With a satisfying crunch, the boy's head cracks against the brick wall after many joyous bashings-he lost count-laughing as he whimpered to some god that's not a god to save him.
No, stop! His mind shouts as he's shaking his head, the image evaporates like smoke and Ash is left standing there, a little shaken up, his mind torn between doing just that and his morality keeping him in place. He scowls. And where do those ideas come from? 'Some god that isn't a god?' What did Brock put in that weed? But that doesn't take up his mind for long, he instead it goes slightly blank. Dwelling on it, but terrified of the prospect of harming another being that didn't deserve it.
Even though he does. Making fun of me and Pikachu like that.
Again, a thought surfacing from the unknown depths of his psyche. A problem he has had for a short while. The exact length of time is unknown to him. But then Brock enters Ash's view from the bathroom break he so desperately needed and thus vowed to catch up with him on the trail leading out of whatever town they were just in. Both the name of the town and the route elude him in the raging storm that was his mind.
"Hey," Brock said. He smelled of cigarette smoke and cheep cologne.
"Hey man, what did you slip in that last batch?"
Brock looked almost lost. "Nothing outta the ordinary."
"It just amplified the bad thoughts."
Brock placed a brotherly hand on Ash's shoulder.
"Bad trip, man. Shit happens."
Ash nodded, Brock was far more knowledgeable than he on such matters. And they walked.
They were lost in the middle of the forest when Brock could not take it anymore. Leading Ash behind some shrubs, he took out a joint, lit it, and inhaled before offering it to Ash, who took it and inhaled deeply as well. Brock held it in longer than Ash. After exhaling he looked at Ash.
"This whole thing is fucked up, you know that?"
"What is?"
"This," He motioned vaguely at everything. "We're being fuckin brainwashed, man."
"If you hate it so much then why are we here?"
Brock took another puff and laughed, the precious smoke escaping his lungs before he could truly savor it.
"Because it's been programmed into you, man. A Pokémon Master? Dude, we've been going on this journey since the nineties, beaten every challenge and then there's a new one that did not exist years before with new Pokémon that did not exist and for what? An unachievable goal that the government has plugged into our heads! We're like slave drivers to these poor animals!"
"Dude, relax." Ash said, exhaling smoke. "If you want out, get out."
"But I can't…"
Ash looked lost.
"Don't you find it strange, Ash? That out of all of your traveling companions, I've been with you the longest? Me: The skirt-chasing, womanizing pervert wishes to stick around with a kid, much less a boy, for company."
"That, kinda hurts, Brock."
"I didn't mean to." Brock said, the joint extinguished, used up, just like Brock's attitude. "It's just…Isn't it weird? I'm much older than when we started, I should do what men my age do! Settle down, have kids, encourage them to follow their dreams of becoming a Poke-THERE! There, see! See what the government has done to us!"
"I suppose you're right."
"And your HAT! It's changed! Remember the hat you started with! You loved it! Shit, man, you even wasted a day trying to save it from that Primape! BUT THEN A NEW LEAGUE COMES UP AND WANTS YOU TO CHANGE IT! Fucking government!...Speaking of your hat...Apom also exhibited traits like that Primape. Stealing your hat...Professor Oak said he lost Primape, right Ash?"
Ash looked lost.
"Damn it, Ash! I love you!"
"But I'm not gay."
"Like hell you aren't! They have websites dedicated to you!"
"They do?"
"You've beaten every league, Ash. People notice you. The only reason people in new regions don't is because they just gestated out of some government test tube or something. I mean, if Pokémon is as popular as they say it is, shouldn't those people know you? I mean, they televise every league tournament!"
"But what does this have to do with me being gay?"
"Girls have been following you around, Ash. You remember them, right? They'd lean all up against you and flirt with you. Shit, they even bribed a Latias to flirt with you because you seem to like your Pokémon more than anything else!"
"They were flirting?"
"Shit yeah,"
"Wow, I didn't notice."
"Gonna deny it now? I can present the evidence gathered by those psychos."
"No thanks, I admit it, I am gay…"
"Aha!" Brock shouted, and then looked lost.
"For every male on the planet. Human and otherwise..." Ash said as if he weren't interrupted.
"THAT EXPLAINS A LOT!"
Both looked around but saw no one. And then a dancing, green dog came out of nowhere, danced, and sprayed them with nuts that came out of his head. And then he transformed into a robot and melted, its eyes the only thing remaining; staring at them. At you.
"I like nuts." Ash said.
"I knew it!"
"Stop that."
"Stop what?"
"That,"
"'That' what?"
"That 'I'm gay' stuff. You are too, ya know."
"Yes," Brock said smugly. "But I'm the man. That means god loves me."
"Does not."
"Does too."
"Does not."
"Does too."
"Does not."
"Does too!"
"Does not!"
"Does too!"
"Does not!"
"Does too!
"DOES! NOT!"
"DOES! TOO! And we shall leave it at that."
"I often wonder…" Ash trailed off.
"That's a hazardous occupation." Brock chimed in.(1)
"If I'm not supposed to be some hero, but the destroyer. That everything I've done is to manipulate the world into believing that I am good so that I can swoop in and take over and enslave mankind." Ash said.
"That's deep, Mr. Antichrist. But there's a problem with that. You're telling me this shit. That means there's some good in you and that if you concentrate on that, it might just allow you to walk down the path of angels."
"But what if there is no path?" Ash asked. "I mean, our god is a Pokémon with time powers."
"You're forgetting the others, man." Brock said. "We're polytheistic. They believe in Slowpoke, Mew, Mewtwo, Celebi, Deoxys, Arceus, Darkrai, Entei, Suicune, Raiku, Lugia, Ho-oh…"
Ash saw a butterfree and was transfixed as it fucked a Bellosom, which was also on the list because they dance to summon the sun, as disco music played, strobe lights flashing in a plethora of pluming colors. You're enjoying this mental image, aren't you?
"Face it man, we're better off being Satanists. At least then you only have one god: yourself."
"I'm an atheist." Ash said.
"What?"
"Well, haven't you noticed that I go 'wow' whenever religion is being mentioned? It's frickin' crazy, man. Believing that Pokémon are gods."
"Then why did you bring up the antichrist shit?"
"Because I'm high!"
"True dat."
"What?"
"I don't know, something that just popped into my head."
"I like it."
"Don't get used to it, Ash. I'm never saying it again."
"Aww,"
"Oh, Ash, don't worry." He grabbed him around the waist. "Daddy's here and he's gonna take care o'ya."
"Daddy…" Ash's eyes watered as he clung onto Brock. "Daddy, why did you leave me and mommy alooooooone?"
"Not that daddy!" Brock shook the boy. "I'm your loooooove daddy."
Brock kissed Ash.
Meanwhile, miles away from Ash and Brock, was Dawn.
"Do you ever think that we're just figments of some child's mind?"
"No," Barry said, arms resting under his head as they sat and laid-respectfully-on the hill. "I believe that we are the figments of either a sad, lonely man trying to relive his childhood…Or we are actually two years old and all of this is merely a dream."
"It's a long dream, then."
"But we're two." Barry stated. "What else does a two year old do but eat, cry, and sleep?"
"True dat,"
"How are you and Lucas, anyway?" Dawn asked.
"Okay, we would be better but mister chivalrous is too shy to perform!"
"So's Gary." Dawn sighed.
"We gotta do something." Barry sighed.
"But what?"
Ash was the first to break the kiss, their lips clinging to each other via a single strand of saliva. But that, eventually, broke, separating them for the time being.
"That," Said Brock. "Wasn't the weed."
"Good," Ash said. "Cause that was the best kiss ever."
"That was kinda cheesy, Ash."
"Oh shut up."
A smirk "Gladly,"
Lips met once more. Ash broke off to breathe.
"Now who's cheesy."
"The world's a cliché! Just go with it."
"AHHHH!" Misty cried, her gym in Cerulean City has been overrun by insect Pokémon. "Why did it have to be something as icky as bugs?"
"Psy-i-i!" Her abused Psyduck quacked.
Which caused Misty to punch his head.
"Oooo, you stupid Pokémon! I hate you!I hate you more than all the Bug Pokemon combined!"
"PSY!" Psyduck's eyes started to glow white and all of the bugs disappeared.
"Oh Psyduck!" Misty cried out happily. "I love you!"
She hugged the duck, which seemed to anger him more because he emitted an angry 'psy' and in a flash, she turned into a bug Pokémon: A caterpie.
"That's what you get for being such a leech." Psyduck said in Pokémon. "No wonder Ash and Brock weren't sad to see you leave. You're so mean!"
Ash broke away from the kiss.
"Where's Pikachu?"
"He hates weed, remember?"
"True dat."
"What did I just say?"
"You're not the boss of me."
"Yes I am!"
"No you're not!"
"Yes I am; it's the unofficial, unwritten rules of yaoi. I am taller, thus the seme. Which means that I am in control of you; my uke."
Ash pouts.
Both boys hear stumbling of feet and the rustling of bushes…
"Tracey!" Professor Oak shouts. "I have finally discovered the true origins of Pokémon!"
Tracey walks into the lab and stands next to he-who-sits-in-the-computer-chair-of-comfy-ness, Professor Oak who sits before the all-knowing-computer-of-knowledge.
"They're not from some meteor that crash landed on Earth millions of years ago, nor did any of their own make them. They appeared through osmosis. Yeah, they just came into being in our dimension from another and can go back. But sadly, they do not remember how, so they are stuck here, forever…Or until something reminds them that they can go back and, possibly, live a more happy life away from people who seek to catch them."
"That's brilliant professor!" Tracey cries. "This calls for a celebration!"
Oak gasps. "You mean Jigglypuff-o-rama?"
Tracey nodded.
Oak's eyes sparkled and spisns around the room-somehow-dressing up as a Jigglypuff; Tracey doing the same-their faces the only thing exposed.
They both sported a microphone and started to sing…
"Never gonna give you up! Never gonna let you down! Never gonna run around and desert you!"
(o)(o)(o) Le gasp! The only border line! What could this mean? Is this eyesore finally going to do better? NO! It's the...END OF CHAPTER ONE!
1) Yep, I'm quoting YOU, Tamah! XD
You all thought it was gonna be the Jigglypuff song, didn't you? Well no! Cause everyone is singing it, why not them? WHY NOT THEM?...And many people are waking up and wondering why the fuck they are reading this piece of shit that had some point but then decided it wanted to Rick-roll them…Why mommy? WHY?
BUT! No one will answer because this is the end of chapter one. Chapter two will be posted soon, so don't go anywhere. Not like you can…You're glued to your seats with super glue! Bwahahahahahahaha!