Roxas breathed. In and out, in and out. Focus on that, nothing else matters. Especially not them. Especially not him. Roxas was trying to gently remind himself of this over and over again. The sound of moaning distracted him. His moan. She probably had her hands around him making him call out her name. It should be me! Why isn't it me?
Roxas tried calming himself without bursting into sobs. Why? Out of all the men in Twilight Town, why my best friend? Why Axel?
It was a well choreographed dance that had been practiced many times. Whenever Axel and him were at Roxas' place, his sister would either a) get Axel alone with her or b) get Roxas out somehow. Roxas would pretend not to know and show no emotion when hearing the obvious moans coming from the next room. Axel would go along with it, but why Roxas had no clue. Axel hated Larxene.
He remembered how this whole thing had started…
Axel and Roxas were hanging out at Roxas' place. The two friends were sitting close together on the couch; Axel with his arm on Roxas' shoulders and Roxas leaning into his best friends warmth. Normal friend stuff, right?
They were laughing at something on TV when Larxene had stormed in, obviously pissed. "Son of a bitch!" she practically screeched at the top of her lungs. Roxas had winced.
Axel, however, was unfazed by this, "Someone's PMS-ing," he had almost sang in an annoyingly taunting voice, without bothering to remove his gaze from the television.
Larxene's eyes narrowed; always a bad sign. "Shut it, pyro," she retorted, putting a cigarette in her mouth.
Axel calmly leaned forward and took it out of her mouth, "Not in front of Roxy , darling." he said calmly smashing it in the ash tray.
Roxas scowled at Axel's over-protectiveness, but secretly appreciated it. He was sometimes scared of his older sister when she got mad like this. She could be quite a sadistic bitch when she wanted to be. He unconsciously leaned closer into Axel for protection. Axel's arm wrapped tighter around him.
Larxene scoffed at the sight, "Fags," she muttered loud enough for them to hear.
Roxas felt Axel stiffen. He was careful not to show any emotion on his face when Axel pushed him away. "I'm not a fag Larxene. Rox and I are best friends and have been for years now. I do believe that gives us friendly couch-cuddling rights without being called gay," Axel had a thing about being called gay. Roxas new his parents could be a bit narrow minded about things like that and that Axel had grown up thinking that way. Still, that didn't make the fact that Axel coldly pushed him away any better…
She bent down so she was face to face with him, "Prove it," she breathed.
Axel rolled his eyes, "Prove what exactly?" he was trying to look past her at the TV.
She leaned in closer, too close for Roxas' comfort, "Prove you don't like my brother, you little fag," she smirked when that got Axel's attention.
Axel growled in anger before grabbing her behind the neck, forcing her forward and kissing her roughly.
Roxas could see the smirk of triumph in his sister's face. He simply stood up and left the apartment, as he always did when she had company over. It was automatic.
About halfway down the stares he swore, loudly. He realized it was Axel she was with, not just some nameless one night stand. He couldn't go over to Axel's apartment, like he usually did when shit like this happened (Axel had warned him never to go there by himself if he knew Axel wasn't there. Apparently his roommate was a flirt who had a knack of tempting innocent guys-"Like you Roxas"- into doing sexual acts. "Just looking out for your virtue, Rox," Axel had told him).
He sighed as he turned to walk back up to the apartment. He had no where else to go.
When Roxas got up there, he heard moans coming from inside the room. He bit his lip hard just to keep from screaming out loud.
"Axel."
So here they were now. Axel never really let Roxas get close to him ever again (Roxas simply gave up trying). Larxene had this smug look on her face whenever she saw either Axel or Roxas (when she looked at Axel, it said, "You're mine." When she looked at Roxas, it said, "I win."). And Roxas was slowly getting more and more depressed every time they were together.
Roxas always looked for excuses not to go to his house and hang out when he knew Larxene would be there. Axel, at the same time, looked for excuses to go to his house. After a while, Roxas simply gave up at this as well. If they wanted to do it, fine.
Soon, they didn't care that Roxas was in the apartment, as it was a hassle to get him out all the time on tedious errands. When Roxas went to the bathroom, a quickie in her room. When Roxas went to his room, Axel'd go down on her (Larxene did nothing to hide her smug screams). Hell, when Roxas went to get a glass of water from the kitchen, they'd do it on the fucking couch.
Roxas had taken to avoiding his sister and his best friend whenever possible. This had been working for a week before Axel finally confronted him.
"Roxas!" he had called. Roxas pretended not to have heard him and kept walking on. Axel caught up easily, "Roxy, what's wrong?"
Roxas felt happiness flood him when he heard Axel speak to him. He knew he had always had this feeling whenever he was around Axel, but he had just come to realize it. But what came with this feeling of elation, was a feeling of what couldn't be. That was enough to make Roxas feel betrayed and hurt.
"I'm fine," he snarled childishly.
"Bullshit," was Axel's calm retort, "you're avoiding me, Roxy."
That got to Roxas. How can he think everything's normal? After he and my sister… Roxas felt furious at Axel, "Don't call me that," he hissed, turning and starting to walk away from the redhead.
"Roxas," Axel grabbed Roxas' arm and dragged him into a nearby alley. He then pushed Roxas up against a wall. Roxas struggled hard both physically to get away from Axel, who had now trapped him between his arms, and mentally to not think about all the fantasies he had of Axel being dominant like this in an alleyway. There were quite a few…
"G-Get away from me." Roxas cursed himself upon hearing himself stutter.
Axel smirked. This simply pissed off Roxas even more.
"Seriously, back off!" he pushed Axel. Roxas had to use every ounce of self-control he had not to think of the abs he undoubtedly felt beneath the fabric of Axel's shirt. He struggled not to think about Axel, shirtless, moaning Roxas' name, his back arching as Roxas rode him…
He didn't have that much self control.
Axel stumbled back slightly, but before Roxas could so much as move, Axel had him pinned against the wall again, now even closer to Roxas than before. Roxas had to move his face and close his eyes to escape the intensity of those sharp, green eyes.
"Roxas," he heard Axel mutter softly, "come on, please tell me what's wrong."
Roxas' eyes snapped open on that. Axel was begging. He never begs. He had always said he "would never allow my dignity to drop for any petty thing". Roxas allowed his head to be turned by Axel, but still refused to look him in the eyes.
"Roxas…" Roxas could hear his heart pounding in his ears. He had to look up, to make sure that the anguish in that voice was real. He shyly, almost awkwardly, looked up into Axel's stunningly piercing eyes.
"I…" Roxas was overwhelmed by the smell of Axel that suddenly invaded him. Spicy, cinnamon, just a hint of Axe…
"Come on Roxas, please?" Oh God, his voice….
Shit, shit, shit, shit-
"I'm dying Rox," shit, shit, shit, "Please, I miss my best friend…I miss you." Shit.
Roxas kissed him.
He just needed a taste. Just one feel of that mouth on his. He was so curious to know if it was as exotic as the rest of him. He needed to know if it was as great as Larxene had bragged about to her friends. It was nothing like that.
It was better.
Axel's gasp of surprise brought him down to earth. He pulled back quickly and looked into those gorgeous green eyes now laced with confusion and surprise.
"Shit," he whispered, "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!" Roxas was close to yelling now. He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. He wanted to profess his undying love. He didn't want his heart to break.
Axel refused to look him in the eyes. "Rox, I-" Roxas didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hear the rejection that was soon to come from the redhead's lips.
He ran. Axel didn't call him back either.
Roxas' vision started to get blurry. He supposed it was from the tears that invaded his eyes. He didn't know. He didn't care. He was vaguely aware that he left his backpack in the alleyway with…Axel.
Axel. That hair. That smile. His eyes…
Roxas somehow ended up in a park close to his apartment complex.
His voice. His warmth. His lips…
What have I done?