A/N - Hullo readers! This is my first fic in a long time, so I hope it is ok! It's somehow also a belated birthday present for Aomine, so that's cool too.
Disclaimer - I do not in any way own Kuroko no Basuke! Even though I wish I did. Credit for cover picture is on profile!
Aomine looks down at the phantom player's distraught expression and can't help but laugh bitterly. He knows that this is the only way he has left to pull emotion from his old partner. He laughs and laughs, covering up the tightness in his chest, the painful tug at his heart and the bitterness that threatens to sweep him away. He laughs because he knows that no words will come out and if they do, it will be the words that burst the dam of thoughts and feelings he has built since graduation from Teikou.
Am I nothing to you anymore, Tetsu?
He shifts his eyes downwards and walks away. But he knows that he has one thing left of Tetsu that will never fade. Their past together is something that he has with nobody else and something nobody else has with Tetsu. But it rarely leaves him satisfied.
So sometimes, Aomine can't help but remember.
He remembers his first meeting with Tetsu. He remembers screaming so loudly that it still makes him laugh when he thinks about it. He remembers those frightening, fierce blue eyes. Aomine knows that those eyes have never changed and it makes him glad.
He thinks of the Teikou practices - of Akashi - Daiki, I know you're free today, walk Tetsuya home - of Murasakibara - Mah, didn't you buy Kurochin a milkshake? I want one too! - of Midorima - you do know that yours and Kuroko's blood types don't match? Not that I care! - of Kise - Stop hogging Kurokocchi!-
And - blue compliments blue, he knew, but seeing Tetsu so close, so vulnerable, made him want to taste that innocence all the more, the silent boy so longer silent - Tetsu.
He thinks of all the hours spent at the river, talking about everything and nothing at once.
He thinks of the stolen moments between classes when Satsuki would smile benevolently and quietly make way for him to find Tetsu.
He thinks of the genuine smile that would appear on Tetsu's face when Aomine bumped their fists together – he lived for those smiles, wanted them only for himself, to never show anyone - and Aomine was quite sure he would have done anything for Tetsu.
But the less innocent thoughts that had plagued him throughout their friendship are the ones that always still haunt him when he see his shadow – pale skin dusted with pink, soft lips, nimble fingers tugging at his hair - and he knows that it will never be the same again.
''The only one who can beat me is me.''
And so, Aomine regrets.
Regrets are the one thing that taint his memories of the past. Each time he remembers, they pile up so quickly, so quickly that Aomine feels he is drowning. And he always relents and lets himself drown in the bottomless pit of self loathing he has created. Because if these feelings where the only ones to remain of the past, then Aomine would accept them gladly.
He wraps himself around the memories and refuses to let go. And he knows that he is being difficult, one look at Satsuki's worried face each time he doesn't appear at practice makes him realise it.
He can't tell her that the reason he doesn't want to go to practise is because - it wasn't Teikou damn it, Tetsu wasn't there and there was no sense in exercising because he'd defeat them all anyway and he didn't want to feel that helpless again, that's why Tetsu left - he reminisces of times where everything was easier.
Whispers that shout accusations at him are the norm - that he deserves feeling like this, you're the one who walked away - but he laughs anyway, because those whispers sound suspiciously like Satsuki's voice.
But the soft voice that questions Aomine is the one he hates the most.
Why did you never look him squarely in the eye and tell him how you felt?
Why did you leave him alone?
Why did you change so much?
Why did you make me invisible again?
Aomine tugs at his dark blue hair, missing the pale, calloused hands that used to stroke it. He lashes out at the team, targeting Sakurai - because he knew that Sakurai would always say the one thing he never could, sorry, so very sorry - and ignoring Satsuki.
Why? Why? Why? The chorus of words run through his head at increasing crescendo and it shatters his control completely.
I'm so sorry, so very sorry, I was afraid of the way you looked forwards, that when you looked at me you didn't see me anymore but something far beyond, something I couldn't see and that you'd forget me in your haste to get there one day, so I made you remember me the only way I knew how.
He hates it the most, because he is so very sure that it is Tetsu's voice and that he will never be forgiven.
Aomine Daiki lives for the past, because it is the one place he believes he can still be happy in.