off from the centre. They planned to hit the town on the Friday - Jamie was just going to skip classes that day - and then spend the rest of the week doing stuff together. And the icing on the cake was that they'd even have the flat entirely to themselves. Sandra and Tony were booked for a two week winter cruise, courtesy of Tony's recent inheritance - the same money that was partially funding Jamie's rented flat in Edinburgh, and his fees. So the lads would have the flat above the Anchor entirely to themselves. Jamie almost shivered in anticipation of what they'd get up to.
Jamie: Too right Ste, it's gonna be great.
He looked at Ste and smiled mischievously. Suddenly he rolled on top of Ste, so his body was pressing down on his boyfriend's. He spoke in a low voice.
Jamie: So, baby, how about some lovin?
Ste: Jay? You can't wanna…not right after…
Jamie started nibbling Ste's neck.
Ste: Aw Jay, c'mon…. Oh, alright, since your goin away tomorrow, I'll try.
Jamie laughed, and rolled back over.
Jamie: Nah, I was joking. Don't think I could even if I wanted to. Just wanted to see how much you'd do for me.
Ste: Little sod! You know, your moving to Edinburgh might not be such a bad thing after all.
He laughed and pulled Jamie close to him.
Ste: C'mon Jay, let's get some sleep. Early wake up tomorrow.
Jamie nestled his head into Ste's side, settling himself into their customary sleeping position. His mind dwelled for a moment on the fact that tomorrow night he'd be sleeping alone, but he quickly pushed the thought from his head.
Jamie: Night Ste.
Ste: Night Jay.
A moment's silence.
Jamie: Love you.
Ste: Love you too Jamie.
And soon they were fast asleep.
17th December
The train doors opened and Jamie stepped wearily onto the platform. Slowly, staring at the ground, he made his way through the ticket barrier and into the main station. Everything, even basic things like walking, seemed to require so much effort. He looked round him as he headed outside. The rain was lashing down, but he couldn't be bothered getting his umbrella out of his bag. 'What's the point?' he mumbled to himself.
As he waited at the traffic lights, he turned and glanced back at the station entrance. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw someone leaning against the lamppost by the doors. Someone with short dark hair. His breath caught in his throat, and he felt his heart start to beat faster.
Quickly, he peered through the pouring rain. The figure turned towards him and… he saw it wasn't Ste. He let out a long sigh. 'What the hell's wrong with me?' he asked himself. He shook his head. 'But seeing that person standing there, in the exact spot where…' He looked round again at the lamppost, the memory of Ste's first trip up north to see him vivid in his head. 'It wasn't raining then,' he thought to himself sadly, as the memories came flooding back….
10th October
Feeling too warm, Jamie took off his jumper. As he stood waiting to cross, he peered over the road at the station, trying to catch a glimpse of him.
He was so excited. When the green man appeared he practically dashed across, still scanning the people leaving the station. Suddenly he stopped. There he was. Just under the 'Welcome to Edinburgh Station' sign, which was glinting in the sunlight, leaning against the lamppost by the doors. Ste.
He moved rapidly towards the boy he'd missed so much over the last three weeks. When Ste saw him a huge smile lit up his face. They were both so happy to see each other. In seconds they were together, hugging as if their lives depended on it. Then Ste pulled Jamie into the shade behind the lamppost and gave him a long, red hot kiss.
When they finally rose for air, they looked into each other's eyes, still smiling.
Jamie: Hi Ste.
Ste: Hi Jay.
Jamie: I've missed you.
Ste: Missed you too Jay. It's so good to see you.
The lads kissed again, quicker this time but with no less passion. Then Jamie picked up Ste's bag and the pair walked side by side towards Jamie's flat.
Ste: How far is it Jay?
Jamie: About ten minutes. Then it's about another ten minutes in the other direction and I'm at uni. Not bad.
Ste: Yeah pretty good. I'm about the same in the morning, from the Anchor to the centre.
Jamie: So how're things goin there? Still 'loving it' like when we last spoke.
Ste smiled.
Ste: Like last night you mean? Yeah, it is really good. Like I told you, all the guys that work there are great, I like what I'm doing… couldn't really ask for much more.
Now Jamie smiled.
Jamie: I'm glad you're enjoying it Ste.
Ste: Cheers Jay.
They walked along quietly for a moment.
Ste: There is one thing that makes it really great though.
Jamie: What?
Ste: Seeing all those swimmers in just their speedos. God, is that somethin? I just stand there watching all those half-naked guys, well sometimes more than half….
He was stopped from continuing by Jamie, who had attempted to grab him in a headlock. When Ste had got out of his grip (with ease) the lads continued walking, laughing as they went, and arrived shortly at Jamie's flat.
Jamie bounded up the main steps ahead of Ste, quickly unlocking the door and holding it open for his best friend. He then ushered Ste up the inside staircase to the first floor landing, and opened the door of his flat.
Jamie: Well Ste, welcome to my little home-away-from-home. What d'you think?
Ste looked round at the little flat. It was pretty small, but had a nice warm feel to it. Although it had come furnished, Ste could see Jamie's touch in the bright pictures adorning the walls.
Ste: Nice Jay, really nice. Like you said, it is small, but cosy. Yeah, I really like it.
He wandered over to the other side of the room to look out the window. Then he opened the nearby door and found himself in Jamie's bedroom. A double bed took up most of the space, with only a small bedside chest and mirror wardrobe for storage. Ste looked over at the photograph sitting on the bedside chest, just where Jamie could see it before he went to sleep. From behind the glass, his own smiling face stared back. Jamie had come into the room, and saw Ste looking at the photo. He smiled.
Jamie: It's a good one of you.
Ste turned round to face his boyfriend. He smiled back.
Ste: Well, I hate being immodest, but it's not bad.
He walked slowly towards Jamie, put his arms around his waist and pulled him into a tight embrace.
Jamie: Definitely not as good as the real thing though.
They kissed gently for a while, eventually breaking off and looking lovingly into each other's eyes.
Jamie: I'm glad you're here Ste. The flat's nice, but to be honest, it's never yet begun to feel like a home. I know that I'm goin to be here for four years, but somehow I can't stop thinking of it as just a glorified hotel room or something. And it's cos you hadn't been here. How could someplace ever be my home if you'd never been in it?
Ste came round behind him and wrapped his strong arms around his chest, holding him tightly. He lightly kissed the back of Jamie's neck, before resting his head on Jamie's shoulder, their cheeks touching. They remained still for a while, both relishing the simple pleasure of long-overdue physical contact with the most important person in the world.
Eventually, and inevitably, their thoughts took a turn towards the carnal. Ste spoke slowly.
Ste: I think, seeing as how I'm not going to be here all the time….
He began edging both himself and Jamie towards the bed.
Ste: …. then I think it's important that while I am here, I leave a big impression…
Almost there.
Ste: …. especially…. on this mattress.
With giggling muffled by kisses, the boys collapsed onto the bed.
17th December
The green man appeared and Jamie, pulled from his thoughts, was caught in the surge of people crossing the road. Upon reaching the other side he headed in the direction of his flat. He meandered slowly, letting those more eager than himself to return home brush past him. What was he going back to? A sad little empty flat. He couldn't see a point in moving any quicker.
His feet may have been going slowly, but his brain was whirring. Random events and conversations kept playing in his mind. Little incidents and encounters, all with one common link. Ste.
In the couple of months following his inaugural visit, Ste had been up to see him three more times. The boys spent these weekends constantly together, their time apart serving to make their reunions all the sweeter. As November gave way to chilly December, the lads thoughts were firmly focussed on Ste's upcoming birthday and the week they would be spending together in London. All in all, things were good.
Until, that is, they turned bad.
1st December
Jamie slammed the door shut behind him, discarding his bag on the floor as he stormed into the flat. He slumped down onto the couch and picked up the phone, his fingers on automatic as they dialled the number. On the fifth or sixth ring, Ste answered.
Ste: Hello.
Jamie: Hey Ste, it's me.
Ste: Hey Jay, hows things?
Jamie: Not so great Ste, could be better. Well, totally shit actually.
Ste: What's wrong?
Jamie: We've just been given last minute notice today from Professor Smith, my history lecturer…
Ste: …. that the one you said looks like the guy off the Weetos packet?
Jamie: Yeah, spitting image. Well he just informed us today, just two weeks before it, that we have a history exam on the 15th.
Ste: My birthday.
Jamie: Yeah.
Ste: Is it an important one?
Jamie: Yeah, counts for twenty percent of the final grade. Slipped his mind to tell us sooner, apparently. So not only am I gonna have to study like hell to counter the short notice, more importantly I'm not gonna make it down for your birthday.
Ste: Well, you could come down after your exams finished. You'd get here pretty late but…
Jamie: That's what I'd thought I could do, but the exam doesn't finish till 5 o'clock. I couldn't be home till the early hours on Saturday. It's shit.
Ste: Yeah.
They were silent for a moment, contemplating the unfairness of it all. Then Ste spoke.
Ste: Oh well, I suppose it can't be helped. Never mind. You can get an early train on Saturday, and I'll see you then.
Jamie: I know, but I'll miss your birthday Ste.
Ste: It's okay Jay. I won't mind, knowin that you'll be there the next day, and we'll have the whole week together.
Jamie: I suppose. But what'll you do on your birthday. Mum and Tony won't be there.
Ste: I dunno. I'll maybe go out with the guys from work or something. I'll be fine, don't worry.
Jamie: I'll try Ste. Anyway, you still okay to come up this weekend?
There was silence for a moment on the other end of the line.
Ste: Ah, damn. Forgot to say on the phone yesterday, I can't. I'm gonna have to work. I couldn't get out of it.
Jamie: Aw, that's shit Ste.
Ste: I know Jay.
Jamie sighed, but tried to be positive.
Jamie: Oh well Ste, never mind. It's only a few weeks till I come down.
Ste: Yeah. You'll be here with me before you know it.
Jamie: It's that thought that keeps me goin. Okay Ste, I'll let you go. I think we should probably end this conversation now before one of us reveals more bad news. Don't think I could take anymore.
Ste: No. Definitely enough for one night. I was planning to tell you tonight that I've discovered that I'm actually straight and in love with Sophie, the delivery girl, but I'll leave it till tomorrow.
Jamie: Yeah, think you'd better wait. Is she the one that brings the crisps, nuts and stuff to the pub? She is pretty nice.
Ste: I think so. To be honest I've never really noticed what she brings, I can't tear my eyes away from those huge…
Jamie: …. Don't think I need the details thanks.
They both laugh.
Jamie: I feel a bit better Ste.
Ste: Good Jay.
Jamie: Well, I had better go. Put the tea on.
Ste: What you having?
Jamie: Dunno. Can't be bothered making much, so I'll probably stick on one of those 'meal for one' ready meals. Depresses the hell out of me, buyin them, but hey.
Ste laughed.
Jamie: Good to know my loneliness is brightening someone's day. Well, I actually had better go now. Speak to you soon Ste.
Ste: Not if I speak to you first Jay. Love you.
Jamie: Love you too.
17th December
By the time he reached his street the rain had eased a little, but he was already soaked through. His clothes were stuck to his body, and his hair plastered to his scalp. He trudged wearily to his flat.
He could hardly believe that Ste had changed so much in such a short time. How could he have been like that on the phone - joked and laughed, told Jamie he loved him - and then did what he did just a few weeks later. No, Jamie decided. It must have been going on all the time. Ste must have been lying to him for a while. He didn't know for how long, but that hardly mattered.
At the main entrance to his building, he struggled to get the door unlocked. He got frustrated, making things worse. He slammed his fist against it.
Jamie: Fuck!
He stood there a moment, silently willing himself to calm down. If he was going to lose it, he told himself, he wasn't going to do it out here on the street. He tried the lock again, slowly this time, and managed to get in. He closed it very gently behind him, as if that would somehow negate his earlier banging.
When he got to his landing, he stood outside his flat for a second. Leaning against the wall, eyes closed. He allowed his mind to wander over the events of the last few days, as a puddle of water accumulated at his feet.…
15th December
When he arrived at the university that morning, he hadn't been in a great mood. Had it not been for this bloody test, he'd have got the train home last night. He'd be waking up next to Ste in the Anchor this morning. He'd tried phoning Ste before he left the flat to say happy birthday, but there had been no answer. He wasn't worried, just disappointed he'd not been able to speak to him.
Things changed however, when he got to the morning's lecture. This was the one he'd been planning to skip, before events conspired to alter his plans. It was English Literature, but most of the students were in the history class that was sitting the exam that afternoon. It was from those students that he learned of Professor Smith's illness, and the postponement of the exam till after the holidays. He could have jumped for joy.
In no time he was home, grabbing the bag he'd packed the day before, and heading for the station. He decided not to ring Ste, but instead surprise him. He got to the station, checked the times, and bought a ticket. Barring delays, he should be home about seven o'clock. Perfect. Or so he'd thought.
It was actually just past ten by the time Jamie arrived outside the Anchor. It had been a long, delayed journey, but he'd spent it in anticipation of seeing Ste, so it wasn't that bad. He went inside, and headed over to the bar. Kelly was there behind the counter.
Jamie: Hi Kelly.
The girl looked at him for a moment. She'd only started working at the Anchor the week before Jamie moved up to Edinburgh, and he hadn't seen her in the months since. It took her a second to place him, but she got there.
Kelly: Oh hey Jamie. How are you? Just back from Edinburgh?
Jamie: Yeah, it's the Christmas holidays. I'm alright. How about you?
Kelly: I'm fine. Your mum keeps me pretty busy, especially with her being off these two weeks, but I like it. You lookin for Ste?
Jamie: Yeah, it's his birthday today, but he didn't know I was coming. I'd planned to surprise him, but he was goin out, and since the train was late I've probably missed him. Stupid, I shoulda just called.
Kelly had moved to his side as she served a customer.
Kelly: Well, he was down earlier, and I'm afraid he has gone out…. That'll be £2.10 love…. thanks.
She turned back to Jamie, who was looking disappointed.
Kelly: But I do know where he's gone.
Twenty minutes later, Jamie was on the bus. After Kelly had told him which club Ste was going to with his work mates, he'd dashed upstairs to get changed. Now he was on the bus heading to Republik. It was a club he'd never been to before, so he hoped he'd be able to find Ste.
In about half an hour, he was he was standing in the queue to get in. He looked about him, but couldn't see Ste. He was hopefully already inside. He eventually reached the front of the queue and, after being questioned by a surly bouncer, was admitted inside.
He headed up the stairs, past the cloakroom, and into what seemed to be the main dance floor. It was packed. How the hell was he ever going to find Ste in here? He looked around, and saw there were stairs up to another level with a balcony looking over the dance floor. He headed up to get a better view.
His eyes scanned the gyrating masses, searching for the face of the boy he loved. For a minute or two he had no luck, and had almost decided that he wasn't in the room, when… there he was. Down in the left hand corner. Ste.
Jamie watched him for a moment, smiling. He looked pretty drunk, and definitely having a good time. He seemed to be with four other people, two girls and two guys. They were all dancing in a little group. One of the guys seemed to giving Ste quite a lot of attention - pulling him close towards him, dancing with his body pressed against Ste's. Jamie just shook his head, amused. For him, Ste was the most handsome man in the room, and it didn't surprise him that others thought the same.
Unable to contain himself any longer, he headed down to see him. Coming downstairs and pushing through the throng of people was no easy feat, and took him a while. He kept his eye on the bit of room where Ste had been, and made a beeline for it. Eventually, through a break in the crowd, he saw him.
He looked absolutely gorgeous. He was wearing a black shirt and jeans, and his hair - which he'd started to wear a little bit longer - was gelled. The top couple buttons of his shirt were undone, revealing the beginnings of his smooth, muscled torso. Jamie's heart skipped a beat to see him, and he felt a familiar stirring elsewhere. He quickly pushed through the last of the crowd to reach him. Then he stopped. He couldn't believe what he was seeing.
He'd lost sight of Ste for a second, as a group of lads walked in front of him. When they had passed, he'd looked for Ste again. And he'd seen him. And the other guy. Locked in a kiss.
His entire body froze. He seemed to stand there for an age, but it was only a couple of seconds. He watched as the guy held Ste tightly by the waist, tilting him back slightly. He saw Ste's closed eyes. And he saw the pair of them kiss.
Then Ste opened his eyes. The guy pulled back, and Ste straightened up. That was when he saw Jamie. Their eyes met. Ste looked shocked. Jamie looked… well, he wasn't sure what was displayed on his face, but shock would be a fair bet as well. He stared straight at Ste for a moment, before turning swiftly on his heel.
Back through the dancing horde, past the cloakroom, down the stairs. Out into the frosty night air. In shock, his mind could hardly process what he'd seen. He stood, in a stupor for a moment. Then he ran.
16th December
Ste hadn't come home last night. And it was now two o'clock, and still he hadn't returned. Jamie had woken several hours earlier, after managing to slip into a fitful sleep about 5am. He'd lain awake most of the night, replaying what he'd seen over and over in his head, and waiting for Ste to come home.
For a while, he'd managed to convince himself that he was blowing it out of proportion. So Ste had been drunk, Jamie hadn't been there, he'd kissed another guy. It didn't mean anything, did it? The guy had been pretty hot after all. Ste would come home soon, say how sorry he was, and make everything all right.
But the minutes and then hours past, and there was no sign of Ste. Jamie couldn't quite get his head round it. Ste had been kissing someone else - or more importantly, Ste had seen Jamie see him kissing someone else - and hadn't come to explain.
After waking, Jamie had stayed in bed. When he eventually got up, he hadn't felt like eating. He hung about the flat, not sure what to do. Suddenly he decided he had to get out, to get away. He just couldn't take sitting in the flat a moment longer. He grabbed the unopened bag he'd brought from Edinburgh, and headed downstairs.
The Anchor was quite busy with the Saturday afternoon crowd. On his way out, he passed Kelly wiping a table. She smiled at him, and he did his best to smile back.
Kelly: Jamie, you manage to find Ste last night then?
Jamie: Eh… yeah. Yeah, I found him.
Kelly: Good. Where you off to now?
Jamie thought for a moment. Where was he going? 'Just say something,' he thought, aware that he'd been standing staring at her, no doubt looking gormless.
Jamie: Back up to Edinburgh. Something came up. See you Kelly.
He quickly left the pub. For a moment he stood outside, light rain dampening his clothes. Should he really go back up north? What else could he do? Wait longer for Ste? He thought for a moment, before coming to a decision. Yes, he would go back, but would make a stop first. He needed to talk to someone about this.
He started to head off, then stopped. After a second's deliberation, he quickly dashed back into the pub. Answering Kelly's call of 'Forget something?' with a grunt, he raced upstairs. In the flat, he grabbed a bit of paper and a pen. He scribbled down a brief note and left it on the table by the door. Then, with as much haste as he entered, he rushed back out.
The film ended, and Jamie turned the volume down. The nine o'clock news was just starting. He sat on the couch, waiting for her to come back. When she did, he thanked her for the beer she handed him. She sat down beside him. He indicated to the television.
Jamie: That was alright.
Leah: Told you you'd like it. It's one of my favourites.
Jamie: Yeah. Pretty funny.
He sighed. To be honest, he'd hardly registered what the film was about. He just hadn't been able to focus on it, or think about anything except Ste. He'd spent most of the time desperately trying to come up with other explanations for what had happened. To no avail.
Jamie: I can't believe he still hasn't called. I really thought…
His voice drifted into silence. Leah looked at him, unsure of what to say. Jamie had turned up at her flat in Thamesmead at about three o'clock. He'd told her what had happened. At first she'd tried to play it down, write off what he'd seen as a drunken mistake. But when Jamie had explained how Ste hadn't come home last night, she had to admit to herself that changed things somewhat. And, even though Jamie had left a note saying where he was, Ste hadn't called here either. Really, she didn't know what to think, let alone what to say to Jamie.
Leah: Well, you are staying the night here tonight.
Jamie started to say something, but Leah stopped him.
Leah: No arguments. Look, I don't know what's happening with Ste. I can't believe he'd do what he seems to have done. He loves you too much. But, well, even if….
She stopped, deciding not to go down that road.
Leah: … I don't know. Anyway, you're staying here tonight, and you can decide what to do tomorrow.
Jamie: I suppose. Maybe I'll wake up, and all this will just have been a hideous dream.
17th December (morning)
He waved goodbye to Leah as the train left the platform. It hadn't been a hideous dream, just hideous reality. He'd woken that morning in a sudden panic, having just had a terrible thought. What if Ste was hurt? He couldn't believe he hadn't thought of it before. Maybe he'd been attacked on the way home, and that was why he hadn't come back. As soon as he'd thought of this horrible possibility, he'd convinced himself that was what had happened. That Ste was lying in a ditch somewhere, while he sat here blaming him for some stupid kiss.
In a state of fear he had gone to wake Leah, finding her already up - uncharacteristically early - and making breakfast. She managed to calm him down, and told him first to call the Anchor. Tom, one of the bar workers, had answered. He hadn't seen Ste, but he went and found Kelly.
Kelly: Yeah Jamie, he came back maybe about two hours after you left. I didn't see him come in, just when he left again. He didn't say much, looked in a hurry. Everything alright?
Jamie, listening to her words, had sank back into his chair. He was extremely relieved to know Ste was fine, of course. But hearing that Ste had been back at their flat, and hadn't got in touch, was unbearable. He managed a mumbled thanks, then hang up.
Now he was on the train again, heading back up to Edinburgh. He'd told Leah that he'd stay there for a few days, wait till his mum and Tony got home on the 23rd, and then maybe come back down. He didn't really want to think about Christmas just now, it was more than he could bear.
He stared out at the scenery flying past the window, not really seeing any of it. His mind barely registered the two irritatingly loud giggling girls sitting across from him.
17th December (afternoon)
With a sigh, Jamie pushed himself up from the wall. From somewhere outside, a church bell was tolling. He unlocked the door to his flat, and walked inside.
To Be Continued.