Till We Meet Again

by llmarmalade

Her mother had forced her to listen to the love songs about lost love and wartime. Now she was living the songs. And she was the lost one.

Smile the while you kiss me sad adieu,
When the clouds roll by I'll come to you,
Then the skies will seem more blue,
Down in lovers lane my dearie,
Wedding bells will ring so merrily,
Every tear will be a memory,
So wait and pray each night for me,
Till we meet again.
Richard Whiting

Lucy had forgotten how sentimental and sappy early 20th-century music could be. The record player her mother had put on was full of sentimental war music that made tears roll down her cheeks. Her mother was trying to break her down. The sounds of music talking about lost loves returning from war and lovers who promised to be faithful to them until they returned was a sad mockery of her own condition.

Wyatt and Rufus were dead. She was trapped with Rittenhouse. The pain of losing Rufus was bad enough. He had become one of her closest friends. But she'd fallen in love with the reckless soldier and now he was gone. Dead. Forever silenced. The bright blue eyes she'd so often gotten lost in now closed forever.
The music only made it worse. Hearing about wedding bells when the war was over and not crying as they marched past and keeping home fires burning weren't just sexist propaganda. It was her actual experience. She'd lost him in a war, just not the same war as the one in the songs. She'd broken down the night before and pleaded with her mother to turn the damn music off. But her mother had only smiled, "I thought you liked this music."
Lucy pressed her hands to her ears like a child. "I can't stand it."
Her mother had shaken her head and said, "I'm not going to give into your silly whim. The music stays on."
What was the point? The point of living a life trapped with her mother and forced to do whatever she wished. Even though it was a terrible thing to admit she didn't see the point of living in a world he didn't exist in. She'd given up on life. She might as well destroy Rittenhouse in the process.
Then she saw him. In a weapons tent, armed with two grenades, she embraced him. The exhilaration flowing through her made her giddy. All those songs about reuniting lovers felt so poignant. She could sing and dance with joy over what was happening. He was alive. He was well. Rufus was alive too. That made her heart sing too.
Her mother might have noticed the sudden calmness in Lucy's demeanor. The fact that she was no longer weighed down by pain. But her mother was too focused on her new patient. Emma noticed and Lucy saw her mother refuse to take a side. When her mother disappeared with Emma in the Mothership the pain of betrayal stunk in her nostrils. Her mother had chosen Rittenhouse.
Later she sat on her bed silently contemplating everything. She confessed killing the soldier. His anguished face would always haunt her. She realized her mother might have let Emma kill her.
"I've lost everyone." She whispered.
A second later Wyatt was flying towards her, arms wrapped around her as he silently held her. "You haven't lost me." He promised. She clung to him pressing her hand against his cheek. She tilted his head towards her, mouth already half parted. She wanted him. She wanted to kiss him. To lose herself in someone who was still blessedly alive. He was alive. Her heart sang even in the middle of her heartache.
Then Jiya interrupted and the moment was broken. The next few weeks the long lingering glances continued. His concern for her well being verged on the smothering. She waited and waited. Trapped in Wendell Scott's car she felt her heart soar. There was nothing ahead but the open road. It was just like the song. Her soldier had returned to her. And maybe, just maybe she could keep him.
Then they were going to Hollywoodland and Lucy was choosing a song to sing. The memory of those songs lingered. Maybe she could tell him how she felt in a song? Maybe she could paint all those lonely nights she'd mourned him until the pain disappeared. The song flowed from her mouth, at first hesitant and then gaining in confidence. She saw his eyes, the eyes that had never been able to hide anything. The awed look on his face as she sang the words to him. The sudden tears sprang to his eyes. The answering tears in her own. He started towards her only to be waylaid.
Later, standing beside Hedy's pool he confessed that she had given him purpose. That after Jessica's death he'd lost hope and she'd given him hope. She admitted that when she thought he was dead she'd felt the same. It didn't matter that his terrible attempts at flirting had ended in him calling her "not hideous". She could forgive him the awkwardness.
Somehow she'd known what would happen when she walked into the guest house. The room was set for romance, a perfect paradise of a room, with a flickering fire and a soft bed. She felt his hand on her arm, sliding down her arm in a sensual gesture that set her heart pounding. She turned, looking into his eyes. The question was clear. Did she want this? She only hesitated a second. Throwing caution to the winds she took a step forward.
His eyes met hers. The brush of his nose against hers made the anticipation of kissing him so strong she wasn't sure what to do with herself. The first touch was tender and gentle but within seconds she had her tongue in his mouth, searching and exploring with the desperation of someone drowning. She pulled away, eyes searching his and only finding complete confidence. They both let out an awed breath.
Then she sprang at him, mouth pressed against his as she made her decision. They were doing this. She was jumping in with both feet. The feel of his hands on her body as he swung her around and then began pulling her towards the bed sent her heart chaotically beating. If it was possible to have a heart attack from joy she'd be already dead.
His smile was the last thing she remembered clearly. The look of joy in those soft blue eyes sent waves of happiness through her. For once she wasn't over thinking. She was reacting. Mind let go of the rigid control and she felt everything. Every sensation washing over her was a hundred times stronger because she was living in it, reveling in every second. She was transported beyond herself. If this was what love felt like she never wanted it to end. She never wanted to wake up. This had to be a dream.
She woke up the next morning wrapped in his arms. It hadn't been a dream. It hadn't been a dream. She was still in bed with him. She could feel her lips turn up in a smile. She might not have slept much but she was refreshed. Every muscle felt deliciously loose and relaxed. A flicker of doubt entered her head. What if he didn't feel the same? He'd been completely focused on her but what if he hadn't felt that same almost transformative joy? What if it had just been a one night stand with his coworker?
The sleepy smile he gave her touched her heart. She shyly ran her fingers down his face and shoulders. Somehow she knew he was happy. She'd almost never seen the relaxed look on his face. Then Rufus was interrupting and any hopes of keeping this, whatever it was a secret was over. Still, it didn't stop him from kissing the living daylights out of her before they finally separated and got dressed.
"It's good to see you happy." He commented. Just like the songs she'd listened to she was happy because her soldier had come back to her.
Later, standing by the fan, his hands on her hips and the smile peeping out she decided that whatever this was was just like heaven. She never wanted to leave this moment. She wasn't foolish enough to think it would last. But she never thought it wouldn't last five more minutes.

One minute. That was all it took for her heart to break. One minute and all her sanguine hopes were crashing to the ground, smothered by the pain and sadness of a lost love. One minute he was smiling at her. The next second he was running away from her. Breaking out of the bunker and leaving her behind.
She thought all kinds of thoughts as she dialed him over and over. Finally she got him. Jessica was back. Silently she felt tears slide down her cheeks. Her heart twisted in agony. It hurt so badly. Of course he was going with Jessica. Jessica was the love of his life. Now that Jessica was back his face would always look that happy. Lucy might have put his life back together but Jessica could heal him. Lucy would always be the bandage. Jessica was the healing. But what to do when he was her healing? What to do when her heart was so fully consumed by him that there was nothing left?
She had to go on another mission. She had to accept Flynn as a substitute. He was competent enough but the double betrayal of having her mother declare her a witch was enough to make her wish for the gallows. What did it matter if she died? She'd lost everyone. She'd lost her sister, her mother, and Wyatt. What did they have left to take?
The pain from her wounds wasn't' anywhere near as painful as her own heart. She saw a blond woman standing next to Wyatt. Jessica. The pain of seeing Jessica made her want to collapse to the floor. She might have if not for Flynn. The look in Wyatt's eyes as he started towards her puzzled her. Why didn't he let her go? Why give her the false hope he cared if it was so clear he didn't?
The hours passed. She slipped in and out of consciousness. Jiya was always there. Sometimes Denise was there. The doctor gave her shots and took her temperature. She was alone. Unmourned and alone. She wanted to die. What was the point when everything was gone? Everyone and everything was gone.
At last she woke up. She was alive. And they had gone without her. He'd gone without her. But when Jiya confronted her about the situation Lucy tried to make it better. He was still her friend. She could handle that. They had only been lovers for a day. She could handle being his friend. They still saw each other. The break wasn't complete.
Jessica was mostly nice. She tried to smile and not show she'd slept with this woman's husband only a week before. Interacting with him and Jessica was pure torture. He kept looking at her but talking to Jessica. His eyes were burning her face and setting her aflame even though she fought it. It was like the music. She wanted to hide herself away. Wanted to make those insistent feelings die away.
Jessica offered to leave. Lucy stopped her. What other choice did she have? Even if it hadn't been wrong losing Jessica would kill Wyatt. Lucy couldn't keep patching him together. Sooner or later she'd run out of blood to or later his pain would kill her. Sooner or later there would be nothing left.
He said there were no regrets. She didn't believe him. Because how could there be no regrets when it was so obvious that if they'd never met each other she'd no longer feel the phantom of his presence. Those old songs were wrong. Her soldier had returned but not to her. And somehow she had to make do with what she had.
Days passed. She smiled and resolutely drank more vodka than ever. She heard him joking with Rufus over sex with Jessica and went back to her room to down more vodka and dull her senses. It didn't help. The pain was as raw as when her mother played those songs. She turned him down and pushed him away when he wanted to discuss the mission. It was too raw. The pain was too real.

In the end he was sitting beside her confessing he loved her. But she didn't know if it was true or if he was just deluded into thinking he loved her by the fact that Rufus was gone and Jessica was gone. Those songs hadn't prepared her for undead wives and lost comrades or anything but the patriotic swagger of love and country. She couldn't hate him. She wanted to hate him. She wanted to stop feeling the pain. She wanted to forget.
Then her future self showed up. Her future self was every inch a soldier. She carried herself with a little confident lift that made Lucy realize she was capable of being that way. Her future self was tough and no-nonsense but her eyes were the same. She was compassionate and tender to people underneath the toughness.
Wyatt's future self was bigger and stronger with a beard that she wasn't sure she was fond of. He was also considerably less hot-headed and reckless than his present self. She saw the way he looked at "his" Lucy. She saw the way they looked at each other. The way they finished each other's sentences, and the way they could practically lip read each other's commands. It wasn't just the intimacy of people who fought together. It was as if they were made of the same material. As if the fire of pain and sadness had made them one. She wasn't sure how it had happened. It seemed impossible. It seemed a stunning mockery of all the distance she felt. How could two broken people ever find their way back to each other? To that level of intimacy and respect?
Rufus was back. He and Jiya had a reunion worthy of the most romantic war movie ever written. Lucy watched them crying in each other's arms, the look of joy on their faces enough to warm even the coldest heart. They were the Star-Crossed Lovers fate had sought to part until their future selves had come and interfered like a benevolent fairy godmother. It was almost hysterical to think of bearded Wyatt and short hair Lucy as a fluffy old lady with wings. But perhaps fairy godmothers came in many forms.
Lucy played the songs and felt her heart slowly soften. Rufus was back. He'd been back for several months now. Love had won out. Perhaps even though her own heart was irretrievably broken she could still believe that somehow she would find her way back to peace? Flynn knocked on her door. She ignored it until his footsteps died away in the corridor. Now that they could travel along their own timeline there was nothing stopping him from getting his family back. And now that he could bring his family back there was nothing in common between them. A man with a previously dead wife he was determined to save, no matter if he off handly swore he'd leave them behind, wasn't someone she wanted to cling to in a storm. She might as well cling to the person who originally broke her heart. She might as well realize that life was short. The world was on its axis. They could die today or tomorrow or a week from now. The timeline could change and any moment they could disappear.
They were both soldiers now. Somehow she'd been drafted into a war she didn't want to fight and planted straight in the middle of a battle. And even though she wasn't in a trench listening to the sounds of cannons she might as well be. The music haunted her. The sound of it echoing in her ears. Rufus and Jiya might have been the star-crossed lovers fate had tried to separate but Wyatt and Lucy had been separated by something far more human. It was a separation no twist of time travel fate could save them from.
She stood up and went to the door. She armed herself with her largely defunct phone she now used almost exclusively to listen to music and a bottle of wine. It might be crazy but she didn't care. Why not accept the hand dealt by fate? Why not accept that they were one timeline change away from disaster?
He opened up on the first knock. Without a word, she settled herself on his bed and opened the wine. She took a long swig and then handed it to him. He shrugged and accepted it from her. He seemed to accept that she wasn't in the talking mood.
"I'm surprised you're here. I thought you'd found a new drinking buddy." His tone wasn't angry. It sounded resigned. As if he'd finally accepted that she could do whatever the hell she wanted with whoever she wanted to.
"Yeah, well he's no longer the most miserable person in this bunker," Lucy replied. "I think we are."
She started playing the music. He frowned at the music, stabbing ineffectually at the phone she held out of reach.
"It's all bullshit you know. That stuff." His eyes closed. "All those patriotic songs. They are all fucking bullshit."
"My mom made me listen to them. While I was held. Now I remember them. I can't stop listening." Lucy felt tears slide down her cheeks.
She glanced up to find his face was wet with tears. Silently she reached out and brushed the hair from his face. It wasn't fair. None of it was fair. He'd hurt her. And that wasn't right. But Rittenhouse had plotted and schemed and done everything they could to torture them. Jessica had been nothing more than a Rittenhouse bomb in his dead wife's body.
"God, I hate them. But I hate myself more." His tone made her heart crack and break again. He reached for her giving her plenty of time to run. She let him wrap his arms around her feeling the warmth settle into her chilled frame.
"We sure are a piece of work." Lucy brushed the tears away.
"I'm a piece of work. You're a goddamn goddess." He glanced down at her.
"I'm not. I'm a mess." Lucy replied. It annoyed her he couldn't stop seeing her as a saint. As an angel off of the Christmas tree that she couldn't be.
"Ok, a messy goddess." He amended. She nodded. She ended up falling asleep in his room. When she woke up he wasn't staring at her from across the room. The room was deserted except for a bottle of aspirin.

They were back to WWI. 1917 to be exact. No one could figure out what Emma and Jessica were doing in 1917. Jessica was clearly not pregnant. Lucy watched her interacting with Wyatt. The way she tried pretending she cared for him even while she thrust her knife deeper. She wanted to do anything she could to make Jessica stop. It was the same thing as her mother and the music. Her pain over her mother's death had resulted in her burying it so deeply that no one, not even herself could find it.
Emma had her cornered. Lucy watched in horror as Emma raised her gun, pointing directly at Lucy. "How much are you willing to give up for her?"
Lucy faced her down. What more could Emma take from her? They'd gotten Rufus back but that was all. Emma had already broken her. The feeling of a bullet piercing her stomach only made her feel certain the end was near. But the bullet hadn't come from Emma.
She felt herself being pushed back. She wasn't sure who had done it. A hand reached out to touch her. "Let me do the honors."
Emma laughed, "Oh, I'm sure you'll enjoy it."
Lucy shuddered. The person was Jessica. She was looking nervous, a strangely reluctant person to be Emma's co-compatriot. Oddly enough not unlike her mother whose preferred strategy wasn't outright violence. Her mother had resisted causing Lucy physical pain. Her strategies always attacked Lucy's heart. Now, the pain making her flicker in and out she only wished she could find her people before she died. She wished she could tell Wyatt she loved him.
"I'm not going to kill you." Jessica's voice was harsh. "But I'm going to hurt you."
"Why?" Lucy replied. "What's the point? Why not kill me?"
"Because what's the point of killing you? They'll just bring you back. And hurt me in the process." Jessica began pulling Lucy along, a strangely strong grip on her arm.
"I've been shot. I'm going to die." Lucy replied.
"You won't die. You are already strong enough." Jessica only laughed as Lucy groaned in pain.
She settled Lucy down on the wall and then said, "We'll wait. Your friends are due to come find you. I wonder how hysterical Wyatt will be seeing you in pain."
"You enjoy seeing him suffer." Lucy focused on her anger at the woman in front of her instead of the pain.
"No, but I like seeing you suffer. After all, you did to me. Turning my husband away from me." Jessica sighed. "You were supposed to be a distraction. Just a person he warmed his bed with. Well, that's all you'll ever be."
Lucy shuddered. Jessica was cutting into her own weaknesses with the precision of a bullet. The pain was making her sick. She leaned over and vomited on the side of the road. Jessica barely escaped being soiled. She saw with satisfaction the disgust on the other woman's face.
"I have to say. He does know what to do in bed. I had a lot of problems with him but the sex was good. But you know that, don't you?" Jessica leaned back, eyes crinkling with amusement. "Unless you've already moved on?"
Lucy didn't reply. Jessica wouldn't shut up. She kept going on and on about sex. It was like her mother and the music. Everything in her was screaming for relief. She wished Jessica would kill her. It would be far less painful than this conversation. The pain from her bullet wound made her head spin.
Suddenly Jessica stood up and thrust Lucy in front of her. Rufus and Wyatt rounded the corner. Lucy was firmly planted between them. They couldn't get a good shot at Jessica without Lucy being hit. Jessica dropped Lucy and ran. Lucy groaned as she felt the pain knocking her unconscious. Nothing in life had prepared her for this moment.
She felt arms lifting her up and cradling her close. A face bent near and tears dripped on her own. She relaxed, let her mind wander. The songs lingered in her head. Amy's voice rang in her ears, taunting her to let go.
"Lucy, wake up. Don't leave me. Lucy, you aren't allowed…." She could hear his voice but it was very far away. She saw Rufus kneeling close, holding her hand and muttering under his breath comforting nonsense.
"She needs a hospital," Wyatt said.
"Take me back home," Lucy whispered. "Please."

Lucy cried out as the pain hit. She tried breathing deeply but the pain was only worsened. "Come on Lucy, you can do this." Wyatt's voice was soothing and tender. He gently lifted her up and kissed her forehead.
Lucy didn't know what would happen. Would she die? It felt like it might be that way. Tears slid down her face. "Wait," she said. Pleadingly she glanced at the others.
Rufus turned to Flynn, "Come on, we can steal some blankets for a stretcher."
"I love you," Lucy knew she had to say it. If she didn't then she might die and he'd never know. "I need time but I love you."
"Lucy, you're going to be fine." Her words seemed to have the opposite effect than she'd intended. If anything he'd gotten more frantic. Eyes roving her face he said, "You're going to be fine."
Lucy nodded. She didn't feel fine. But the sleepy feeling was getting stronger. "You can't sleep, babydoll. I'm sorry."
She tried forcing her eyes open. She saw his frantic blue eyes searching hers. She tried, really she did. But her eyes felt weighed down by boulders. They fell shut and she grew limp.

Wyatt had lost teammates. He had lost Rufus. He had lost Jessica. But nothing could prepare him for holding a limp and lifeless Lucy in his arms. She wasn't dead. She was just unconscious, he told himself as he laid her down on the pavement. Carefully he took her pulse. There was nothing. No breath slipped between her lips. Rufus and Flynn came around the corner.
"What's wrong?" Rufus came closer. "What happened?"
"She's flatlined." Wyatt could feel the panic slipping behind the tight control he'd managed to maintain for her sake. He was still trying to force air into her lungs. It was useless.
"She's gone," Flynn said. He looked shaken himself, barely holding together. For once Wyatt couldn't hate him. How could he? Lucy was gone.
"She's not. She's fine." He said stubbornly. He was still working on her. There was a defibrillator in the Lifeboat. They just had to get her there. Vaguely he knew it didn't work that way.
"Wyatt, she's gone." Rufus's voice pierced the fog. It hadn't sunk in yet. He ignored his voice. Kept working. Nothing changed. She was still not breathing. The minutes ticked by.
"Lucy," he whispered. Lifting her up he pressed a kiss to her lips. There was nothing. The absence of life was all too poignant. He'd been around all too many dead bodies not to know the truth. She was truly gone.
His mind might have accepted the truth but his heart couldn't. The pain was physical. Tears were rolling down his face, falling all over her like raindrops but it didn't matter. It wasn't like those tears could bring her back. Somehow his own sins had killed her. His own wife had caused her death. Jessica had killed her. He had killed her. By bringing Jessica back, letting her into their home, he'd caused her death.
"Wyatt we have to go." Rufus was crying too but he kept his head.
"No, I'm not leaving her." Wyatt had left Rufus's limp and lifeless body. He wasn't leaving Lucy.
"We can save her. The same way we saved me." Rufus's hand shot out. "We can save Lucy, Wyatt."
They were the only words that could get through to him. A flicker of hope shifted through him. He could save Lucy. But the paralysis was so great, the pain so intense he felt physically unable to move. The tears wouldn't stop. He was trapped in a nightmare, alone and unable to stop the sudden pain from overcoming everything.
Rufus and Flynn physically forced him up. Somehow he stumbled back to the Lifeboat. His brain was lost in a cloud of grief. If this were a battle he'd have been taken out by the enemy a long time ago. Rufus kept repeating that he could save Lucy. They'd bring her back. But it didn't matter. She was dead now. Dead and gone.
He carefully put her in her accustomed seat. Her head rolled forward. That wasn't the way it was supposed to be. She was supposed to be complaining about her seatbelt and worrying. She wasn't supposed to be like a rag doll. He fastened her seatbelt just like he had before. It hadn't been since Hollywoodland he'd had a chance to do that. Well, that was a lot of good now that she was gone. The tears kept falling. He fumbled with the clasps just like she always did. He remembered how he'd fastened them then. Pressing a kiss to her lips when Rufus wasn't looking. Making a cheeky comment in her ear until she laughed and blushed. Rufus was pretending he hadn't heard them whispering.
Rufus got them home. When the Lifeboat's door slid open he started to unfasten her seatbelt. It was a delicate process he had to get right. Somehow it was very important to do it right. Denise stood there for a second, hands pressed to her face in pained surprise.
"Who did this?" she asked.
"Jessica." Wyatt felt her hand rest on his shoulder.
" Oh, Wyatt." Was all she said. He'd lost one love to a hideous murder only to see her rise up and kill his second. How had the universe conspired to do something so cruel as to kill Lucy like this? How had his toxic presence caused her death? He still held her close, a dead body but a body so precious he didn't care.
"There is only one way to bring her back." Flynn stood there in the Lifeboat's entrance.
"I go back to 2012. Kill Jessica."
"Why would you do that?" Wyatt asked.
"To save her."
A week ago, hell even a day ago, the mere thought of killing Jessica would have been unimaginable. But with Lucy lying cold and dead in his arms it didn't seem too great a sacrifice. He glanced down at her. For her, he'd tear apart the fabric of space and time. For her, he'd do anything. Losing her had taken everything. She'd only been dead less than an hour but his sanity was slipping. Losing her was the worst thing that had ever happened to him. Worse than anything because he'd lost before and known what it was like. Knew what it was like to lose the person you love forever.
Apparently, he wasn't the only one to feel this way. The jealousy and suspicion he'd felt in Garcia Flynn's presence disappeared as he realized that the man was willing to sacrifice his own life in a risky mission to bring Lucy back. It didn't matter that Lucy's last words had been to tell him she loved him. It didn't matter that he hadn't even reacted, too worried about her to care about anything else. All that mattered was that they had to save her.
"How do we do it?" was all he said. Carefully he laid her body down on the stretcher. It wouldn't be long. Soon she'd be alive. It had to be. She'd be alive.
The plans were simple. Apparently, in this timeline, they had the famous fight at Pelican Lodge which had ended in her death in his timeline. But unlike then she'd walked along the highway until he'd come to pick her up. This time she wouldn't be so lucky. It was a horrible thing to do. To plot to kill her because they knew she'd kill another woman later.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Agent Christopher pulled him aside. "There may be some other way."
"I'm sure." He was sure because Jessica had never really returned. The woman who had taken her place was a sadly twisted version of herself. And even...and even if she had returned, this was Lucy they were talking about. The trade would be a horrendous one to make. But somehow, he'd have to make it.
He had to say goodbye to Lucy. No matter what the result he had to say goodbye. "I love you, Lucy. We'll see each other soon." He had to believe that. If he didn't believe it he'd fall apart completely.
They were set to go. The only person who'd actually get out of the Lifeboat was Flynn. He and Rufus would stay behind. He didn't dare show himself in case his past self would recognize himself. It was strange letting another person be the one to save Lucy. It wasn't about pride. It wasn't about anything but saving her and saving the world from this horribly twisted version of Jessica.
The hours passed. Rufus hadn't made the first perilous trip to save himself. He didn't know what it was like. Hands shaking Wyatt glanced at the seat where Lucy normally sat which was covered in her blood. This had to work. This had to work.
"We'll get her back." Rufus's confidence was born of having been reborn himself. Wyatt only knew that somehow fate had always been stacked against them. That he had always figured things out too late.
"Where is he?" Wyatt glanced at his watch. It had been more than six hours since Flynn had left. He should be here by now.
"Maybe he went to see his family?" Rufus hesitated. "To save them."
Of course, that would be the thing to do. One last trip to save them. One last chance to rewrite history. What if he hadn't saved Lucy? What if all of it had been a ploy to save his family? Why had he trusted that man?
Finally, Rufus said, "We need to go back."
"What if? What if he failed?" Wyatt asked.
"Then we go back to 1918," Rufus said. For once it was Rufus who was holding together and full of optimism. It was hard to imagine someone less optimistic than himself.
They touched down in the bunker. The hatch slid open. Wyatt glanced at Rufus, heart in his throat. If Lucy wasn't there to greet them everything would have failed. He glanced out. Jiya was standing there with Christopher. She looked calm and content. Not sad because a friend had died.
Then he saw her standing a little distance from the Lifeboat. She wore that blue plaid shirt he had and her hair was a tangled mess. But she was alive. Somehow she was alive. Alive, and well.
"Lucy," he called. She looked up. A smile struck her face. She rushed forward a little surprised at the sudden way he embraced her. She was alive. Alive. The words filtered in his mind like a rosy pink cloud. She felt exactly the same. She looked exactly the same except some of the shadows had left her eyes.
"Wyatt, what's wrong?" Her eyes suddenly looked alarmed. He wondered why she should be so freaked out. Then he realized he was covered in blood, her blood, and probably looking like a wild man.
"You were dead." He choked out. "I saw you die."

Lucy didn't know what to do when she saw Wyatt and Rufus step out of the Lifeboat. They had gone on a mission without her but she wasn't sure why. After they had saved Rufus from dying in Chinatown 1888 she had thought they considered her fully prepared to deal with any emergency. The date December 20th, 2012 rankled in her head. It was a familiar date. It had to do with Jessica.
She saw Wyatt rushing towards her. He embraced her so quickly she was a little startled. They had been trying unsuccessfully to keep their relationship a secret. No one was fooled but it kept down on the gossip she might have gotten otherwise.
"Wyatt, what's wrong?" His clothing was covered in blood, he looked wild-eyed and frankly terrified.
"You were dead." He said. "I saw you die."
He half collapsed against the stairs of the Lifeboat. Rufus had clambered down and given her a huge hug, "He's right. You died in 1918."
"But how did going back to 2012 save me?" It was easier to focus on timeline changes and tangible things than face her own death.
"Flynn dispatched Jessica," Rufus whispered in her ear.
"But she's dead," Lucy replied. Her stomach started clenching up. Jessica's name wandered around her head like a bad penny. She knew it was foolish to be so jealous of a dead woman but she was.
"She wasn't in our timeline. She came back but she came back, Rittenhouse. She was here, in this bunker, until she took Jiya and the Lifeboat. Then we chased after her, I died, your future selves rescued me and then you died on a mission. No, I'm not crazy. He might be but I'm not." Rufus's attempt at a joke fell flat. Lucy stared at him in shock.
"But how did Flynn going back to 2012 save my life? And where is he?" Lucy pressed a hand to her head.
"He took out Jessica, back in 2012 when she was supposed to die," Rufus whispered.
Lucy's whole body began shaking. This was too much, too fast. She pulled away, croaking out an "I need a moment." She fled to the bathroom where she splashed water on her face and tried very hard not to throw up. Her memories were of coming home from Hollywoodland and spending the month before Rufus died blissfully happy. Wrapped up in a bubble of new love she hadn't even realized Rufus was worried about Jiya's visions. By the time Rittenhouse jumped to 1888 Chinatown, she and Wyatt had been barely told of anything before Rittenhouse had taken out their dearest friend. Trapped with Flynn in 1888 they had to wait nearly a year before Jiya got the Lifeboat and rescued them. Then their future selves had shown up and helped them go and rescue Rufus.
Obviously, Wyatt and Rufus's timeline was very different. She took a deep breath and stepped out of the bathroom. Rufus and Jiya were waiting. Jiya remembered her memories but Rufus didn't. The comfort of having someone who knew what she knew was immeasurable.
"What's going on with Wyatt?" She asked. His appearance scared her to death.
"He just saw you die in his arms. Because Jessica shot you. So he's kind of crazy right now. Christopher has him with the doctor. I think they gave him a sedative." Rufus shook his head.
"What about Flynn?" Jiya sighed. "Did you guys just leave him there?"
"We need to figure out what happened to him. Can you run the scan and figure out what happened?" Rufus was clearly not terribly worried about Flynn. Lucy was alarmed. Had the man sacrificed his life for her? It made no sense. Why would he?
"Listen, Lucy, this is a long story. And it's probably gonna freak you out. Because the whole dying a previous timeline is fucking terrifying. I know." Rufus's tone was careful and understanding. If one person in the world understood what she was going through it was him.
"I need to know. Even though it sounds like something I don't want to know. Like my worst nightmare." Lucy's hands shook as she carefully opened the door of her room. Wyatt's side of the room was neat as a pin. Hers was considerably messier. Rufus looked a little surprised at the fact that they had been sharing a room. The look on his face was clear. He was going to be delivering bad news. News that would probably break her heart.
It was. It was clear Rufus only knew parts of the story. But the basics were there. Wyatt broke out of the bunker when he got wind that Jessica was alive, leaving her alone and trying to get ahold of him. Then he dragged Jessica to their home while Lucy and Rufus went with Flynn to Salem. Then she got injured and was forced to stay behind while the men tried to save Kennedy. Then she and Jessica and Wyatt went to chase after Kennedy in what must have been the world's worst few hours. Then Denise and Mason discovered pictures on the Rittenhouse archives that indicated the Jessica could be Rittenhouse. And then Jessica claimed to be pregnant and Wyatt was prepared to leave the bunker with her. Then just as he was about to do that Jessica took Jiya and stole the Lifeboat. They followed Jiya to 1888 Chinatown where Rufus was killed. And then their future selves went and helped them rescue Rufus.
Lucy took a deep breath unable to stop the horrible choking feeling in her throat. So all her worst fears had been realized. She'd been cast aside like a bad penny the second Jessica came back. Somehow she'd hoped in the months since they had formally gotten together that Wyatt really was putting Jessica aside. That was clearly wrong. The rest of the things that had occurred, besides dying, had already happened in her timeline.
"Lucy, I mean I know this may sound crazy but he completely flipped out when he saw you dead. I mean straight up went psychotic. I don't know what would have happened if he didn't know that he could fix it." Rufus reached out and took her hand. "I know this is freaky. I mean I get that."
Lucy nodded. "Thanks, Rufus."
"You got to talk to him. Because I don't know all the details. And I could be wrong on some things." Rufus seemed to sense she needed to be alone. He patted her hand and then slipped away.
Lucy sank down on the rumpled bed. It was their bed. Not just hers. The pillow smelled like his shampoo. The memories of the happy hours in the last few months filtered through her brain. Despite the horrible situation with Rittenhouse, her mother's death and the stress of fighting she'd been remarkably at peace. Not perfectly of course. But pretty good for a situation that dire. And much of it was due to him to dragging her out of the pits of despair and supporting her. And she'd done the same to him.
But it had all been so fragile. Somehow she'd known that. Somehow she'd been continually haunted by Jessica. Had known that Jessica would always be the love of his life and she was just a shadow. Knowing exactly how little she'd meant to him hurt the most. She felt tears roll down her cheeks. Her own peace of mind was so fragile. She had made the mistake of investing so much of her happiness in one person.
She glanced around the room with so much evidence of his presence. It hurt. She had to get it together though. She started to gather her things together. She would just sleep on the couch. It was easier than facing him, knowing that he was so upset over her "death". She paused, a thought occurred to her. He had essentially traded her life for Jessica's. By allowing Jessica to die in 2012 she wouldn't die.
Jiya and Rufus were talking quietly near the launch area. "What did you find out about Flynn?" She asked.
"We found evidence of an unidentified body that washed up onshore in December 2012. We did a little digging and we believe that the body was Flynn's. He apparently died of a stroke. Probably due to the stress of traveling along your timeline." Jiya spoke up. "But we know the other timeline Garcia Flynn is still alive. He and his family supposedly died in a house fire two weeks before Christmas in 2014. But apparently you still gave him the journal and he still stole the Mothership. We believe his family is still alive, probably in the past."
Lucy wasn't sure what to think. It was wonderful to know he'd managed to save his family. It was sad to know that his trying to save her had resulted in his death. They might have had a combative relationship but it was wonderful to know that his biggest goal had been accomplished.
"You better go see him." Jiya inclined her head towards Wyatt's door. "He isn't sure if you actually are alive. I mean seeing someone die and then come back to life messes with your head."
He was the last person on earth Lucy wanted to see. It would be so much easier to keep avoiding him. But she couldn't do that. Her heart ached to see that he was in so much pain. Obviously, Jessica's loss also wore on him.
Lucy tapped on the door of the small room they called the infirmary. The doctor opened it, obviously relieved to see her. "You can go right in. I'm leaving now anyway."
Lucy stepped inside. The sterile room was cold and dank. His abandoned clothes from 1918 lay on a chair. She stepped closer and saw the blood stains on the fabric. "That's your blood." Wyatt's voice broke into her thoughts.
"I...I don't know what to do." Lucy stepped forward. The pain in his eyes made her want to rush over and comfort him. It reminded her of being with her mother and being forced to listen to music that made her heart feel like it was being ripped from her chest.
"I saw you die. I saw you die. Because of her. She shot you." His voice went on, a dull monotone that made her suspect that if not for the medicine he'd be hysterical.
"I'm not dead. You all saved me." Lucy sat down in the rickety chair and took his hand.
"I know. But you're not the same. You don't remember." His eyes fell on her. "You don't know how badly I've failed. Or how I once again killed the woman I love because I'm so stupid."
Lucy flinched. Was it fate that he'd always lose the people he loved and always blame himself? Seeing her die had to have been absolute agony. He'd confessed in the silence of the night not long after Hollywoodland that he'd gone a bit crazy in the six weeks she was with her mother. He'd even taken out his frustration on the bathroom mirror and tried to blowtorch his way out. Then again, their timelines diverged. Perhaps it hadn't happened in his memory?
"That's not true. You didn't shoot me." Lucy spoke with conviction.
"I brought Jessica here. And that's why Rufus died and you died." His eyes found hers at last.
"I know that she's the love of your life. Of course, you'd do that." Lucy tried to get the words out. It made her stomach roil to know that he'd brought Jessica back here and played the happy husband with her forced to watch. She could only imagine how much that would have hurt. It almost hurt just the same because her imagination was supplying the rest.
"Wait," He reached out and grabbed her hand. "You keep saying that. But it's not true. That woman wasn't Jessica. She was a Rittenhouse pawn. And I'd already moved on. Resolved to put the past behind us. And then she came back and I was a horrible husband to her and she was serving me papers and I panicked. I kept thinking I'd just fall back to where we were before. But I couldn't. And you were off with Flynn and I saw you slipping away. And then she said she was pregnant."
Lucy hadn't heard him say so much in one sitting in forever. She blinked back more tears and finally gave up the attempt. She pitched forward and sank down next to him on the rickety hospital bed. It all hurt so much. They were both in so much pain right now. All because of Rittenhouse. They needed time. Both of them needed time to heal from their terrible wounds.
"I love you, Lucy. I know I did a terrible job of showing it. And I know after all this you probably hate me. But I do." His hand reached out and stroked her arm.
"I love you too." She choked out. He'd first told her he loved her a few weeks after Hollywoodland. It hadn't been an important day. They'd gotten home from 1919 when he'd just said the words as they talked about how Alice Paul had gotten erased from the history books. They had a hard mission that time. They'd been arguing the whole time over methods and her newfound friendship with Flynn and how Wyatt was so unreasonably jealous. He'd finally apologized for being so high handed and she'd forgiven him the jealousy. How could she not when Jessica lingered in her head like a ghost, poisoning every kiss with a dark stain? He'd told her he loved her late in the night, their skin cooling after a passionate encounter, and what was she to say but she loved him too? The words had simply flowed out without effort. Now they came out harshly, the truth more painful than pleasing.
There was almost a relief in knowing Jessica no longer hung over them, haunting their lives and breaking their hearts. The ghost was banished. She couldn't hurt them any longer. Lucy supposed she should feel guilty to feel so relieved. She couldn't muster up the courage.
"You said that before." His eyes filled with tears. She pressed her hand against his cheek, tenderly stroking them away. "Right before you died. I didn't even have time to react. I was too worried about you dying. It felt like a movie where you say you love someone right before you die."
"I know we have a lot to work through. And I'm not saying things won't be difficult. But we'll get through it." Lucy had to believe that. She had to believe that they'd made it through these storms, again and again, only to keep landing side by side for a reason.

Lucy stood in front of Garcia Flynn on a wintery day. He was currently in prison for stealing the Mothership. They needed his intelligence on Rittenhouse and she needed to thank him. Maybe this version of Flynn hadn't saved her life but the other version had. Certain things he'd said made sense now.
"You saved my life. By killing Jessica Logan." Lucy didn't beat around the bush. "I want to thank you."
"I didn't." He said.
"You're future self did. You know that, don't you? I must have written that down." Lucy replied.
"That's true. I met him, you know." It was a surprisingly quiet answer. She was used to their relationship being composed of angry barbs or desperate pleading on her part.
"He told me what to do. Where to go. To save my family. It didn't work. They still died." His eyes darkened. "It didn't matter. No matter what I did."
"They aren't dead." Lucy reached out and handed him a picture torn from an old newspaper. "You must have gone to Agent Christopher and pleaded with her to save them. When the time came she spirited them out of the house. Put them in protective custody. Then they hid them in the past. Where they would be safe." Lucy saw his face change. He dove for her, grabbing her arm.
"You let me think they were dead for three years? Do all those horrible things?" He shook her until her teeth rattled.
"I didn't. I didn't know a thing. They had to maintain the timeline." Lucy opened her purse and pulled out a letter. "You wrote me this. I was dead at the time so I never got it. But you wrote it."
He read it with a dismissive snarl. Then his face changed. "I guess I must have manipulated the timeline."
"It was what you wished," Lucy replied.
"So they're in the past? Where?"
"Late 1948," Lucy spoke quietly. "We're going to break you out of prison. And then we'll take the Lifeboat and find Lorena and Iris. You'll be home for Christmas."
"Why would you do this?" His suspicions were aroused again.
"Because you saved my life. And because I do understand what it's like to lose everything because of a timeline change." Lucy sighed. "For the record everyone else on the team agreed."
"Even Wyatt? I never thought I'd live to see the day." His eyes appeared satirically amused. Lucy shrugged.
"You'd be surprised to know that he's actually very grateful. If you hadn't killed Jessica I'd be dead."
"I don't understand. The journal was never very clear about why I did that." He was once again fixed on business, the mind always thinking a few steps ahead.
"Because Jessica came back Rittenhouse. She shot me in 1918. I died. She also kidnapped Jiya and Rufus ended up dying because of that. We brought Rufus back but she was Emma's second in command." Lucy rubbed her eyes. " She wasn't Jessica. She was some horrible, twisted version of her."
"That…" he paused. Lucy suspected that he was worried about Lorena and Iris.
"No, Lorena and Iris are not the same. Rittenhouse didn't bring them back." Lucy sighed.
"I can't go back to them." He spoke but not with conviction.
"I've been hurt by the people I love. But I know one thing. I still love them. I believe you can be with them." In the months since she'd been "rescued" she'd come to believe more and more in the life-altering power of forgiveness. She and Wyatt had patched their relationship back together, one difficult conversation at a time. It might not be fully healed but they were well on their way.

On December 23rd Flynn got out of jail. They took the Lifeboat to 1948, setting down the craft in an abandoned field. She saw how nervous he was. She glanced over at Wyatt. He and Rufus had actually met Lorena and Iris but not in their timeline. Apparently, she'd been kept out of it for fear she'd write it in her journal.
The house they were living in was cover in snow. Lucy shivered and pulled her wool coat closer. Wyatt wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Lucy wondered if he was thinking of Jessica. Of how it was too late to bring her back. He seemed to sense her insecurity because he reached out and squeezed her hand.
"I have never been so lucky. Having you here." She smiled at him. She wanted to kiss him but Rufus and Flynn were there.
"Garcia," they looked up to see someone flying towards them. A woman dressed in dark green with elaborately coiffed golden hair flung herself at her husband. Lucy found tears coming to her eyes. Somehow in the space between they'd found their way back to each other. She turned her back, giving them a little privacy.
"I'll be home for Christmas. And then we'll all go back." She Flynn tell Lorena.
"I can't believe it. They told me you'd be there but I was worried." Lucy could hear the tears in Lorena's voice.
"Daddy," Lucy looked up to see a small girl at the doorway of the cottage. She had light brown hair and soft brown eyes.
"I'm home, Iris."

The bunker was quiet when they set down in 2018. Lucy saw the rest standing there, watching. The bunker was decorated for Christmas with limited supplies. A real tree, a bunch of cheap Christmas ornaments and homemade red bows Jiya had put together from an internet tutorial. Christmas had never been so beautiful.
They walked the short distance to their room. Rufus and Jiya had already broken into the eggnog and brandy and she could hear them giggling. Lucy didn't particularly enjoy eggnog and neither did Wyatt. They paused before the fan that they had been standing in front of in Hollywoodland. Apparently, Wyatt had first confessed his love for her in front of this very fan.
Lucy glanced up seeing a sprig of mistletoe tied to the window. She laughed because she hadn't put it there. Wyatt must have. Sneaky move. She grinned. Lucy pressed her lips to his, smiling into the kiss.
"We're home." she finally said.
"We are."
There wasn't much talking after that. Neither of them ended drinking any eggnog but Rufus and Jiya didn't much care. Somehow despite all the odds against them, the timelines had settled into place. Hearts had been healed, families brought together and for the first time, she believed that some things were meant to be. Maybe two lonely soldiers were really meant to find each other. Maybe those songs had really been right.

Author's Note: I wrote this fic about a month ago. I was basing it off of some spoilers for the movie but as you can see most of it was wrong. I like that I gave Flynn his family back even if they didn't do it in canon. I understand why they didn't but it still hurts. Honestly, that movie was so overwhelming. I was so sad about Flynn and Amy but I loved the parts with Lyatt, Riya and the rest of the bunker family. And Married!Lyatt and those adorable little girls are the best things ever. I will never get over that beautiful scene.
I have lots of planned fics including one that covers the movie timeline but I will post this fic instead of my planned update to Infinite Theory of Us. Consider it my Christmas gift to all my lovely readers. I am so grateful for your support. I am thrilled to write for this fandom. And thrilled that our favorite ship got such a happy ending. I wish all of you a very Happy Holidays.