Why is Stan never fired? Yes, he can do his work at times. But he frequently messes up. "So," I thought to myself "what would happen if Stan was fired from the C.I.A.?" And thus "You're Fired" was born. Note: I don't own American Dad! Because Seth McFarlane does. He also owns Family Guy and the Cleveland Show. But I do own the American Dad! Volume 1 through 5 DVD sets.
"You're Fired!"
Chapter 1: Stan's Mistake
"You'll never win, C.I.A. Man." said the terrorist as Stan pointed his pistol at him.
"I wouldn't be so sure, Abdul Javaris-Shakara-Huissane-Bin Laden-Hakim! You don't have any weapons. So I'm gonna win!" Stan said back.
"I wouldn't be so sure yourself, silly American!" said the terrorist and he pulled out a Scimitar from his pocket and charged directly for Stan.
"Hey...how'd...you...get...that?" Stan asked, his words separated by dodging each slash.
"Hammerspace." said the terrorist as he stopped to explain to Stan "Care for some tea? It's kind a long explanation."
"Sure. I'll take a cup." said Stan as they stopped their fight and sat down at a tea table that had just appeared out of nowhere. The terrorist handed Stan his cup of tea "Thank you, my good man. Now, what is 'Hammerspace'?"
"Well," began the terrorist "you see, it's this magical dimension. And, no, it's not in our Muslim Religion." The terrorist said right as Stan opened his mouth to ask a question.
"How'd you know that-"
"That you'd ask that? You Americans are so predictable. Anyway, it's not in the Muslim Religion. Anyone can use it. They just have to know how. Like, have you ever seen in a cartoon when, like, say Bugs Bunny or someone is hiding behind a skinny pole and the other side of their body doesn't appear because it's concealed even though the pole isn't wide enough to conceal the whole other side of their body?"
"Yeah."
"Well, that's Hammerspace."
"Oh."
"I see you're starting to get it."
"I am." Stan replied, taking a sip of his tea.
"Great. And have you ever seen anyone pull something out of their pockets that way too big or too long to fit in their?"
"Yeah. I saw you do that just a minute ago." Replied Stan, taking another sip of his tea.
"Well," the terrorist started, but took a big sip of his tea "Aah. Sorry about that, my mouth's a little dry from talking so much."
"No problem, friend."
"Anyway, that's also Hammerspace."
"Wow." Stan looked amazed and he finished his tea.
"Yep. Refill?"
"Nah, I don't want to have too much."
"Okay then, more for me." the terrorist said and poured some more tea into his teacup.
"Okay, I get it now. But how do I use it?"
"Well, you just have to focus your mind really, really hard. And then you can do it." he finished his tea.
"That's so interesting. I'll try to do it sometime."
"No, my idiotic American slimeball of a friend, you won't."
"Oh yeah? Why not?"
"Because I'm going to kill you!" and just like that his scimitar was inches away from decapitating Stan.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
Stan focused deeply and reached into his pocket. His gun was on the floor and he had no way to stop the terrorist. Hand-to-hand combat would work because the terrorist could take his gun and shoot him with it. So Stan was going to use Hammerspace to his advantage.
"What are you doing?" asked the terrorist.
"Using what I learned." Stan replied and he pulled out a small Sub-Machine Gun.
The terrorist looked surprised and frightened. But that look disappeared, along with all other emotions because Stan had just shot the terrorist in the chest about seven times. Three bullets had hit the terrorist's heart. And then the terrorist collapsed, dead.
And his hat fell off to reveal that the beard was fake and attached to his hat. Underneath was short brown hair and...caucasian skin? It was a fellow C.I.A. Agent and Stan was just in a pretend situation that he wasn't aware of. He had just killed a fellow Operative. He was now in deep shit.
He was completely shocked...and a little happy because now he could use Hammerspace to his advantage. But both of those turned to fear when he heard the voice of his superior, Avery Bullock.
"SMITH!" Bullock shouted Stan's name loudly "What the hell were you thinking? This was a preperation test. Just to make sure you could knock him out and also learn about Hammerspace. And instead you KILLED HIM? And it was Dooper, too! You know he's my favorite."
"But sir, I-"
"YOU'RE FIRED!" Bullock's voice echoed all across the building.
"Did you hear that, Dick?" asked Jackson.
"Yeah, it sounds like Stan totally messed up this time." replied Dick.
"He was a hell of a good agent. Kinda sad to see him go, eh?"
"Yeah, I guess. But at least he won't bother us anymore."
"Yeah. So...uh, how about those Phillies?"
"Heard they won again."
"Yep."
"Mmm-hmm."
Stan slowly trudged home. Dressed in normal clothes. A plan, white t-shirt and denim jeans with black shoes. No C.I.A. suit and no gun. He looked absolutely devastated.
"Stan? You're home early today." Francine observed him "Wait, you look different. Did you get a haircut?"
My wife, the idiot.
Stan thought to himself before he finally spoke "No, hon, I didn't get a haircut."
"Well, then what?"
"I'm in civillian clothing."
"You mean normal people clothes?"
"Stan nodded in an assuring way.
"But, why?"
"I was fired from the C.I.A."
"Fired? Why?" Francine was absolutely shocked. Sure Stan had messed up before. Almost ended up causing mass destruction a few time. Actually did cause mass destruction a couple times. But he had never been fired from work before. Never. Not once.
"I forgot I was only in a practice situation and killed Dooper by accident."
Francine finally understood. "Oh," she said "I get it now. You were so jealous of him being better than you at everything, you just snapped. It's okay, I undertsnad. It's happened to me before. Why do you think I killed Gwen. Because she was ugly?"
"You killed hot Gwen?"
"Yes, and that's why. You find her more attractive than me."
"That's because she's Asian."
"Well, she's not smart."
"Neither are you." Stan muttered in a sotto voice.
"What was that?"
"Nothin."
"You're damn right nothing. Don't you sass me." she took a big step forward and tripped and fell on the wooden coffee table. "Damn it! That hurt! I'm always hurting myself on that coffee table! Ouch! Am I bleeding? I think I'm bleeding. Call the hospital!"
Then the children and Roger came running down the stairs.
"Are you alright?" Haley asked.
"We heard yelling and a crashing noise." Steve explained.
"Were you fighting again? Are you done. You look done. Damn it! I missed a fight again! And I still don't have a video camera yet! It's all your fault, Klaus!" Roger went on another pointless rant and blamed Klaus again.
"Me? What did I do?" Klaus asked innocently.
"You're a Nazi!"
"No I'm not. Oh Hitler, please save me now und guide me to the promised land."
"You see?" Roger yelled to everyone.
"No we weren't fighting." Stan explained "I was fired and Francine fell again."
"Oh, alright then." Roger said "Franiel, you alright dear?" he saked although he didn't care at all.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I think I'm bleeding, though."
"You're not bleeding!" Stan yelled.
"Dad was fired?" Steve asked.
"Yes, Steve, I was fired! Way to go! Way to realize something I just said two minutes ago!"
"Everyone clam down!" Francine screamed "Stan was fired and we have to get jobs to support our broke family because he can't hold a job."
"I can't, either!" Haley said, over reacting.
"That's because you're a lousy stoner!" Stan yelled at her.
"Quiet! Everyone just calm down and gather around the couch. I'm sure you'd all like an explanation." Francine announced to the family.
"I wouldn't." Roger said to her.
"Too bad!" she yelled back.
Now that they're reviewing what had happened, let's take a break from this chapter. A permanent break. And by that I mean that this chapter is over. But fear not! The next chapter is soon to be coming. So, stay tuned to see everyone's reactions to Stan's being fired and how they're going to try to fix this problem. And their horrible failure. Wait, I've said to much. Will they fail horribly? Find out in the next chapter of "You're Fired!". See you there, or not.