Goku Goes To Court.
Disclaimer: How many times must I say it…I don't own the legend called DBZ I just watch it kay? Good!
A/N:
I typed this while listening to DBZ dub sounds and the Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles theme tune. Should be interesting. Let's hope this goes as well as the
last series. ^_^;;
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Goku
woke up from the best sleep he had in ages. Ever since that whole TV thing he
decided to take it easy for a while. Piccolo hadn't recovered from Goku's
Mental Genius stage and was still meditating to forget the embarrassing
memories. He went downstairs to find Chi-Chi but she was nowhere to be found.
Goku cracked a smile.
"Maybe
I could…no! Must…fight…will…to…watch…TV!" Goku struggled to sit down on the
sofa, he breathed out a sigh of relief. His eyes fell on a pile that was near
the front of the door. He picked it up and realised they were letters address
to him. He opened up the letter and read it.
"THE
HELL?? I'M BEING SUED FOR MENTAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE??!!! It's Chi-Chi! Damn
woman can never leave well enough alone. (Shudders) Man, I sound just
like Vegeta! I bet he's in on this too." Goku read the remainder of the letter
that read:
To
Son Goku,
I have written to
inform you that you are due to arrive in the Satan City court on the 8th
of April. Parties who choose to remain anonymous have charged some serious
charges against you. These charges include PHYSICAL ABUSE and MENTAL ABUSE.
These charges will be further explained once you arrive. On a different note,
you must come to court dressed in a suit and not in your gi. You must be there
by 10am.
Yours sincerely,
Your lawyer.
Goku
went upstairs to get dressed. It took him ages to find one of his old suits so
he borrowed one of Goten's instead. He flew to the court.
"Well,
this is it." Goku muttered as he opened the doors to the courtroom. He saw most
of the people he knew in the seats but in the plaintiff box he saw a fancy
looking lawyer, his wife and Vegeta. When the lawyer turned around Goku
recognised her as Bulma.
"D'oh!"
Goku muttered. Goku walked up to the defendants box and saw his lawyer. She was
a medium height brunette who was wearing a suit and glasses. She shook Goku's
hand and asked him to sit down.
"Mr
Son, I'll be brutally honest with you. This is going to be a hard case. The plaintiff
has asked for a no jury trial."
"Huh?"
"Like
Judge Judy."
"Oh!
But she's so damn strict! She reminds me of my wife." Goku said pouting.
"Believe
me, most men think so. Now the main problem is that you're best friend is the
prosecutor so she will know ways to crack you. You must be on your guard and
keep in mind not fall into any of her tricks."
"Sure,
what will I get in return?"
"Your
freedom." She replied.
"And
that's good because?"
"You
won't have to eat bread and water when you go to prison."
"PRISON??!"
"Hahahahaa!!
What's the matter Kakarrot? Afraid of going to prison?" Vegeta asked. "If
everything goes my way I will rule the universe."
"No
you won't Vegeta!" Goku shouted back.
"And
why not?"
"The
same reason that I can't." Goku replied smugly pointing over to Chi-Chi who was
very pissed at the moment.
"IF
YOU THINK THAT THIS WHOLE THING IS FOR YOU BOY HAVE YOU GOT THE WRONG IDEA!! I
WILL DIE BEFORE I LET YOU TAKE CONTROL!!" Chi-Chi shouted at the top of her
voice leaving Vegeta unconscious. The bailiff came into the room. It was Goten.
"Hi
Dad!" Goten waved.
"Hi
son!!" Goku waved back. Chi-Chi and Bulma sweat-dropped.
"All
rise for the honourable Judge Dende!" Goten bellowed. Bulma choked on her glass
of water.
"You
mean to tell me that you're the judge??!!" Bulma shouted.
"What
can I say? I'm bored. The TV tonight is terrible!" He replied putting his feet
on the podium.
"But
you favour Goku over all of us!" Bulma protested.
"That
isn't even anywhere near the truth!! In fact it's the other way round! You love
that man more than your own husband!" He said smugly.
"What?!"
Vegeta exclaimed.
"Objection!"
Bulma shouted.
"To
who? Me? I'd like to see you try!" Dende folded his arms and laughed.
"CAN
WE GET ON WITH IT PLEASE??" Chi-Chi shouted.
"Fine!
Shee, all you do is yell! I have a good mind to get your voice box removed!
Counsellor, you may proceed!"
"I'm
here to prove that Son Goku is innocent." The lawyer stated.
"Good
luck dumbass." Vegeta commented.
"Anything
else?" Dende asked.
"Nope."
"Is
your name by any chance Marron?"
"No,
why?"
"Just
call me curious. Now Bulma, present your case." Bulma got up and took a sip of
her water, then she cleared her throat, then she adjusted her glasses and her
skirt…
"Get
on with it Mrs Briefs. If I weren't full of sugar I'd think you were stalling."
Dende said, with a hint of humour in his voice.
"Even
though I have known Goku for most of his life I am here to put an end to his
treacherous ways. He has put all of us through physical and mental harassment
and we demand that he be put away for his own good and the well being of
others. Thank you." Bulma finished as she sat down. Dende tried to hold in his
laughter.
"Okay
let the case begin. Counsellor…um…Goku's lawyer lady, call your first witness."
Goku's lawyer stood up and called her first witness.
"I'd
like to call…KRILLIN!" The lawyer boomed as dramatic music played. Krillin
burst through the doors and a flash of lightning cracked. Vegeta raised an
eyebrow. Krillin sat in the witness box and looked up at the judge.
"You're
the judge?!" Krillin asked, bewildered.
"Yeah."
Dende replied.
"That
Goku has all the luck." Krillin muttered. Goten stepped up to the box and
Krillin placed his hand on the book.
"Do
you swear to tell rooth, all rooth and nothing but the rooth so help you bob?" Goten
said as Krillin raised an eyebrow.
"Are
you sure that's how it goes?" Krillin asked.
"Sure!
I saw it on an episode of the Rugrats." Goten beamed as everyone face-faulted.
"Gotcha!!"
Goten laughed.
"This
is what I get for hiring a teenager to be a bailiff. I knew I should have asked
Piccolo." Dende muttered.
"Do
you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you
kami?" Goten asked.
"Sure."
Krillin said. Goku's lawyer went up to the box.
"So
Mr…Krillin. How long have you known Goku?"
"Since
we were kids."
"And
has he ever done anything evil?"
"No,
not evil…"
"So,
what do you think about these so-called allegations against my client." She
asked. Krillin looked at her with a blank face. "The things that he has been
accused of."
"Oh!
I just think that Vegeta doesn't know how to take a good joke. Neither does his
wife. Hehe." Krillin laughed. Goku smirked but Bulma and Vegeta shared the same
look of murderous rage in their eyes. Krillin gulped.
"Oh,
I can't take a good joke eh? Well lets see if you can take a punch you little
bald…" Vegeta started but Chi-Chi sat him down.
"There
are other ways to deal with this," Chi-Chi said superiorly. "OBJECTION!!"
"Overruled!"
Dende yelled.
"WHY??!!"
Chi-Chi yelled.
"Coz
you're not the lawyer!"
"OBJECTION!!"
Bulma yelled.
"On
what grounds **snicker** counsellor?"
"Krillin
is making accusations!"
"No
he's not! He's telling the truth. Overruled." Bulma sat back down.
"You're
loving this aren't you?" Krillin asked.
"Every
moment." Dende replied. Goku's lawyer continued the questioning.
"So,
all you are saying is that my client was experiencing childish pranks that he
never got to experience as a child?"
"Will
I get to go after this?"
"Uh…maybe…"
"Then
yes to your previous question."
"Thank
you." Goku's lawyer sat down and Bulma stormed to the witness box and hit
Krillin on the head. It didn't hurt but Krillin faked it anyway.
"OBJECTION!!
The lawyer is badgering my witness!"
"Sustained."
Dende replied.
"HOW?!"
Bulma asked.
"You
hit the bald man. Hence the badgering part." Dende replied. Bulma proceeded
with her questions.
"How
long have you known me??!" Bulma asked.
"Unfortunately
a long time." Krillin replied with a smirk.
"Well
then, who do you trust more?! Me or that raving lunatic??"
"I
can't answer that question." Krillin replied.
"Answer
the question." Dende said.
"Fine.
The raving…I mean Goku." Krillin said as Bulma hit him.
"OBJECTION!!"
Goku's lawyer said.
"Sustained."
Dende replied. Bulma hit Krillin again out of frustration.
"OBJECTION!!"
Goku's lawyer said.
"Sustained."
Dende replied.
"If
I hear objection and sustained one more time I think I'm gonna crack!" Bulma
squealed.
"OBJECTION!!"
Goku's lawyer said.
"Sustained."
Dende replied.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"
Bulma yelled.
"Krillin,
you may step down from the stand." Krillin sat at the back and Bulma called her
next witness.
"I
CALL…CHI-CHI TO THE STAND!!" Bulma said as lightning cracked and eerie piano
music played as Chi-Chi stepped up to the witness box. Goten told her to place
her hand on the book.
"Do
you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you
kami?" Goten asked.
"How
dare you ask that kind of question to your own mother?" Chi-Chi asked, trying
to avoid the inevitable.
"Mom…do
you want me to fail this job and then become a homeless bum who begs on the
street?" Goten asked.
"No!"
"Then…"
"Oh
alright! I do!" Chi-Chi said. Goten walked away smirking.
**Hehe,
I guess Gohan was right!** Goten thought.
"Now
Mrs Son, can you tell us why you have pressed the charges against your
husband?" Bulma asked.
"He
has been acting like a raving lunatic ever since he started to watch TV."
Chi-Chi said starting the waterworks. Goku rolled his eyes. "He neglects his
family, terrorizes his sons, hurts innocent citizens…" Chi-Chi finally broke
down in tears.
"Mrs
Son has footage of her husband…in public. PLAY THE TAPE TRUNKS!" Bulma
hollered. Trunks lazily pressed a button and a scene started playing. Goku and
Chi-Chi were at a Japanese restaurant. The waiter was taking their order.
"Would
you like any wasabi sauce with that?" The waiter asked.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAASSAAAAAAAAABIIII!"
Goku yelled.
"Waaaasssaaaaabi?"
The waiter asked, confused.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSAAAAAAAAAAAABBIIIIIIIIIIII!!!"
Goku said, persuasively. He looked to the other staff in the restaurant for
support. They nodded.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSAAAAAAAAAAABBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!"
The other staff joined in. All of them broke into a chorus of wasabi yells
until Chi-Chi banged on the table and they instantly stopped. The tape stopped.
Chi-Chi was crying loudly. Goku couldn't help but smirk at the memory.
"No
further questions your honour." Bulma said, but his honour was crying from
laughter.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!
Goku you are the man!! That was so funny!" Dende laughed as everyone
face-faulted. Goku's lawyer came to question Chi-Chi.
"Is
it true ma'am, the minute that your husband returned from a treacherous journey
in space all you did was explode at him?" The lawyer asked.
"HE
WANTED TO TAKE MY LITTLE BOY AWAY TO FIGHT!!" Chi-Chi yelled.
"Surely
your little boy was stronger than any other little boy? Are you always this
callous to your husband?"
"OF
COURSE NOT!! I WOULD BE SURPRISED IF THE KNUCKLEHEAD CAN UNDERSTAND ME! ISN'T
THAT RIGHT…Dende?" By this time Dende had fainted due to all the noise that
Chi-Chi was making. Goten pulled out a jug of water and poured it onto Dende
woke up and gave a Death Glare™ to Chi-Chi.
"Step down from my witness box." He said scaring the hell out of Chi-Chi. Chi-Chi
stepped down. Dende cleared his throat.
"From
the evidence that I have been presented I have reached a conclusion. I hereby…"
Dende tried to say but them a girl burst through the doors.
"THIS
IS MADNESS!" The girl AKA Princess Chi said as she walked up to the front.
(A/N: Sorry to those reading this SINCERELY!! I let my childish side get the
better of me.)
"And
she would be?" Dende said as Goten sniggered. Chi walked up to the front.
"I
think my siblings Vegeta and Kakarrot have suffered enough indignity and
injustice. This is intolerable!"
"Sure
likes those "in" words don't she?" Dende muttered.
"Lady,
do I even know you?" Goku asked.
"What
are you talking about brother?!" Chi yelled like a frantic mad woman. Goten
came up behind her and grabbed her.
"Alright
I think you said enough." He said tossing her out the door.
"YOU
INSOLENT HYBRID!" Chi shouted as the doors closed.
"Must
be one of those types." Goku said indicating she was crazy. His lawyer
laughed.
"Actually
Judge Dende, I was wondering if I could call one more witness…" Goku's lawyer
said.
"Sure
knock yourself out." Dende replied.
"The
next witness is…VEGETA!!!!" She said dramatically as lightning cracked. Vegeta rolled
his eyes and stepped up to the witness box. Goten once again did the usual.
"Do
you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you
kami?" Goten asked. Vegeta stared Goten square in the eye.
"What
do you think Kakarrot the third?" Vegeta asked and then laughed at his joke.
"You
have to." Goten said.
"No
I don't." Vegeta replied.
"What
do you mean?" Goten asked.
"The
woman said that she will break my gravity room if I tell the truth. So I can't
take that oath." Vegeta smirked as Bulma face-faulted. Goten broke down into
chibi mode and started a temper tantrum.
"TAKE
THE FRIGGIN OATH OR I'LL TELL MY DAD TO BEAT YOU UP!!" Goten yelled. Trunks
eyes widened.
"Alright,
I'll take the friggin oath." Vegeta said.
"Dude!"
Trunks said nodding in approval. Goku's lawyer stepped up to the box with a
file in her hand.
"Now
Mr Briefs (sniggers from Goku), from your record I have found something
interesting about you. You are obsessed with my client."
"NANI?!"
Vegeta yelled.
"Take
a look for yourself," She said throwing the file to Vegeta. "Under bio it says to
overcome Kakarrot and become the strongest person in the universe. Under personal
description it says: I AM STRONGER THAN KAKARROT! The list goes on Mr Briefs."
"I
don't believe it." Vegeta muttered.
"Believe
it. This whole lawsuit is just another way to get back at Goku because he is
stronger than you."
"NO!!
I AM STRONGER THAN KAKARROT!!!"
"Well
if that's true then why don't you settle this somewhere else instead of suing
him like a weakling!"
"OBJECTION!!"
Bulma yelled.
"Overruled!!
I am enjoying this!" Dende grinned. Vegeta was at a loss for words. He clenched
his fists together and for a moment it looked as if he was gonna Final Flash
the whole place but then the most amazing thing happened.
"WAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!"
Vegeta sobbed. "Why?! Why aren't I stronger than Kakarrot?! He's an idiot!!"
"I
may be an idiot but then again I'm not the one who's crying! Ha!" Goku said. Vegeta
had a look in his eyes that screamed murder and insanity. He let out an enraged
yell and burst out of the courtroom.
"Damnit!!"
Goten cursed.
"What
is it son?" Goku asked.
"We're
filming this in a TV station. He could be anywhere! We have to find him before
he kills some idiotic TV star." Trunks said as he, Goku, Krillin and Goten ran
after Vegeta. They went into a studio where they were filming VIP.
"Excuse
me miss, have you seen a weird looking guy? He's about yay high with veggie
type hair?" Goku asked the woman whom he didn't recognize as Pamela Anderson.
"I
think he went into studio two." She said as Krillin and Goku ran off. Goku came
back and dragged the drooling Goten and Trunks away. They ran into studio two
where WWF was being filmed.
"OHMIGOSH!!"
Krillin yelled as he saw all the WWF superstars massacred all over the arena. Two
blonde-headed figures popped up.
"Dude!!
We like totally survived!" Christian yelled slapping Edge a high five.
"Hey!
Have you seen a small guy?" Goku asked.
"Yeah!
He was carrying this weapon type thing." Edge said.
"How
would you describe it?" Trunks asked.
"It
was awesome." Christian said.
"Could
you be more specific?" Goten asked.
"It
was totally awesome!" Edge said as the others face-faulted. "Bunch of barfoids."
THREE HOURS LATER…
"I
can't believe it." Goku barely made out. The whole city was destroyed. "This is
all my fault."
"No
it's not Goku! If anything it's Bulma's fault! She decided on this whole court thing."
Krillin said.
"Well
then, I guess she'll have to clean it up then. say, where did Trunks and Goten go?"
Goku asked.
BACK AT THE TV STUDIO…
Trunks
and Goten were both being dragged by their ears by their mothers. Despite their
cries of protest Dende just watched.
"THIS
IS WHAT I GET FOR MARRYING AN ALIEN!! I COULD'VE MARRIED YAMCHA BUT NO!" Bulma yelled.
"JUST
WAIT TILL I GET YOU HOME YOUNG MAN!! YOU WON'T LEAVE YOUR ROOM!" Chi-Chi yelled.
"Okay!" Goten said.
"DON'T
THINK THAT I'M STUPID!!! I'LL DISCONNECT THAT STUPID SATELLITE!!!!" Chi-Chi yelled.
"Awww…"
"Hehe.
It's great being kami." Dende said. Piccolo suddenly appeared.
"So,
what did I miss?" Piccolo asked.
"Nothing
worth retelling." Dende smiled.
THE END.
O_o What the hell was I on when I wrote this??! Leave a review to tell me what you thought!!