Disclaimer: As you all know, I don't own Chuck.
A/N: This one happens after Beefcake. It just got me really depressed and I thought I needed to write this. This'll probably have 4-5 chapters, it depends. Anyway, please read and tell me what you think.
Title: The Art of Hurting Each Other
Chapter 1: One Step Forward, Two Steps Back
Chuck Bartowski remembers the first time he ever laid eyes on Sarah Walker. It was just another day at the Buy More. He was taking a service call, feeling absolutely embarrassed when he saw a strikingly beautiful blonde in front of him. Who knew her arrival would mean so much change in his life? Right there and then, even when they did go out on a date later – Chuck Bartowski knew – Sarah Walker was way out of his league.
So when he thought about the first time she'd turned him down – again – it didn't stung as much as it did before. Hearing her say that their first kiss was a mistake was disheartening. Although they were able to straighten things out later, it didn't mean nothing in him broke, because something did.
The two of them probably had the most dysfunctional relationship in all of L.A. – if you can even call it that. He'd always been on the jealous side. Some moments, he thought Sarah was jealous – like when he started dating Lou, or even during Jill - but as it turned out, it was just all him.
He must've died long ago if Sarah hadn't come in when she did. Chuck knew how much he owed her. But if you take into account the times she'd hurt him, they probably have it quits (give or take). Before he took another trip down memory lane, Ellie's voice had startled him.
"Chuck, hey. Are you okay?" Ellie said who must've noticed him zoning out.
"Yeah, yeah I'm still just a little surprised about things…" He replied simply, flashing an awkward smile.
"Me too!" Ellie suddenly became overly excited. "I can't believe you and Sarah are moving in together! I'm so happy for you Chuck!" He couldn't have prevented the hug that came next. Sometimes he wished he could tell Ellie the irony of it all.
-
The emotional roller coaster they had both went through was something new to her. Chuck must've thought she was used to such things, but he missed a really, really big point – she didn't like her assets before, not the way she liked him.
Sarah Walker remembers the time she realized she was in love with Chuck Bartowski. It wasn't really a romantic moment. Rather, Chuck was held at gun point, and it was up to her to save him, only she couldn't. She was afraid she'd miss and hit Chuck instead. After the mission, she was almost positive she'd get a reassignment – only she didn't.
They were sitting by the fountain, and Chuck was telling her all this stuff that just made her feel like a girl, only in the end breaking her heart. Of course, he never knew he broke it – he probably never will.
She wanted so many times to tell him things about her that nobody else knew – like when she offered but he turned it down in the end. Sometimes, Sarah Walker wondered what she did to get Chuck as her assignment, although she knows he's not just an assignment anymore.
"Taking a trip down memory lane, agent Walker?" She didn't know Casey had come in. If he was some sort of assassin, she would've probably been killed by now.
A grunt followed next which she also ignored, but Casey said something that almost made her jump up her seat. "The preparations for your cover had been arranged. You and Bartowski will be able to move in by the end of the week."
-
If the events that happened after their Suburbs assignment wasn't any indication that him and Sarah will never be together, he doesn't know what is. Casey had informed him earlier that in no less than a week, he'll be sharing the roof with one Sarah Walker, and if you ask him, he had no idea if he could ever handle it.
"So…uh, about this…whole thing…is it really necessary? Are you…are you sure there's no other way we can got through this?" He was stuttering to Casey, he didn't know exactly how to phrase it.
"The alternative is a bunker, and weren't you dreaming about playing house with agent Walker?" Casey's words stung because it had so much truth in it. There had been many, many times he'd dreamed about a life with Sarah, and each one of them was unreachable.
-
She was anything but normal, one Chuck Bartowski told her that. She wanted to be though – normal, and in spy world that usually meant what happened with Cole Barker. It wasn't work, but it wasn't personal either. No matter how tempting his offer was, there was no way she would've taken it – even if they did passionately kiss – not if leaving Chuck was the alternative. Simply, that wasn't an option.
To have pretended as his wife for a couple of days was something, but to share a house with him, and be in the same room with him – just the two of them – was something else. There was no way she could blame Chuck for wanting to break up, hell, she'll probably break up with her too. The sound of a door opening brought her out from her thoughts.
"Hey, can I talk to you for a sec.?" The irony of it was, the guy she was just thinking about was now standing in front of her – wanting to talk.
"Sure…what about?" She answered non chalantly as possible. Lately, she had been having a hard time keeping her emotions in check.
"About our situation…are you guys sure there's nothing else we can do?" He asked once again, hoping he'd get a more positive response from Sarah.
"The alternative is a bunker, Chuck." She wondered if it was really that bad for him to move in with her. Then again, feeling the sexual tension they both have, she couldn't blame the guy.
"That's what Casey told me…" His voice was defeated, like he didn't really find any form of delight on their arrangement.
The day finally came, and neither of Chuck nor Sarah was excited about the move, except, Ellie of course, who had jumped like a little girl when he left their house this morning.
"Ellie's pretty excited about this move…" He shared, looking at the door in front of them. The apartment wasn't some place far away from there if that's what you're thinking. Actually, it was just two doors away from Ellie & Awesome's, and a few from Casey's.
When no reply came, he figured she wasn't in the mood to talk. They really haven't talked that much since the order was given, mostly because she didn't call, and he didn't find any reason to talk to her.
"I'm sorry about Cole…I know you really liked him." He hadn't realized it until it was out. Honestly, he didn't know where it came from. All he knew was that how good Sarah looked with the MI6 guy.
MI6 Agent vs. Computer Technician, he didn't stand a chance at all.
She wasn't really paying attention. She was too busy thinking what could possibly happen after this arrangement, but then she comes to a bitter realization. No matter how much she liked him, they'll never be together.
"Yeah…" She answers absent mindedly, unaware of the dreadful look that developed in his face.
He wanted so much, to make himself believe that there'd be something good that'll come from this move, but somehow he doubted that, because if there was anything truthful about their relationship, it was that whenever they took a step forward, they eventually take two steps back.
So? What'd you think? I really don't know how I feel about Beefcake...ugh. :(