Hermione Granger Is Exhausted: A Humorous Exploration of Dating in the Potterverse.
By Priscilla Penn
Hermione, the Potterverse, and everything in it is the property of JKR and Warner Bros. I'm just a fan with too much time on her hands. For laziness purposes I will not write this again in later chapters.
Enjoy the fic. Comments and reviews are welcome and appreciated.
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Hermione briefly wondered what it was about her that made fanfiction writers want to pair her with any character mentioned in passing in the Potterverse and beyond. Sure after the Yule Ball they discovered that she cleaned up well, and she supposed that did open up the possibility that men too shallow to have noticed her otherwise would find her attractive, but why did she have to go through this with every character male/female/creature or otherwise. She was starting to wonder where the line would be drawn because age and species were apparently not issues.
To be fair to the writers many probably identified with her for being smart and socially awkward as most fanfiction writers as well as people in general no doubt have had their fair share of awkward moments when they just didn't know how to get their point across without sounding either a bit too full of themselves or just embarrassingly out of their element. Hermione really was getting tired running around through the majority of these fictions as if under the imperius by these authors who wrote her in alarmingly out of character and superhuman format. Unfortunately, Hermione also knew that it was far from over even in this ficlet that the current author seemed to be writing in her benefit.
No, this particular author was not going to take pity on Hermione despite how exhausted she was with all her running around the fandom. This author had a humor fic in mind which meant that while she would be out of character and paired with anything under the sun, the author would at least tell the readers in some sort of prologue that Hermione would be in character only about 10% of the time and that the pairings were so far away from probable that it was entirely laughable. Hermione also knew that she would not be the only one to be bent to the author's every whim, and that other of her fellow characters would suffer a similar tiring fate.
Unluckily, Hermione had just been informed that she would be the one to suffer the majority of the blows, since the author found it particularly ridiculous how many people wrote serious fics about Hermione with just about anyone over pairings that while also ridiculous at least were somewhat possible if the reader squinted their eyes and looked really closely.
Alas, it was time to brace for impact and take what was to come because this would be a series of chapters dedicated to ridiculous pairings and some likely pairings written ridiculously.
"Good luck, Hermione! … and for what it is worth I am sorry to put you in this situation." enthused the disembodied voice of the author.
"Thank you so much Miss Penn." Hermione responded gracefully but not without a bit of stiffness and a touch of sarcasm that she couldn't quite keep out of her voice.
"And to my readers, I do hope that none of you other authors take any of this personally if I make fun of a particular favorite pairing of yours in the course of this adventure." stated Priscilla Penn with a fanon Slytherin-esque smirk on her face.