"Miserable Together"
Part 1 of ?
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, never will, though if I owned Dave it would be rather pleasant. (Mmm... Dave)
Rating: PG-13 for language (R later in series, but no one cares anyway)
Category: JMC/DM romance, Dave angst (mmm... angst) I kinda made it to follow "Six Days", weird as it may sound. So if you want an explanation on how Jing Mei and Dave got together, I suppose you could read the last chapter of that. You do NOT have to read that to understand it, though being the feedback slut I am...
Lyrics: "Long Day" by Matchbox Twenty (mmm... Rob... *sighs* Gotta stop doing that) because in my sick, twisted little mind, Dave, Angst, and Matchbox Twenty stroll hand in hand... Download the song, it's one of Rob's best, and it will help you understand the story more. Yes, it is the same song I used for the title of my other Dave angst (I wonder which one), which actually is sort of a prequel. Again, you do NOT have to read that fic to understand this one. I just like my personal fandom intertwined.
So, without further ado...
*
"Dave, step out..." He could here the irritation in Elizabeth's voice, and immediately felt sick to his stomach. What had he done now? He felt himself shrink, sinking slowly into the ugly green linoleum as he followed his supervisor out of the trauma room.
"What did you think you were doing in there?" she hissed angrily. "You almost gave him an overdose of potassium. What in the bloody hell were you thinking?"
"I'm... I'm sorry. I wasn't concentrating. I'll be more careful next time." *It's fucking hard to concentrate when you've been up all night doing scut work.*
"You had better be, Malucci! Next time I'm not going to save your arse."
Insults rose to his throat. So you're going to let a patient die just to watch me make a fool of myself? But he bit his tongue. He learned it's better just shut up and take your beatings silently, and he had learned it the hard way.
He lingered in the hallway for awhile, just waiting in the unbearable silence.. He didn't want everyone to be on his case all day. He wanted to do something else. Just... go home. Sleep, drift away from the misunderstanding, Elizabeth's angry words.
No, not Elizabeth. Never Elizabeth, always Dr. Corday. 'Elizabeth' was what you called a friend, and 'Corday' was a symbol of everything couldn't put up with. Not today.
Ah, exam six was free. A temporary sanctuary.
He sighed as Dr. Weaver entered the dimly lit room. "Malucci? Are you going to sleep or see patients?"
"Dr. Corday's afraid I'll kill them." He bit his lip, trying to fight his quivering voice, trying to laugh away the tears. It didn't work.
"Dave?" *She never calls me Dave.* "Are you alright?"
"Fine. Just tired."
"Okay, well, you could try clearing people in chairs. I'm sure you won't kill them." Dave smiled slightly and rolled his eyes, and walked off to fulfill his duties. Suddenly he didn't hate Dr. Weaver so much. The effect faded. She only cared because he wasn't working.
The line between pity and comfort was thicker then Weaver though. And with each passing realization, Dave's watch began to move more and more slowly.
_______________________
It's sitting by the overcoat
The second shelf, the note she wrote
That I can't bring myself to throw away
And also reach she said for no one else but you
Cuz you won't turn away
When someone else is gone
______________________
The house was so tranquil and sleepy. And inhumanly tidy. Everything was in place. Dave took off his shoes to be sure he didn't stain the carpet, bleached to almost an unbelievable white. His feet padded across the hallway. He liked this place better then his own messy apartment. His apartment wasn't home like this was. She was here. It smelled like her, the rose incense she always burned.
He sat down on the couch. All the lights were off, was she even home? He ran his hand across the on the couch, streaks of dying light illuminated the plush cushions.
"Jing Mei?" he whispered softly, not daring to break the stillness.
She was most likely in the basement, that was where all the bedrooms were. Jing Mei's house was weird like that; it had an upstairs but not a downstairs.
Dave continued down the stairs, inhaling the perpetual aroma of rose petals and dampness as drifted down the white path.
_______________________
I'm sorry 'bout the attitude
I need to give when I'm with you
But not one else will take this shit from me
And I'm so terrified of no one else but me
I'm here all the time
I won't go away
_____________________
Dave softly padded down the hall. The walls here were cream colored too; and there were pictures of pressed flowers on the wall. It looked very femanine. He slowly exhaled, peering into her bedroom. She was asleep. He noticed a copy of the American Medical Journal lay on her bed, she had dozed off while reading it. Dave smiled coyly, he had always regarded it as the best cure for insomnia.
He picked up a light blue blanket from the closet and covered her with it. It was always about 10
degrees cooler down here.
Dave smiled at her sadly, and stroked her soft black hair. She was so good to put up with him. He wasn't the easiest person to love, that was painfully obvious. He frustrated her at times, he knew that too.
He stood up abruptly. He should come back later when Jing Mei woke up. He walked up towards the stairs and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, his sullen face, his pout.
He was pathetic. He let his emotions get the best of him, he made everyone hate him. Even when he was fairly new to County, and had only been there about a month, everyone lost respect for him. Running off to play hero. And those opinions were only supported over time. He acted like a child.
But that's what he was, wasn't he? He never grew up. He never wanted to. For God's sake, he was still afraid of clowns...
He had never felt loved as a boy. It showed now, 20 years later. Now he was thrilled when a woman remembered his name. Going through a thousand different relationships, just trying to feel the love he had missed out on. When he was upset he needed to be held, like a five-year-old. And yet he felt incredibly old and worn through.
*I should go now. I shouldn't be here...* he thought as tears collected beneath his eyes. Somewhere inside his chest felt empty. His heart had probably been there once. He sat on her couch and buried his face in his hands as something inside him broke.
A sob escaped.
_____________________
Yeah, it's me
Yeah well I can't get myself to go away
Hey, it's me
And I can't get myself to go away,
Oh God, I shouldn't feel this way
Reach down your hand in your pocket
Pull out some hope for me...
________________________
Jing Mei awoke to the sound of footsteps. Someone was in her house. She shot up, looking around for the perpetrator. She felt her cotton blanket fall to the floor. She had just dozed off reading something... Someone had covered her with a blanket. It was probably just Dave then. He said he would stop by today. She smoothed down her hair and started up the stairs slowly, not yet fully awake. Dave was on the couched, hunched over tiredly with his head in his hands. She watched his shoulders shake and heard him try to stifle his tears.
"Hey...hey...what's wrong?" she whispered, wrapping an arm around him. He just shook his head, crying.
"Jing Mei, I'm sorry, I..." His words fell to the ground, forlorn.
She lifted another finger to her lips. "Shh... it's okay..."
She drew him closer, and he lay his head on her chest. Instantly he felt a little better, comforted by her presence, reassured by her heartbeat.
*It's okay*... how many times had those words been used? How many times had they been worn out? Said thousands of times to a crying child or a broken man. She whispered them like they meant something, she sang them like they would heal. All he could do was pretend he was somewhere else, that today was just exceptionally bad, and that tomorrow would be better...
________________________
It's been a long day
Always
Ain't that right?
Well no Lord, your hand won't stop it
Just keep you tremblin'
It's been a long day
Always
Ain't that right?
_________________________
"Dave... What's wrong?" The words were soft and sweet, Jing Mei's breath caressing his ear.
"Nothing... just, y'know, bad day," he whispered, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.
She nodded slowly.
"I hate Elizabeth."
"I know..."
"Do you think I'm a bad doctor?" He deep brown eyes stared coldly into hers.
"No."
"Honestly."
"What happened, Dave?"
"What do you think happened? I almost killed somebody!" he spat angrily.
"Well, Elizabeth can't say she hasn't--" Jing Mei stopped herself, not knowing how to phrase what she was feeling. "She can't say she hasn't lost patients," she finished.
Dave gave something between a scoff and a sigh. "Elizabeth is superhuman. She gives me shit like she is."
"No. Al Patterson."
"What?"
"Al Patterson. He was a patient of Elizabeth's. She apparently rushed a surgery, ignored his leaking spinal fluid, and now he can never walk again. You remember, there was a huge lawsuit?"
"No."
"Well it happened."
She rubbed her hand in small circles over his back. She spoke again, the words so soft they almost faded into the darkness.
"It's not always you, you know."
_________________________
Well I'm surprised if you believe in anything that comes from me
I didn't hear from you, from someone else
And you're so
Set in life, man a pisser there waiting
Too damn bad, you get so far so fast
So what, so long?
_________________________
"Hello Dave."
"Dr. Corday." He nodded, his voice flat.
She flipped through his patient's chart, as though she was the goddess, the empress, and he playing the lowly serf.
"Let's review this again. Your patient has chest pains. His EKG is normal. Please tell me where you got the notion he had a heart attack and why you think he should spend the night." Her tone was almost mocking.
"Diet, for one thing. Obese, smoker, high cholesterol. Check the labs. Damaged heart muscle. Something's definitely going on there."
"Pain subsided with aspirin..." she read, raising an eyebrow. "Hmm. Almost as though it were inflammatory."
"Something's not right here. I think we should keep him for observation." Dave glanced through the window of the trauma room. "Dr. Corday... what harm could it possibly do?"
"Maybe your patient would appreciate the thousand dollars he saves. I certainly would appreciate the room."
He began cautiously. "I know what this is about. It's about yesterday, isn't it?"
Elizabeth placed her hands on her hip, the look on her face daring him to go on.
"You've got this bias against me because of the whole potassium thing." The words were smooth and menacing.
"*Malucci*," the words rolled off her tongue mockingly. "Do you *honestly* think it's grounds for me to give you more privileges?"
"So you've never made mistakes? You've never killed anyone? What about Al Patterson?"
"If you put any thought whatsoever into anything you said, you'd know Mr. Patterson is alive and well."
"Just paralyzed," he added sharply.
"Word to the wise, doctor. Don't argue with me. I can promise you I will win."
He took in a sharp breath, but exhaled and crumpled beneath her gaze.
_________________________
So reach down your hand in your pocket
Pull out some hope for me...
_________________________
Jing Mei lay curled up on the overstuffed brown couch, a book in her hand. She flipped through the yellowed pages, then set it down to rub her eyes. Music was playing in the background, something of Dave's that had been in the stereo when she switched it on. She didn't even like this particular band, she just needed something to make the place seem less lonely.
The guitar solos were like bits of tin shoving themselves into her ears. She got up to turn on the radio.
"Hm. Snow." Tufts of powder fell from the sky like shredded tissue.
The door swung open and spurts of cold air fought their way in.
"You don't have to bike, you know. I can lend you the car."
He said nothing, but ran fingers through his wet hair.
"At least let me pick you up."
He shot her a look colder then the frigid air. "Aren't you happy to see me?"
"I was worried about you." She smiled. He did not smile back. "But yes, yes I am happy to see you."
He sat on the far side of the couch and looked very small.
_________________________
It's been a long day
Always
Ain't that right?
Well no, Lord, your hand won't stop it
Just keep you tremblin'
It's been a long day
Always, ain't that right?
Aw, ain't that right?
___________________________
*He's always like this*, Jing Mei thought. *He's playing tag and he wants me to chase him.*
For once she wanted to be in a good mood. She didn't want to go hint by hint and figure out what was troubling her boyfriend. There was nothing she knew about Dave that he told her outright. She had to dig away at his reluctance, pulling at him as he pushed away until he finally gave in. He flirted, but hid blemishes under exaggerations. He had been with a lot of women but had experienced only a few long-term relationships. Sociable and friendly, but with few close friends.
Sometimes he was depressed and sometimes he was happy. Sometimes he was in-between and half-alive. The cycles he went through were unpredictable, but Jing Mei had known from the start that this man was different. They couldn't be like other people, no beautiful lovers in movies or the couples in bodice-ripper novels who retired at the end of the day to Happily Ever After Land. If this was for better or for worse she couldn't tell yet.
Now twelve months into the relationship she was becoming tired; bits of conflict were like weeks of lost sleep adding up and dragging her down.
___________________________
It's me
Yeah, well I can't get myself to go away
Hey, well it's me
Yeah well I can't get myself to go away
Oh God, I shouldn't feel this way, no
Pull out some hope for me
__________________________
"You don't want to talk, do you?"
He shrugged and looked at his hands.
"Was it Elizabeth again?"
"Yeah. I told her off."
"...About?"
"A lot of things. The way she treats me, her attitude... Al Patterson." Dave forced a smile.
"That probably wasn't very smart."
"No."
"Are you in trouble again?"
"'Again?'" said Dave, like the words were sour on his tongue.
"Well, if you were in trouble yesterday..."
"And again today. I get it. I figured you'd lose faith sooner or later."
"No, I'm just saying that you can be aggressive sometimes."
"So can you."
Jing Mei took a deep breath like she was about to say something harsh, but stopped. "Fine. I don't want to talk right now either. I'm going to bed."
___________________________
It's been a long day
Always, ain't that right?
Well no Lord, your hand won't stop it
Just keep you trembling
It's been a long day, always
Ain't that right?
____________________________
Jing Mei wiped her eye shadow off hastily with a wet cloth, ignoring the raccoon eyes she had created. She and Dave were both aggressive, and when they argued, it was about little things that had gotten blown out of proportion. Important issues they handled responsibly, but one phone call that had suddenly failed to exist developed into a full-blown argument.
The issues in the middle were the worst of all. Especially after days like this one.
Long day? It had been a long week. Dave and Elizabeth snapping at each others heels, a phone call from Jing Mei's mother...
She groaned. Ever since Michael they had gotten along less and less.
Jing Mei hopped into bed with all her clothes on, just a sweater and jeans with holes in the knees. She was tired, and she didn't want to hear what would come next. She knew how Dave's cycle went.
Fight. Mope. Snap. Binge. Rinse. Repeat.
Jing Mei pulled the covers over her head. If she didn't hear it than maybe it wasn't there.
The sound fought through. The clink of beer bottles, clumsy footsteps on the way to the fridge...
She lay stiff as a corpse. She might turn off the light, but if she moved it would mean she was still here.
She hated his inability to cope, but understood his past wasn't something he could just drop. She was willing to help, but how? Support? Why wasn't support working? Comfort? Why was comfort ineffective? Why was alcohol more effective then consoling here? Dave seem fine for awhile, but in a few weeks...
He realized he needed help but pleaded invincibility.
And she hated seeing him like this. She stopped trying to think about life without him or life before him. She wanted more then anything to save him. She loved him. His smile, his laughter, the way he looked like a different person when he was serious, and every single scar that ran down his back.
____________________________
Reach down your hand in your pocket well
Reach down your hand right now
It's been a long day, always
Ain't that right?
Ain't that right?
Ain't that right right on, child?
_____________________________
She was miserable with him and without him.
______________________________
So c'mon
______________________________
Finished @April 5, 11:11 P.M.
Feedback?
Suggestions?
Flames?
misscaran@aol.com
(might be awhile til I can get the next chapter up. Sorry folks).
Part 1 of ?
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, never will, though if I owned Dave it would be rather pleasant. (Mmm... Dave)
Rating: PG-13 for language (R later in series, but no one cares anyway)
Category: JMC/DM romance, Dave angst (mmm... angst) I kinda made it to follow "Six Days", weird as it may sound. So if you want an explanation on how Jing Mei and Dave got together, I suppose you could read the last chapter of that. You do NOT have to read that to understand it, though being the feedback slut I am...
Lyrics: "Long Day" by Matchbox Twenty (mmm... Rob... *sighs* Gotta stop doing that) because in my sick, twisted little mind, Dave, Angst, and Matchbox Twenty stroll hand in hand... Download the song, it's one of Rob's best, and it will help you understand the story more. Yes, it is the same song I used for the title of my other Dave angst (I wonder which one), which actually is sort of a prequel. Again, you do NOT have to read that fic to understand this one. I just like my personal fandom intertwined.
So, without further ado...
*
"Dave, step out..." He could here the irritation in Elizabeth's voice, and immediately felt sick to his stomach. What had he done now? He felt himself shrink, sinking slowly into the ugly green linoleum as he followed his supervisor out of the trauma room.
"What did you think you were doing in there?" she hissed angrily. "You almost gave him an overdose of potassium. What in the bloody hell were you thinking?"
"I'm... I'm sorry. I wasn't concentrating. I'll be more careful next time." *It's fucking hard to concentrate when you've been up all night doing scut work.*
"You had better be, Malucci! Next time I'm not going to save your arse."
Insults rose to his throat. So you're going to let a patient die just to watch me make a fool of myself? But he bit his tongue. He learned it's better just shut up and take your beatings silently, and he had learned it the hard way.
He lingered in the hallway for awhile, just waiting in the unbearable silence.. He didn't want everyone to be on his case all day. He wanted to do something else. Just... go home. Sleep, drift away from the misunderstanding, Elizabeth's angry words.
No, not Elizabeth. Never Elizabeth, always Dr. Corday. 'Elizabeth' was what you called a friend, and 'Corday' was a symbol of everything couldn't put up with. Not today.
Ah, exam six was free. A temporary sanctuary.
He sighed as Dr. Weaver entered the dimly lit room. "Malucci? Are you going to sleep or see patients?"
"Dr. Corday's afraid I'll kill them." He bit his lip, trying to fight his quivering voice, trying to laugh away the tears. It didn't work.
"Dave?" *She never calls me Dave.* "Are you alright?"
"Fine. Just tired."
"Okay, well, you could try clearing people in chairs. I'm sure you won't kill them." Dave smiled slightly and rolled his eyes, and walked off to fulfill his duties. Suddenly he didn't hate Dr. Weaver so much. The effect faded. She only cared because he wasn't working.
The line between pity and comfort was thicker then Weaver though. And with each passing realization, Dave's watch began to move more and more slowly.
_______________________
It's sitting by the overcoat
The second shelf, the note she wrote
That I can't bring myself to throw away
And also reach she said for no one else but you
Cuz you won't turn away
When someone else is gone
______________________
The house was so tranquil and sleepy. And inhumanly tidy. Everything was in place. Dave took off his shoes to be sure he didn't stain the carpet, bleached to almost an unbelievable white. His feet padded across the hallway. He liked this place better then his own messy apartment. His apartment wasn't home like this was. She was here. It smelled like her, the rose incense she always burned.
He sat down on the couch. All the lights were off, was she even home? He ran his hand across the on the couch, streaks of dying light illuminated the plush cushions.
"Jing Mei?" he whispered softly, not daring to break the stillness.
She was most likely in the basement, that was where all the bedrooms were. Jing Mei's house was weird like that; it had an upstairs but not a downstairs.
Dave continued down the stairs, inhaling the perpetual aroma of rose petals and dampness as drifted down the white path.
_______________________
I'm sorry 'bout the attitude
I need to give when I'm with you
But not one else will take this shit from me
And I'm so terrified of no one else but me
I'm here all the time
I won't go away
_____________________
Dave softly padded down the hall. The walls here were cream colored too; and there were pictures of pressed flowers on the wall. It looked very femanine. He slowly exhaled, peering into her bedroom. She was asleep. He noticed a copy of the American Medical Journal lay on her bed, she had dozed off while reading it. Dave smiled coyly, he had always regarded it as the best cure for insomnia.
He picked up a light blue blanket from the closet and covered her with it. It was always about 10
degrees cooler down here.
Dave smiled at her sadly, and stroked her soft black hair. She was so good to put up with him. He wasn't the easiest person to love, that was painfully obvious. He frustrated her at times, he knew that too.
He stood up abruptly. He should come back later when Jing Mei woke up. He walked up towards the stairs and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, his sullen face, his pout.
He was pathetic. He let his emotions get the best of him, he made everyone hate him. Even when he was fairly new to County, and had only been there about a month, everyone lost respect for him. Running off to play hero. And those opinions were only supported over time. He acted like a child.
But that's what he was, wasn't he? He never grew up. He never wanted to. For God's sake, he was still afraid of clowns...
He had never felt loved as a boy. It showed now, 20 years later. Now he was thrilled when a woman remembered his name. Going through a thousand different relationships, just trying to feel the love he had missed out on. When he was upset he needed to be held, like a five-year-old. And yet he felt incredibly old and worn through.
*I should go now. I shouldn't be here...* he thought as tears collected beneath his eyes. Somewhere inside his chest felt empty. His heart had probably been there once. He sat on her couch and buried his face in his hands as something inside him broke.
A sob escaped.
_____________________
Yeah, it's me
Yeah well I can't get myself to go away
Hey, it's me
And I can't get myself to go away,
Oh God, I shouldn't feel this way
Reach down your hand in your pocket
Pull out some hope for me...
________________________
Jing Mei awoke to the sound of footsteps. Someone was in her house. She shot up, looking around for the perpetrator. She felt her cotton blanket fall to the floor. She had just dozed off reading something... Someone had covered her with a blanket. It was probably just Dave then. He said he would stop by today. She smoothed down her hair and started up the stairs slowly, not yet fully awake. Dave was on the couched, hunched over tiredly with his head in his hands. She watched his shoulders shake and heard him try to stifle his tears.
"Hey...hey...what's wrong?" she whispered, wrapping an arm around him. He just shook his head, crying.
"Jing Mei, I'm sorry, I..." His words fell to the ground, forlorn.
She lifted another finger to her lips. "Shh... it's okay..."
She drew him closer, and he lay his head on her chest. Instantly he felt a little better, comforted by her presence, reassured by her heartbeat.
*It's okay*... how many times had those words been used? How many times had they been worn out? Said thousands of times to a crying child or a broken man. She whispered them like they meant something, she sang them like they would heal. All he could do was pretend he was somewhere else, that today was just exceptionally bad, and that tomorrow would be better...
________________________
It's been a long day
Always
Ain't that right?
Well no Lord, your hand won't stop it
Just keep you tremblin'
It's been a long day
Always
Ain't that right?
_________________________
"Dave... What's wrong?" The words were soft and sweet, Jing Mei's breath caressing his ear.
"Nothing... just, y'know, bad day," he whispered, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.
She nodded slowly.
"I hate Elizabeth."
"I know..."
"Do you think I'm a bad doctor?" He deep brown eyes stared coldly into hers.
"No."
"Honestly."
"What happened, Dave?"
"What do you think happened? I almost killed somebody!" he spat angrily.
"Well, Elizabeth can't say she hasn't--" Jing Mei stopped herself, not knowing how to phrase what she was feeling. "She can't say she hasn't lost patients," she finished.
Dave gave something between a scoff and a sigh. "Elizabeth is superhuman. She gives me shit like she is."
"No. Al Patterson."
"What?"
"Al Patterson. He was a patient of Elizabeth's. She apparently rushed a surgery, ignored his leaking spinal fluid, and now he can never walk again. You remember, there was a huge lawsuit?"
"No."
"Well it happened."
She rubbed her hand in small circles over his back. She spoke again, the words so soft they almost faded into the darkness.
"It's not always you, you know."
_________________________
Well I'm surprised if you believe in anything that comes from me
I didn't hear from you, from someone else
And you're so
Set in life, man a pisser there waiting
Too damn bad, you get so far so fast
So what, so long?
_________________________
"Hello Dave."
"Dr. Corday." He nodded, his voice flat.
She flipped through his patient's chart, as though she was the goddess, the empress, and he playing the lowly serf.
"Let's review this again. Your patient has chest pains. His EKG is normal. Please tell me where you got the notion he had a heart attack and why you think he should spend the night." Her tone was almost mocking.
"Diet, for one thing. Obese, smoker, high cholesterol. Check the labs. Damaged heart muscle. Something's definitely going on there."
"Pain subsided with aspirin..." she read, raising an eyebrow. "Hmm. Almost as though it were inflammatory."
"Something's not right here. I think we should keep him for observation." Dave glanced through the window of the trauma room. "Dr. Corday... what harm could it possibly do?"
"Maybe your patient would appreciate the thousand dollars he saves. I certainly would appreciate the room."
He began cautiously. "I know what this is about. It's about yesterday, isn't it?"
Elizabeth placed her hands on her hip, the look on her face daring him to go on.
"You've got this bias against me because of the whole potassium thing." The words were smooth and menacing.
"*Malucci*," the words rolled off her tongue mockingly. "Do you *honestly* think it's grounds for me to give you more privileges?"
"So you've never made mistakes? You've never killed anyone? What about Al Patterson?"
"If you put any thought whatsoever into anything you said, you'd know Mr. Patterson is alive and well."
"Just paralyzed," he added sharply.
"Word to the wise, doctor. Don't argue with me. I can promise you I will win."
He took in a sharp breath, but exhaled and crumpled beneath her gaze.
_________________________
So reach down your hand in your pocket
Pull out some hope for me...
_________________________
Jing Mei lay curled up on the overstuffed brown couch, a book in her hand. She flipped through the yellowed pages, then set it down to rub her eyes. Music was playing in the background, something of Dave's that had been in the stereo when she switched it on. She didn't even like this particular band, she just needed something to make the place seem less lonely.
The guitar solos were like bits of tin shoving themselves into her ears. She got up to turn on the radio.
"Hm. Snow." Tufts of powder fell from the sky like shredded tissue.
The door swung open and spurts of cold air fought their way in.
"You don't have to bike, you know. I can lend you the car."
He said nothing, but ran fingers through his wet hair.
"At least let me pick you up."
He shot her a look colder then the frigid air. "Aren't you happy to see me?"
"I was worried about you." She smiled. He did not smile back. "But yes, yes I am happy to see you."
He sat on the far side of the couch and looked very small.
_________________________
It's been a long day
Always
Ain't that right?
Well no, Lord, your hand won't stop it
Just keep you tremblin'
It's been a long day
Always, ain't that right?
Aw, ain't that right?
___________________________
*He's always like this*, Jing Mei thought. *He's playing tag and he wants me to chase him.*
For once she wanted to be in a good mood. She didn't want to go hint by hint and figure out what was troubling her boyfriend. There was nothing she knew about Dave that he told her outright. She had to dig away at his reluctance, pulling at him as he pushed away until he finally gave in. He flirted, but hid blemishes under exaggerations. He had been with a lot of women but had experienced only a few long-term relationships. Sociable and friendly, but with few close friends.
Sometimes he was depressed and sometimes he was happy. Sometimes he was in-between and half-alive. The cycles he went through were unpredictable, but Jing Mei had known from the start that this man was different. They couldn't be like other people, no beautiful lovers in movies or the couples in bodice-ripper novels who retired at the end of the day to Happily Ever After Land. If this was for better or for worse she couldn't tell yet.
Now twelve months into the relationship she was becoming tired; bits of conflict were like weeks of lost sleep adding up and dragging her down.
___________________________
It's me
Yeah, well I can't get myself to go away
Hey, well it's me
Yeah well I can't get myself to go away
Oh God, I shouldn't feel this way, no
Pull out some hope for me
__________________________
"You don't want to talk, do you?"
He shrugged and looked at his hands.
"Was it Elizabeth again?"
"Yeah. I told her off."
"...About?"
"A lot of things. The way she treats me, her attitude... Al Patterson." Dave forced a smile.
"That probably wasn't very smart."
"No."
"Are you in trouble again?"
"'Again?'" said Dave, like the words were sour on his tongue.
"Well, if you were in trouble yesterday..."
"And again today. I get it. I figured you'd lose faith sooner or later."
"No, I'm just saying that you can be aggressive sometimes."
"So can you."
Jing Mei took a deep breath like she was about to say something harsh, but stopped. "Fine. I don't want to talk right now either. I'm going to bed."
___________________________
It's been a long day
Always, ain't that right?
Well no Lord, your hand won't stop it
Just keep you trembling
It's been a long day, always
Ain't that right?
____________________________
Jing Mei wiped her eye shadow off hastily with a wet cloth, ignoring the raccoon eyes she had created. She and Dave were both aggressive, and when they argued, it was about little things that had gotten blown out of proportion. Important issues they handled responsibly, but one phone call that had suddenly failed to exist developed into a full-blown argument.
The issues in the middle were the worst of all. Especially after days like this one.
Long day? It had been a long week. Dave and Elizabeth snapping at each others heels, a phone call from Jing Mei's mother...
She groaned. Ever since Michael they had gotten along less and less.
Jing Mei hopped into bed with all her clothes on, just a sweater and jeans with holes in the knees. She was tired, and she didn't want to hear what would come next. She knew how Dave's cycle went.
Fight. Mope. Snap. Binge. Rinse. Repeat.
Jing Mei pulled the covers over her head. If she didn't hear it than maybe it wasn't there.
The sound fought through. The clink of beer bottles, clumsy footsteps on the way to the fridge...
She lay stiff as a corpse. She might turn off the light, but if she moved it would mean she was still here.
She hated his inability to cope, but understood his past wasn't something he could just drop. She was willing to help, but how? Support? Why wasn't support working? Comfort? Why was comfort ineffective? Why was alcohol more effective then consoling here? Dave seem fine for awhile, but in a few weeks...
He realized he needed help but pleaded invincibility.
And she hated seeing him like this. She stopped trying to think about life without him or life before him. She wanted more then anything to save him. She loved him. His smile, his laughter, the way he looked like a different person when he was serious, and every single scar that ran down his back.
____________________________
Reach down your hand in your pocket well
Reach down your hand right now
It's been a long day, always
Ain't that right?
Ain't that right?
Ain't that right right on, child?
_____________________________
She was miserable with him and without him.
______________________________
So c'mon
______________________________
Finished @April 5, 11:11 P.M.
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misscaran@aol.com
(might be awhile til I can get the next chapter up. Sorry folks).