Hey guys, how's it going? good I hope. Most of you have probably read the note that I put on all of my stories by now, and I want to say thank you to all of those who have given me encouraging words. It means a lot. This story , just like ' When You're Evil ' and ' The House Of Moto ', this one is also for my English class. I decided to write this one differently in a style that I have NEVER done before, and that is in someone's head. Its supposed to sound odd because its someone's thoughts. So enough of me talking, please enjoy my last story…. For now.
Note- I used the song clarity for inspiration, so you will see hints of it throughout the story.
I love you can't you see that?
Why do you push me away?
Don't you love me too?
Please look at me!
Don't leave! Please come back...
Can't you see how much I truly care?
Whenever I see you sad, it breaks my heart and makes my cry.
Whenever I see you happy, it makes me so happy that I can't stand it.
Why...?
Why don't you look at me anymore?
Did I do something wrong?
Don't you love me anymore?
Look, I don't care if there's someone else.
I care about your happiness.
Even if it isn't with me.
Can you tell me if there's someone else?
If there is, I'll still be here for you.
I'm not going anywhere.
Oh, these tears.
No there not from sadness.
I'm just so happy.
I get to talk to you again.
My... What... Why?
No of course I didn't.
I haven't done that since I was 15.
Why don't you believe me?
Have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?!
See. I haven't.
No please don't go.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it that way.
Look, I haven't and I won't do it again I promise.
You say yes, but your eyes say it all.
Did you forget.
There a window to a person's soul.
And your soul... I can't look anymore.
Why do you hate me so much?
You can say you don't all day long, but the way you look at me helps me know.
Haven't you realized yet?!
You're my sanity!
My clarity!
Without you... I have no reason to live.
Please don't go...
I love you...
Do you love me...?
Please don't say that!
I know you did at a point!
Can you give me another chance?
Why...?
I see.
Nobody wants to date someone as pathetic as me.
No. Don't say it.
Your words make it hurt worse.
I'll leave so that you don't have to look at my face anymore.
" I'll see you tonight to 10."
Of course you will.
It's always like this.
We fight.
We yell.
We hurt each other.
But in the end you end up in my bed.
I know it's not healthy.
I know it's not right, but I can't help it.
As long as I get to see your face filled with pleasure.
Get to feel your skin beneath my fingers as we undress each other.
I'm ok.
Even though every time you get dressed and leave without a word, and I die a little inside.
I'm ok.
I don't want it to end.
But I can't help but wonder how much longer it's going to last.
How much longer until you become completely bored with me?
How much longer are you going to need me?
How much longer are you going to be able to stand me?
Oh I can't bare the thought of you hating or being disgusted with me.
If our love is a tragedy, why are you my remedy?
If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?
I know it's selfish to think this, but I can't help it.
Every night I want to drown in you, even if its for a little while.
I want to be able to pretend that you love me for even a second.
I know that you feel nothing for me, but I feel something.
Maybe I'm just over thinking it.
But by the gods, you're a piece of me that I just wish that I didn't need.
Your smile.
Your eyes.
Your voice.
It's intoxicating.
I feel like I'm addicted to you.
You're my drug, and I need you to get up to tomorrow.
The selfish pain that I feel after every time, I can't help.
Yet, I feel that it was worth it.
I gave you everything, and I don't regret it.
Did every kiss, touch, thrust, I love you.
Ever mean anything to you?
Or we're you just caught up in the moment?
Please tell me the truth.
I love you...
That Night:
There you go again.
I should be used to it by now.
Every time we do this you never stay.
Why?
Does it hurt too much?
I learned the hard way to never ask you to stay.
It just ends with one of us getting hurt.
Usually me.
" see you tomorrow at work."
You always say that as you leave my room.
' As I hear the front door close all I could do was pull the blanket higher up my body to help maybe hide the shame, but I know it won't. '
I feel no regret for what I have done.
But I do feel shame.
I know it means nothing to you, but to me means so much to me.
' I sigh to myself as I get up from the bed, dropping the blanket on the floor as I walk over to the bathroom. '
I know what I need to do.
I need to wash the shame away.
But at the same time I don't want to lose his scent.
' I sigh again to myself as I turn the hot water on high and step in. All I want to do is let the warm water wash away the memory of our last meeting, and hopefully get rid of the pain that shoots up my spine with every movement. '
The pains unbearable, but its bit just the pain in my back.
The pain is in my heart.
I know that all I can do is just try to act like it didn't happen tomorrow when I go to work.
Just like everyday for the past 4 years.
When can it end...
The next day:
Kaiba Corporation game Design Division
Were is he?!
He's not here?!
Could something have happened to him?!
Is he mad at me?!
" hey have you seen Mr. Sennen at all today Mariku?"
' The men's dark violet eyes star at me for a moment as if trying to find my reason for asking in my light amethyst eyes. After a few more moments of silence the man shook his head no.'
" no I haven't seen him, but I did hear that he was called to Mr. Kaiba's office. Why I don't know, by why do you want to know?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.
How am I supposed to tell him?
" I just had to ask for him a question about my assignment. "
' The blond man nodded to his fellow co-worker not truly believing him, but shrugged it off. Then with one final nod, he walked off to go and do his own work '
' I sigh to myself as I sat back down in my office chair. '
What happened if he got fired?!
What if he got fired Because of me!?
I could never live with myself if that happened.
... What if I never saw him again...?
I don't think I would be able to live.
I would do what I have wanted to do since I was 15.
I believe that he is the only reason WHY I haven't yet.
... Wait is that him...?
Oh thank the gods he's ok.
Wait did he get fired?
No.
He's smiling.
He looks happy.
His smile is so amazing.
Why doesn't he smile at me like that?
Wait what's he saying...?
" wow man I didn't think he ever gave out promotions. What did you do to get one? "
Chuckle " well I just did my work, but you do have a point. This is the first time since I started working here 4 years ago that I have ever seen it. Let alone had it happen to me. "
" maybe he just did it because your cousins?"
" don't think so because if that was the case then would he wait till now?"
" good point"
' after a few more exchanges of words they walked away from each other and went to there respected cubicles. '
' simile '
I'm happy to hear that you finally got the promotion that you've been wanting for the past 4 years.
But now that you got it you're going into another department.
So now I won't see you during the day...
Later that night:
There you go again.
There we go again.
I wanted to tell you no, but the look on your face.
It was so happy.
I didn't want to be the one to make you sad.
But tonight was different.
It wasn't the same as before.
Your were... More nice.
More loving.
More caring.
It wasn't hard and fast.
It was slow and steady.
" did you hear. I got a promotion today. "
I look up at you with a bright smile on my face.
Yes I am happy, but I'm also sad
" yeah I heard. I'm really happy for you. "
It hurt to say that.
But I am happy for you.
I really am...
" hey... Why do you look so sad? "
' at his comment my eyes went wide in surprise '
Never before has he ever said anything.
He just leaves.
So what's different.
" I don't know what you mean. "
" I don't really know myself. You just look sad. If something's wrong, you can tell me. You know that right? "
' all I could do was nod '
Why is he a acting like this?
" yeah I know. But don't worry nothing's wrong. Actually you should go out and celebrate. This is a big thing after all. "
He's smile is bright and happy.
Why did I say that.
He's going to leave faster now.
Then he's going to go get drunk.
Then sleep... With... Oh god I don't want to think about it.
It hurts so much.
I think I'm going to cry.
" we'll I'm off. I'll see you at work tomorrow. "
' and with that he left the bedroom, and then the house. '
Now I'm alone.
I'm always alone in the end.
No matter what I do.
It always ends the same.
but this time, instead I being sad.
I'm happy.
You cared enough to ask about me.
You've never done anything like that before.
' all I could do was smile as I stood up to go into the bathroom. And the same as last time I just let the blanket fall to the floor in a pool of white at my feet. Not really caring if it got anymore dirty. '
This is the best day of my life!
' all I could do was smile to myself as I turned the water onto the highest heat, but the moment I step under the water my smile fell instantly. '
I can't keep doing this.
I know it.
He knows it.
But why?
Why do we do it even though we know that's it's wrong?
I know why.
Because we need each other.
Because I need you.
Even though I wish I didn't.
Whenever I'm with you.
I feel complete.
I feel better, and the worst part is, no matter how hard I try, I can never get over you.
No matter how hard I try.
No matter how hard we push each other part.
How bad we hurt each other.
If you pull then I push too deep.
But in the end, I will always fall right back to you.
No matter how much I push.
No matter how much I avoid you.
No matter how much I try to ignore you.
I'm the one that always comes right back.
Never you.
And I know why.
You don't need me.
I need you.
' I just let the tears fall at the realization hit me head on as I slowly fell down the wall. The shower water blending In with my tears making even me not able to see them. '
' I slowly brought my knees to my chest and just cried. '
" why do I feel compete with you? Why can't I get over you? I wish I didn't need you! "
' all I did that night was cry. Cry because I knew what I had to do. Why I had to do it. But deep down I didn't want to do it. '
The next day:
Why did I fight so long.
I knew it would never be more than what it was.
Yet I wanted more.
Am I selfish for that?
I lost all common sense to you.
Now look we're its gotten me.
I was a fool to fall In love with someone who felt nothing for me.
Yet no matter how many times I play that day over and over again in my head.
I would never do anything differently.
I would do everything the same.
And the thing is I know how much of a bad thing that is.
' I sighed to myself as I closed my last suitcase of clothing before I walked out of my bedroom leaving behind everything that I own. Leaving behind the pain, suffering, tears, and hopefully the memories. The memories of not just what we have done, but also of him. '
' as I walked down the stairs and out of the house I couldn't help but feel a weight being lifted off of my shoulders. But at the same time a pain deep in my heart. Then, with one last look at the house I got into the taxi that would take me to the path to start over. '
I wish it didn't have to come to this.
I wish there was another way.
But I know there isn't.
This is the only way.
I'll hurt me more that I'll hurt you.
Please don't hate me.
I did what I thought was truly right.
I had us both in mind.
You can't move on with your life with me in the picture.
And neither can I.
You're holding me back.
And I'm doing the same to you.
Please believe me when I say I love you.
I'll always love you.
Do you know how much this hurts!
No you don't.
You would never know.
Just promise me one thing.
Don't give up.
Keep going.
Just because I'm not there anymore doesn't mean that you can't be happy.
I know you can be happy.
I saw it with my own eyes.
The way your enchanting crimson depths just shone with happiness when you got the promotion.
Don't let it slip through your fingers.
It's there.
Just reach.
Look I'm sorry but I have to go.
My planes boarding.
I hate the fact that I have to tell you this over the phone, but I had to let you know.
Don't go looking for me.
As if you would.
Just know that the love I feel for you will never go away.
Doesn't matter how many people I date.
How many people I sleep with.
How many years go by since I last saw your face
Your eyes
Felt your touch.
It always be there.
Until my very last breath.
Just please understand why I'm doing this, and that this isn't easy.
But it's the only way.
I really have to go.
Goodbye... Forever...
6,000 feet in the air:
What are you doing right now?
Are you happy?
Or sad?
' smile '
This is a new start for us both.
We get to restart.
Yes I left everything behind.
But I also left the old me behind.
I can finally move on.
The chains that were once held my heart to you are now broken.
They broke the moment the plane got up into the air.
Who knows...
Maybe well see each other.
In another life.
But there's something that I always want you to remember.
No matter how many times we would hurt each other.
No matter how many times we would push the other away.
I will and until the end of time...
Love you...
Well, I hope you all liked it, and like I said this is for my English class so if you wouldn't mind giving me feedback on what you thought of it. It would be very helpful. Its due Tuesday.
Now like I said in my note, I'm not going to be updating or posting new stories until summer since my grades have dropped drastically, and because of my mental health. Though I still write when i's not studying or doing work, but it's not a lot. Actually this is the first thing that I have written since I put up the note, and that's just because it's for class, but I do have some good news. I did follow some of the advice that people have given me and I'm doing a little better in my classes, but since it's so close to the end of the marking period it didn't help. But I will do better this last one! Also for those who want to know my mental health has gotten better thanks to my one friend who has been helping me the whole time, and has had enough patience to stick with me. So hopefully I'll be back on before you all know it, but until then Goodnight and Goodbye!