Here we go; another angsty songfic. I certainly seem to be getting into these...
It was horrible, standing next to her friends and trying not to show any emotion. She couldn't stop fidgeting, not that she tried to. She'd rather be doing anything other than standing there thinking about him. When Caroline finished saying what she wanted to say, Brennan walked away from the group, towards the pond. It was quiet, something she hadn't had over the past two weeks.
Now that it's all said and done
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down
Like an old abandoned house
Time almost seemed to go into reverse. Her walls were back up exactly the same way she had them before Booth tore them down. Her heart was back into its box, with the lock turned and key thrown away. She dealt with things that way. Brennan sat down with her back against a tree.
Their first case was here. Was it just a coincidence?
Together, they gave family members of murder victims closure. She got her closure. Right in the middle of the Checker Box floor. She could do nothing to stop the blood flowing from the wound in his chest. Absolutely nothing to safe her partner.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath
Brennan watched helplessly as her partner's eyes began to close just before unconsciousness. Three words managed to spill from his lips. Three words she would have loved to hear at any other time than on his deathbed.
"I love you," he had whispered.
She hugged him as tight as she could as paramedics surrounded her. She didn't care that his blood was soaking through her clothes. Tears spilled from her eyes as they took him from her.
I felt as if I was in way too deep
Guess I let you get the best of me
That was the last time Brennan had shown emotion. When they had told her that Booth had died in the ambulance, she had turned back toward the bones on her examination table as if nothing had happened. That wasn't the case when it came to how she was feeling inside. She felt as if her heart had been stolen and then smashed into so many different pieces, worse than the skulls she often had to reconstruct.
Throughout those two weeks, she watched as her friends had broken down around her and they had wondered why she hadn't even shed a single tear. She had lost her best friend. Surely she would show some emotion when it was confirmed that Booth was dead. They were wrong thought. What Brennan felt and what she shown were two completely different things.
Well, I never saw it coming
I should have started running
A long, long time ago!
Each little chip in her wall made her want to run, but she stuck around. She had eventually trusted him. How had a man that had been tortured and blown up been killed by just one shot in the chest? Even though she always said she could take care of herself, he was still her knight in shining armor. Brennan had come to depend on him, and now she knew that sticking around was the wrong thing to do.
Over the past two weeks, she often thought to herself how different her life would be without Booth tearing down her walls. She had changed so much over those years, but now she would rather be the way she was instead of the way she was now.
And I never thought I'd doubt you
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know
Maybe Brennan could live without Booth in her life. She had done it for thirty years before meeting him; it shouldn't be that difficult to do it again. She felt more comfortable around many people thanks to Booth. Maybe she could use that to live a better life. Now, going to clubs with Angela seemed like fun. Perhaps she would go to movies with her friends. Love was overrated. She really didn't need it. She would leave it for her books.
I'm slowly getting closure
I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
She crawled closer to the pond. She looked down at her reflection. No more was the cold and distant Temperance Brennan. She still had a life to live. She might as well live being a better person. Forget the box and the walls. She was going to be a different Temperance Brennan than she had been since her family's disappearance.
Now I'm picking up the pieces
From spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together
Brennan allowed her tears for Booth to fall one last time. Ripples from the tears stretched far away toward the setting sun. She would pick up each piece of her heart and put it back together again, but she knew it would take time for it to fully heal. She had prepared for the heartbreak since she met him, but like everything else she went through in life, it happened when she least expected it. What could she do? Get over him.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through
I got over you!
Seeley Booth's funeral was the one thing since she met him that she dreaded most. Even this morning when the others dragged her out of the lab, she dreaded going. Now, she was extremely glad she did go to the funeral. It made his death final. Ironically, it was the very same reason why she didn't want to go in the first place.
Brennan stood silently. She smiled slightly as a gust of wind dried what tears had remained on her face. She watched as the final rays of sunshine slipped below the horizon before turning to leave. She had made it through the day.
That's when she felt the pieces of her heart break into so many more pieces.
There, in front of her, was her partner, very much alive. Hands were stuffed in his pockets, and his face showed his worry. After only a moments hesitation, she ran. She ran past the remains of his funeral and the dummy that was in the coffin in his place. She ran past the cemetery gate and ran to her car.
You took a hammer to these walls
Dragged the memories down the hall
Packed your bags, and walked away
There was nothing I could say
All she ever wanted in her life was truth, but maybe there was a point in which the truth was the worst thing in the world. She had found out why Booth's death had been faked, and why she never heard that he really was alive. Sweets didn't matter. What little trust she had in him after his funeral was shattered when she realized that he didn't make sure she was told about his being alive. Maybe he didn't love her as much as she thought he did if he didn't even bother making sure she was told. For two weeks, he left his life behind, and then comes back and expects everything to be the very same as when he left. He couldn't have been more wrong.
And then when she told him that she had gotten over him, he had the nerve to say working all day and all night long wasn't being over him. Was that really what he thought she was going to do for the many years in the future if he hadn't shown up?
And when you slammed the front door shut
A lot of others opened up
Brennan sat at her desk going through her emails and paperwork at the same time. She had offerings to teach at several different schools across the country, a few digs throughout Africa and South America. Maybe she should leave. That could help her live the life she wanted to live when she had been over Booth. In her mind, he was dead, and it most certainly wasn't changing now.
So did my eyes, so I could see
That you never were the best for me
True love. Sure, Angela had preached for years over how Brennan was in love with Seeley Booth. She had been right along. But maybe it wasn't true love. Booth had helped piece back her life only to rip it apart piece by piece by his betrayal.
A click and a few words later, her life had changed once again. This time for the better. She was going away, this time for good. She wasn't going to live through emotional rollercoaster rides throughout her life by staying here. Hopefully her friends would understand. Her life with Booth had died in the Checker Box. Now was time for something new.
Two weeks later, she stood inside her brand new office at the school she was now going to teach at. Boxes lined the side of her office, but she couldn't help but smile. She had met a few of her soon to be students and she was definitely happy. She had even managed to recruit a few to help her unpack.
Booth had helped her through a stage in her life, but now it was time to move on. She would never forget him or her friends, and she would miss them, just as much as they would miss her. For now, she was going to teach her students all she knew about the world of anthropology. Emotional rollercoasters… well that will come later.